It's All About The Moon When The Sun Ain't Shining (24 page)

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Authors: Ernest Hill

BOOK: It's All About The Moon When The Sun Ain't Shining
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Chapter Thirty-three
I
dressed in the new suit that I had purchased and I drove to the courthouse to meet Omenita, and to my surprise she was there when I arrived, and she was wearing a full-length coat and a beautiful beige dress, and her hair was pulled back, and her neck was girded with pearls, and on her finger was the engagement ring, and on her face was a smile, and at that moment she looked more beautiful than I had ever seen her, and in spite of everything to me this still felt right.
I sat and watched her for a moment. She was standing in the parking lot near the little gazebo, and I knew she was waiting for me. And I knew that I should hurry, but for some reason I could not explain, I wanted to sit and gaze at her from afar, and as I did, I told myself that this was right, and she was the one, and that this was the happiest day of my life.
I was still gazing at her when she finally spied the truck. Instantly, I saw her smile, then wave, and I got out and went to her.
“You look wonderful,” I said.
“So do you,” she said.
I kissed her softly, and she kissed me back.
“I love you,” I said.
“And I love you too.”
We climbed the courthouse steps together, and she stood to my right, and our hands were clasped, and I felt myself trembling as I pulled open the door and stepped aside to allow her to enter. And just before I went into the building, I looked back toward the diner, and in the distance, I saw Daddy and Grandpa Luke coming up the sidewalk, and I knew that Daddy had dressed at the diner, and I was happy that it wasn't quite so cold out today, and I was happy that Grandpa Luke had come, and I was happy that Daddy had allowed me to use the truck, and I was happy that he had allowed me to drive here alone so that I could claim my bride like a man.
She entered the building, and I moved up beside her, and we clasped hands again, and there was no fear in me now. There was only peace and joy and serenity, and I knew that each of these emotions was deeply rooted in the reality that our day had finally come, as well as the reality that from this day forth we would abide in each other's love for as long as we both shall live. I felt her hand squeezing mine. And instantly, there was a surge inside of me, and there was the return of the yearning, which I had felt for her only a few days ago when I laid with her in her father's house. And suddenly, I was having trouble breathing, and I felt a tightness about my legs, and I feared that at any moment, my legs would give way and I would lose my ability to stand, then I told myself to calm down, to breathe slowly, to enjoy the moment, to take in all that it had to offer. And I looked around, and I reveled in the quietness of the moment, and the length of the long hallway, and the smells of the season, and the promise of the journey upon which Omenita and I were about to embark.
It was approaching noon. And most of the offices in the building were closed. And I assumed that Mr. Bailey had stepped out for an early lunch, since he had agreed to marry us at noon. And so, we stood outside his door waiting. Grandpa Luke and Daddy, Omenita and I, her mother and father, and her brothers and sister.
And as we stood outside the office door awaiting the arrival of the justice of the peace, I asked Grandpa Luke to offer a prayer for us. And as he did, we all held hands, and we bowed our heads, and he asked God to watch over Omenita and me, and he asked Him to bless our love as He had blessed his and Grandma's. And in his hand, he had a Bible. And when he was done, I saw him remove his glasses from his pocket and place them on his face, and I saw him open the Bible to read a scripture, and his hands were trembling, and I knew he was thinking about Grandma, and I knew in his mind, he was young again, and I was him, and Omenita was her, and this was their day. And I thought to myself how special it must be to have loved someone as much as he had loved Grandma and to be loved by someone as much as Grandma had loved him. And I looked at Omenita, and I felt honored that she and I would begin our foray into holy matrimony so similar in time as Grandpa and Grandma had begun theirs. And as that thought resonated in me, I squeezed her hand even tighter, for inside of me this all served as further confirmation that this was right, and she was the one, and we were meant to be together.
A reverent moment passed, and when Grandpa had found the page for which he had been searching, I saw him slowly run his fingers across the words, then I saw him close his eyes and collect himself. And I was glad that he was here to share in this moment, and I was glad that he was here to give of himself, and I was glad that on this day, he, too, could honor Grandma. We waited for him to begin, and when he was ready, he raised his head and looked at Omenita and then he looked at me.
“When a man lives as long as I have, he realizes that there are just a few things that truly give life meaning.” He paused a minute and I could hear his voice breaking. “There is art, if you have the eyes to see it. There is music, if you have the ears to hear it. There is laughter, if you have the spirit to release it. And most important of all, there is love, if you have the heart to receive it and the generosity to give it” He looked at us again. “I hope you two will always remember that.”
“Yes, sir,” we both said. “We will.”
I saw Daddy smile and I saw Miss Jones slowly nod. Tears had formed in her eyes, and I hoped she was happy for us and not sad for herself.
“Almost fifty years ago,” he said. “I got married. And as circumstances would have it, it was almost on this day exactly.”
He paused again and looked far up the hall. And I knew he was thinking about Grandma. I could see it in his eyes and I could hear it in his voice. Daddy could see it too. I saw him reach over and place a hand on Grandpa Luke's shoulder. But Grandpa Luke did not look at him. He continued to look far up the hall. I was still holding Omenita's hand, and I slowly raised her hand to my mouth and kissed it. She smiled, and I lowered her hand. Then I heard Grandpa Luke's voice again.
“And before the preacher married us, he told us to love each other always.” Grandpa Luke paused again to let his words sink in. “Then because we were so young, he said he wanted to make sure that we knew how to do just that.” I saw Grandpa Luke fumbling with the Bible again. “So, he opened his Bible and by the light of a ole coal lamp, he read us a passage.” For much of the time, Grandpa had been looking up the hall. But now he looked directly at us. “If it's alright,” he said, “I would like to do the same for you. That is if you don't mind.”
“We don't mind,” I said.
Omenita didn't speak, but she did nod.
“Very well,” Grandpa Luke said. He cleared his throat then began. And as he did, I could tell by his voice that he was in another place now, far, far away.
“Love is patient and kind ... ” Grandpa Luke was quiet a moment, and I could see that he was becoming emotional. “Love is not jealous or boastful. . .” His voice began to quiver. “It is not arrogant or rude ...” He paused and collected himself. “Love does not insist on its own way ...” Now he looked directly at me and I could feel my heart pounding in my throat. “It is not irritable or resentful ...” I felt my eyes water. “It does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in right ...” Now, his words came to me from some distant place, and in my mind I was no longer standing, but I was suspended in midair, dangling from a line I could not see. And my emotions were tattered, and my mind was whirling. And there was this feeling that at any moment I would fall, never to rise again. “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
He closed the Bible then looked at us. His eyes were moist.
“Love each other always,” he said, “and don't forget to enjoy the journey because it's not as long as it seems. I'm a living witness. It's not as long as it seems.”
And at that moment, I could not breathe, and I turned from them, and I walked toward the end of the hall and I fell against the wall, and I felt a huge dark cloud come over me, and I felt a wrenching in my heart and an emptiness in my stomach, and at that moment, I knew that which I had not wanted to accept. I loved Omenita, but she did not love me. Behind me I heard my father calling to me as if from some far-away place. And I watched him come next to me and stop. I could see the concern on his face.
“Are you all right, son?”
He looked directly at me and I tried to answer him, but no words came until I finally heard myself mumble. “It's over.”
And I saw him grimace, still not understanding.
“Son,” he said, bewildered, “I don't understand.”
I did not answer immediately. Instead, I gazed out of the window and far beyond the streets. I told myself to be calm. “I'm sorry,” I said, and again, my lips quivered and my eyes grew misty. “I can't go through with this. I just can't.”
“No need to be sorry,” Daddy said, and I felt his hand on my back. “That's your choice, son. You do what's best for you.”
I turned and faced him.
“She doesn't love me,” I said. “Not like Mama loves you; not like Grandma loved Grandpa Luke; not like a woman should love a man.”
We were both quiet for a moment and I knew he was trying to find the words to console me. Then, suddenly, he gazed at me in a matter-of-fact way.
“Then you have to tell her,” he said.
I looked over at the families then back at him.
“I love her,” I said, then I paused, listening to the sound of my words and contemplating the reality of my situation, “but that's not enough. Is it?”
“I'm afraid not,” Daddy said.
I looked out of the window again. I could feel my legs shaking.
“Son,” Daddy said, “I know it may be hard to believe right now, but one day you will find someone who loves you as much as you love her. I can't tell you when, and I can't tell you where, but I promise, you will find her. And when you do, she will be as good to you as you are to her. And she will do it because she care about you and she wants you to be happy. So, you just have to go on with your life and keep your eyes open. And when you least expect it, you'll see her.”
“Yes, sir,” I said. And instantly I heard a voice emanating from deep within me:
Perhaps you already have.
Then I turned my back to him and I kept it turned until Omenita came to me. And when she did, I told her, and she cried. Then I found myself on the highway driving, and I saw myself pulling into the driveway, and I heard myself ringing the doorbell, and I saw her standing before me.
“Maurice!” she said, surprised by my presence.
“Hi,” I said. “Is Mama here?”
She smiled and instantly her eyes began to cloud.
“Yes,” she said, and I knew she was happy that I had come. She was happy for me and she was happy for Mama. “Come in and I'll take you to her.”
“Wait,” I said.
She looked at me.
“I have something that belongs to you.”
I reached into my jacket and removed the tiny map.
“No,” she said. “I gave it to you.”
“And now I'm giving it back,” I said. “It has served its purpose, and I won't be needing it anymore.”
I saw her looking beyond me toward the truck.
“How did things go?” she asked.
“I called it off,” I told her.
“I'm sorry,” she said. “I'm very, very sorry.”
“Thanks,” I said. My voice broke, and I looked away.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“I think so,” I said, and I lowered my eyes.
“Is there anything I can do?” she asked, and I could tell that she was sincere. I could hear it in her soft, gentle voice.
“You've already done it,” I said.
I looked at her, and she smiled again. I smiled also.
“May I ask you a question?” I said.
“Of course,” she said.
“Would you like to go out some time?”
Her eyes softened and she looked at me tenderly.
“Are you sure that's a road you want to travel?”
“No,” I said, “I'm not sure, but I recently came to understand that it does not matter which road I travel as long as I know the way home.”
“Sounds like you had a good teacher,” she said.
“Good?” I said. “Try fantastic!”
“Okay,” she said. “Looks like I'm going to have to find a new word.”
“I don't care what word you find,” I said, “as long as it's yes.”
“I would be honored to go out with you,” she said.
“Seriously,” I said.
“Seriously,” she said.
In the distance I saw Mama standing in the doorway. I went to her and when I was close I placed my head upon her bosom, and I felt her arms embrace me and instantly I felt her warm, salty tears. I saw her look at my naked ring finger, then back at me.

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