Jaded 2: Broken Love Series (14 page)

“What’s up, little girl. I can hear the cogs of your mind turning.” Damn, I thought he was going to sleep.

“Do you feel like you can trust me?” I blurted out. I may as well get this conversation over with.

“What makes you ask that?” he responded.

“I don’t know. I know we just got back together. I was wondering why you feel the need to use condoms so religiously when I’m your girl? Are you sleeping with other girls?” Troy sat up against the headboard.

“Baby. Let me make something clear. If I was having sex with other women, you wouldn’t be mine. I’m not one of those guys that try to say what a woman wants to hear. Or does something to please a woman, unless it’s what I want to do. I don’t need to lie about monogamy. If I wanted to fuck around, I’d fuck around. All parties involved would know exactly what their role is. When I had the desire to sleep with multiple women, I did it. Secondly, condoms don’t just protect against STDs, they protect from reproducing. Right now, I’m not interested in reproducing. Are you?” He raised a questioning brow.

“No. I’m on birth control, Troy. You’ve seen me take it faithfully, so that’s why I asked if you trust me. If you know I’m on birth control and we’ve shared each other medical statistics, I just assumed unprotected sex is where we were heading.”

He actually shifted uncomfortably. What the hell? Troy uncomfortable? I sat up further so I could give him direct eye contact.

“L’oriel. I’ve never had sex without a condom. There’s a reason I do that. I don’t want to get comfortable and have an accident. Though I’ve never had sex without a condom, I still had to take a paternity test, because it’s not 100 percent. However, I’d like to have a say in when I have children. It’s not that I don’t trust you. Once I forego prophylactics, I will be ready to become a father. It will be something that we’ll discuss beforehand.”

I nodded my head and kissed Troy with enough passion to make him think I fell for his bullshit. I call foul on the play. I believe he wears condoms as a way to have a protective barrier, not just from STD’s and babies. Though Troy hasn’t said that he loves me, I know he does; I feel it. I see it in his actions, but something is keeping him from going all the way there. I don’t want to love someone more than they love me again. I’ve been there done that. I hope Troy can get over whatever is blocking him. I study him for a moment the turn to our normal sleeping position. My ass pressed into his pelvis.

I have experienced many firsts in life, especially being in the business that I’m in. My first million, my first hit, my first award. Now
,
the first time I’ve lied to a woman. I never thought I’d be in a position to lie to a woman to protect her feelings. I told L’oriel that I wear rubbers so I don’t have any children that I’m not ready for. That’s bullshit; I want nothing more than for L’oriel to have all my damn kids. I’m trying to keep my feelings in check. I don’t want to go there too fast. I’m doing all types of shit that I’ve never done before. I’ve never taken a woman out of town for her enjoyment. I’ve planned spa treatments and shopping for tomorrow. Hell
,
I’ve actually cut my phone off
,
and I’m okay with it. Wearing condoms is the only thing I feel like I can control to keep a barrier between us. Otherwise
,
I think I might ask this girl to marry me. How can I make her understand that this isn’t easy for me without hurting her feelings? I don’t know exactly why I’m so apprehensive about totally going there. I can’t decide if it’s because I’ve never been all in like this before
,
or if it because of how Alexis tried to play me.

Alexis told me she was pregnant by me
,
knowing damned well I’ve never hit without a condom. My ass still took the test just to be sure
,
only to find out she was pregnant by the motherfucker she co-starred in a romantic comedy with. I know I’d done some shit during our relationship. Damn
,
she didn’t have to get me back like that. To make matters worse
,
I produced the damn movie. I never lied to Alexis; she knew what it was. She knew I messed around. She was cool with it as long as I was discreet and kept up appearances.

I got with Alexis thinking I needed a Hollywood romance. It’s difficult dating when you reach a certain level of notoriety. I wanted a little stability. It was hard constantly coming home to an empty bed. I was growing tired of all the different women
,
so I narrowed it down to a few. I’d been messing with Alexis and Brittney simultaneously for years. I thought about what relationship seemed to make more sense. I moved Alexis from her position as friends with benefits to main chick. I thought she had the most potential to become a wife—my wife
—
for the life I lived. She was smart, had been in the business for a while
,
understood how things worked, and knew how to speak in a room full of executives. Brittney was smart, but unpolished. Besides
,
she was more than willing to remain in her role
,
so Alexis and I moved forward.

I knew that Alexis was interested in being with me because of what she felt I could bring to the table. I was in a position to be able to advance her career. I
,
on the other hand
,
could get a fine woman on my arm that knew how to carry herself
,
as well as someone to come home to at night. Shit
,
I grew up in this industry. I’d seen people get married with even less in common
,
with even less of an understanding of what one was expecting from the other
,
so I figured why not let us both win? She would plant fake stories in the media to keep herself exposed
,
use my name to get auditions, and I got a woman that I could take with me to meetings and outings. It was good at first
,
then all it became was a business relationship. Before I knew it
,
her publicist was contacting me to set up dates at restaurants and clubs so we could be seen and increase interest in our relationship
,
therefore allowing both of us to build our brand.

Though neither of us publicly said whether or not we were dating, knowledge that we were together was widely known throughout the industry. The guessing game to outsiders caused fans to run to blogs to see if they could see a picture of us
,
and analyze our body language.

After a while
,
she began saying I was becoming cold and distant. She called me on using the condoms too. I don’t think it was because she was yearning for intimacy, like L’oriel. She didn’t become persistent about the condoms until she had to be about two months pregnant. I figured she wanted a justifiable reason to put her baby on me. I knew that child wasn’t mine when Alexis finally avoided the cameras. There isn’t one shot of Alexis with a pregnant belly, and to this day no one knows she had a baby. How she’s kept it out of the tabloids is beyond me. She doesn’t want to tarnish her image. Since she was in a relationship with me at the time
,
she doesn’t want to have to explain how she got pregnant and I’m not the daddy.

I stare down at L’oriel
;
just looking at her causes so many emotions to stir in my chest. I’m not an emotional man
,
and I’m not really good at expressing myself. Damn if this woman doesn’t have me wanting to do stuff like this all the time. I never thought I’d take so much pleasure in making someone else happy. When I see her looking distant or far off I want to know what’s wrong so I can fix it. When I see her weighing the shit I do against the shit her ex did in her head. I want to tell her I’m not him and I never will be. I never thought I’d have the urge to reassure a woman of who I am
,
and who I want to be to her. I want to fix her broken pieces. I want to love her until she can love herself. I can’t believe my dick is getting hard just thinking about it.

Since L’oriel distracted me earlier, I didn’t get to try out my original plan. I look down at her once more to check to make sure she’s still out. I creep into the kitchen and warm up the chocolate that’s gotten cold and hard. I grab the whipped cream, blindfold, and a pack of Halls. I set it all up on the nightstand
,
put my phone on the speaker dock
,
and went to my slow jams playlist. Miguel’s Adorn begins to fill the room. I looked down and was glad she was still sleeping. I took the blindfold and placed it over her eyes without waking her. Once I secure it, I go to the foot of the bed and raise her left leg
,
and bring her toe to my mouth. I flick my tongue and swirl it around her big toe. When she became aware of my mouth on her
,
she opened her full lips
,
reminding me of the awesome head she’d given me earlier; that girl’s mouth is worth more than gold.

She jerks when she notices she’s seeing black
,
and almost knocks my damn teeth out. I couldn’t help but laugh. My ass should have thought of maybe making her aware that she was blindfolded.

“Calm down baby. I blindfolded you.” This is my first time doing something like this
,
so I was a little unsure of the proper protocol. She brings her hands up to the silky cloth. Her fingers slide across
,
confirming what I’ve told her. She bends her fingers at the knuckle in an effort to remove the blindfold.

“Don’t take it off baby, keep it on.” I almost want to take it off so I can see her eyes right now. I want to know what color they are. I can imagine they’re olive green
,
the color they turn when she’s aroused. I see a huge grin crosses her face.

“Baby. What are you doing? Why am I blindfolded?” I put her toe in my mouth again.

“Just relax. I want to try something. You willing to go with the flow?” She opens her mouth and nods her head in response.

I grab the chocolate and stick my finger in it to test it. It’s a nice warm temperature
,
so I pour it over her toes
,
then lick the underside of her toe to catch the chocolate that’s dripped. Finally, I bring her first three toes into my mouth. I twirl my tongue and suck until her toes are completely clean. Who knew doing shit like this could be such a turn on? I’m so rock hard; I don’t think I’ll be able to make it to the whipped cream. I look down at L’oriel
,
who’s squirming and panting. I repeat with the other foot
,
then continue down her leg to her thigh. Before I place my mouth on her lower lips
,
I grab the Halls and suck it until the menthol is released. When I slide my tongue through her lips
,
she hisses. I continue attacking her sensitive center as she shakes and moans. As I alternate between stiffening and flattening my tongue around her hard bud. She sits up on her elbows with her mouth open
,
unable to say what it was she was trying to say; then the corner of her mouth turns up
,
as if she’s trying to figure out what I had in my mouth that was making her feel the way she was feeling. Her small hands grab my head and she begins rocking
,
pressing me into her soft center. I removed the Halls from my mouth
,
not wanting to obstruct the taste of her. I put my tongue in her canal, feeling her muscles tighten on my tongue; had me about to bust. Her legs began to shake
,
and she released her sweet juices on my tongue. I wiped my mouth and stared down on her as she squirmed and shook. I’m enjoying watching her descent.

I grabbed a condom from the nightstand
,
pausing briefly and trying to decide if I should put it on or not. When I looked down at her panting and waiting on me to fill her
,
the love that blossomed in my chest made my breath catch. I tore the packet and covered myself with it
,
telling myself I needed more time to deal with what I was feeling.

She was so wet; she had my whole pelvic area and thighs soaked. I had to look down to make sure she hadn’t started her period. When I saw that we were good, I dug in
,
enjoying the way her hips moved with mine. I never thought to record myself having sex. If I could see us right now
,
I’d have to say we move like dancers. Somehow
,
we were in sync with one another’s bodies. L’oriel could throw that thing like none other. When her inner muscles began milking me again
,
I had to tap out—I couldn’t take it anymore.

Once my arms were able to move
,
I removed the mask from her face. She had her eyes closed. She looked so peaceful; I thought that she’d fallen asleep.

“L’oriel.” I shook her.

“Um
,
” she responded with her eyes still closed.

“You good baby?”

“Uhn. Hum
,
” she responded.

“Sit up baby. I have something I want to give you.” She opened her eyes to a tight slit. I could barely see her green eyes peeking over at me.

“Troy. Baby. You’ve given me enough. Besides
,
I can’t move.” She closed her lids again. I couldn’t help but smile down at her.

“L’oriel
,
” I called. She sucked her teeth and peeked at me again.

“Come on baby. I want to give you your gift before your birthday is over.” I looked over at the clock. “We have four minutes
,
and it’s a new day.” I tugged on her arm
,
forcing her to sit up. I found myself staring at her pert breasts and round chocolate nipples. She cleared her throat.

“Um. Did you have me sit up so you can stare at my titties? You could have done that while I was laying down.” My eyes snapped up.

“Shut up, you put them nice round thangs in my face and I’m going to get distracted.” She pulled the sheet up covering her breasts.

“Better?”

“Whatever little girl
,
” I said as I reached into the nightstand drawer. I was nervous as hell. I hadn’t actually gone out and purchased a woman a gift in a long time. The little gifts that I’ve given over the years of my adult life have come from my assistant, and they’ve been more along the lines of flowers. I didn’t buy many gifts. Actually
,
I can’t remember the last time that I had. I wasn’t the gift-giving type of guy. I never really had to be; females were so excited when I sent flowers. Since I wasn’t into relationships outside of fucking
,
I never really had to provide much else. L’oriel didn’t ask, but I wanted to give. This girl could get the world from me.

I told her to close her eyes and placed the robins’ egg colored box that was wrapped in a white satin bow in the palm of her hands.

“Okay. Open.” She looked down at the box and back at me.

“Troy. I can’t take this. You’ve already paid for this trip. I know whatever is in this box costs way too much.” I took a deep breath to calm myself. I didn’t want to come across as brusque. L’oriel drove me crazy with her insistence that I not purchase her expensive gifts
,
as if I would purchase my lady something cheap when I have the means to buy her anything her heart desires.