Ivy and Bean No News Is Good News (6 page)

They wrote
The Flipping Pancake
until it was time for Ivy to go home for dinner. The next day after school, they rushed home to finish it.

By the time they were done, Bean’s kitchen table was covered with paper, pencils, scis-sors, erasers, glue sticks, and mess-ups. In the middle of the table was one perfect copy of
The Flipping Pancake.

Ivy and Bean looked at it admiringly. It was beautiful. At the top, Bean had drawn a pancake with little lines coming out of it to show that it was jumping in the air. Around the pancake, she had written in her best
printing
The Fliping Pancake.
So what if she had forgotten the other P? It still looked great.

Below the title was the first story, the one about the rats and salami in Mr. Columbi’s house. Ivy had decided it was mean to say he was dirty, so she had called it “Mr. Columbi’s Secret.”

After that came Guess the Naked Baby. They had pasted the picture of Crummy Matt to the paper. There he was, drooling and smiling on a white rug, his rear end waving in the air. Ivy and Bean had almost stopped laughing about it by now. But not quite.

Bean had drawn a picture of Sophie’s mom with her hair in a bag and blue goo on her face. Beneath it, she had written, “Mrs. W. is up to something!” That was really all she could say, since she didn’t know what Sophie’s mom was doing.

Together Ivy and Bean had written the exciting story about the fire at Trevor and Ruby’s. In fact, they made it a little more exciting than it really had been. They said the entire backyard burst into flames. They also said that Ruby had saved Trevor’s life by running over flames to get the hose. “People like to read exciting stories,” Bean said.

Down at the very bottom of the page, Ivy had written about Ball Control. She said that they were famous for “Lizard Hurricane,” and if you wanted to drown out a loud noise, you could ask them over to your house for a party.
The story looked a little skimpy, so she also wrote that there were no bad words in their songs. She said that a lot of the other music that Jake the Teenager listened to had bad words in it. She put down the first letter of the really amazingly bad word they had heard. Then she drew an arrow and wrote, “Not in Ball Control songs!”

There had been just enough room to squeeze in a weather report down at the bottom. Bean had drawn a picture of the sun.

“Wow,” said Ivy. “I can’t believe we made such a great paper. It looks so real.”

“We could get famous for this,” said Bean. “I mean”—she picked up the paper—”not many kids could do a whole newspaper all by themselves.”

Ivy nodded. “Let’s copy it on my mom’s copier,” she said. “Do you think we should give a copy to Sophie W.’s mom, even if she didn’t pay for it? You know, because she’s in it?”

“No way!” said Bean.

“But she might give us money when she sees how great it is,” Ivy explained.

“Oh. Right,” said Bean. “Yeah. Also we have to make one for my dad, so he’ll give us our cheese back.”

“He’s going to be surprised,” said Ivy.

Bean nodded. “They’re all going to be surprised.”

+ + + + + +

And they were surprised, but not exactly in the way that Ivy and Bean had imagined.

After they delivered
The Flipping Pancake
to Jean, Jake the Teenager’s dad, Ruby and
Trevor’s mom, Liana and Katy’s father, Dino and Crummy Matt’s mom, Mrs. W., and Mr. Columbi, they brought a copy to Bean’s dad. He was on the living room couch, reading a magazine.

“Here,” said Bean. “Can we have our cheese now?”

“You just hang on to your engines, kiddo,” he said. He put down his magazine and picked up
The Flipping Pancake.
“If I see that you two put real work into it, you can have your cheese. There are standards that you have to—” He stopped talking and made a funny sound.

“Which one are you reading?” asked Ivy.

“Mr. Columbi’s Secret,” he said, but his voice was funny. He was snorting. Or choking.
Or something. “Is that
Matt
?” he asked in a strangled voice. “Does he
know
?”

Bean looked at Ivy and shrugged. “Probably, by now.”

Her father wasn’t paying attention. “What is this picture of Sheila?” That was Mrs. W.’s name. “What’s she doing?”

“Got me,” said Bean. “She was painting her hair. I don’t know what she had on her face.”

He read on. “The twins set their yard on fire? When? Does their mom know?”

“Oh sure. She was there,” said Bean.

Bean’s dad stopped reading and frowned. “How did you get all this, anyway?”

Bean put her hands on her hips. “Look. We did exactly what you told us to do. We went out and found the story.”

He opened his mouth but he didn’t say anything. For a second, he just stared at her. And then he started laughing. He laughed really, really hard. He almost fell off the couch.

“You do that, too,” said Ivy.

“I know. I inherited it,” said Bean. They watched Bean’s dad laugh for a while, and then Bean said again, “Can we have our cheese now?”

“What?” Dad said, wiping his eyes.

She said it again, loudly.

“Lowfat Belldeloon cheese in a special just-for-you serving size,” said Ivy, in case he had forgotten.

He was still laughing a little, but he got up. “It’s all yours, girls. You have earned your cheese.” He walked toward the kitchen.

“We won!” whispered Ivy and Bean together as they followed.

“Now, kids,” said Bean’s dad, handing them their little red bags of cheese. “Even though I think
The Flipping—Flipping—
” he started laughing again and covered his eyes. “
The Flipping Pancake
is a masterpiece, but it just might be too, um, powerful for
some people. Maybe Sheila wouldn’t like people to know that she paints her hair. For example.”

“But she does,” said Bean, carefully selecting the best ball of cheese.

“But maybe she wouldn’t want other people to know that,” he said. “So maybe we should just keep
The Flipping Pancake
here inside our own house.”

Ivy and Bean looked at each other. Grown-ups were so weird. “We already made copies and delivered them,” Bean said. “You said we took their money and we had to deliver what we promised. So we did.”

The doorbell rang.

An hour later, Ivy and Bean were lying on Bean’s trampoline, squishing their beautiful red wax. Squish, squish, squish.

They had come outside when the kitchen got too crowded with grown-ups. Ruby and Trevor’s mom had made them promise never to show
The Flipping Pancake
to Ruby and Trevor’s dad. Mrs. W. had stopped by with a dollar for her copy, just like Ivy had expected.

But she had also asked them to stop looking in her window. Mr. Columbi did, too. And Crummy Matt’s mom had actually wanted his photo back again. She had even paid for it.

“Two dollars, just to get a picture back.” Ivy shook her head. “Doesn’t seem worth it to me.”

“
She’s his mom,
” said Bean. “She probably thinks it’s cute. I think she’s mad at Dino, though.”

“Ruby and Trevor are grounded, their mom said.” Ivy frowned. “But if you’re at home all the time anyway, how can you tell?”

“I don’t know,” said Bean.

For a while, they lay peacefully on the trampoline, squishing their wax.

Then Bean sat up. Something was shuffling on the other side of her fence. “Do you hear that?” Bean whispered.

“What?” whispered Ivy. Then she heard it. “Is it a bear?” She hoped it was.

It wasn’t a bear. It was whispering. Ivy and Bean slid quietly off the trampoline and tiptoed toward the fence. There was a lot of shuffling going on out there. And a grunt. The grunt sounded familiar. It was Crummy Matt’s grunt.

“I’ll get ‘em,” he was saying. He was talking as softly as he could, but that wasn’t very soft.

Ivy bugged her eyes at Bean. Get ‘em? What did that mean? It sounded bad.

“No,” whispered a voice that sounded like Dino. “You grab them and I’ll get ‘em. But we got to go quick, because Mom’s going to find out we’re gone pretty soon.”

There was that stuff about getting them again. Yikes, Bean mouthed to Ivy.

“I brought blue paint,” whispered another voice. “If you hold them, I’ll paint them.” That sounded like Sophie W. Like a mad Sophie W.

Blue paint? Ivy put her hands over her cheeks. A blue face would be okay, but not a blue face painted by a mad person.

“Okay. You have a camera?” It sounded like Trevor.

“Trevor, give me that magnifying glass. You can’t light them on fire.” Ruby’s voice was very high and squeaky.

Bean grabbed Ivy’s arm and yanked. Time for a getaway. But where? For a second, they just zipped wildly around the yard.

“Who says I can’t?” Trevor snarled. “We’re grounded already!”

“Trevor, give it here!”

“Shhh! They’ll hear!” said Sophie W.

Ivy looked at Bean.
Inside,
she mouthed.

No. Wait
, mouthed Bean. She held up her wax. Quickly, she squished it flat and stuck it under her nose. Then she lay down next to
the trampoline.
Come on,
she beckoned to Ivy. Then she closed her eyes.

“Come on!” grunted Matt. The gate latch rattled. They were coming in.

Ivy smashed her wax flat against her forehead and dropped to the ground next to Bean with her eyes closed.

The gate opened and banged shut.

“Whoa!” said Trevor.

“Oh my gosh!” whispered Sophie W.

“What happened to them?” Dino said. “Is that
blood
?”

“Uh,” grunted Crummy Matt. “I gotta go.”

There was the sound of the gate opening and closing again.

“They must have fallen off that trampoline,” Ruby whispered.

“Maybe they’re only fainted,” said Sophie.

“We could check,” said Ruby.

They didn’t.

“Should we tell the grown-ups?” Dino asked quietly.

There was a long silence.

Then Sophie W. sighed.

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

“Let’s go,” said Dino.

The gate banged again.

Footsteps went away, down the driveway.

Bean opened one eye. “They’re gone,” she whispered. She peeled the wax from her lip and nudged Ivy. “Pretty good, huh?”

Ivy giggled. “They thought we were dead!” She took the wax off her forehead. “I love this stuff!”

From far away inside the house, they heard the doorbell ring, but they didn’t answer it. They knew who it was, and besides, they were busy jumping.

A second later, they heard the sound of Bean’s dad running. They watched as he flew out the back door and skidded across the porch. “Are you okay?” he yelled.

Ivy and Bean stopped jumping. “We’re fine,” said Bean.

“Sophie said you were hurt,” he panted.

“Oh, that Sophie,” said Ivy. “She was probably just joking.”

“No,” he began. And then he stopped and frowned. “Do you think this has something to do with
The Flipping Pancake?
”

Bean and Ivy looked at each other and then back at Bean’s dad. They made their eyes big. “How could it?” Ivy asked.

“Dad,” said Bean. “Thanks for giving us the idea to do a newspaper. It was really fun.”

He coughed. “Any time. I’m full of good ideas.”

Bean reached into her pocket and pulled out a circle of cheese. It was a little bit fuzzy. “Here.” She held it out to her dad. “This is your thank-you present.”

“You can have mine, too,” said Ivy.

“What?” said Bean’s dad. “I thought you loved this cheese.”

“Nah,” said Bean.

“Actually,” said Ivy, “the cheese is kind of gross.”

“But you might like it,” said Bean.

Bean’s dad turned around and walked into the house without saying a word.

“What’s the matter with him?” whispered Ivy.

Bean shrugged. “Maybe he’s tired.” She set the circle of cheese on the edge of the trampoline and held up her wax. So did Ivy.

Squish, squish, squish.

The End