Jacquie D'Alessandro - [Regency Historical 04] (17 page)

Damn it all, he should have let her stay angry with him. Should have strove to keep that bit of distance between them. It would have been much easier to resist her if she weren’t speaking to him. Challenging him. Looking at him with those big blue eyes. But no, he had to accept her offer of a truce. Instead, he should have insisted she cover herself with a burlap sack.

And now he was about to embark on an entire afternoon
in her company. Where he’d be forced to visit the place where the worst night of his life had taken place.

God help him, he wasn’t sure what frightened him more—the thought of the afternoon beginning or of it ending.

N
athan slowed Midnight as they neared the curve in the shady, tree-lined path.

“Is this the place?” asked Victoria, riding beside him on Honey.

“Just around this curve.” He pulled in a deep breath and braced himself, but it did nothing to stop the onslaught. The instant he rounded that curve, the memories he’d fought so hard to hold at bay assaulted him, laying siege to
the carefully built fortifications he’d constructed to ward off the guilt, remorse, and self-condemnation that had threatened to consume him from the inside out. He’d known he’d have to revisit this spot, but he’d hoped, prayed, that the images would have faded. Instead they impaled him like a knife in his gut.

Reining Midnight to a halt, Nathan’s gaze fell upon the spot where he’d come upon Gordon, then shifted to the hedge from which he’d pulled Colin. He squeezed his eyes shut. Vivid images cut through his mind, slashes of pain, each one stinging like the lash of a whip, deepening the scars of regret that already marked him. His chest and throat tightened, and he opened his eyes, his gaze scanning the ground. Three years worth of rain had washed away all traces of Colin’s and Gordon’s blood. If only he’d been able to wipe his memory as clean.

He felt a touch on his arm and turned his head. Victoria’s gloved hand rested on his sleeve and she was looking at him with unmistakable concern. “Are you all right, Nathan?”

No. I’m not all right. Everything that mattered to me was lost. Right here. And I’ve no one to blame but myself
. “Yes, I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

He forced a half grin. “Thank you, although I must warn you that such honeyed words are apt to swell my head.”

No trace of amusement lit her features as her gaze searched his for what seemed like an eternity. Finally she said quietly, “It is painful for you to be here.”

He swallowed the humorless sound that rose in his throat and nodded, not trusting his voice.

“Will you tell me what happened?”

An immediate
no
rose to his lips, but her voice and eyes
were filled with a compassion that beckoned him. And suddenly he couldn’t think of one compelling reason
not
to tell her.

“Based on information I’d received from an informant, I retrieved the cache of jewels from a ship anchored in Mount’s Bay.”

“How did you retrieve them?”

He shrugged. “Let us just say I am a strong swimmer and handy with a knife.” Her eyes widened, but before she could question him further, he continued, “I was to deliver the jewels here that night, but just as I arrived, shots rang out. I discovered Gordon lying injured in the path. When I started toward him, I was struck from behind and dropped the jewels. Before I could recover myself, my attacker grabbed them and disappeared into the forest.”

“You didn’t give chase?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Another guilt-filled memory hit him with a visceral punch. “Because seeing if Gordon was alive was more important. Then I realized Colin had also been shot.”

“Who were you supposed to deliver the jewels to?”

He hesitated. He’d never told anyone, in spite of the fact that he was no longer under any obligation to remain silent. Yet even though his instincts warned him to continue to keep the information to himself, they also told him that he could trust this woman. And that she had a right to know.

“I’ll need your word that you won’t repeat what I’m about to tell you.”

“Very well.”

“I was supposed to deliver the jewels to your father.”

Her hand slowly slipped from his sleeve and she frowned. “My father?” she repeated in a confused tone. “I don’t understand. He was here? In Cornwall?”

“Yes. When I heard the shots, my first thought was that your father had been waylaid. I was shocked to learn it was Gordon and Colin who’d been hurt.”

“Why?”

“Because they knew nothing about the mission. The only people who knew were me and your father. To this day neither Gordon nor Colin know it was your father I was to meet, and I want it to stay that way. At least for now.”

“But why were they not included in the mission? And if they weren’t, what were they doing here that night?”

“Your father was in charge of the mission and only wanted one other operative involved. As to why he chose me rather than Colin or Gordon, the reason came down to money. A huge reward was offered for the recovery of the jewels. As heirs, both Colin and Gordon were financially set for life. I, on the other hand, could not say the same thing. By assigning the task to me, your father offered me the chance for financial security.”

“I…see,” she said, although it was clear she still had questions. “What happened to my father that night? Was he injured as well?”

“I was, of course, very concerned about him. I’d just finished treating Colin and Gordon when I received a coded message from your father informing me that he was waylaid shortly after leaving the inn where he’d been staying and asking what had transpired. I wrote back an explanation, to which he replied that he intended to return to London and instructed me to say as little as possible to Colin and Gordon regarding the mission and insisted I not mention his in
volvement. I’d managed to forestall questions from Colin and Gordon while I treated their injuries, but I knew I couldn’t avoid them much longer. When they did finally demand answers, my vague responses failed to satisfy them. Rumors about the missing jewels and my involvement ran rampant almost immediately—no doubt thanks to tidbits the servants overheard. The next thing I knew, I was being officially questioned. Nothing was ever proven against me, but it was clear that few believed me innocent. Every day fresh bits of gossip surfaced. Whispers and stares followed me around the village. And at home as well.”

“Your family thought you guilty?”

“Neither Colin nor my father ever flat-out accused me, but neither did they proclaim my innocence. A blind man could have read the doubt in their eyes.” The image of Colin that was burned into his brain—staring up at him with doubt and suspicion—flashed in his mind, bringing a sharp jolt of pain. Blinking away the memory, he continued, “As for my best friend, Gordon, he flat-out accused me.”

“What evidence did he have?”

“None. There was none. Only innuendo and speculation, but that can be just as damaging, I’m afraid. Gordon, among others, thought it very convenient that I had been the only one to escape the debacle uninjured.”

“How did you respond to that accusation?”

“I didn’t. It was obvious that nothing I said would sway him.” And damn it, that had hurt. Nearly as much as Colin’s doubting him. He refocused his attention on Victoria, and he could almost see the wheels turning in her mind. How long before she asked him if her father thought he was guilty? How long before she realized the implications that if he and her father were the only two people who knew of the mission, and he wasn’t guilty—

“You say your brother and father didn’t proclaim your innocence. Did
you
proclaim it?”

Nathan pulled his gaze from hers and looked into the dense forest. “I told them I hadn’t betrayed my country, but it fell on deaf ears. Colin felt deceived by and suspicious of my continued secrecy. My father, who was shocked to discover that his sons had been working for the Crown, accused me of being responsible for Colin’s injury. Colin could have died, he said, as if I didn’t know that. As if that wouldn’t eat at me every day for the rest of my life. A terrible row followed. Angry, hurtful words. They felt duped and betrayed, and I felt…” His voice trailed off.

“What did you feel?” she asked softly.

“Guilt. Remorse. Gutted. My father told me to leave, and I did so.”

“That must have been very painful.”

He turned to look at her, searching her gaze for signs of condemnation, yet detected nothing but sympathy. Somehow that made him feel worse than if she’d looked at him with censure. “That’s putting it…mildly. After moving about for more than two years, I finally discovered Little Longstone. Everyone there accepts me simply as Dr. Nathan Oliver. No one knows of my exalted family connections or my past as a spy or my tarnished reputation. I’ve embraced the profession I love and live the way I’ve always wanted. The way I’ve always felt most comfortable. Simply. Peacefully.”

“Perhaps peacefully, but you’re not really at peace.”

An immediate denial sprang to his lips, but the words died at the warm compassion, the gentle tenderness, so obvious in her gaze.

“I can see it your eyes, Nathan,” she said softly. “The
shadows. The hurt. I knew as soon as I saw you again that you weren’t the same man I’d met three years ago.”

Damn it, how did she manage to sneak beneath his guard like this? She made him feel…vulnerable. Defenseless. And he didn’t like it. “I’m sure you mean that in the nicest way,” he said in a dust dry tone.

“I mean I knew that something had changed you. Now I know what. And I’m sorry for you that it happened.”

“Because you liked me so much the first time we met.”

He said the words with unmistakable sarcasm, but she surprised him by answering in a dead serious tone, “Yes.” Then she smiled. “Surely that was obvious to a master spy such as yourself. I believe you liked me as well.”

God, yes, he had. Liked the look of her. The twinkle in her eyes. Her alluring smile. The sweet innocence mixed with mischief overlaid with delicate beauty. Her charming nervous chatter, which had led him to silence her with a kiss. Then the delectable taste of her. The delicious feel and scent of her. Nothing, no one, had fired his blood or affected him so profoundly before or since.

“Yes, Victoria,” he said softly. “I liked you.” God help him, he still did. And far too much, he feared.

A rose-hued blush stained her cheeks, and he gripped Midnight’s reins to keep from touching her. “You…that night…it was my first kiss, you know,” she said.

Something inside Nathan seemed to expand. “No, I didn’t know for certain, but I suspected as much.”

Her cheeks reddened further and her gaze slid from his. “My inexperience must have bored you.”

He could only stare. Surely she was joking. Bored him?
If only it had
. Yet her blush and clear embarrassment indicated she was in earnest. While his common sense told him it was wiser to let her believe what she wanted, his
conscience simply couldn’t allow her to harbor such a gross misapprehension. Reaching out, he touched two fingertips under her chin. Even that infinitesimal contact with her soft skin sizzled heat through him. When she met his gaze, he said softly, “You didn’t bore me, Victoria. You…”
Intoxicated me. Bewitched me. Enchanted me. Captivated me. Rendered yourself irrevocably unforgettable with a single kiss
. “…were delightful.”

He swore he caught a flash of relief in those eyes that were the same vivid azure as the sea. The hint of a smile trembled on her lips. “I could perhaps say the same about you.”

“You could…or you are?” His tone was lightly teasing, but he suddenly realized he very much wanted her answer.

“Are you certain you really want to know the answer, Nathan?” she asked in a matching teasing tone, mimicking the question he’d asked her more than once.

Slipping his fingers from beneath her chin, he grinned. “Actually, being the master spy I am, I already know the answer. Your enthusiastic response indicated you found the encounter as delightful as I did.”

She inclined her head in a gesture of acquiescence, then shrugged. “I’ve learned that men who are well versed in the art of kissing are accustomed to enthusiastic responses.”

He narrowed his eyes, but she didn’t notice as she turned to watch a pair of twittering birds dancing on a nearby branch. What the hell had she meant by
that?
Jealousy, searing hot and undeniable, shot through him. Why did he even need to wonder? Obviously there was only one way she could have learned such a thing—by kissing. Men. Men who weren’t him.

Damn it, last night he’d suffered through sleepless hours tormented by such thoughts. Well, not the entire night. Part was spent indulging in erotic fantasies of touching her, kissing her, making love to her a dozen different ways, exploring every inch of her soft, fragrant skin with his hands and mouth and tongue. But part was also spent fighting back tormenting images of her sharing such intimacies with another man. When she returned to London she would choose a husband. One of her bloody earls. Or worse, Gordon or Colin, both of whom were clearly attracted to her. The real problem, however, was his own painful, ever growing, and extremely unfortunate attraction to her.

She turned to him. “Did my father believe you innocent?”

“He said he did.”

She nodded slowly. “If it makes any difference, I believe you innocent.”

His heart jumped in that ridiculous way, and with those simple words, she touched something deep inside him. Her belief in him shouldn’t make a difference. He didn’t want it to make a difference. But…it did. “Thank you.”

“I also believe my father innocent,” she continued, making it clear she understood the implications of believing Nathan innocent of wrongdoing. “There must be another explanation. And I’m determined to find out what it is. The answer lies in the jewels. So, shall we begin our search?”

“Yes,” he agreed, although he was beginning to suspect that he’d already found a treasure he hadn’t even suspected existed.

After nearly three hours of unsuccessfully searching a dozen rock formations in the first grid square, they arrived at a gurgling stream.

“This marks the northern boundary of the estate,” Nathan said. “I suggest we stop here to eat and allow the horses to drink and rest.”

“All right,” Victoria said, hoping she didn’t sound as grateful as she felt. Tired, sore, hungry and thirsty, she was more than ready to take a break.

Nathan swung from the saddle, removed the worn leather bag holding their picnic meal, then gave Midnight a gentle pat on the rump. The gelding immediately headed toward the stream. Nathan then walked to Victoria and lifted his arms to assist her. Flutters tickled her stomach, but his touch was impersonal, and the instant her feet touched the ground, he released her, leaving her oddly disappointed. Indeed, he’d spoken little during the past three hours.