Is Three A Crowd? (7 page)

She laughed aloud at the absurdity of the whole thing, taking another sip of the wine. With definite care, she put her wine glass on the table beside her, sitting forward, wringing her hands in response to the memories.

“I wouldn’t worry about that for now. What else do you remember?”

“They were separating when the accident happened. Of course, his kids said she was the cause, even though they were both passengers in a friend’s vehicle on a rainy night. The three others died instantly, but Margo walked away without injury. Since there weren’t formal separation or divorce papers, they had to give Margo a share of the estate, another strike against us.”

Maris watched Nathan, how his quiet presence calmed her, how he knew instinctively to let her take her time to recall the history she tried so long to forget.

“By then I was finishing school. I took my cut of the estate and left. Don’t think that didn’t piss of the stepfamily. The wills were never changed before his death, so his old one stood. At times, I thought to give back the money I’d used for university but decided not to. I kept it because of the way they ostracized Margo. I decided what I wanted to do and set about it.” Maris laughed. “You know all about those degrees, Roland Conleth told you all about them. No, I must have told you at some point.”

She became pensive and tried to think back. “Did you know me during or after grad school?”

“Do you wish to ever see either of them again?” He purposefully changed the subject, not answering her question. She decided to go on hoping he was pushing her to remember a certain point of information.

“The stepfamily, no. They weren’t family, just forced acquaintances.” She sighed. “I don’t know, I felt…ambivalence towards them. Neither would want contact with me now. They didn’t want anything to do with us when Margo was still alive.” She sighed again and realized her mood was somber. She didn’t want that feeling mixed with thoughts of Nathan. Instead, she wondered if he’d make love to her tonight.

Maris heard her own tone, relaxed with a sensual teasing edge. She realized for the first time in her new life she felt female. With that came a strange feeling of power. “Tell me about our relationship.”

“No. Finish telling me about your family.”

“The last call between us went horribly wrong. I called to tell them about Margo passing. They assumed I was looking for more money and threatened legal action if I ever contacted them again. My stepbrother was quite rude.”

“You called Nelson when Margo died?”

“Yes, why do you have such a strained look on your face?”

“Nothing, go on.”

“I assured them I wouldn’t. Nevertheless, the conversation pissed me off. He made me feel inferior for taking his time on the phone over such a trivial thing like my mother dying.”

“Did you keep any of her things as mementos?”

“A few grainy photos. She wasn’t one to have her picture taken.” Maris could still picture her image. Absently, she wandered the room again, taking in new details, settling before the glass wall, ensconced in the garden lights.

Nathan encircled her from behind as she stood before the garden door. It felt right to be held against his chest, her hands clasped over his.

“We managed to spend an hour dissecting my childhood and apparently my misguided twenties, and I still don’t have any answers or insight.”

“You will. Let it come naturally, Maris. Let’s get some hot food into you. Cook will have supper ready.”

“Intuition tell you that?”

“No, the clock.” He smiled and she joined him, feeling lighter than she had an hour earlier.

Over their meal, expertly prepared prime rib with all the usual trimmings, Nathan tried to deflect her questions.

“I still know nothing of your life, before me, with me, and after the accident. I’d really like to know more about you.”

Chapter Six

“We have time now, Maris, relax. We have eternity to talk over old times.”

“Eternity. That’s an interesting choice of words. Was it deliberate?”

“Both or neither, now that we’re together. Nothing else matters. You and Shin complete me, the Château, everything I am.”

“Hold on, buddy. I’m not completing anybody or anything. I’m finally settled in my life, and I like it. My apartment and my dog are what I wanted. I worked hard to get where I am, and just because you showed up in a few of my memories or dreams doesn’t mean I’m going to swoon and blindly follow your lead.” She hadn’t meant to say the words aloud. She was still confused about Nathan, and now Blake, and how she fit into this situation. It was obvious she was the catalyst of their threesome. She just didn’t know what her role was.

He seemed truly shocked by her words. His face couldn’t fight a scowl of confusion. Maris suddenly felt better than she had in months. Nathan sipped from his water glass to buy time, composing himself. Had he truly expected her to just go along with his theories and not question him?

“You’re tired, and this is a lot to accept. Over the next days and weeks you’ll settle in.”

“Settle in? What am I, a pet or something?”

“I just mean…”

“That I’m supposed to fall in line with your plans without questioning you or your motives?”

“I presumed…”

“You certainly did. You presumed I’d let you lock me away in some castle of horrors and listen to your stories for the rest of my life or until you get bored with me. What about my plans, work, friends, career?”

The second she said the words she knew she had no plans that couldn’t be rearranged. Her dentist wasn’t social. Nor had she any real friends—plenty of acquaintances, but not any close friends. Her job gave her purpose.

None of it mattered. He did. But she was loath to tell him. She wouldn’t, not until she had some time to think about all this and check out his history and wild stories. He was intimidating only if she let him be.

She sensed she was beginning to grate on his nerves. He assumed she’d accept his word and his plans without thought or input. Instinct told her this side of his personality had kept her from committing to him, hence keeping Blake to fill in Nathan’s shortfalls and Nathan to fill in Blake’s. She was about to ask about Blake, but read the erectness of his posture and decided there’d be a better time to find out. Their situation seemed to be unfolding around her. She’d wait for a better time to ask her questions. Besides, being with Nathan made her feel safe.

One side of her wanted to just let him take charge. That was the sexual side that was longing for his touch, his lips against hers, the need to feel him touch her in intimate ways and places. The other side of her knew she couldn’t. Not now, not until she could think clearly and make her choices with a clear head, not an overheated libido thinking for her.

She understood that being with him would be permanent, as would accepting Blake. Maris realized these two men were intertwined because of her. Until she knew how, she wouldn’t make any definite decisions. There would be no short affair, no walking away gracefully if they didn’t get along. For the rest of her days she would be with him. A heat ran through her, straight to her lower lips, making her slick and hot, needy. She remembered how careful he was in her dreams. He never penetrated her with his penis. Was he waiting for her commitment? Or did he not have any other choice? Did her mind always stop the memories at that point, and why?
Because
, she rationalized to herself,
to let them literally fuck her, even in her dreams, would mean they’d possess a part of her.
Even in her memories, she censored their relationships.

“This room is getting cold. May we have our coffee in the solar? I know we referred to the parlor like that, but why?” She paused, adding, “Oh, yes, the dates of the original castle. Back then they would have called it a solar.”

She glanced around the room one more time. “Nathan, I have feelings of being here before, of spending time here and on the grounds, but no memory of people. You and Blake… and Aminta, he was always in the background, always anticipating any need.”

“Yes.”

“Blake was with us here?”

“Yes.”

“Did the three of us…”

Nathan fisted his hands at his sides. “I wouldn’t put it past Blake to tempt you into such behavior somewhere on the land just for spite.”

Maris flashed to the memory of sucking Blake’s cock in the stables and then to having Nathan fuck her ever so slowly in a missionary position before the embers in the solar fireplace. Both felt so real they had to be memories, not fantasies.

“I’d like to change the subject, please.” Her emotions were on full tilt and she wanted to love him and hate him at the same time.

“Of course, I figured you’d go running and screaming out the door by now.” He didn’t quite manage to hold back the smile forming on his lips, and she despised him for it.

“Wipe the stupid grin off your lips, Nathan. I’m not above slapping it away just now.” Maris’s words surprised even herself. Never was she so bold and outspoken, at least that she remembered.

He seemed surprised by her attitude. While she never accepted physical violence as a means to an end, she had taken basic self-defense classes back in school. She could get a good shot if she had to, but hoped it would never come to that. Tonight, she wanted to hurt Nathan because he held the answers she desperately wanted. He had her confused and emotional. She didn’t think clearly under the circumstances. As they wandered back towards the living room, she caught a glimpse of his hand about to reach to the small of her back and saw him pull back. Shin was still in her place at the back door, her tail wagging as they entered. She decided logic would work better than emotion.

“First, Mr. Radulf, you brought me here, so I can’t go running into the night. That would be stupid. I also don’t think you plan to keep me here against my will. You will drive me back to the hotel when we finish our coffee.”

Maris couldn’t resist running her fingertips along the marble mantel before coming to rest at the chaise lounge near the door. “I’m going to finish the appraisal and go back to
Manhattan
where I belong.”

“You seriously can’t mean to leave this house or the town. We’ve lost so much time already, Maris, don’t make us lose anymore because of your inability to deal with your past.”
He’s pissed
, she realized, somewhat taken aback. He always seemed so in control.

“I haven’t lost any time, Nathan, except for some sleep. So, until I can wrap my mind around all this, I’m going to continue with my schedule and think this through. While you may consider that irrational insecurity, I consider it practical.”

“
Women
. You are all alike. Through all these years you’d think I would know better.”

Maris stopped him before he could continue with his rant. “Your 17th-century chauvinistic ways are treading in the 21st century. And, since this is my frame of reference, I expect to be treated with respect, honesty, and compassion. I expect to have my opinions considered, whether you like it or not. Whatever you surmised I might have done with you reentering my life again is not how I will react. Wrap your mind around that for a while.”

Aminta, entering with the coffee tray, interrupted them. He placed it on a table near Nathan, retreating quickly as if sensing the thickness in the air around them.

“I’ll pour,” Nathan said.

“Please thank Cook for a wonderful meal.”

“Of course, Miss Dusan.” He shut the door quietly behind him.

“You are most infuriating, Maris.”

She watched him work through his anger and objections, holding back a small smile of satisfaction. She understood that if she didn’t set ground rules now, she would never have a say in her future, and she felt he was her future. In some unspoken, strange, crazy world, she would end up with Nathan only if she could bring him into the 21st century. He made her feel as if she were a piece of property which annoyed her beyond reason. Taunting him felt right and natural. His references made her feel inept, as if she need a keeper and he’d taken on the job. His next words frustrated her further.

“I suppose a few days longer won’t kill us.”

“More like months or years.”

“Months? You try my patience.”

“The Maris you refer to is dead, Nathan. She doesn’t exist in my mind any longer, just like you don’t have a place there, either. The sooner you recognize that fact, the better off we’ll both be.” She stood close enough to feel his breath being expelled, reaching to take the cup and saucer he offered. It was hard to turn away from his penetrating hazel stare. They held secrets he would unlock and share in the darkness.