It Had To Be You (6 page)

Two more parents cited behavior problems.
Three, remoteness. One, night terrors.

One mother, a former army lieutenant, said,
“My kid’s eleven. He…steals. He doesn’t need to. We have plenty of
material things and he gets an allowance. No one can figure out how
to stop it.”

After the survey of the room was completed,
Harrison’s face grew grave. “I’m going to say something, but before
I do, I want you to know that this isn’t a statement of blame. I’d
like to see a nod from everyone that you’ll try to view what I have
to say without judging.”

Nods all around. Next to her, Lela felt
Beck’s body stiffen. She had the urge to touch his arm in comfort
but refrained.

Harrison continued. “There’s some research
that says when a parent has PTSD, a child sometimes
gets
it
.
By that, I mean he or she will exhibit the same symptoms
as the parent.”

Lela gasped and all eyes turn to her. “Oh,
God, no. This is my fault for living with Len so long?”

“
Lela, I said, no blame.” Jack’s voice
was stern.

Still, her eyes welled and she looked down.
She couldn’t dam up the overwhelming feeling of responsibility that
swamped her. She felt something—Beck’s arm—circle around her. She
didn’t realize she was crying until he tugged her to him; clutching
his shirt, she sobbed into it. Her boy had gotten PTSD—or at least
exhibited some of the symptoms—from Len because Lela had stayed
with him long after she knew he wasn’t well.

A while later, she calmed and drew away from
Beck.

“
Feel better?” he asked
softly.

She nodded. Embarrassed, she glanced around
and saw everyone watching her.

“
I wish I could cry like that,” one of
the former soldiers admitted. “I got a lot to bawl about,
too.”

His comment made it easier on Lela for not
being able to control herself.

Harrison ran a hand through his hair. “All
right, so much for my warning. Let’s tackle the topic of guilt
first.”

o0o

When the meeting broke up, Beck was waylaid
by the firefighter, Paul. “Hey, Beck, just wanted to say hi. You
leave the main group sessions as soon as they’re over.”

He gave the man a weak smile. “Yeah, I’m
bummed after them. You?”

Nodding, the guy shoved his hands in his
jeans pockets. “I hate this. I’ve always been the strong one. Now I
feel like a wounded puppy.”

“
This condition levels us. I hate it’s
got that power.”

From the corner of his eye, Beck saw Jack
Harrison had pulled Lela aside. Man, when she’d started crying, it
had called forth every protective instinct he possessed. He’d put
an arm around her in a reflex action he couldn’t say he regretted.
She felt warm and womanly. Her hair smelled like lilacs.

Beck let Paul talk, listened and kept an eye
on her. When Paul noticed, he said, “You two friends?”

“
Um, no. I met her in the
group.”

“
Huh. She sure is pretty.”

Beck had noticed the tan jeans that fit her
well and a loose, striped top that highlighted her coloring. “Yes,
she is.” When she finished talking with Jack, he said to Paul,
“Let’s get together for a beer sometime. I want to talk to Lela
before she leaves.”

She didn’t leave. Instead, she approached him
with a smile and he introduced her to Paul.

“
Can I talk to you a minute?” she asked
Beck.

When he studied her closely and saw her red
eyes, his gut clenched. “Sure. Call me about the beer, Paul.” He
drew her away. “You okay?”

“
Yeah. Sorry I blubbered all over you.”
She bit her lip, and the small show of vulnerability did something
to his insides.

His smile was genuine. “I’ve been blubbered
over before.”

“
Well, I don’t blubber over anything.
Never did. A nurse, an army medic has to be tough.”

Somebody bumped into her and sloshed the
water she held. Little droplets splattered on his shirt. He glanced
around. “Listen, would you like to go get coffee with me?”

Her eyes widened. Then she glanced at her
watch. “I’ve got another ninety minutes with the babysitter. I was
planning to go grocery shopping.”

Wondering why he’d made the offer, he just
stared at her.

“
Sure,” Lela finally said, “My treat,
though. For blubbering.”

They arrived at the same time at a coffee
shop down the road from the academy. When he gave her his
order—decaf because of his sleep problems—he snagged a table and
sat facing the door. Idly, he wondered if he’d get over the need to
be ever-vigilant?

“
Here you go.” She sat. In this light,
the wine color of her shirt highlighted the red of her hair. Deep
red. Auburn, he thought somebody had called it once.

“
That was quite a session, wasn’t it?”
she asked.

“
Yeah. It kills me to hear my kid is
reacting to me being sick.”

“
I like that you say that out loud. Len
would never even admit there was something wrong. I stayed with him
too long, living in denial.”

Reaching across the table, he squeezed her
hand. “I understand. I feel horrible that I, you know, sort of gave
this to Tommy, too.” He shook his head, seeing the perpetually glum
face of his boy. “It’s so ironic. In trying to protect my kid, I
did more damage. I should have left earlier, too.” He trailed
off.

“
We make a pair.”

Leaning back in the chair, he crossed a leg
over his knee. “Tell me something good about Len. I only hear the
bad stuff from everybody in the group about guys like me.”

She sipped her coffee, thinking. “We met in
the army. I was a medic and he was a supply officer for our
outpost. We were together after only a few weeks. Things happen
fast over there.”

“
Yeah, I know.”

“
After about a month, he remarked that
he’d never seen me in anything but army green and combat boots.
When I told the other women that, they put together an outfit.” She
smiled, and for some God forsaken reason, Beck was jealous of Len
Allen. “It was a simple, flowing, white skirt and dark top, which
was”—here she blushed—”a little tight. They did my hair, scrounged
for makeup, put ballet slippers on my feet. Len’s mouth fell open
when he saw me.” As if from far away, she said, “That was the first
night we slept together.”

“
Lucky Len.”

She sighed. “Tell me something nice
about…Patty, is it?”

“
Yeah. She was a saint when I got back.
I couldn’t sleep—still have that problem—and she stayed up with me,
held me after I woke her up with my nightmares. She listened,
understood.”

“
What happened?”

“
She got tired of me not getting any
better. She met someone at work, didn’t cheat but told me about him
and said she wanted a separation. I agreed because she’d put up
with enough crap from me.”

“
I’m sorry you lost her.”

“
Yeah, me too.”

“
Beck, has Len ever contacted you? I
know you gave him your card.”

“
No.”

“
I’m not surprised. The first step to
recovery is admitting you have a problem. I really admire you for
seeking help.”

“
Don’t admire me too much. I was
required to come by the fire department.” Though he had gotten
counseling in the past.

“
No, you’re involved. Even when you
don’t say anything, I can tell how absorbed you are.”

So she’d been noticing him. At least he
wasn’t the only one…interested. “Thanks.”

She glanced at the clock. “Wow. I have to go
already. Time flew by.”

“
I’ll walk you to your car.”

“
I’m an army medic, Beck. Despite my
meltdown tonight, I’m made of stern stuff.”

“
I can tell.”

Still, he walked with her to her car. The
April night had turned cool and she tugged the sweater she’d put on
before she’d left tighter around her. The action accented her full
breasts, and for the first time in months, Beck felt his body stir.
Jesus, he’d been lamenting the loss of his libido, and now he got
juiced up by…the wife of a PTSD sufferer who just moments ago
admitted she shouldn’t have let her kid live with a man with the
condition. What an idiot Beck was!

He tried to control his reaction to her when
they reached her car, a sensible Civic hatchback. “Thanks for
inviting me out, Beck. It was fun.”

Her admission didn’t help his
circumstances
.

“
And thanks for sharing good memories
with me.”

“
We remember too much of the bad.” He
shook his head self-effacingly. “Said the guy with
PTSD.”

The quip made her laugh.

Then she shocked him by standing on her
tiptoes and kissing him on the cheek. “You’re a good guy, Beckett
Sloan. Try to remember that.”

He said good-night and watched the car pull
out of the parking lot. As he walked to his own vehicle, he was
startled—and dismayed—by how much he wanted to respond to the
friendly kiss, maybe grasp her to him, bury his face in that
lilac-smelling hair and forget all about reality. Jesus. This had
to happen with a woman in her circumstances? He’d ignore it, of
course, even though he knew the situation was going to come back to
bite him in the ass.

Because Beck rarely felt safe anymore—another
aftereffect of the war—he didn’t put himself in unfamiliar social
situations. But when Ryan O’Malley, Brody’s twin, got promoted to
lieutenant in the police department, Felicia had made a point of
inviting Beck to join them at Badges, the local firefighter and
police hangout, to celebrate. Beck had declined, but Felicia had
badgered him into coming. So now he sat with a dozen people at a
table in a small backroom that was paneled in cedar and sporting
big windows on three sides. Firefighter and police memorabilia
covered the walls, which Beck got a kick out of.

“
So, O’Malley, you gonna stop wearing
the uniform now?” The question came from Gabe as he lounged in his
chair, his arm circling his stunning wife—whose rounded belly
indicated she was about midway through her pregnancy. Every once in
a while, Rachel Wellington Malvaso would lay her head on his
shoulder in a tender gesture.

“
I’ll have to, for the most part.”
Reaching out, Ryan put his hand on Felicia’s knee. Beck still had
trouble seeing her so
girly
with her brown hair down and
sporting a pretty, light purple blouse. Ryan grinned. “Though Licia
said she wants to use it to play dress up in the
bedroom.”

“
In your dreams, pal.” Felicia made the
quip, but her expression was so loving it took any sting out of her
words. Beck had to quell a spurt of longing as he scanned the room
of happy couples.

Dressed in a short, gray skirt, which showed
off legs Beck didn’t know could be so long, Sydney started teasing
Brody about being a staid homeowner. Beck tried to relax and enjoy
the banter. Gabe interrupted it by saying, “Ah, there he is. I was
hoping you’d make it,
hombre.”

Beck craned his neck as Tony Ramirez entered
the room, his wife behind him.
“Hola, todos ustedes,”
Tony
said with a smile.

Beck was thinking about how the group
referred to them as the Beautiful People, when Sophia dragged
someone else out from behind her.

Ah! The woman who’d been occupying some of
Beck’s thoughts—and a couple of X-rated dreams—stood with her
friends. He’d never seen her in a dress before, and this one was
clingy and looked soft to the touch. It spiked his blood pressure.
He’d had contact with her at least twice a week at the support
group and a couple more times during a run to the hospital. But
he’d never seen her in such feminine clothes. He was reminded of
the story she’d told him about her husband having seen her only in
army wear.

“
Hi, guys,” Sophia said cheerfully. “I
talked my friend, Lela, into coming with me.”

Greats
and
more-the-merriers
abounded. Felicia’s brother, who’d flown in from Colorado to share
in his in-law’s success, stood. “Over here Lela. Take my chair.
I’ll get another.”

Nodding, she crossed to the man. The
attractive
man, who put his hand on the small of her back to
help seat her. Lela scanned the table, said hellos, and when her
gaze landed on Beck, gave him a big, bright smile that might be
able to eclipse the sun. It hit him square in the gut. “Hi, Beck. I
was hoping you’d be here.”

“
Yeah?”

“
You said you don’t get out much.” Her
eyes were alight. “Me, either, which is why I let Sophia talk me
into tagging along. I had a free night because Josh is with his
grandparents’.”

Garth White pulled up a chair, way too close
to Lela. “So, pretty lady, what do you do?”

“
I’m a nurse.”

Felicia added, “She was an army medic, too,
so she’s used to fending off characters like you, buddy.”

“
I do not need fending off.” He leaned
in closer. “Yet.”

Lela laughed as the waitress approached and
she gave an order for straight-up, double malt scotch. Beck’s brows
raised and she caught his reaction. “Well, you didn’t expect an
army gal to drink something with a little umbrella in it, did
you?”

“
No, ma’am. Though I bet you had some
of those mint-julep things down south.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Too sweet.”

“
You from the south?” Garth asked. “Say
something so I can hear the accent.”