Ivory Guard (23 page)

“Well, I needed coffee so we’re having coffee. Besides, I thought you’d be in good shape seeing how you regularly train with your guard
and all, but…you’re right, this is not the time to ease up on those things.” He placed his mug in the sink and nodded towards hers. “We’ll head out when you finish yours.”

Dammit. What the hell had she done? Oh, why
did she have to go and remind him of heavenly boot camp?

When she stared at him in dismay, a wicked smile
sparked in his eyes. Great, apparently she just made his day. “What’s up Stargazer, afraid you can’t handle it?”

That was all the challenge she needed. Her spine straightened and her muscles tensed, ready for some action. Oh, she would show him just how good in shape she was.

After downing the rest of the coffee, she almost slammed her mug on the counter top. “Not at all. Let’s go.”

The training began. Since her running shoes hadn’t been in the bag that Maion had brought she had
to make do with her sneakers and yet they didn’t keep her from acing her personal time on the five mile run. Yes!

However,
Raz being Raz there was not much time to celebrate. Training quickly turned into a battle, of what she had no real idea – that was until she realized that Raz wasn’t touching her and was trying very hard to only ever look into her eyes. Quite exemplary actually, if he weren’t failing so miserably. It did a whole lot of good to her heart and funny things to her stomach, knowing that she had such an effect on him. It also cranked up the heat between them by a couple of dozen degrees.

They were in his back yard,
basically a slope of green hill as far as the eye could see until it tumbled right off the edge of the cliff. “Let me see your wings and show me what you can do.”

Lillian summoned her ivory wings as he had asked and then shrugged. “
I haven’t tried flying yet. It happened just that once while I was fighting the angel. Well, and yesterday.”

“Okay.”

Lillian was pretty sure she saw his jaw tense before he stepped behind her, but then every thought fled her mind when she could feel his hands on her wings. Goose bumps broke out all over her back and spread to her arms. Her wings had become far more sensitive in the last couple of months, without her thinking much of it.

“Spread them.”

She almost moaned as she obliged. That deep voice of his was sooo not helping right now.

He touched her back, right between the roots. “How does it feel here? Any strain?”

His warm breath tickled her neck in the softest of caresses and all of her body, every cell, wanted to lean back, to lean closer. Reminding herself to concentrate she answered, “No, not at all.” Did her voice sound strangled?

“Good. Now move them as if you wanted to fly. Just move them.
Out of instinct.”

Whenever she had used her wings in a fight, she had basically just flapped them once or twice in a very quick motion to boost a jump or put some more power behind an attack. Now she did the same, but in a slower motion. Raising and then moving them in a slow but still sharp curled-and-downward motion.

Her feet left the ground.

But not for long. She squeaked in surprise and dropped right back to earth.

“Easy.”
Raz’s hands shot out to steady her. “Not bad.”

Was she just imagining it, or was there a smile in his voice?

After her first taste of – freaky – freedom, Raz got down to business, which meant theory. Lots and lots of theory, teaching her about a wing’s anatomy, weather and air, pressure and currents. Flying really wasn’t as easy as it always looked, and neither was landing she found out pretty quickly after two more moments above ground – even if just a couple of feet.

At the end of the day she felt totally exhausted but in an accomplished sort of way. Her back hurt when she hit the covers and yet it felt good.
Even if every muscle ached, she still felt good simply because of being able to finally use her body for something it apparently was born to do.

However,
as exhausted as she was and despite the wonderful feeling of flying or the simple prospect of it, it didn’t stop her from worrying and wondering whether learning how to fly would be enough. Or would it simply give heaven all the more reason to kill her? Raz had successfully avoided answering that particular question so far.

TWENTY-FOUR

Raz lay on his couch and grinned up at his ceiling, probably looking like a fool, as he rubbed a hand over his face. God, this day had been torture.

They tip-toed around each other always watching, never touching.
At least
he
tried to avoid the touching, and yet at times his body would betray him, reaching out for her as if out of its own accord, being at ease in each other’s company without wanting to be and even falling back into their old routine filled with orders and witty comebacks. It was quite the dance really. One he had missed and come to secretly enjoy again. Yeah, apparently he really liked torturing himself.

When he heard a noise he stilled and listened into the silent darkness. There it was again.
A…whimper?

When he realized it was coming from the bedroom
indescribable panic gripped his heart while he threw his blanket off him and jumped up. In the next blink he was by her side, leaning over her and caressing her face. Calling out her name, softly at first and then sharper when she didn’t snap out of the nightmare she was caught in.

“Lillian
. Wake up!”

That v
oice, that familiar voice kept the fires at bay.

“Lillian!”
             

She
awoke with a start, breathing too fast and harsh and blinking her eyes rapidly as she kept seeing devouring flames and bloody wings. Justadream, justadream, just a dream. The words repeated itself over and over again in her head until she finally calmed down.

In her lost state she hadn’t realized that Raz had slipped onto the bed, holding her in his
strong arms as he leaned against the headboard. His upper body was bare and so warm beneath her.

“Tell me something,” she pleaded. “Tell me…tell me how come you didn’t know that about me?”

Her rattled mind surprised her by coming up with something she’d been dying to know but had forgotten to ask him what with all that had transpired.

“Know
what?”

She lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him. “Me not being fully
Ivory. I mean your specialty are mysteries and secrets…wouldn’t that qualify as such.”

“That’s not how it works.”
His voice was calm and deep, her anchor in the quiet, in the here and now.

“
Then explain it to me.”

He frowned. “It’s difficult to explain.
Never had to do it actually. Anyway, yes, I do know secrets and mysteries, but on a grand scale of things. I know the big secrets but not personal one since knowing those would involve violating a person’s privacy and their free will. The secrets and mysteries I know are of a more general kind. Like…” He sighed, struggling for words, before he grinned at her. “Santa Claus. Hate to break it to you, Stargazer, but the guy doesn’t exist.”

Lillian had to chuckle. “
Nice one. But I get it.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. It reminds me of Amber. She was the angel of communication and emotion and was very good at what she did. But Amber never influenced me or my emotions in any way, she only talked to me to help me handle it all. Like a therapist, I guess.”

“Exactly.
Amber’s and my specialty are considered minor compared to others and they can be reborn, which means they can manifest in other angels once we die. But there are specialties, like Micah’s, that are unique. That’s why they work in higher positions and spend most of their time in heaven. Though that doesn’t mean he’s weak, not at all. What I’m saying is that there will always be secrets but there’s only one divine plan. I’m replaceable, Micah is not.”

“Not to me, you are not.”
The words were whispered and yet they carried all her heart’s conviction, silencing every other sound.

Raz cleared his throat in a way that told her she wasn’t the only one to suddenly realize that although she was fine now she was still in his arms, in his bare arms
, while she was wearing nothing but a loose shirt. It was as if something inside her body snapped. A charge and her senses were reaching out, her body straining for…him.

As h
e carefully, and yet quickly, untangled himself and got up, Lillian let him. “So. How you feeling? Your back alright?”

She almost smiled but bit
her lip to hide it. Seeing Raz - big, dark, scary and grumpy Raz - very nearly fidgeting was a rare thing to behold, and sensing that she was the reason for it, made another wave of heat pulse through her veins fueling her courage. Daring her. She wanted him. Wanted to touch this man that made everything in her life…more intense. But there wasn’t much she could to do about it. Or was there?

An idea took form in her mind that made her heart thump even more wildly in her chest then it already had.

“A little sore but nothing to worry about.”

“Good. Well, I’ll let you get back to sleep.”

When he was about to open the door, Lillian called out. “Raz?” 

He turned slightly.
“Yeah?”

Lillian got up
off the bed, aware that her shirt hit mid-thigh and taking it as a good sign that his gaze followed the movement, and then walked up to him.

Her voice was low
, almost husky, with emotion. “Show me your wings.”

“What?” At first his eyes only held surprise, but then she saw a glint of fear in them. “Why?”

“Just do it, Raz.”

Ever since he had showed up she had never seen them. He had never summoned them, not in battle
and not even once during the training.

He nodded subtly as if he knew what was going on inside her head. The smallest hint of a breeze and rustle of feathers and there they were. Gone was the dove gray she knew them to be. They were every possible shade of gray, from the deepest hue at the roots to the purest white at the tips.
As undecided and torn as he was.

Closing the small space that was left between them, Lillian reached under his arm and around him to brush her hand over the soft silk of a wing. His warm breath tickled her temple,
and she knew that if she just moved her head the tiniest bit, their lips would meet. Swallowing, her heart and blood like thunder in her ears, she placed her other hand at his bare waist and slowly lifted her head.

His eyes were closed, his voice deep and low. “Lillian, don’t.” It wasn’t his words, but the painful longing in his voice that stopped her.

“Why?”

“
You damn well know why. Our souls.”

Something’s seriously wrong with our world if that’s true.
Remembering Abby’s words, she whispered as sadness swamped her, “How can love make you fall?”

“There is a kind of love that allows fo
r our souls to stay intact. But I’m certain I can speak for us both, when I say that we don’t exactly have the purest love in mind.”

The way he said it, tugged a chuckle out of her. “You got that right.
Just to be sure, you aren’t allowed to be with angels, Fallen, Ivorys or humans, right?”

His gaze dropped, almost wary.
“Yeah.”

“But I’m neither, Raz. I’m all of it and yet none of it. Doesn’t that count as a loophole or something?”

She felt his chuckle vibrate through him. “I honestly don’t know.” One hand reached up to cup her cheek as his fierce eyes roamed over her face. “Besides, it’s not my soul I’m worried about. It’s yours, Lillian. You might not care about it but I do. And I won’t let you damn your soul to hell just to be with me.”

This was it.
Now or never. “And I told you, you don’t have the right to make such a decision for me.”

Her hands continued their e
xploration, moving up his chest and around his neck, and as his arms wound around her waist seemingly out of their own accord given the darkening of his eyes, she had to stop herself from sighing with relief.

S
he was only a breath away from his mouth and looked into those fierce gray eyes of his with all her heart and determination. “I’m not going to stop. Only if you tell me, honestly and convincingly, that you don’t want this. Not because of my soul but because of yours.”

“Lillian.” He bumped his forehead against hers as he tried to breathe calmly, as he tried to resist. The problem was his heart wasn’t calm at all. Lillian could feel it
beating a tattoo against his ribs. “I’ve already lost my soul. And heart. To you. The moment you grew your wings for the first time and called me a bastard.” He shook his head, oblivious to the bomb that had just gone off inside her heart. Who needed three little words that wouldn’t even come close to what he had just admitted. “You have no idea what you’re doing. Heaven…”

A shake of her head stopped him
as she almost cried out, her heart and body desperate for him. “I don’t care about heaven, up there or wherever it is, Raz. Heaven is being here. With you.”

With a groan he dropped his head and sealed their lips.
Finally.

The air around them exploded and was charged with years of pent-up frustration and desire.
His taste flooded her and made her come to life as his tongue tried to capture hers. The kiss wasn’t gentle, wasn’t sweet. It was a battle, it was desperation, it was relief as neither indulged but just plunged headfirst into pleasure.

Blindly Raz pushed them towards the bed, until her legs bumped into the edge of it and they both lost their balance, tumbling onto the covers.
His hands roamed over her body as he pushed her up on the bed. She opened her thighs and Raz settled right where he belonged, making her moan into his mouth as his erection hit the spot where she needed him the most.

Lillian broke away from his mouth, trailing kisses along his jaw, nibbling her way to his neck, where she bit him lightly. His deep groan
and involuntary buck of his hips, hitting her clit exactly right, had pure bliss searing her veins.

His
strong hands slipped under her shirt, finally caressing her body, skin to skin.

“Raz,” she
gasped, her voice breathless with need. More, she needed more.

Her own
hands were busy travelers across the width of his back, enjoying the play of his muscles. When he lifted his upper body slightly up, she immediately missed their contact but then followed his urgings to get rid of her shirt. Bare to him except for her panties Lillian didn’t feel an ounce of shame or unease as he looked his fill. How could she, when his eyes were dark with pleasure and burning with want.

They stared at each other, breathing hard and bodies on fire.
Somehow, as if by a silent accord, they both slowed down the pace and started to enjoy each other wholly, to tease their senses fully.

Slowly Raz dropped down again, his body the best, hot blanket in the world making every inch of
her skin tingle, and then he kissed her breasts. Lillian’s hand shot up to cradle his head, to hold him close as he played first with one nipple then the other, teeth grazing, tongue soothing. And all of it so leisurely, so lovingly now, Lillian thought she might come right then and there.

She pushed him playfully away and
sat up, her hands practically flying to the waistband of the sweatpants he wore. “Off.”

He chuckled but obliged, and
then moaned as she took her time exploring him. Her mouth kissed along his chest, her tongue lazily tracing his tattoo, while her hands moved down to take him in her hand. She stroked him, coaxing another moan from him before his head dropped to capture her mouth.

He pushed her back, forcing her to lie down again and
then he hooked his thumbs into her panties, grinning wickedly at her, finally flashing the dimple she had so sorely missed. “Turnabout’s fair play.”

Raising her hips she helped him along, and let her legs fall open again baring
herself fully to him. For what seemed an eternity he simply stared, heating her up with his gaze as effectively as if he had used his hands. Lillian almost squirmed and then cried out when he finally touched her. His fingers ran along her lips and then slipped inside collecting her wetness there and spreading it. Oh God, she was so close. Her arms grabbed for him, pulling him down to her until he covered her body once more. She could feel the tip of him nudging her entrance and an urgent throaty sound escaped her lips.

Knowing what she wanted, h
e thrust into her, and both of them gasped
,
overwhelmed by the incredible sensations of finally being joined. Burying his head in her hair, he almost growled, “Incredible.”

She
could only agree, loving the feeling of him inside her, stretching her. “There’s more.”

Lifting his head he stared down at her, and Lillian’s heart flew apart as she drowned in his silvery mists of wonder, awe and love that were his eyes.
Their gazes never left each other as their lips met, only closed as their tongues played, slowly, erotically and oh so tenderly. They didn’t need words as their bodies slowly began to move, stoking their desire to a height she had never known. Pure and intimate and right, no one and nothing could say otherwise.