It's a Green Thing (20 page)

Sure, I realize as I write this tonight that I still need to figure out this thing with Dominic. But I am convinced that God will guide me through that too. And to be honest, with all that's been going on with my dad's visit and the concert and everything, we haven't had a chance to fall into the big make-out-session trap
lately. Still, he has asked me out tomorrow night. And who knows where that might go.

Dominic and I had a fight at youth group tonight. Well, not right in the middle of youth group—that would be embarrassing. But out in the parking lot. And I suppose the fight actually started last night. We went out on Friday. Instead of the usual movie, Dominic took me to jazz in the park again, which was a relief. It was after eight by the time we got there, but we listened awhile and danced, and then Dominic wanted to take a walk. I suppose that should've clued me. At first we just strolled along, enjoying the evening and the sounds of the music in the distance. Dominic was saying lots of sweet things like “I've never known a girl like you, Maya.” The next thing I knew, we were embracing, sort of swaying to the music, and then we were kissing. And it kept getting more and more intense until I finally pulled away from him and yelled, “Stop it!”

Naturally, that hurt his feelings. We walked back to our cars without speaking. Fortunately, I had driven to the park after work to meet him. So, after a crisp “good night,” I got in my car and drove home. And I was mad. Okay, I was mad and confused.

When I met with Caitlin this morning, I dumped the whole story on her. She gave me that look, like she wanted to say, “I told you so,” but fortunately she didn't.

“I'm sorry” was all she said.

“So it seems you were right to warn me.” I frowned down at my empty coffee cup. “But what do I do now?”

She kind of laughed. “I can't tell you what to do, Maya. You need to listen to God, to think for yourself. And yes, of course you should weigh the things I've told you. But I'm not your conscience.”

“I know.”

She reached for my notebook and wrote down some more Bible verses. “You can read these when you get home. And then pray about it. I'm sure God will lead you.”

So to change the subject, I told her about forgiving Brooke. “I can't believe how great it felt to unload that. It was like I'd been wearing a lead overcoat, and I took it off and was able to run free.”

She nodded. “Forgiveness is like that. Holding back on it really weighs you down.”

“And comes between you and God.” I thought about the situation with Dominic again. “Sort of like when things go too far with Dominic. It's like I feel this heaviness on me again.”

“I know exactly what you mean. Kind of like you picked up a load that's much too heavy for you to carry.”

“Exactly.”

“And God knows that. I think that's why He wants us to wait until marriage for sex. He knows that it will weigh us down and distract us from Him—and those are only a couple of reasons.”

I nodded. “When my dad was here, we had a pretty cool talk. He told me how proud he was of me.”

“He should be.”

“But then I realized how much I don't want to let him down.”

“Or yourself.”

“Right. And I don't want to let down my uncle or Kim either.” I paused to really consider my words. “It's like having a family around makes you want to be more responsible—not just for yourself but for them as well.”

“Most people don't get that until they're older than you,” she said. “Kids are usually in college before they start to make choices out of concern for their loved ones.”

“Well, I've been hurt enough by my mom's choices… I guess I don't want to be like her.”

“I don't think you need to worry about it.”

So when Dominic didn't call today, I decided to drive to youth group on my own. I would've given Kim a ride, but she had to attend a recital for some of her music students. As I drove to the church, I was miffed that Dominic had made no attempt to call. Because I really felt he owed me an apology. So I decided that if he was at youth group, I would give him the cold shoulder. Just a subtle hint. And when I saw him, that's exactly what I did.

Then as soon as youth group ended, I took off to my car. But he came chasing after me.

“What is wrong with you?” he demanded.

“Me?”

“Yes. Why are you being like this?”

“Like what?” Okay, I knew that sounded pretty stupid.

“Like you suddenly hate me.”

I put my hands on my hips and just stared at him. “I can't believe you don't know the answer to that, Dominic.”

“What?” But even as he said this, he glanced off to the side, like he was uncomfortable.

“The park. Last night. And other times. I just think it's wrong that we get so…well…so physical.”

“Why?”

Okay, I have to admit that when he said this, he seemed sincere. Like I really was blindsiding him with this little news flash.

“Why?” I repeated, trying to get my footing. “You think it's okay to act like that? Aren't you a Christian, Dominic?”

He nodded. “Of course. You know I am. But do you think that Christians don't have those, well, you know…those kinds of feelings? You think that Christians aren't passionate?”

“That's not what I'm saying.”

“What then?” Now his face softened, and he moved closer, and I could tell he was thinking about putting his arm around me. But I pushed him away.

“See!” I pointed at him. “All you want to do is make out and get carried away, and who knows where it will get us?”

Then he laughed. And that really ticked me off.

“You think it's funny?”

“Kind of. What are you afraid of, Maya? Do you think you won't be able to control yourself?”

I punched him in the chest. Okay, not hard. But I wanted to. And again he just laughed.

“I really don't think this is funny.”

“But you do seem to be blowing it out of proportion.” He lowered his voice. “I think we just need to talk about it, Maya, to work it out. I'm sure we can—”

“No! I don't think so.”

“So what are you saying?”

“I'm saying we need to break up.”

Now he looked truly crushed. “Break up?”

I nodded, feeling tears coming. Because the truth is, I really do like Dominic. He's the nicest guy I know. Well, except for this.

“Why?”

“Because it's wrong. I can feel it's wrong. And I talked to Caitlin this morning, and she—”

“You told Caitlin about us?”

“Yes. She's mentoring me. I tell her everything.”

Now he looked miffed.

“And maybe you need to talk to Josh,” I shot at him. “I mean, you sit up there with him every Saturday night, leading worship with him and even sharing Bible verses and acting like Mr. Perfect Christian, but—”

“I don't act like Mr. Perfect Christian!”

“Okay, maybe that was unfair. But you put out an image, Dominic. And I'm sure some of the youth group kids would be a little shocked to see how you are, well, when no one is looking.”

“You know what I think, Maya?” He sounded mad now.

“What?”

“I think you've decided that you're too good for me.”

“That is so not true.”

“All your celebrity and publicity are going to your head, and you are—”

“You are so full of it, Dominic Walsh!” And then I got into my car and drove away. I wanted to put the pedal to the metal and step on it, but I had some self-control. Why give him the pleasure of seeing that he'd made me lose it? Why waste the gas?

I
t's been a week since the big fight. Dominic hasn't called, and I'm not calling him. And here's the thing: while I do miss him, I feel relieved not to have to deal with that right now. It was a lot of pressure. And my life has had too much pressure these past few years. I'm happy to take a break from it. But still, I do miss him.

“I just don't get it,” Marissa told me yesterday. She'd popped in for lunch, and shortly after we sat down, I told her about my decision to break up. “I mean Dominic is one of the few great guys. Why are you blowing him off like this?”

Naturally, I wished I hadn't opened my mouth. “You're right,” I said. “You
don't
get it.”

“You mean it's a Christian thing?” she teased. “Or maybe it's a green thing… Did Dominic forget to recycle something important?”

I kind of laughed, then decided to change the subject. “So how goes the community service?”

She frowned. “Don't ask.”

“Why?” I grinned at her. “I gave you the dirt on my life. You can at least do the same.”

“Fine.” She made a face. “I've been scrubbing public toilets all week. Are you happy now?”

Okay, I had to control myself not to laugh. Instead, I took a bite of my bean burrito and nodded as if I were extremely sympathetic.

“Have you ever seen how filthy a county-park bathroom can get by mid-August when the temperature's been in the nineties for a couple of weeks?” She made an even worse face.

I considered this. “I'm not sure, but I'd probably try to avoid them.”

“Seriously disgusting. Disturbingly nasty. Frighteningly foul. Do you want to hear what I found in one of the stalls yesterday?”

“Thanks anyway, but I'm trying to eat here.” I nodded to my lunch.

“Yeah, me too. But you brought it up.”

That's when I looked at her clothes and her hands. “You did wash up before lunch, didn't you?”

She smirked at me. “Don't worry. They make us wear latex gloves and these hideous jumpsuits over our clothes. But thanks for asking.”

“So how long will you be on potty detail?”

“Until the end of the month.” She groaned. “If I don't kill myself first.”

“I'm sorry.”

“You and me both.”

“But does it make you want to rethink your life?”

She shook her head stubbornly and popped a fry into her mouth. “Nope.”

“Not even a little?”

“The only thing it makes me want is to have fun when the working's done.” She grinned. “Not bad, huh?”

I let out an exasperated sigh.

“Oh, come on,” she said. “You wouldn't deny a poor working girl the chance to cut loose and have some fun after a long week of scrubbing crud.”

“There's nothing wrong with having fun,” I told her. “Why don't you and I do something fun together?”

“Cool. Wanna come to the lake party with me tomorrow night?”

“That's not my idea of fun.”

She feigned surprise. “Really?”

I just sipped my soda. Was there any way to reach this girl?

“Well, it's
my
idea of fun. And honestly, Maya, I don't see how you can judge me when you refuse to even give it a try.”

“I could say the same of you. Why don't you give my kind of fun a try?”

“I have.” She patted her mouth in a pretense of a yawn. “And it's boring. Besides, I think you just want me to hang with you so you don't feel bad about breaking up with Dominic.”

And suddenly we were talking about that again. But there was no way I could make Marissa understand why I had done what I had done. And to be honest, by the time she finished with
me, I was almost beginning to question it myself. Fortunately I am scheduled to meet with Caitlin tomorrow.

“I heard you and Dominic had quite a fight last weekend.” We'd barely sat down with our coffees before Caitlin cut right to the chase.

“How'd you hear that?”

She shrugged. “It's youth group, Maya. What do you think?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I should've known. Just the same, I'm not sorry.” Then I filled her in on some of the details just in case the eavesdroppers didn't get it right.

“How did Dominic take it?”

“He actually accused me of thinking I was too good for him.”

She kind of smiled. “That sounds familiar.”

“Familiar?”

“It's a guy's way of protecting himself. Blame it on the girl. Josh did the same thing with me back in high school. Before he came around.”

“But how did he come around? I mean, I realize he went to Bible college, but what about before that?”

“It took a while. But here's an idea.”

“What?”

“I'll ask Josh to have a chat with him.”

“But I don't want it to—”

“Josh won't mention our conversation, Maya. But since
Dominic is helping with worship and he and Josh get along, maybe Josh needs to spend more time with him.”

“Kind of like you do with me?”