Jackpot! (16 page)

When my lips first touched Drew’s, I realized how cold he truly was because his lips and even his tongue felt like ice. Not for long, though. We sat in his car and kissed for awhile. Not aggressive “I want sex” kisses, just sweet, tender kisses, with lots of holding, hugging and cuddling. And when we finally got going, the entire drive home was silent. Neither of us felt talking was necessary. I think we were both enjoying what had just happened, and let’s be honest, looking forward to more of it in a warmer, more comfortable atmosphere.

When we pulled up to my building, it seemed obvious Drew was coming up to my place. It was even more of a sure thing when we found a parking spot right in front. I was sure this was a sign. My building had four meter spots in front of it, and during the six years I’d lived there I’d never seen one available until right now.

Drew quickly took the spot and when we got out of the car, he grabbed my hand and rushed me into the building and into the elevator. The kissing began the second the elevator doors closed. Now our kisses weren’t the sweet, tender kisses like the ones in the car. They were, in fact, the aggressive “I want sex” kisses.

The elevator reached my floor and I scrambled to find my keys, while Drew began softly kissing my neck. The second I got the door open, he practically pushed me inside and slammed it shut. A few moments later, clothes began to fly off and we headed toward the bedroom. By the time we reached my bed (which was covered with most of my rejection outfits) we were both in nothing but our underwear.

“Um, Drew?” It felt so awkward, but it had to be done.

“Yeah?”

“Do you have any diseases I should know about?”

He stopped kissing me and smiled. “No, I promise.”

“Are you sure? I mean…”

“Yes. I actually just got tested for everything. I took out a whole life insurance policy,” he said, “Do you have one of those? I mean, I heard it’s a good long term investment and…”

“Shut up!” I said with a giggle.

“What? I’m just curious,” he laughed.

Drew grabbed my face and kissed me hard on the mouth. This was good. No diseases. The only thing I had to worry about now, was the fact that I was a selfish user, who was about to trick a really nice guy into becoming a father.

In between kisses he added, “Jamie, if you’re worried about getting pregnant, we can use something.”

What? Use something? Was he crazy? I thought.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, putting my lips back on his. What a snake I was! Nonetheless, the snake was really enjoying his lips, even though the guilt was overwhelming. If any guy knew he was being used to get someone pregnant, wouldn’t he run the other way as fast as he could? Drew didn’t have that option. He had no way of knowing he was being manipulated, that he was part of a scheme. He thought I was about to sleep with him because I desired him, which let’s be honest, was the case, but he had no clue that during the act, he might help create a fetus.

We made love that night and I had to say, hands down, it was the best sex I’d ever had. Around 6:00 a.m. the next morning, I got out of bed as quietly as I could, slipped on an oversized sweatshirt, and headed to the kitchen for some water. As I sat at the counter, sipping a bottled water and watching the sun come up, I thought about what a perfect night it had been. From the moment Drew came to the door, things couldn’t have gone any better. And the best part of the whole thing was, the goal of the date had been achieved.

I touched my stomach and wondered if I’d made a baby. I smiled. I touched my stomach again and wondered if I’d have a boy or a girl. This time I cringed. Not because I didn’t like children, because I was afraid of them.

At that moment, I felt Drew’s arms hug me from behind. They were so warm, so comfortable. I turned around and began to kiss this beautiful man, standing before me in his boxers.

“I had fun last night,” he whispered.

“Me, too.”

I felt more at ease with Drew, the guy who’d been hanging around my office for years, the guy who I’d bypassed, perhaps taken for granted, than with anyone I’d ever known, including my ex-husband and my two-minute fiancé. He made me feel desirable and sexy, and at the same time, safe and secure. Suddenly, I thought, ‘Maybe I could love this man.’ Ma would hate him but who cared? She did this. In fact, I would actually get tremendous joy and satisfaction from that aspect of it.

At this very moment, something caught my eye. Sitting on the kitchen counter was a picture in a frame. Even though I’d placed the black and white photo there when I moved in years earlier, and regardless of the fact that I’d looked at it hundreds of times, I couldn’t help but become fixated on it at this moment. It was a picture of my parents on their wedding day.

“What’s wrong?” asked Drew.

“My mom and dad,” I began, never taking my eyes off the photo, “they didn’t have a big, elaborate wedding. They had a small ceremony and then dinner at my grandparent’s house after. There were like thirty-five people, total, at the reception.”

“Oh,” replied Drew.

“My mom’s dress,” I went on, picking up the frame to give Drew a closer look, “it’s pretty, huh?”

Drew smiled, “Yes, it is.”

“This wasn’t even her own dress, you know. She couldn’t afford one, so she borrowed it from a girlfriend.” Tears welled up in my eyes. “My mom told me there was a woman whose house they cleaned, who gave her as a gift, the money to buy her own wedding dress.”

“But you said this was her friend’s dress.”

“It was.” Tears now began flowing down my cheeks. “Do you know what my mom did with the money?”

“What?”

“She bought her mother a dress. She said the mother of the bride had to look her best.”

Drew hugged me tight, and I burst into tears. “It’s okay,” he whispered.

“But if you knew…if you knew what my mother was doing…”

He continued to hold me. “Well, the good news is, she’s got all the money she needs now.”

This comment sent me over the edge. I was now semi-hyperventilating. Ma, dressed in her friend’s bridal gown, standing next to the love of her life, looked so beautiful, so happy. She was such a good person back then. What had happened to her? How could a woman who chose her mother’s happiness over her own, turn into a psychotic grandma wannabe, who was bribing her kids into parent-hood? I just didn’t get it. And it was making me crazy, and sad, and miserable. And ironically, the man holding me was making me calm and happy and blissful.

The only way I could make sense of anything was to realize that in the picture, Frankie didn’t know yet that she would bear two children. She didn’t know yet that her husband would die seven years later. She didn’t know yet that her adult children would still be single at ages thirty-two and thirty-four. And maybe as good hearted and ethical of a person as she was, she felt because of her misfortune with her husband, she was owed the miracle of life, perhaps the blessings of her children’s children. I wasn’t sure, but suddenly I wanted to please my mother and give her what she wanted. Not to mention, I also wanted her eight million bucks, which is why I decided at this moment, maybe I needed to increase my odds of getting knocked up.

“Come here,” I said as I took Drew’s hand and led him back to the bedroom.

“I’m still trying to figure you out,” he said with a chuckle, “A few days ago, I thought you hated me.”

“I never hated you.”

“Am I your rebound guy, Jamie?”

“Shut up and get under the covers.”

Chapter 16

Sitting in a booth at
Sushi Samba
with Janine was like being in prison. Nothing against Janine, she was actually a sweetheart. But there was only one girl I wanted to be with, and asshole me had just broken up with her.

Janine was one of three prospective mothers for my eight million dollar baby. I’d met her a couple months earlier on the shoot for the “Warts-be-gone” ad campaign. Janine was the hair and make-up stylist assigned to me for the day. I know it sounds really conceited, but I could tell she instantly loved me. Just being honest. The thing about me was, yes, I was a womanizer, but I was also a really nice guy, friendly and cool to everyone I worked with. So it wasn’t out of character for me to befriend Janine. While she styled my hair and applied my make-up, the two of us laughed and made jokes about the ad campaign.

“This guy needs to worry more about the disgusting things on his hands than about how his hair looks!” I joked about the character I was about to portray.

“Yeah buddy, go to Supercuts and save your money,” Janine played along, “I hear ‘Warts-be Gone’ is pretty expensive!”

Janine and I laughed and talked a lot, but even though I found her attractive, I had no intention of asking her out, mainly because I’d just started seeing Jennifer and didn’t want to cheat. I had morals, but let’s be honest, I was worried about my career, too, and cheating on my agent wouldn’t be too wise.

So at the end of the day, I hugged Janine good-bye and left it at that. It was no surprise to me, though, when she slipped me her business card. But as I did with all of them, I shoved the card in my jeans pocket, never to be seen again.

Now, three months later, because of my dear, sweet mother, and my desperation for her money, my memory was somehow sparked, and I remembered Janine telling me she worked at Salon Buzz on Oak Street. I called information, got the number and was connected to Janine within a minute.

“Hello, this is Janine…” she said into the phone. She told me later that she was having trouble holding the receiver because she was wearing rubber gloves that were semi covered in hair dye. She said she was in the middle of highlighting a woman’s hair, and the only reason she took the call was because whoever answered the phone told her it was a guy named Danny who sounded cute.

“Janine, this is Danny,” I simply said.

“Danny who?” she asked.

“The guy with warts all over his hands,” I joked.

“Oh my God!” she exclaimed, “I gave up on you!”

I told her that the reason I never called was because I had a girlfriend at the time, which was the truth, and she was cool with it. In fact, she couldn’t have been more delighted to hear from me. Within a minute of the conversation we had plans to meet.

The date was going pretty well, even though my heart was miles away. Still, I was pretty sure I’d be going home tonight with Janine, seducing her, and hopefully knocking her up. I felt pretty guilty, but rationalized what I was about to do by telling myself that if I was lucky enough to get Janine pregnant, she and the baby would be well taken care of financially. In fact, she and the baby would be rich beyond their wildest dreams, and Janine wouldn’t have any trouble finding a husband. I hated myself, but I was doing what I thought was best. And besides, I wasn’t really doing anything. My mother was. I was the victim.

The minute I paid the check, I stood up and said “Want to go?”

“Sure,” she said, standing up. I grabbed her hand and led her out the door. From there, things happened exactly the way I wanted them to. We went back to her place, drank some more wine, and began taking each other’s clothes off. The only curveball was my inability to get Courtney off my mind. It was suddenly hard to fool around with someone and not think of her the entire time. Not only because I felt like I was cheating (even though I wasn’t), but because she was the one I wished was in my arms.

“I’m so glad you called me,” said Janine, unbuttoning my pants. She seemed so happy and so into me. I couldn’t have felt like more of a jerk.

“Can I ask you something, Janine?”

“Sure,” she replied.

“Are you…um…healthy?”

Janine took her hands off the zipper of my pants and said, “What do you mean? Like do I have any STDs?”

“Yeah.”

“No. No diseases. You?”

“No.”

“Are you on the pill?” I asked, realizing most guys pray a girl will say yes, and I was praying she’d say no.

“No.”