Read Is That What People Do? Online
Authors: Robert Sheckley
“Could anything so hideous be moral?” Cordovir asked, his hide twitching with distaste. Upon closer inspection, the creatures were more horrible than could be dreamed. The bulbous object on their bodies just might be a head, Cordovir decided, even though it was unlike any head he had ever seen. But in the middle of that head! Instead of a smooth, characterful surface was a raised ridge. Two round indentures were on either side of it, and two more knobs on either side of that. And in the lower half of the head—if such it was—a pale, reddish slash ran across. Cordovir supposed this might be considered a mouth, with some stretching of the imagination.
Nor was this all, Cordovir observed. The things were so constructed as to show the presence of bone! When they moved their limbs, it wasn’t a smooth, flowing gesture, the fluid motion of human beings. Rather, it was the jerky snap of a tree limb.
“God above,” Gilrig, an intermediate-age male gasped. “We should kill them and put them out of their misery!” Other men seemed to feel the same way, and the villagers flowed forward.
“Wait!” one of the youngsters shouted. “Let’s communicate with them, if such is possible. They might still be moral beings. The Outside is wide, remember, and anything is possible.”
Cordovir argued for immediate extermination, but the villagers stopped and discussed it among themselves. Hum, with characteristic bravado, flowed up to the thing on the ground.
“Hello,” Hum said.
The thing said something.
“I can’t understand it,” Hum said, and started to crawl back. The creature waved its jointed tentacles—if they were tentacles—and motioned at one of the suns. He made a sound.
“Yes, it is warm, isn’t it?” Hum said cheerfully.
The creature pointed at the ground, and made another sound.
“We haven’t had especially good crops this year,” Hum said conversationally.
The creature pointed at itself and made a sound.
“I agree,” Hum said. “You’re as ugly as sin.”
Presently the villagers grew hungry and crawled back to the village. Hum stayed and listened to the things making noises at him, and Cordovir waited nervously for Hum.
“You know,” Hum said, after he rejoined Cordovir, “I think they want to learn our language. Or want me to learn theirs.”
“Don’t do it,” Cordovir said, glimpsing the misty edge of a great evil.
“I believe I will,” Hum murmured. Together they climbed the cliffs back to the village.
That afternoon Cordovir went to the surplus female pen and formally asked a young woman if she would reign in his house for twenty-five days. Naturally, the woman accepted gratefully.
On the way home, Cordovir met Hum, going to the pen.
“Just killed my wife,” Hum said, superfluously, since why else would he be going to the surplus female stock?
“Are you going back to the creatures tomorrow?” Cordovir asked.
“I might,” Hum answered, “if nothing new presents itself.”
“The thing to find out is if they are moral beings or monsters.”
“Right,” Hum said, and slithered on.
There was a Gathering that evening, after supper. All the villagers agreed that the things were nonhuman. Cordovir argued strenuously that their very appearance belied any possibility of humanity. Nothing so hideous could have moral standards, a sense of right and wrong, and above all, a notion of truth.
The young men didn’t agree, probably because there had been a dearth of new things recently. They pointed out that the metal object was obviously a product of intelligence. Intelligence axiomatically means standards of differentiation. Differentiation implies right and wrong.
It was a delicious argument. Olgolel contradicted Arast and was killed by him. Mavrt, in an unusual fit of anger for so placid an individual, killed the three Holian brothers and was himself killed by Hum, who was feeling pettish. Even the surplus females could be heard arguing about it, in their pen in a corner of the village.
Weary and happy, the villagers went to sleep.
The next few weeks saw no end of the argument. Life went on much as usual, though. The women went out in the morning, gathered food, prepared it, and laid eggs. The eggs were taken to the surplus females to be hatched. As usual, about eight females were hatched to every male. On the twenty-fifth day of each marriage, or a little earlier, each man killed his woman and took another.
The males went down to the ship to listen to Hum learning the language; then, when that grew boring, they returned to their customary wandering through hills and forests, looking for new things.
The alien monsters stayed close to their ships, coming out only when Hum was there.
Twenty-four days after the arrival of the nonhumans, Hum announced that he could communicate with them, after a fashion.
“They say they come from far away,” Hum told the village that evening. “They say that they are bisexual, like us, and that they are humans, like us. They say there are reasons for their different appearance, but I couldn’t understand that part of it.”
“If we accept them as humans,” Mishill said, “then everything they say is true.”
The rest of the villagers shook in agreement.
“They say that they don’t want to disturb our life, but would be very interested in observing it. They want to come to the village and look around.”
“I see no reason why not,” one of the younger men said.
“No!” Cordovir shouted. “You are letting in evil. These monsters are insidious. I believe that they are capable of—telling an untruth!” The other elders agreed, but when pressed, Cordovir had no proof to back up this vicious accusation.
“After all,” Sil pointed out, “just because they look like monsters, you can’t take it for granted that they think like monsters as well.”
“I can,” Cordovir said, but he was outvoted.
Hum went on. “They have offered me—or us, I’m not sure which—various metal objects which they say will do various things. I ignored this breach of etiquette, since I considered they didn’t know any better.”
Cordovir nodded. The youngster was growing up. He was showing, at long last, that he had some manners.
“They want to come to the village tomorrow.”
“No!” Cordovir shouted, but the vote was against him.
“Oh, by the way,” Hum said, as the meeting was breaking up. “They have several females among them. The ones with very red mouths are females. It will be interesting to see how the males kill them. Tomorrow is the twenty-fifth day since they came.”
The next day the things came to the village, crawling slowly and laboriously over the cliffs. The villagers were able to observe the extreme brittleness of their limbs, the terrible awkwardness of their motions.
“No beauty whatsoever,” Cordovir muttered. “And they all look alike.”
In the village the things acted without any decency. They crawled into huts and out of huts. They jabbered at the surplus female pen. They picked up eggs and examined them. They peered at the villagers through black things and shiny things.
In midafternoon, Rantan, an elder, decided it was about time he killed his woman. So he pushed the thing who was examining his hut aside and smashed his female to death.
Instantly, two of the things started jabbering at each other, hurrying out of the hut.
One had the red mouth of a female.
“He must have remembered it was time to kill his own woman,” Hum observed. The villagers waited, but nothing happened.
“Perhaps,” Rantan said, “perhaps he would like someone to kill her for him. It might be the custom of their land.”
Without further ado Rantan slashed down the female with his tail.
The male creature made a terrible noise and pointed a metal stick at Rantan. Rantan collapsed, dead.
“That’s odd,” Mishill said. “I wonder if that denotes disapproval?”
The things from the metal object—eight of them—were in a tight little circle. One was holding the dead female, and the rest were pointing the metal sticks on all sides. Hum went up and asked them what was wrong.
“I don’t understand,” Hum said, after he spoke with them. “They used words I haven’t learned. But I gather that their emotion is one of reproach.”
The monsters were backing away. Another villager, deciding it was about time, killed his wife who was standing in a doorway. The group of monsters stopped and jabbered at each other. Then they motioned to Hum.
Hum’s body motion was incredulous after he had talked with them.
“If I understood right,” Hum said, “they are ordering us not to kill any more of our women!”
“What!” Cordovir and a dozen others shouted.
“I’ll ask them again.” Hum went back into conference with the monsters who were waving metal sticks in their tentacles.
“That’s right,” Hum said. Without further preamble he flipped his tail, throwing one of the monsters across the village square. Immediately the others began to point their sticks while retreating rapidly.
After they were gone, the villagers found that seventeen males were dead. Hum, for some reason, had been missed.
“Now will you believe me!” Cordovir shouted. “The creatures told
a deliberate untruth!
They said they wouldn’t molest us and then they proceed to kill seventeen of us! Not only an amoral act—but a
concerted death effort!”
It was almost past human understanding.
“A deliberate untruth!” Cordovir shouted the blasphemy, sick with loathing. Men rarely discussed the possibility of anyone telling an untruth.
The villagers were beside themselves with anger and revulsion, once they realized the full concept of an
untruthful
creature. And, added to that was the monsters’ concerted death effort!
It was like the most horrible nightmare come true. Suddenly it became apparent that these creatures didn’t kill females. Undoubtedly they allowed them to spawn unhampered. The thought of that was enough to make a strong man retch.
The surplus females broke out of their pens and, joined by the wives, demanded to know what was happening. When they were told, they were twice as indignant as the men, such being the nature of women.
“Kill them!” the surplus females roared. “Don’t let them change our ways. Don’t let them introduce immorality!”
“It’s true,” Hum said sadly. “I should have guessed it.”
“They must be killed at once!” a female shouted. Being surplus, she had no name at present, but she made up for that in blazing personality.
“We women desire only to live moral, decent lives, hatching eggs in the pen until our time of marriage comes. And then twenty-five ecstatic days! How could we desire more? These monsters will destroy our way of life. They will make us as terrible as they!”
“Now do you understand?” Cordovir screamed at the men. “I warned you, I presented it to you, and you ignored me! Young men must listen to old men in time of crisis!” In his rage he killed two youngsters with a blow of his tail. The villagers applauded.
“Drive them out,” Cordovir shouted. “Before they corrupt us!”
All the females rushed off to kill the monsters.
“They have death-sticks,” Hum observed. “Do the females know?”
“I don’t believe so,” Cordovir said. He was completely calm now. “You’d better go and tell them.”
“I’m tired,” Hum said sulkily. “I’ve been translating. Why don’t you go?”
“Oh, let’s both go,” Cordovir said, bored with the youngster’s adolescent moodiness. Accompanied by half the villagers they hurried off after the females.
They overtook them on the edge of the cliff that overlooked the object. Hum explained the death-sticks while Cordovir considered the problem.
“Roll stones on them,” he told the females. “Perhaps you can break the metal of the object.”
The females started rolling stones down the cliffs with great energy. Some bounced off the metal of the object. Immediately, lines of red fire came from the object and females were killed. The ground shook.
“Let’s move back,” Cordovir said. “The females have it well in hand, and this shaky ground makes me giddy.”
Together with the rest of the males they moved to a safe distance and watched the action.
Women were dying right and left, but they were reinforced by women of other villages who had heard of the menace. They were fighting for their homes now, their rights, and they were fiercer than a man could ever be. The object was throwing fire all over the cliff, but the fire helped dislodge more stones which rained down on the thing. Finally, big fires came out of one end of the metal object.
A landslide started, and the object got into the air just in time. It barely missed a mountain; then it climbed steadily, until it was a little black speck against the larger sun. And then it was gone.
That evening, it was discovered that 53 females had been killed. This was fortunate since it helped keep down the surplus female population. The problem would become even more acute now, since seventeen males were gone in a single lump.
Cordovir was feeling exceedingly proud of himself. His wife had been gloriously killed in the fighting, but he took another at once.
“We had better kill our wives sooner than every twenty-five days for a while,” he said at the evening Gathering. “Just until things get back to normal.”
The surviving females, back in the pen, heard him and applauded wildly.
“I wonder where the things have gone,” Hum said, offering the question to the Gathering.
“Probably away to enslave some defenseless race,” Cordovir said. “Not necessarily,” Mishill put in and the evening argument was on.
THE PETRIFIED WORLD
Lanigan dreamed the dream again and managed to wake himself with a hoarse cry. He sat upright in bed and glared around him into the violet darkness. His teeth clenched and his lips were pulled back into a spastic grin. Beside him he felt his wife, Estelle, stir and sit up. Lanigan didn’t look at her. Still caught in his dream, he waited for tangible proofs of the world.
A chair slowly drifted across his field of vision and fetched up against the wall with a quiet thump. Lanigan’s face relaxed slightly. Then Estelle’s hand was on his arm—a touch meant to be soothing, but which burned like lye.