It Had to Be Him (9 page)

He was deep in strategy mode when she slipped quietly next to him, leaning against his truck and crossing her arms too. “Pondering how to make your next million, Josh?”

The sight of her made his heart roll over in his chest. She’d pulled her hair up into a cute ponytail and she had on a little pink T-shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes. Her new, curvier hips were just a bonus. But she wouldn’t look him in the eye. Not a good sign. She was obviously still hurt and angry with him.

He couldn’t blame her.

He’d just up and left her when she’d been pregnant with their child. He didn’t deserve to be taken back, but he hoped to God he’d find a way to make her see how sorry he was for it.

“Nope. Those days are behind me. I was just thinking I was glad that helicopter has doors on it. That way you can’t tilt me out and be rid of me.”

“Zeke has a smaller helicopter like that. Too bad I didn’t think to borrow it. You ready?”

“Yep.” Maybe he shouldn’t be giving her any ideas.

He stood aside as Megan circled the helicopter, preparing it for flight. “Thank you for meeting with me, Meg. I appreciate it.”

She stopped mid-stride and finally met his gaze before glancing at his arm. “Well, if we’re being nice to each other, then I’m sorry my grandmother shot you. Let’s go.”

He climbed inside and buckled in. Mimicking her moves, he slid his sunglasses on and then placed the headset that dangled in front of him over his ears.

Megan’s tinny voice sounded through the speakers. “Hang on.”

The helicopter rocketed straight up with so much force, all the air whooshed from his lungs. “What the—”

“You want to stop? Okay.”

They plummeted toward the hard pavement of the parking lot at breakneck speed.

So this was her game. She was trying to scare him. Fine. He’d play along. He was a seasoned pilot himself, so he knew the maneuver wasn’t as dangerous as it might appear. Meg really did have some serious skills, just as Ben had said.

He grunted out a “No!”

“Make up your mind, Josh.”

Megan stopped their descent less than six feet from the ground before they headed straight up again.

As they zipped out over the water, he grabbed the handle above the door. “I thought we were being nice.”

She huffed out a breath. “What do you want, Josh?”

He loosened his grip on the handle as they flew over the tops of tall pines on the other side of the lake. “I’d like to apologize to you and to meet Haley.”

She turned to look at him. “Take off your sunglasses and say that again.”

“That’s a big-ass mountain just ahead. Don’t you think you should—”

“Then you should make it quick!”

He yanked off his glasses so she could see into his eyes. Like it’d do any good. He was trained to cover a lie, but in this case he wouldn’t have to. “I’m sorry, Meg. I screwed up. And I want to meet my daughter. Now turn.”

She frowned as she tilted them so steeply to the right his head thunked against the door. His body strained against the seatbelt, pulling some impressive Gs.

Megan was quiet for a few moments before she said, “You can’t just pop into Haley’s life, charm her, make her fall in love with you, and then be so busy working you ignore her and make her feel insignificant—like you did to me.”

What was he supposed to say to that?

When in doubt, grovel.

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way. It wasn’t intentional. How much have you told Haley and your family about me?”

Megan maneuvered them into a slower, more reasonable turn. “When you refused to come home with me that last Christmas, I realized you weren’t committed to our relationship. So I didn’t tell my family anything. Haley hasn’t asked about you yet.”

“We lived together. How is that not committed?” Suddenly they were in a narrow canyon no more than forty feet wide. “You’re kind of low, don’t you think?”

Ignoring him, she flew deeper into the canyon and over a raging river just a few feet below. “People in committed relationships spend holidays together and meet each other’s relatives. You stayed home and worked.”

“Growing up with a bunch of kids who tried their best to ignore December twenty-fifth didn’t exactly groom me for the
‘happy family Christmas’ experience you had.” But the truth was, by that Christmas his case was going south and he might never have seen her again. He didn’t want to make things worse by sharing the holidays with her and then leaving her.

The canyon narrowed by the second and for the first time he was genuinely concerned. Ready to take the controls if he had to, he said, “Meg, seriously. What the hell here?”

“Just a few more seconds.”

The canyon walls, along with the river, got closer and closer, but then suddenly the walls disappeared and there was nothing below but a deep valley. Around them were 360 degrees of cliffs and trees, like they were in the middle of a deep, wide hole. Megan swung the copter around to face the way they’d come.

An amazing waterfall plummeted as far as the eye could see below them. Millions of tiny rainbows glinted in the fading sunlight as the water cascaded over the cliff.

Meg slowly maneuvered them over a large, jutting ridge and landed. When she shut down and they hopped out, the roar of the waterfall replaced the engine noise.

Josh dug out his cell and snapped pictures as Megan moved beside him, refusing to look at him again.

He tucked his phone away. “Is this the part where you push me off the ledge and tell everyone I slipped?”

“Don’t tempt me, Josh.” She crossed her arms and sighed. Then her voice changed to a tone of quiet reverence as she said, “I’ll bet fewer than fifty people have ever seen this. You have to know it’s here because it’s not obvious from above and most pilots won’t brave the canyon. Zeke showed me this when I was a little girl. It’s my favorite place on earth. So, see? I
was
being nice.”

“It’s incredible. Thank you for nearly killing me so I could see it too.”

Meg smirked as she climbed onto a big rock. “The nearly killing you part was the highlight of my day.”

“I don’t doubt it.” He sat beside her. Just being close to Meg always made it easier to draw a full breath. God, he’d missed her.

But now it was showtime.

“I’m sorry I panicked at the thought of being a father. I want to make things right by you and Haley.” He hated that he had to say that to maintain his cover. He’d been overjoyed at the thought of being a father, and being a part of a family.

“We’ve managed just fine without you.” She drew her legs up, wrapped her arms around them, and laid her chin on top of her knees, in full protective mode. “Haley needs consistency and to know she’ll always be loved no matter what.
I
give her that.
You
made it clear you didn’t want us. You have no right to come back and disrupt our lives.”

“Haven’t you ever made a mistake you regret so much you can’t sleep at night until you make it right?”

“Yes.” Pain flashed in her eyes before she closed them. “You’re the mistake I regret almost every day. I hate how I got suckered into thinking you were a good man who loved me but just worked too much.”

He’d always been that man. “After we broke up, I realized I’d screwed up the best thing I’d ever had. So I quit my job and did some serious soul-searching. I decided to go back to the beginning to get it right. And now I’m hoping you’ll give me the chance to do the same with you and Haley. I want to be part of her life . . . and yours.”

Meg stared straight ahead, her teeth worrying her lower lip for a few moments before she said, “So I’m just supposed to forgive you? Like my feelings don’t matter? Forget it. But what does the going back to the beginning part mean?”

“I wanted something different, a job that would leave time for the people in my life. I’m going to go back to school to get my master’s in counseling. I want to work with troubled kids.”

Meg finally looked at him. “You gave up the job you loved?
And
all that money?”

“Yep. I’m going to sign up for classes in the fall.”

A glimmer of hope sparked in her eyes. “In Denver?”

“Wherever you and Haley are. I can do some of it online. I plan to be a real father to her, Meg.”

“You can’t just move here and expect me and Haley to forgive and forget, Josh. Go back to Denver with all your shiny shoes and leave us alone.” Megan unwrapped her arms and jumped off the rock. “Get in. It’s time to go.”

Dammit. He’d known it wouldn’t be easy to convince her to give him another chance, to regain her trust in him, but that hadn’t gone well at all.

He had to find another way.

Meg’s heart pounded as they strapped in and took off in silence. She could’ve flown out the safer way above, but the canyon was faster and she wanted him out of her life as quickly as possible.

It’d just be an added bonus if the flight path scared him again in the process.

She hated the pain she’d heard in his voice when he’d asked if she’d ever made a mistake she’d deeply regretted. She’d made more than her share of mistakes in the past, but she couldn’t let Josh threaten her hardened defenses against him. She needed to stay strong for Haley’s sake.

When she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, he sat there so perfectly calm it made her even angrier.

Once they were out of the canyon, he asked, “What would it take to prove to you I’ve changed, Meg?”

“It’s too late. I’ve seen your true colors. You aren’t capable of being the kind of man I need.”

“What kind of man is that?”

Years of pent-up anger made her voice rise three decibels. “A man who puts me and Haley before his work. A man who pays attention enough to know what my favorite color is and who wants to be home with me at night, not taking mysterious phone calls and then disappearing, citing some work emergency. And most of all, a man who I can trust to stick around when things get rough. I was sicker than a dog every morning, exhausted after work every night, and after Haley was born, I had no idea how to take care of a baby!”

The last thing her heart could take was having to see him every single day and be reminded of how he’d devastated her. He had to go.

With his thumb, Josh swiped away a tear she hadn’t realized had fallen on her cheek. “I’m sorry I let you down. But I paid more attention to you than you realize, Meg. I’ve done some deep reflecting and I’ve dealt with what was wrong with me, that I couldn’t commit to you.”

He didn’t deserve any more than a grunt for that lame explanation.

Josh said, “What? Don’t you believe people can change?”

She’d changed since becoming a mother, not that anyone believed her. But people only changed if they had a good reason and made the painful effort to follow through. She didn’t want to risk giving him a second chance and possibly having Haley’s heart broken too.

“So some deep thinking taught you all that, huh? Well, maybe you should go try out those new skills on someone else. Because I’m not interested.”

When Josh closed his eyes and ran a hand through his thick blond hair in frustration, just like her father always did, it suddenly occurred to her that she’d ended up loving a man as emotionally remote as her dad.

Way to go, Meg!

“I don’t want to go the legal route. I want you to want me around. How about we make a deal?”

Legal route? Her stomach dropped. Maybe she’d have to talk to Casey’s divorce lawyer. But how would she pay for that? Josh could afford the best lawyers and keep them in court a lot longer than she could afford to fight. And what if Josh’s high-powered attorney found a way for him to share custody with her? Haley might have to spend half of her life with a man not capable of being a committed parent.

That wasn’t acceptable.

She slowly turned and met his challenging gaze, daring to hope she had a chance to win whatever bargain he’d propose and be rid of him. “What did you have in mind?”

“Understand that I’m going to be a father to Haley no matter where I end up living. How about I promise to leave town at the end of the summer if you still want me to, but in return, you have to give me a fair chance to make things up to you and Haley?”

“Haley is not going to be part of any negotiation. Ever!”

“Fine.
You
give me a chance and then I get to see Haley when you think she’s ready.”

Because she’d been stupid enough to hope Josh would change his mind and come back after she’d had Haley, she’d put his name on the birth certificate and sent him a copy. Legally, he probably had every right to see their daughter.

Mucked that one up good.

His proposal might be her only option to get him to leave and keep Haley where she belonged. With Meg, a parent Haley could
rely on. Even better, maybe once he figured out it wasn’t so easy being a parent, he’d bolt again. It’d just be a few months, then he’d probably leave anyway. He wasn’t the sticking kind.

She held her hand out. “Deal.”

He sent her that smile that used to make her knees go weak, then curled his big hand around hers. “Thank you. I guarantee you’ll see a different man from the one you knew before.”

“Doubt it.” She yanked her hand from his, ignoring the familiar tingle his touch always sent up her spine as she prepared to make their descent behind the clinic.