It's All Relative (28 page)

His coworker’s choice of bizarre mating practices in the wild was amusing to Kai, but Louis might be on to something. Kai wasn’t sure what April was in to, but he could easily picture taking Jessie up there, stretching a blanket out under a clear blue sky. He’d have to layer up to not freeze to death, but then…that could lead to cuddling later.

Kai grimaced as he walked into the building, and reminded himself for the umpteenth time that he wasn’t planning an outing with his cousin. No, he was planning a date with April.

He needed to remember that.

As Kai went about solidifying his plans, he spent the majority of his free time at Gran’s, making sure she was getting along okay. She rolled her eyes whenever he asked her how she was feeling. At one point, he thought she might pop up and do a jig just to prove she was healthy as a horse. Assuring her that the display wasn’t necessary, he did as much as he could without coddling her.

He spoke with April a few times during the week. She called him to confirm their date, then she called him to ask what she should wear. Since he didn’t want to ruin the surprise, he only told her to dress warm. Pausing, she’d asked, “Warm? Really?”

There was an odd feeling between them after her question, like she was silently sulking. Maybe she’d been hoping that they’d be going somewhere that required very little clothing. “Is that okay?” he asked.

Her voice all sunshine and cheeriness, she told him, “Yeah, it’s fine. We’re going to have such a good time!”

Wondering if he was planning a decent enough date, Kai considered running his plans by Jessie. He wasn’t sure if he should though. True, they were friends, and he respected her opinion, but he
was
planning a date with another woman. Even though they’d both agreed this was necessary for them to move past what had happened between them, what was still happening between them, Jessie probably didn’t want to hear about it. Kai knew he wouldn’t want to hear about her dating some other guy. He already hated the tidbits he’d heard about her and her asshole of an ex, Jeremy.

So, whenever he talked to Jessie, he kept the topic off April, and stuck to work or Gran…or her; Kai could listen to Jessie talk about her life for hours. After a two-hour conversation late one night, Kai wondered if that was typical cousin behavior.

Jessie came by his place the next night, looking fresh-faced and flushed when he opened the door. The unexpected visit made him grin, but when he saw what she had in her hands, he smiled even wider. Shaking his head at her thoughtfulness, he motioned for her to come inside.

Beaming, Jessie walked over to the patio set that she was letting Kai use in his kitchen, and placed a couple of thick cushions over the wrought iron chairs. Even though Kai had to admit the furniture was a little hard and uncomfortable, and the padding was a must-needed addition, he put his hands on his hips in mock sternness as she worked them into place. “You need to stop doing nice things for me. I can’t keep up, Jessie.”

After securing the deep blue fabric to the metal chairs, she stood and admired the small kitchen set for a moment before twisting to face him. “You don’t need to, Kai.” Tilting her head to the side, she bit her lip. A long, curly lock fell over her shoulder, resting just above her breast. Swallowing, Kai forced his eyes to stay locked on hers. “Besides, I couldn’t leave you with butt-numbing furniture.”

Jessie laughed after her comment, and her face lit up in a way that made Kai want to let out a lovesick sigh. He didn’t though. He only smiled and sat down in his now comfortable chair. Leaning back, he exaggerated a long, happy groan. “Well, my butt and I thank you.” Kai laughed; just being in her presence made him feel lighter.

She started to lower herself into the newly padded chair opposite him, but paused halfway down. “Oh,” she exclaimed softly, reaching into her pocket. Struggling to contain an impish smile, she pulled out her hand and handed him something. “Here, I got this for you.”

Kai watched her warm brown eyes burning with mischievousness as he took the object. Furrowing his brow, he stared at the candy bar in his hands. Then he read the label and started laughing. Glancing up at her, he gave her a crooked smile; her eyes locked onto his lips. “A Bit-O-Honey bar? Because of the bees, right?”

Nodding her head, she started laughing uncontrollably. Kai couldn’t contain his smile as he watched her amusement. “Cute,” he answered in his most disgruntled voice.

His eyes drifted to her lips as she shrugged and said, “Yeah, I saw them at the gas station when I was filling up on the way over and thought of you.”

She stared at him so lovingly, Kai stopped breathing for a second. Mesmerized, he whispered, “Always thinking of me…”

The smile fell from her face. It was instantly replaced by an expression of longing and pain. Kai wanted to reach out for her, wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her. More than anything, he wanted to tell her that they could find a way—that they could be together somehow. Even if it was wrong, even if their family and friends disowned them, surely the bond between them was strong enough to make a lifetime of shame and ridicule worth it?

But his stomach convulsed at the thought of caving, and he looked away from her. As right as it felt sometimes, it also felt horribly wrong. He couldn’t entertain those thoughts. Not with her.

Jessie sighed after he broke their intense connection, and Kai glanced back at her. She was worrying her lip as she studied the table; her face was as conflicted as his. Just when he was about to ask her how she was feeling, even though he already knew she was as torn as he was, she whispered, “Where are you going to take April?”

It was Kai’s turn to sigh now, and Jessie looked up at him. Telling her about his date with April would help firm the wall they needed to have between them, so he decided to lay out his plans. Jessie listened, small tears forming in the corners of her eyes. When he was finished, she was silent.

Just as Kai looked away again, she spoke, “It sounds beautiful, Kai. I think she’ll love it.”

Even though she’d said, “I think she’ll love it,” Kai clearly heard, “I know
I’d
love it.” Returning his eyes to her, he nodded as he swallowed the lump of pain in his throat. Standing, he came around to her side of the table and pulled her into the hug he felt she needed. The hug
he
needed.

Letting go could be so hard.

As the week dwindled, Kai got nervous. He liked April well enough, but really, he wasn’t very interested in dating her. Jessie was insistent that he try, though, and his grandmother…well, once she’d found out he had a date, and with Jessie’s friend no less, she’d been over the moon. Gran asked him details about April every time he went to check on her.

Looking relieved that he finally had someone, Gran would often switch the conversation to her second favorite topic—Kai’s job. She always asked him how he was fitting in there, if he liked it, if he got along with his boss. And she always gave him an odd look when she asked about Mason. With a bright smile, Kai always told her things were great and he was very happy. True, his boss still hadn’t warmed to Kai, and he really wasn’t sure what he was doing wrong, but he didn’t need to worry Gran with his work woes.

She always looked even more relieved after he told her that, like a weight had been lifted from her frail shoulders. When he thought to ask her why one evening, she shifted the conversation again, but this time to Kai’s dad. “He misses you so much, dear.” Lifting a gray eyebrow, she softly added, “You know, if you ever did become unhappy here, he would surely find a spot for you at the research reserve. You could work with your father every day…and with Leilani, of course.” Her lips twisted after mentioning Kai’s mother.

Her suggestion surprised Kai. For one, his father hadn’t sounded like he missed Kai all that much the last few times they’d talked. The sudden distance between them bothered Kai. He didn’t know why it was there. He was hoping it was just that his dad wasn’t dealing with the separation as well as his mom. If calling him at all hours of the day and sending him care packages that included things like deodorant and shaving cream was handling it well. But Kai didn’t like the edge he’d heard in his dad’s voice recently, and he didn’t know what to do about it, especially from here. Maybe when he went home for Christmas they could have a sit down, talk things out.

Focusing on his grandmother’s second statement, Kai raised an eyebrow. “You want me to go back to Hawaii? Are you trying to get rid of me?”

The old woman gave him a loving smile as she shook her head. Placing a wrinkled hand over his smooth one, she said, “No, dear, I love having you here.” She sighed; it was a much sadder sound than the conversation warranted. “I just want you to be happy.”

Looking down at the ground, thinking of his cousin, Kai whispered, “I am happy here.” Even if being around Jessie was torturous at times, it still filled Kai with a feeling that could only be described as happiness.

That happiness lasted right up to his date night, then it became muddled with uncertainty. As he rode his bike to April’s place, he started wondering if Jessie would be there or if she would go out, to avoid the strangeness of him picking up another woman right in front of her. He hoped April wasn’t too hands-on if Jessie did happen to be around, but he couldn’t ask her not to flirt, and Jessie couldn’t ask her not to flirt. Neither one of them had a good reason to tell April to be respectful of Jessie’s feelings. There was just no way to bring up what was going on between them without grossing everybody out and embarrassing them both. It was best to stay silent.

Taking his helmet off once he stopped the bike, Kai took a moment to appreciate the clear, beautiful, early afternoon sky. The mountains in the distance created the perfect backdrop for the looming city spread out around him. The bustle of human life reached his ears along with the singsong of birds and the occasional yap of a nearby dog. It wasn’t like Hawaii, but Colorado was growing on him. Once he adjusted to the temperature, he thought he could be right at home here.

Smiling at the thought of sharing Jessie’s hometown with her, Kai lifted the messenger bag slung across his chest, and laid it on the ground next to his bike. That was one of the downfalls of driving a motorcycle—no trunk space—but he’d managed to finagle everything he needed for a decent meal into the bag, even a bottle of wine.

Letting out a quick exhale, Kai worked on calming his nerves as he walked to the front door. Jessie’s truck being in the drive wasn’t helping. She
was
here. She would come out to say hello, to be polite to her cousin, and then she’d watch him drive off without her. Kai imagined that was going to hurt, and as he knocked on the door, he wished Jessie had stayed away for this. She shouldn’t have to see this.

The door opened wide, and Kai smiled at seeing April standing there. She was very pretty. Given a different set of circumstances, Kai probably would have enjoyed going on a date with her. Having taken his advice, April had layered a couple of long-sleeved T-shirts over a pair of tight, stretchy denims. Her hair was perfectly styled, every strand in its place, and her makeup was meticulous. While she looked amazing, Kai was worried that she wouldn’t approve of a helmet potentially ruining the smooth, low ponytail she had her hair in.

“Kai! Hello!” Leaning forward, she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Kai looked down for a second, conflicted. He didn’t want to be attracted to April, but he was a man, and her attention was enjoyable. And that made him feel guilty. He felt even guiltier when he looked up and saw Jessie, a few steps behind April, watching them. As April pulled him into the house by his arm, he locked gazes with Jessie. Not able to control it, he stared at her longingly. If he hadn’t agreed to this, he would tell April that he really wanted to go out with his cousin tonight, not her. But this was what Jessie wanted, what they both needed.

He watched Jessie swallow and give him a slight nod. “Hi, Kai.”

Trying to keep the wistfulness in his face out of his voice, he told her, “Hi, Jessie.” By the way Jessie’s eyes watered, he wasn’t quite sure if he’d succeeded.

Oblivious to the mood in the room, April grabbed a fluffy jacket from the back of the couch. She was attached to his arm in an instant, wrapped, bundled, and ready to go. Kai pulled his attention from Jessie to concentrate on his date. “Ready?” he asked her.

April hugged his arm, pulling herself close into his side. “Yep.” Without a second thought, she glanced over at Jessie. “See ya! Don’t wait up.” She winked after she said it, and Kai closed his eyes to block out the image of Jessie’s face paling.

As April tugged him out the door, Kai looked back at Jessie. “Goodbye,” he whispered.

Jessie feebly raised her hand in a wave, her already wet eyes looking heavier. It killed Kai to watch April close the door between them. He’d never felt guiltier, but somehow they had to change their relationship. They had to be a family. They had to get rid of the…tension between them.

Once outside, April started digging into her purse, like she was looking for her car keys. Clearing his throat, Kai pointed to his bike. “I thought we’d ride?”

April had seemed to like the idea before, when Kai had picked up Jessie for lunch, so he assumed she’d be thrilled, and she did smile, but one of her hands slinked through the end of her long ponytail, and Kai could tell she wasn’t excited about getting her hair messed up. Kai wanted to grimace at the awkward tension he felt building, but he resisted. Walking over to his spare helmet, he helped her put it on. April looked to be containing her reaction as well. Her face was frozen as he carefully slipped the safety device over her once-perfect hairdo. It gave his gut a weird pang to put a present he’d purchased for Jessie over another woman’s head. He felt like he was cheating on her, or somehow betraying her. It was a really strange feeling to have on a date.

While the helmet fit Jessie perfectly, it was just a little too small for April; her ponytail was going to be a mess when she pulled it off. He felt bad about that, but as he glanced over at the window and saw Jessie discretely watching them, his thoughts instantly rewound to watching her pull off the helmet; it had been one of the sexiest things he’d ever seen. Her curls had instantly bounced back to life once freed of the contraption, almost as if they’d been taunting the world that they couldn’t be squashed so easily.