It's All About Him (30 page)

'It might be a very pleasant one,' he pointed out. 'Hasn't he ever said that he'd like a daddy or grandparents?'

Dee looked down at her hands. 'I need to think about this.'

'Okay.'

'I have to be honest, Neil, I'm not comfortable that you haven't got someone to vouch for you. That makes me suspicious.' He opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off. 'You can't really expect me to trust you after all you've done.'

'No,' he hung his head, 'no, I suppose I can't.'

She studied him for a moment and then nodded. 'Let me think about it, okay? I'll call you.' She stood up.

'When?' He stood up too.

'Soon.'

'But—'

'Don't push it, Neil,' she warned.

He smiled. 'Okay, sorry, and thanks.'

'I'm not making any promises,' she warned.

'I understand. Thanks for listening.'

Walking back to the car, Dee felt under huge pressure to make a decision and was glad that she'd be able to unload some of her worry this evening on to Vi's sympathetic shoulders. It would help to get a completely objective slant on the problem, and it certainly wouldn't hurt. She wondered what the woman would make of the whole thing. Dee had never told her anything about Sam's father and she wasn't sure if Vi knew the story but was just too discreet to mention it. She was not the prying sort and she wasn't exactly forthcoming about her own life either, Dee realized as she drove home. Vi had been back in Banford for around four years now and though Dee knew that the artist was originally from the area, she knew very little else about the woman. In fact, the comment she had made about her trips to the cinema when she was dating was the only personal information Dee could ever remember her offering. How strange that she was such a central figure to the town and yet she seemed to be a total enigma. Had she ever been married, Dee wondered? She must have been stunning when she was young. She was still very attractive with those amazing cheek bones, Roman nose and piercing green eyes and she positively oozed personality. It was hard to understand how she was alone. Maybe after a couple of glasses of wine, Dee would find out why.

'Come in.' Vi smiled warmly and drew Dee into the warm, cosy cottage. She led the way into a small sitting room decorated in red and cream with a huge fire crackling in the grate.

'This is lovely,' Dee said, flopping gratefully into an overstuffed chair.

Vi produced a bottle of red wine and a bottle of brandy. She held up the latter. 'Don't suppose I can tempt you?'

Dee shook her head, laughing. 'I'd never get anything done tomorrow.'

Vi sat in the armchair opposite her and, pouring wine into a large glass, pushed it across the coffee table to Dee. 'Cheers,' she said raising her brandy balloon.

'Slainte. I've never been in here before.' Dee looked around her appreciatively. The walls were adorned with paintings of all shapes and sizes and a huge variety of styles but none of them were Vi's own work. The four armchairs were an unusual charcoal-grey and inordinately comfortable with numerous cushions in different shades of red, all made of sumptuous materials with beading and tassels. An enormous red wool rug covered the plain wooden floor in front of the fireplace and two lamps with maroon shades threw a pleasantly subtle light across the room.

'It's lovely.' Dee smiled.

'This is my evening space,' Vi told her, 'my place to unwind.'

'I thought I was here to sit for you.'

Vi's eyes twinkled in the firelight. 'You didn't really.'

Dee laughed. 'No, I didn't.'

'I'm nearly finished with you, anyway. I've got enough sketches now to allow me to incorporate you into any painting I want.'

Dee shuddered. 'What a scary thought.'

Vi laughed. 'The good news is that I won't need to hog half of your kitchen any more.'

'Oh,' Dee said, surprised at the disappointment she felt. 'I've got kind of used to having you around.'

Vi chuckled. 'I'll come back soon to paint Sam,' she promised.

'That would be wonderful.' Dee's eyes lit up. 'Although trying to get him to sit still for more than a minute at a time will be a challenge.'

'There are tricks to painting children.'

'So when can I see what you've made me look like?' Dee asked, trying not to sound too eager.

Vi's smile was ambiguous. 'Soon enough but, I warn you, you probably won't recognize yourself.'

'Why's that?' Dee asked nervously.

Vi shrugged. 'Not everyone does. They expect to see the person they see in the mirror or in a photograph and that's not the way I work.' Vi watched her thoughtfully. 'I paint from the inside out.'

Dee shrugged. 'I don't mind. I quite like the idea, especially if other people don't recognize me either.'

Vi nodded, pleased. 'Good. Now, why don't you tell me what's been troubling you?'

'You don't hang about, do you?' Dee said, taking a sip from her glass.

'I don't see the point these days. Don't tell me anything you don't want to but I'm happy to listen if you need an ear.' She raised her glass to her lips and waited.

'I do need to talk but I'd like some impartial and objective advice too, Vi. I have quite a dilemma and I'm afraid I can't see the wood for the trees at the moment. I'm absolutely terrified of doing the wrong thing simply because I'm confused.'

Vi shot her a look of disbelief. 'You are a very impressive and intelligent young woman and in your heart you probably already know the right thing to do.'

Dee smiled. 'Now you see that's why I came to you! It's kind of you to say that but I'm not so sure.' She sighed. 'Where do I begin?'

'Take your time,' Vi advised, settling herself more comfortably. 'There's no rush.'

Dee took another sip and hugged a large, corduroy cushion to her chest. 'Sam's dad has turned up. He wants to get to know him and I'm not sure if I should let him.'

Vi nodded thoughtfully. 'I see.'

'Do you know anything about him?' Dee asked. 'Please, if you do, just say so. It will save me the hassle of going through the whole sorry saga.'

Vi frowned. 'I did hear something a long time ago. You lived abroad with him, split up and then you came home alone, is that right?'

'Not quite alone.' Dee smiled. 'It was a bit more gruesome than that, I'm afraid. Neil had taken to gambling and when I couldn't take it any more and told him I was leaving, he decided to leave first, taking my money and some jewellery with him.'

'That's disgraceful!'

Dee nodded. 'It was a shock to say the least. Luckily, I was able to pay for my flight home with my credit card and I still had my house to come back to. I thought I could probably still go to college if I worked nights and weekends. I wasn't afraid of hard work as I'd had more than three years of doing nothing.'

'And then you found out about Sam,' Vi surmised.

'Yes. What a shock that was, although it turned out to be a blessing. I'll be honest, though, they were tough times but I was lucky. I had Lisa who was so kind to me and even my Aunt Pauline was supportive when she finally got over the shock.'

Vi frowned. 'And I suppose you had Peggy too, your mother's cousin?'

Dee sighed and shook her head. 'No, not at first. You see, Peggy isn't my mother's cousin.'

'Oh, I must have got it wrong.' Vi laughed. 'I do that a lot these days.'

'No, you got it right. That's what I told everyone.'

Again, Vi waited silently for Dee to explain, leaning over to top up her glass.

'Peggy is Sam's grandmother.'

Vi's eyes widened but she said nothing.

'To cut a long story short, she found out about the baby and wan ted to be a part of his life. I agreed as long as she promised never to tell Neil – that's Sam's father.'

'I can understand that you were angry with him, he behaved abominably.'

'It was more than that, Vi. He had become addicted to gambling. That's why we split up and that's why he robbed from me. He couldn't think beyond his next bet; it was always going to be the one that would make him rich and, of course, then he would promise it would be his last. I decided that if he ever did show up again, I would never let him be a part of Sam's life. I knew I couldn't rely on him. Not only would he be in and out of the picture but he'd probably end up stealing from the child's piggy-bank.'

Vi sighed. 'I'm sure you're right; addiction is a terrible thing.'

Dee nodded. 'And even if Sam didn't have a father at least he had Peggy. It didn't seem to be important that he didn't know exactly who she was. He loved her and she loved him and that's all that mattered.'

'But now he may find out the truth.'

'Exactly. If I agree to Neil meeting him he will find out that I've lied to him and then what's he going to think? And not only have I lied to him but Peggy has, too. How is that going to make him feel?' She closed her eyes briefly as she felt the tears welling.

'Has he changed?' Vi asked softly, reaching over to top up Dee's glass again.

'Oh, don't! I'll never be able to get up in the morning.'

'I'll make you some tea before you leave,' Vi promised. 'So, Neil, has he changed?'

Dee rested her cheek against the cushion and stared into the fire. 'That's the six-million-dollar question, isn't it? He says he has. He's got a successful business in Spain – or so he tells me – he drives a big car and he's being very reasonable, understanding and patient.'

'But you don't trust him.'

'How can I?' Dee wailed. 'What if I do introduce him to Sam and in six months or a year he disappears and we never see him again? Or what if Neil really is successful and rich and decides to seek custody? Or worse, maybe he'll just snatch Sam and I'll never see him again!'

By now tears were streaming down Dee's cheeks and Vi put down her drink so she could reach across and take her hands. 'Oh, darling, please don't upset yourself. That is not going to happen.'

Dee shook her head. 'You don't know that. Oh, God, Vi, I've gone through every scenario possible in my head and I don't see any way that this can work out without either Sam or me getting hurt.' She took a tissue from her bag, mopped up her tears and blew her nose.

'Tell me about Neil,' Vi said gently when Dee had calmed herself. 'Tell me about the boy you fell in love with.'

Dee smiled slightly. 'I couldn't believe he was even interested in me. I was a bit of a mouse, whereas he was funny and popular and older.'

'Where did you meet?'

'Lisa dragged me along to this charity dinner dance in town with the soul aim of finding a man. She fancied Neil's friend and so the four of us ended up spending the evening together. As it turned out, their relationship came to nothing but Neil and I clicked straight away. Aunty Pauline didn't approve of my having anything to do with boys before I finished my exams so we used to meet up at his place or in town or sometimes he'd come over to Banford and we'd hang out in Lisa's house.'

'And you were happy.'

Dee nodded. 'Yes. He made me feel very special and right from the start I felt I could tell him almost anything. He didn't like Pauline at all, thought she was a right old dragon and he gave out about Dad neglecting me. Neil said he was spending all of his time grieving for his dead wife instead of making the most of his time with his daughter who was still very much alive. I used to tell him to shut up and leave him alone but at the same time I liked the fact that he felt that way.'

'It sounds like he cared about you.'

Dee nodded. 'I really think he did. He worked for his uncle in a clothes shop and hated every minute of it and he just wanted to take time out and go and see the world. He talked of nothing else and I was terrified of losing him.' Dee paused to blow her nose again. 'And then Daddy died. It was shortly after I left school. He went to work as usual and I got a call to say he'd been taken ill and was in hospital. By the time Pauline and I got there he was already dead.'

'Heart attack?'

Dee nodded.

'You poor thing, that must have been such a shock. You were what, seventeen?'

'Eighteen. I was shocked, I suppose, but not desperately upset, not the way I was when my mother died. That sounds terrible, doesn't it?'

Vi shook her head. 'Not at all. You probably weren't as close to him as you were to your mother.'

'I wasn't, and we seemed to grow even further apart after she died.' She paused to take a drink and when she spoke again her voice was steadier. 'The day we buried him, Neil asked me to go away with him. I didn't hesitate.'

'Your aunt must have been furious.'

'Apoplectic. We had a huge argument and she called me a lot of really horrible names.'

'But you made up?'

Dee shook her head. 'No. We left for the States the following December and she still hadn't talked to me. Then when I returned home, pregnant, she was even more disgusted. It was only when Sam was born that we finally buried the hatchet.'

'So you went to America,' Vi said, taking her back to her story.

'Yes. Dad had left me some money, it was supposed to be to put me through university but because I had turned eighteen, the solicitor said it was up to me what I did with the money. I had always intended to return to my studies the following year. I thought we'd be away for six months tops and then I'd come home and start my new life. It was actually three years and four months, in the end, before I stepped on Irish soil again.'

Vi's eyes widened. 'My goodness! And were you travelling all of that time?'

'Pretty much. We slowed down a bit towards the end, spent about six weeks in Morocco and nearly two months in Greece. That's where we finally broke up. We had actually been getting on quite well just before it happened. I had been ill and Neil was always at his best when I was low; very kind and attentive. Anyway, this night I sent him off to get something to eat and when I woke hours later, he still wasn't back. I went looking for him and finally tracked him down to this town square where he was betting on a cock fight.' She shuddered, remembering. 'I'll spare you the details but I'd never seen anything so disgusting, nor have I since. Anyway, it was clear that it didn't disgust him; he was enjoying every second. I knew then that I'd have to leave him.'