It's Like Candy (15 page)

“A sixteen-year-old girl shouldn't be trying to survive in the streets by selling sex for money or drugs. She should be nurtured, taken care of. She should be in school getting an education, learning how to become a respectful, beautiful, and educated young woman in life. Starr, are you proud to be lying here in bed, almost losing your life? Chile, don't you want something better out of life? How long do you think selling your body and soul for money is going to last you? Those same streets you're trying to survive in will take everything away from you and spit you out like you was nothing. I've seen many women like you come in here, thinking they know it all, bad as they want to be, and the next day, they're back out there in them streets doing the same thing. And you know, when they do come back in here, they're on their way to the morgue. Starr, don't make the same mistakes for yourself. You have a choice,” Ms. Henderson preached.

“That's good and all, but growing up in my household, all I ever learned was to have sex, and how to use sex to get what I want from these niggahs. My mother didn't care about me! My older sister left home when I was eleven. My father left when I was two, and my mother . . .” Starr began getting choked up, reminiscing about certain events in her life that she'd tried to forget about. “My mother wasn't the best. In fact, she was the worst. She made us do things. . . .”

Tears began trickling down her cheeks and she started to pour out her hurt and pain to Ms. Henderson that had been buried within her for so many years.

“It's okay, chile, take your time. . . . I'm not going anywhere. You can talk to me. Sometimes we need to talk about it, it can be the only cure for our pain and suffering,” Ms. Henderson assured. She moved closer to Starr and embraced her. Starr nestled against her chest and began crying in her arms.

“I hate her! I fuckin' hate her!” Starr sobbed. “She made me lose my virginity when I was twelve. She made me do things that . . . that . . . it hurts, it fucks wit' me, Ms. Henderson. Why did God give me a mother like that? If He really cared for me, then why did me and my sister end up with such a horrible mother, huh? Why? Why did He make my father leave us?”

“You can't question Him, Starr. His motives are His motives. But you got to forgive and let go. If you don't, then the pain and hurt will continue to eat you up inside until it will drive you mad. Can you forgive you mother for what she's done to you?”

“Hell, no!” Starr shouted. “I can't ever forgive that bitch! She made my sister leave. She made my father leave, and she made me leave. I wish she was dead and burning in hell right now.”

Ms. Henderson shook her head, and said, “You have a lot of anger and pain in your heart. You have to let that go, chile. The past is the past, Starr. I want you to look forward to a positive future for yourself. And having all that resentment inside your heart will only make things worse for yourself. You think that you were the only child that was scarred from a wicked upbringing. Many folks have been where you've been, and it's sad to say, but it's the world we live in today, with so much of the devil going around. But we can't feed into the wickedness, Starr. We can only forgive the ones that brought harm and pain on us, because we can't change what they've already done to us. The Lord is very forgiving, and we have to be the same way in our life. Pray to Him, Starr. Talk to Him. Release that bitterness and
anger you have for your mother, and move on with yourself. Take that pain and hurt and make something positive of yourself, and when you have children of your own, you make sure you give them the love and care that you wanted when you were young.”

“You think it's that easy for me, Ms. Henderson? You think I can forgive my mother for all the abuse and hurt she put my family through? You don't know what I had to endure since I was ten,” Starr proclaimed, drying the tears from her face.

Starr began enlightening Ms. Henderson about her past and what she'd had to bear while growing up. And when Starr talked to Ms. Henderson, she left nothing out, depicting a detailed picture of her life, from why her father left to the reason she herself left a few years after her sister. Starr held nothing back, telling her nurse everything about her first experience in sucking dick, and having men come into her room late at night to have sex with her. She even told Ms. Henderson the one thing that pained her the most, when her own flesh-and-blood mother ate her out for a mere thousand dollars.

Starr was in tears after explaining to Ms. Henderson everything she had to put up with at home. Ms. Henderson was in tears, too, thinking
What kind of mother can do such horrible things to her daughters?

“Now, can you forgive a woman like that, Ms. Henderson?” Starr asked, drying her tears again.

Ms. Henderson was speechless for a moment. She now understood Starr's pain, and the resentment. She took Starr by her hand gently, and said, “Let it go, baby. Please, I know it's hard to forget, but try and forgive. Lord help this chile,” Ms. Henderson uttered, squeezing Starr's hand lightly. “Please release her from the pain and hurt she suffered for so many years from the hands of a woman who knew no better. Lord, have her come to You, and know You are her way. Please, Lord . . . please, have her put You in her heart, and have her come to You.”

Starr was taken aback as she listened to Ms. Henderson pray for
her. No one had ever prayed for her, and it felt weird to her at first. Ms. Henderson continued to squeeze her hand slightly as she got deep into prayer, and Starr got a little nervous.

“Ms. Henderson, please . . . please, I don't need for you to pray for me,” she said.

“You need
someone
to pray for you,” Ms. Henderson replied. “You need help, Starr.”

Starr sighed. “Where was help years ago?”

“Help is here now for you. I'm here, chile . . . remember that. I'm here for you now, and it's never too late,” Ms. Henderson assured her.

Starr lay back against her pillows and thought about her sister. She missed her older sister so much and had been thinking about her a lot recently.

“You think that I'll ever see her again, Ms. Henderson?” Starr asked.

“Who's that?”

“My sister, River. You think God will ever bring her back to me? I miss her so much. She was always there for me, until Mama forced her to leave.”

“Have faith, chile. All you need to have is faith, and believe in Him, and everything will turn out all right for you,” Ms. Henderson stated.

Starr stared out her window and pondered her sister's whereabouts. If only she could reunite with River again. It would be nice for her, and a big change in her life.

Starr continued to lie in bed and Ms. Henderson went on holding her hand and praying for her quietly. She felt the motherly warmth coming from Ms. Henderson. She felt protected and so cared for whenever she was around. Starr looked at Ms. Henderson, and asked, “Ms. Henderson, why couldn't God bless me with a mother like you? Why I couldn't be one of your children? I guess He must hate me, then.”

“He doesn't hate you. He loves you. But you're blessed with me
now, chile. Maybe not when you was young, but you have me in your life now. And it's never too late,” Ms. Henderson proclaimed. “Keep believing, Starr. Please, never lose faith. Get some rest and I'll see you in the morning.”

Ms. Henderson slowly got up and watched Starr gradually shut her eyes and fall asleep. As Ms. Henderson stood over her bedside watching Starr sleep, a few tears trickled down her face. She thought about the hurt this young child had gone through at such a young age. And out of all the children and young women she had cared for and nursed, something about Starr drew her more to her heart.

She gently touched the side of Starr's face, and prayed for her one more time. And then, before she left, she said, “In due time, everything will be okay for you, Starr. I just have to check on a few things and when the time is right, you will never have to worry about anyone hurting you again. I promise, baby.”

Ms. Henderson then left the room and closed the door behind her.

“You still ain't fuck her yet!”
Critter said to Eric.

“It ain't even about that, Critter. Why everything gotta be about pussy wit' you?” Eric retorted.

Critter laughed. “Because, niggah, it is. Yo, the bitch is playing you, E. It's going on three weeks now, and you ain't fuck the bitch yet. She's playin' you out, son. Did you at least see the pussy?”

“Niggah, you hopeless,” Eric returned, removing himself from the bar stool and going outside to smoke one of his Black & Miles.

“Hopeless, niggah—you the one hopeless. That bitch got you whipped and shit . . . blind where your dumb eyes can't see, niggah. I'm telling you, E, sumthin' is funny about that bitch!” Critter shouted, watching his boy exit the bar on Merrick Boulevard.

Critter sighed. “Man, fuck that niggah. Yo, shorty, what's up wit' that drink? It's been like ten minutes already.”

The lady bartender sucked her teeth, looking at Critter with annoyance.

Outside, Eric placed the Black & Miles between his lips and slowly lit it with the matches he got off the bar. He exhaled the light cloud of smoke from his lips and leaned against the building with one foot propped up on the brick wall. River loomed into his head,
and the past three weeks. He'd spent time with River almost every day the past weeks. He thought about River so much that he'd forgotten about his cousin Russell coming home. One more week, he thought, until Russell was a free man.

He made arrangements for a grand welcome-home party for his cousin, and invited everybody he could think of, and booked over two dozen strippers to work the party that night. He spent money, both on River and the party for his cousin, and knew that it was all worth it.

Eric pulled out his cell phone, scrolled down the numbers, and stared at River's. He was tempted to call but he wanted to lay off a bit. She had him open, for real, and he didn't want to look weak, calling her up with really nothing to say. He wasn't worried about pussy. He knew that at any given time he could call up any hoes from his phone list and make arrangements. But he resisted doing so, even though not having sex in a month was driving him crazy.

Later for that,
he said to himself, and placed his phone back on his hip.
fm not gonna sweat her.

He took another drag from the cigarette and stared out into the street, watching the traffic go by. Five minutes hadn't even passed when Eric's phone started vibrating against his hip. He quickly flipped it open and saw who was calling—River. He smiled.

“What's up, beautiful? I was just thinking about you,” he told her.

“You were?”

“Yeah. You know you stay on my mind,” he said.

“That's sweet. So what you doing tonight, baby?” River asked.

“I'm free for anything. Why? What's up?”

“I'm wanna be with you tonight.”

“That can happen. What you wanna do?”

“I mean I really wanna be with you, baby,” she said softly, hoping he got the hint.

Eric thought about it, and then said, “Ohhh, that's what's up. Yo, I'll come get you and we can get a room.”

“A room! I thought you had your own place?”

I do.

“So why not there? I wanna wake up next to you and make you breakfast. I can't do that in a hotel,” she stated.

“Oh, word, you wanna cook for a niggah? I didn't even know you could throw down like that.”

“Well, I can. I've been thinking about you all day. I really want to do something special for you since you've been so nice to me these past weeks.”

Eric smiled. “That definitely sounds like a plan.”

“So what time are we talking?” River asked.

“I'm at this bar with my boy right now, say around nine.”

“That sounds fine with me. I just bought something nice and sexy to wear tonight, too,” River teased.

“Word, what you putting on?”

“It's a surprise, baby, you'll see me in it real soon. And I guarantee you'll love what you see.”

“River, you ain't gotta tell me twice. I'll pick you up around nine.”

“Okay, baby.”

Finally, Eric thought to himself, after three weeks of waiting for it, it was time tonight. He finished off his cigarette, and couldn't wait to go back inside and tell Critter that tonight was gonna be his night—his patience had finally paid off. But he really cared for River and had felt that in the past weeks. He had actually gotten closer to her than he ever had before with any other woman, and without sex being involved.

 

“Shit, River,
three weeks is too fuckin' long to be stringing this niggah along. We gotta make our move on this muthafucka,” Big Red said as he polished and checked for dust and debris in the empty 9-mm he took apart. He passed Twinkie an empty Glock, and then removed the .38 from the small wooden table.

The inside of Red's basement looked like a small arsenal for a gang. They had every kind of weapon lying around, from .22s and .38s to the big guns, like Uzis and Tec 9s.

“You slipping River?” Twinkie asked. “By now you should know this niggah's entire game plan, from what he wears to bed to what he brushes his teeth with.”

“Yo, we ain't got time to wait on this niggah. We hitting this niggah up tonight,” Red chimed in. “Twinkie already got this niggah's address. He lives up on Hillside, over by Jamaica Estates. Your little boyfriend got himself a swanky apartment over there, no one goes in or out, but him.”

“Y'all stalking him now?” River asked, looking annoyed.

“Yeah, I wanted to see what this niggah was about, since you claiming he's different from the others. And besides, we can't spend too much time on this clown, I already got our next vie lined up. He's open market after we hit up our boy Eric tonight.”