It's My Life (21 page)

What is it with guys anyway? Okay, I know they're not all just looking for a “good time,” and I know Josh has changed (at least, I HOPE he has), but I still sometimes think it's a dangerous dating world out there for teens. And I literally thank God for sparing me from it.

The good thing about Jenny turning Trent down is that we can all hang together as just friends now. And I think Trent actually likes that. I guess he's never really had a real girlfriend before. And he just has brothers, so this is the first chance he's had to get to know a girl–and most of the time he has three of us (Jenny, Beanie, and me) so he's pretty glad about that. As far as his atheist thing, he's still holding out. But we act like we don't care, and like we think it's just a matter of time until he comes around. It's become a bit of a joke with us. But I think he appreciates that we don't pressure him too much but just love him for who he is. And isn't that what Jesus would do anyway?

Well, I know I've probably missed a few things, but it's
late and we have a full day of cleaning, cooking, and decorating tomorrow (getting everything ready for Aunt Steph's bridal shower) so I'm going to hit the hay.

Well, we slaved all day until Grandma's house was totally spotless. I think even she would be impressed. We polished the silver and got out the good china (I called first to see if it was okay). My mom bought flowers (all in fall colors to go with the other decorations). And Jenny had this crazy idea of making these little cakes called petit fours that her mom makes sometimes, so she actually called her mom for the recipe, which she thinks impressed her mom (no small feat), and we spent most of the day mixing, baking, and decorating these teeny, tiny little cakes. But let me tell you, it was worth it! Everyone just loved them.

But okay, let's back up the truck now and start at the beginning of the shower. You see, it was supposed to start at seven-thirty, but at seven o'clock, someone knocks on the door (we're still frantically trying to clean up our last mess in the kitchen), so I run out hoping it's not some church lady showing up early (I mean, we haven't even had a chance to change out of our dirty clothes yet) and I open the door to see Grandma standing there with a big, beautifully wrapped box in her hands!

“Grandma!” I screamed, throwing my arms around her. “We didn't expect to see you until next week for the wedding.”

She handed me the box and laughed. “Well, I had no problem exchanging my ticket since Thanksgiving weekend is always so booked. And I thought I sure don't want to miss that shower. I would've let myself in, but my hands were full and I wanted to surprise you.”

So the next thing, we had Grandma helping to clean in her own kitchen; the whole while she just oooed and ahhed over everything. It made us feel so good. Then we ran upstairs to change. And I went into Beanie's room.

“Uh, Cate,” she said a little uncertainly. “I need to tell you something.”

“What?” I asked as I pulled a sweaterdress over my head.

“Well, at the time, it seemed a good idea, but now I'm getting a little worried.”

“What?” I asked again, getting impatient since it was almost seven-thirty.

Then I realized she looked like she was about to start crying. “I'm so stupid! So stupid!”

I grabbed her by the arm. “Beanie? What is going on?”

“I invited my mom to the shower!”

Well, that room was so silent we could hear my grandma happily humming downstairs. And I felt as if someone had just dumped a bucket of ice water over my head. I just stared at her in horror, hoping that I'd heard her wrong. ”
You what
?”

She nodded. “I know. It was incredibly dumb. Totally stupid. Moronic even. What was I thinking?”

I'm thinking,
What were you thinking
? But instead I
say, “Why did you invite her?”

She had tears in her eyes now. “Well, she called last week, and she sounded so sweet and sad on the phone–totally unlike her usual self–and she said how she hadn't been with a guy since that Harley dude and how she had also quit drinking and was thinking about going to AA.”

“Oh, Beanie, that's great.”

She nodded and swallowed. “And I told her so too, and she asked what I was up to, and I mentioned the wedding and shower. And then I just couldn't help myself, I invited her to the shower.” Followed by a big sob.

I nodded slowly, trying very hard not to say what I thought. I mean, Lynn Jacobs (barfly, wild woman, Harley chick) at a wedding shower with a bunch of church ladies, and poor Aunt Steph who's about to become a pastor's wife. Well, it was all just too much. I sank down onto the bed and sighed. “Do you think she'll really come?”

“All week long, I've been telling myself, no way, she would never come. I mean, she knows what your family all think of her. And she knows Steph, and they've even exchanged words–like when I moved out and then at the hospital.” Beanie started to cry. “Oh, I'm so sorry, Caitlin.”

“Beanie, it's okay.” Now I took in a deep breath, trying to calm myself. “I mean, if she's really on the bandwagon and doing good, what are the chances of her really showing up? I mean, she'd realize that wasn't a good thing.”

Beanie perked up. “You're absolutely right! She would
know better than to come here.” Then her face fell. “But on the other hand, if she's been drinking or–oh no!”

I looked at my watch, just minutes before seven-thirty, then I grabbed her shaking hands. “Beanie, let's pray!”

So we stood there and prayed the fastest prayer ever, that God would watch over everything tonight and make it a good and memorable time for Aunt Steph.

“That's all we can do,” I said with confidence I wasn't fully assured of. “Now, it's time to face the music.”

And already they were starting to arrive. Jenny was in charge of taking coats, Beanie took gifts, and I offered them coffee or tea, the whole while thinking at any given moment this whole thing could fall totally apart or explode in our faces.

“Caitlin,” whispered my mom as I handed her a cup of tea. “You girls have done a beautiful job putting this together.”

I smiled and said, “Let's just hope it stays together.” And that's when I noticed Jenny open the door to see Lynn Jacobs standing on the porch. Without saying a word, I headed straight to the door, determined to do whatever was necessary to preserve peace.

“Hi, Lynn,” I said, forcing a big smile to cover my terror. Then I noticed she had a nicely wrapped gift in her hands, and she actually looked pretty good. Okay, maybe not quite like a church lady, but she wasn't wearing a plastic miniskirt and six-inch-high platform shoes either. “Come on in. Have you met Jenny yet? She's
Beanie's roommate.” Jenny took Lynn's furry coat with wide eyes. (She's already heard a whole bunch of wild Lynn stories.)

Then Beanie stepped up, and I tried to convey to her through a glance that it was so far so good. “Hi, Mom,” said Beanie, her voice coming out in a squeak as she reached to take the gift. “I'll put that with the others.”

“Can I get you some coffee or tea or punch?” I asked, the same silly smile still frozen on my face.

“Sure, coffee, black. Thanks.”

With shaking hands I poured her coffee, my ears straining to hear the background chatter behind me, fearing that any moment it could all blow sky-high and we'd be reading about it in next week's church bulletin. As I quickly returned to Lynn with the coffee, I saw Steph getting up and making her way over. “Lynn,” she exclaimed, sounding sincerely glad. “It's so good to see you. I'm so glad you came.” Then she reached out and actually hugged her.

Lynn smiled. “Congratulations, Steph. I hear you landed a really good guy.”

Steph beamed. “Yes, I can't wait for you to meet him. You are coming to the wedding, aren't you?”

There was an uncomfortable pause, but Steph jumped right back in. “You know, everything's been such a crazy rush. I mean, you'd think it was a shotgun wedding or something.” She laughed and Lynn seemed to relax a little. “But since Beanie's one of my bridesmaids, I just figured for sure she had invited you. You will come, won't
you? Have you seen Beanie's dress yet?”

“I haven't, but I'd like to.”

“Oh, Beanie,” said Steph. “Take your mom upstairs and show her the dress. I'll bet she'll love it too.”

Well, after that, everything just went as smooth as the buttercream icing on our little petit four cakes. And, not for the first time, I found myself thinking how Aunt Steph is really and truly cut out for this pastor's wife stuff. I mean, I have never seen anyone so genuinely kind and gracious in my whole life. Pastor Tony is one lucky (or should I say blessed) fellow!

Wow, and I thought
the week before last was busy! well, let me tell you, this last week has been nothing but one big whirlwind. First, we had Thanksgiving at our house–with Beanie and LYNN (no kidding and she was fine) and Jenny and Grandma and Tony and Steph and Oliver, which made for a very full table. But it was great and we all played charades afterwards.

Then later that evening (and to my surprise), Josh and Zach stopped by. They're both home from college this weekend. It was so fun to see them, and Beanie and I thought that they'd both grown up a lot. It was a little uncomfortable at first, what with Jenny there–I know how she and Josh never really did patch things up very well from last year. But by the end of the evening, all five of us were just laughing and joking and having a really fun time. And I must admit, I liked seeing Josh, and I think he liked seeing me. Just the same, my no dating rule stands, and he knows it. But he said he had something he wanted to tell me privately. I said maybe after
the wedding since I knew it would keep me fairly tied up for the following day. And both Josh and Zach said they'd be at the wedding too, so I knew I'd see him again.

We all got up early the next day. We had to go pick things up and get the church decorated and all kinds of last minute stuff. And by the time we needed to dress for the wedding, I felt nearly exhausted. But something happened after I took a shower and put on that gorgeous gown. I was revitalized and ready to make it through what turned out to be a very long evening. But oh, was it beautiful. Fall flowers and glowing candles everywhere. Tony wore a dark brown tux, and Steph looked absolutely gorgeous. The only thing that went wrong was that Oliver ate too many mints and threw up during the reception, but everything else was just beautiful. I'd like to have a wedding just like that someday. That is, if I ever get married.

Well, if Josh Miller's eyes were any indication about whether I will ever marry, I'd say my chances are pretty good. Okay, I'm not exactly setting the date. And I know it's ridiculous to even think of such things. I mean, I am, after all, just seventeen. But a girl can dream, can't she? And since I've given up dating, I think I should still be allowed a few, sweet, innocent dreams. But anyway, Josh came up to me during the reception and just stared. I mean, he ogled.

“You look like a princess, Catie,” he said in this quiet, serious voice. And do you know that I never seem to mind
when Josh calls me Catie (or anyone else, for that matter–do you think that's maturity kicking in?).

“Thanks,” I said happily, then tried to change the subject. “Wasn't that a great wedding ceremony?”

He nodded. “But really you look great. I'm thinking it's a good thing you're sticking to your no dating rule.” Then he frowned. “You are, aren't you?”

“Sure. Nothing's changed.”

He seemed to sigh in relief. “Well, that's good.”

Now that confused me a little. “I know it's good. But why do you say that, especially when you used to question the whole thing?”

He smiled. “It just means no other guy is going to come along and steal your heart.”

Well, I had to laugh at that. “Thanks, Josh. I'll take that as a compliment.”

We didn't get to talk too much at the reception because there were photos and the receiving line, and I felt kind of bad because there were a number of times when Josh was making his way toward me and something or someone would unwittingly cut him off.

So right after Tony and Steph made their getaway and Beanie caught the bouquet (which was pretty funny all things considered), I went and found Josh and told him I was sorry I'd been so busy that I hadn't been able to talk to him, and if he had time tomorrow, maybe we could meet or something.

“Now that wouldn't be a date, would it?” he asked with a raised brow.

“No. It would be two friends simply getting together to catch up. How about Starbucks tomorrow?”

We agreed on the time, and the next morning I got Beanie to cover for me with Oliver, then went over to meet Josh. And when I saw him, it happened again, that little rush that catches me by surprise and makes me a little uncomfortable. But I ask you, what normal, red-blooded American girl wouldn't feel that way? I mean, he looked so cute and collegiate in his khakis and sweater. Be still, my heart, I jokingly warned myself as I walked toward him.

We ordered our coffees and sat at a tall table. And I could tell something was troubling him. “What's wrong, Josh?”

“It's kind of hard to explain, Catie. I mean, I'm afraid it'll sound kind of lame and dumb. Although I think
you
might understand.”

“I'll sure try.” I took a sip of coffee. “Go ahead.”

“Well, I suppose it all started on our Mexico trip.” He looked up from his coffee. “Hey, how's your fund-raising going?”

I suspected he was avoiding something but went ahead and filled him in on the latest, including the new name, FAD. “It's kind of a silly name, but it's easier than explaining everything all the time. I just hope it doesn't give the impression that I'm not serious about it or that it's just a passing whim or something.”