It Was You (10 page)

After dinner is finished, I help Justice clean up while the kids run upstairs to play. Jaron heads outside with Justice's husband, Kris, to tend to some last minute chores. "So how do the two of you know each other?" she asks while loading the dishwasher. I sit on the barstool and watch, feeling guilty I have nothing to do to help her clean, but everything is already picked up and put away.

"Um, Jamison was having a party I attended, and he helped me get a tick out of my arm."

Justice flashes a smile at me and it resembles Jaron's tremendously. "So he's still partying? Jaron I mean, not Jamison. I know he hasn't stopped."

"No, he actually keeps completely to himself. I didn't even know he existed until I snuck into the house to use the bathroom," I admit. "He got worried that I'd upset his dad, but then he saw the tick and helped anyways. I ran into him the next day and I don't know, I guess we randomly became friends."

She closes the dishwasher door and presses a button to start it, then leans back against the opposite counter, folding her arms while she looks me over. "He's going to kill me for giving you the fifth degree, you know."

"That's fine, nothing seems to make him completely happy."

"You make him happy," she says confidentially. I wish I had that much confidence in the situation.

Shaking my head, I tell her, "That isn't true. We're only friends."

"That may be so but I know my brother. He doesn't let people in. He's all about family but not a thing more."

"I've noticed. Why is that?"

The look on her face lets me know before she says a word that it isn't her story to tell, which I should have assumed. "He'll tell you when he's ready. When are y'all heading back?"

"He said tomorrow, after he helps Kris with some chores."

“Only one night?”

I shrug my shoulders. “It was all spur of the moment. He has to try to be back for Tuesday.”

Justice nods her head slowly, probably coming up with more questions in her head. After a second too long of an awkward silence, she starts back in. Now I see why her daughter asks so many questions. "So you know Jamison? Did you go to school with him or something?"

"Yeah."

"Did you just graduate, too, or?"

"Yeah," I answer again.

"Going to college? What are your plans?" Her smile doesn't disappear, so I'm sure she's enjoying this way more than me.

Although I have no idea how things will pan out once I get back home, seeing as I didn't clear the air with Kyler yet, I'm going to go ahead and assume I'm now
free
to do as I please- as in not marrying Kyler, and being allowed to go to college. That is, if he doesn't try to ruin my life more than he already has. So I go ahead with what my plans are, rather than what Kyler had planned for me. "I'll be attending A&M in Galveston in the fall." I can't help but beam at that statement, although I don't brag about much of anything in my life, that is one thing I'm undoubtedly proud of, and always will be.

"Awesome. I've been a million places but Texas isn't one of them. What are you going for?"

"To be a marine biologist."

"Wow," Justice says, truly amazed. "I wish I had the guts to do something like that."

Looking around her kitchen and all the incredible things she has, I give her a sour look. "I wouldn't change a thing in your life."

Her smile is smaller when I look back towards her. "Not everyone's world is black and white." There is so much truth to her statement but I let the words fade away into the distance. With a clearing of her throat, she gets back on her feet to walk towards the hallway. "I need to go get the kids ready for bed. Do you want a change of clothes for the night?"

"I couldn't-"

"Stop right there. You're not imposing, not in my home. I'll show you the way to the bathroom and you can shower and change into something more comfortable. I even have a spare toothbrush you can have." She doesn't look at me while she politely gives me orders. I follow after her up the staircase that I've only ever seen in movies- almost as stunning as the one in the movie Clueless.

After Justice has everything set out for me in the bathroom, linens and all, she leaves me be. I turn on the hot water, waiting for it to become the right temperature, then climb in, allowing the water to cascade down over me. It feels amazing to be in a shower after all this time. My hair was a catastrophe and my body I'm sure smelt repulsive.

I take a few minutes longer than I normally would have, enjoying hygiene products purchased from a salon rather than Budget Barn. I climb out, trying not to drip water anywhere on the floor because their home is too immaculate. I'd hate to make a mess of anything anywhere.

Justice must be a little heavier than me, not that she looks it, but because her sweatpants and tank top are loose on me. Just the way I like them to fit actually. Once my hair is combed through, my teeth are brushed, and I use one of the sample sized deodorants she gave me, I feel like a whole new person. I’m comfortable and... gratified.

As I reach for the door to open it a knock sounds on the wood. I pull it open and smirk when Jaron peaks in at me, pretending to cover his eyes with his hands. He peeks through his fingers, showing a hint of a smile himself. "All set? I'm not trying to rush you."

"I just finished up actually."

"I'm going to shower too, if you don't mind."

"Of course not," I tell him. Not sure why I would.

Opening the door wider, he walks in and tosses down some clothes in front of the tub and reaches into the closet to get linens of his own. "Do you mind sharing a room again, or would you rather I sleep in the living room?"

"Um..." I bite down on my lip not wanting to be honest about sharing a room. I
don't
want to share a bed, that'd be too awkward, but I'd rather not sleep in this strange house alone.

He seems to read my mind when he slightly nods. "There is a pull out bed in the guest room. I'll let Justice know, unless you want to. She is down the hall to the left, tucking the kids in."

"Thanks," I mumble, walking off.

I hear him yell after me, "I told you to stop thanking me."

Still biting down on my lip, my mouth spreads into a full blown smile. He needs to stop making me feel this way.

The room is dark, merely lit by the moon in the sky splayed across the bedroom floor. The grandfather clock down the hall dings, echoing inside the empty surrounding. With a deep sigh, I look through the giant picture window at the starlit sky. As a child I loved looking up to the moon when my father was away- I would hope he was staring at the moon the same time as me. That way we could be connected even with all the distance between us. Then when he passed, I'd stare at it even longer each night, hoping that
he
was the man in the moon I heard people so often talking about.

As I grew up, I realized that was all simply a tall tale, and my security slowly died out.

I haven't felt that comfort since I was ten, but being surrounded by Jaron gives me a similar feeling. I wish he wouldn't, but I'm thankful he does.

He coughs followed by a clearing of his throat. Twisting my head around to face the pullout bed, I see that he, too, is staring out the window. "I didn't realize you were awake," I whisper loudly.

He focuses on me instead of the window and from the glare of the moon I'm almost certain he has tears in his eyes. With another clearing of his throat he whispers back, "Why are you?"

"I can't sleep," giving him the most apparent of answers.

"Obviously." I hear a slight chuckle in his voice. Maybe he wasn't crying after all. "But why?"

Peaking back over the windows, the moon starts to become covered by a heavy, gray cloud. "Was looking at the moon."

"The moon?"

"Yeah, it... helps."

"Helps with what?"

"I thought we weren't getting into all these questions," I tell him, looking at him once more. He is now looking up to the ceiling rather than in my direction. It's hard to see his expression being in the darker corner of the room. "Why are you awake?" I ask when he doesn't say anything to my last response.

He stirs a little in his bed then without an answer he climbs out and walks over to mine. He is in a pair of loose shorts but he may as well be naked with how it makes me feel seeing him this way, especially with the light shining in, giving him a glow of shadows in all the right places. "What are you doing?" I quickly spit out when he pulls back the blanket covering me.

Without so much as a word he climbs into bed with me but doesn't touch me. Pulling the blanket back up, he curls onto his side and looks out the window once more, smiling this time. I continue to stare at him, only inches from his face, mesmerized about everything that is Jaron Spilner.

After a few seconds his face moves from the moon to my eyes, and this time I'm certain there are tears in his eyes.

"Tell me your secrets," I whisper.

His lips slowly grow into the saddest smile I’ve ever seen, completely contradicting itself. "You don't want to hear them, Ravyn."

"Why don't you let me decide that?"

"Why did you stay with Kyler for so long?"

"Don't change the subject."

"I'm not," he tries to convince me. "I want you to answer me, in the least amount of words as possible, why did you stay with him for so long."

"I... I don't think I know." I can't think of a valid reason behind it now that I'm away from him, but while I was with him, I could think of a hundred excuses as to why I stayed. Mainly out of fear, as ridiculous as that sounds. Since it
does
sound pathetic, I avoid saying it to Jaron. He understands a lot, but I don't think he'd understand that reasoning.

Except that he answers it for me. "You were scared to be with him, but terrified to walk away." His statement is so bold and honest, and I don't have to say yes for the two of us to both know that is exactly why. He continues to speak without missing a beat. "My secret is the same, except backwards."

"You're scared to walk away but even more scared to stay?"

"Exactly."

It doesn't make sense to me at all. I wish he'd tell me.

Becoming frustrated with his hidden secrets, I roll over so I don't face him any longer. After a few minutes, his arm hooks around me, holding me ever so softly. I hate that I find bliss in it, I hate that I want him to hold me even tighter.

Seconds before drifting off to sleep, I hear him whisper with emotion laced deep in his throat, "I'm so sorry."

*--*--*

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" The adorable little voice echoes in my ears.

Rubbing the tiredness out of my eyes, I spot a dark haired little girl inches from my face, smiling ear to ear with excitement. "She's awake!" she yells even louder.

Her brother comes into view behind her, nervously grinning as well. "Hi," he peeps.

"Morning," I tirelessly grumble to the two of them.

"You two, get on out of here. Go eat your breakfast!" Their mom scolds. The two little munchkins widen their eyes then scurry off on out of the room. I peak over to the door where Justice smiles in at me. "Sorry about that, I told them not to wake you."

"It's fine," I tell her. "I needed to wake up anyways."

With a sincere smile, she lets me know there is coffee, then follows them down the hall.

Stretching my body out I realize that I'm alone in the bed. Last night surfaces to my mind. Jaron wrapped his arms around me so snug that I felt comfort in more ways than I had ever known. It wasn't comfort in the sense of psychical form, but in the sense of feeling secure. Adored. Treasured.

Loved.

Tears surface at the thought of someone actually loving me. It's been years since I felt anything that strong and demanding- ever since my dad. In fact, this is so much more than what he gave to me.

My body swarms with hope. Hope that this in fact will become
something
. I don't need romance and flowers, nor do I need a boyfriend at my beck and call. My only request is that he'll whole heartedly love me for me, and he'll show it.

When I first met Jaron he had awoken something in me, something I hadn't known existed, and with each day together I'm finding a new piece of me. He was a heaven sent miracle. I know our time is short though, and that thought alone makes my heart constrict. Even when we make it back home, I'm only here for the summer. That is, unless Kyler still remains to have some hold over me- and if that is the case, then I really don't have Jaron at all.

He's slipping out of my hands before he's even mine.

Standing from the bed, I shake the thoughts out of my mind before making my way downstairs to the kitchen. Justice is there completely ready for the day- showered, hair, makeup. The works. I don't know how she does any of it. I slip onto the barstool and listen to the kids talk about superheroes at the kitchen table. Justice places a mug in front of me filled with liquid gold. "Not sure what you want in it," she says before placing the sugar and creamer on the counter too.

"Thank you."

Taking a few sips of coffee, I look out through the large doors. It's a beautiful day out already and it's not even nine in the morning. "Is Jaron helping Kris out?" I remember him mentioning that he was going to this morning.

"Yeah, but I don't think for much longer."

"How long has he been gone for?"

"Oh, I believe they left around four."

I nearly choke on my coffee. Poor Jaron got hardly any sleep that means. "This morning?" Although I know the answer already, I still have to ask to confirm that he was up that early to go out working. I guess it's been a long time since I was surrounded by people that actually got up before the dawn to earn their family money.

With a small laugh, she confirms it was indeed this morning.

"Momma, I wanna go to the fair," Alexia claims loudly.

"Fair!" Austin screams.

With a sigh, Justice leans against the counter and nods her head. "Yeah, yeah, later though."

"Let's go get ready!" Alexia tells her brother loudly, and together they run off.

Their mom tries tell them it's going to be a few hours but they don't listen, they're too excited.

"Isn't it early for fair season?" I ask. I'm not sure how it is here, but I thought it was usually closer to fall for most states. What do I know though, this is my first time leaving Nebraska.

"It's not a fair," she informs me. "It's this stupid ring ding of a carnival that isn't really trustworthy, but the kids love going and I figure I may as well bring them when it does come to town. You and Jaron should join us." She perks up when she mentions that. I have a feeling she really misses her brother, they must not see each other often.

              Shrugging my shoulders, I tell her it's up to Jaron. She nods understanding, then sips her own coffee. A silence falls over the home around us. You can't even hear the kids. Placing her mug down, she reaches into one of the cupboards and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. "Don't judge me," she says earnestly, adding a little humor to her voice. "I need one once in a while."

"No judgment from me."

With a smile she says, "Good." Then heads to the back porch. "Do you want to join me?"

Since I'm used to the smell anyways, I hop from the stool. "Sure," I tell her.

There is a large swing on the porch with a glass table in front of it. She sits on the large benched swing and throws her legs onto the table, relaxing. Maybe she doesn't enjoy being the perfect house mother after all, but she had me damn near fooled. Her life is exactly how I wish mine would turn out, I don't understand her unnecessary stress.

Taking a long pull of her cigarette, she blows out the smoke and closes her eyes, relaxing into the cushion behind her. "I'm sorry," she murmurs. "I don't like the habit, but I need these moments once in a while, and I figure it’s better than being drunk on wine all day long."

"You seem really stressed," I mention out loud. It's not my business and I won't push for it, but I want her to know I'm here to listen. It's not like I'll ever tell anyone and I probably won't ever see her again anyways.

Peeking one eye open she looks at me, like I stated the obvious. Closing it once more she nods her head. "Who isn't stressed in life?"

"Touché."

A loud roar of a big truck’s engine echoes from the other side of the house. Justice perks up quickly, pushing her cigarette into the wood below our feet, then she places the butt into her package before walking into the house, not saying a word. I follow slowly after her, and spot as she hides the pack back in the cupboard then washes her hands. It amazes me to see her try to hide something that isn't even bad. Would her husband truly hate her for smoking a cigarette now and again?

Again, not my business, I remind myself.

She starts to head to the front door when she seems to realize I'm standing there. "Please don't say anything to Jaron either," she asks.

"I won't, I promise."

With a deep breath she continues to the front door, welcoming her husband as he walks through. Jaron follows in behind him, covered in some kind of oil. The smell hits my nose hard and reminds me of my dad. He came home smelling of oil often, because of that I love that smell. It almost hurts my heart to smell it so strongly though, making some memories play in my head like a home video.

Justice takes their boots, placing them in the closet next to the entrance, then holds out her hands for their shirts to get washed. The gestures are somewhat sweet but remind me of my mom and Bruce. It's as if she's required to do all this for him, and he's gotten so used to it he doesn't appreciate what she does for him anymore. I suppose even in the best of relationships the appreciation stops. It makes me sad to think of.

Jaron walks over, shirtless and sweaty. The dirt on his face actually looks incredible against the white of his smile. Biting down on my lip, I hold my own smile back. "Have a good morning?" I ask, not sure what else to say to him.

I think it only adds to his smirk. "It was tiresome but felt good to get out before the heat hit. I'm going to jump in the shower if you don't mind."

"Of course not," I tell him.

He walks past me, bumping into me slightly when he passes but I'm not certain why. Either way, the smell of him hits a lot of sensations of mine.

"We're heading to the carnival later," Justice tells him. "Want to join? The kids would love it."

He peaks over his shoulder, first at his sister then at me. "Want to go?"

"Oh, um, yeah, sure." It shouldn't be up to me. He is in control of this little adventure, not me. A carnival sounds fun though, I can’t remember the last time I went to one. It had to be when Dad was still alive.

With a chuckle he looks back at his sister. "Sure. Mind if I eat first?"

"Yeah, I was planning on doing a lunch in about an hour. We can head out after that if y'all want?"

"Sounds good to me," Jaron tells her then heads up the stairs, taking two steps at a time.