Is My Bow Too Big? How I Went From Saturday Night Live to the Tea Party (27 page)

Then, on the other side: “We Read It & We Say NO OBAMACARE.” I scribbled a little “
John 16:33
” on the other side. Ya gotta have hope.

What you write on your protest poster is important. It’s like wearing your heart on your sleeve. As I walk into the gathering crowd, I notice that all the signs are polite and intelligent. No swastikas! Well, there was one poster of Obama with a Hitler mustache, but that was quickly taken down.

When I left the house, I was watching Obama discuss his healthcare reforms on TV. “Ha ha! There is no death panel. This will not cost more. There will be no lines.” I looked at the TV and said out loud, “How stupid do you think we are?”

A big black man approached me and handed me a booklet with a picture of Hitler and Obama on the front. I asked him, “Are you on our side or their side?” He walked away. Later I learned he was from the anarchist cult: the LaRouche organization.

I walked over to the conservative area. My friend Brenda was wearing a surgical mask with “Free Speech” written on it. She handed me one that says, “Fishy.” The conservatives smile, laugh, hug, and comment on each other’s homemade signs and original, clever sayings. We take pictures of each other with our signs. This is a new thing for many of us. Many carry American flags. After chanting “Freedom, Yes! Obamacare, No!” we spontaneously start singing
God Bless America,
and
My Country ’Tis of Thee.

The liberals are carrying three signs that have been mass-produced and handed out. Craigslist had an ad offering $15 an hour to people who would hold ObamaCare signs (maybe they get a bonus if they look like they mean it.) One of their mass-produced signs says, “Thank You Obama.” The others say “Reform Now,” and “Standing Together: Health.” Most of the fake protesters are lifeless, or sitting in the grass bored out of their minds. They don’t smile. Not one of them holds a flag. None sing.

A middle-aged businessman with no sign approaches me. He looks at my sign with disgust and says, “You want that forever?” I’m confused but quickly realize he’s an Obamunist.

“I… uh… what?”

He says, “You don’t want change?”

I say, “I don’t want communism!” He quickly walks away before we can have a conversation. We conservatives keep singing. Now we are singing,
You’re a Grand Old Flag
. Then we chant the Pledge of Allegiance. The O’ers continue to slump along lifelessly. A few standing O’ers try to start a conversation, their protest posters facing our protest posters. One of them talks to me, “Millions of people have no health insurance.”

How do you respond to that? I want to say, “Um… maybe they don’t work, or they spent their paycheck on booze instead. Or, maybe they don’t plan ahead. Or, are they illegal aliens? Are we, the middle class, supposed to financially support the whole world who moves here?” But instead, I say, “Socialism is bad.”

A movie-star looking guy wearing sunglasses has a poster that says, “Karl Marx Loves Obamacare.” I ask him, “What’s the difference between Marxism and Communism?” He says, “Communism happens suddenly and violently to a country. Marxism is more of a creeping thing that slowly leads to Communism.”

A sixty-year-old woman with no sign, no flag, and wearing no bra, walks up to me and says, “My insurance is $2000 a month. I’m dying of cancer and I have no insurance. I don’t know what to do.” She looks healthy.

I figure in the possibility that she’s lying, and say “Why don’t you go where the illegal aliens go. They get free healthcare.”

She glances back, the devil in her eye.

Creepy.

This whole protest thing is too much for me. It feels icky. And then, an attractive young couple approach. “Are you her?” they ask. “You are so brave. Thank you. I’ll pray for you.” The bond of strangers in a time such as this is rich, deep, and unforgettable. It’s like the movie
Reds
, but the opposite.

The meeting begins, and despite over a thousand protestors attending, there isn’t a microphone for the people! Schiff and a panel of liberals only answer one question from the hundreds of cards we filled out. There is not a balanced discussion where opposing viewpoints are represented. People start leaving in frustration because questions about the very confusing
1017 Bill
are intentionally unanswered. No one answered my question, “Why the rush?” So I answer it myself. Either the liberals fear they will be replaced in the mid-term elections and Obama’s power will wither, or the Obamunists are trying to pass it before anyone can read it, like they did before with the Spendulus Bill. But we citizens are on to them now, and we read it.

When I walk to my car with my poster, flag, and camera, traffic is at a standstill around the block. An old woman leans out of her car window and shouts to me, “You’re stupid!”

My head swings to the right, “I read the bill. It’s terrible.”

She screams, “No you didn’t, or you wouldn’t be…
that
!”

I shout back, sturdy and strong, “Did
you
read it?” I’m not afraid anymore.

March 9
^th
, 2010, Nancy Pelosi said, “But we have to pass the [healthcare] bill so that you can find out what is in it.” Everything is upside down.

Feinstein’s Office: August 14, 2009

I attended the Westside Protest at Feinstein’s office. The conservatives were outnumbered. We stood on the street corner while passing cars honked at us. I turned to the Obamunist next to me and ask, “Why do you want socialized medicine?”

He arrogantly replies, “I lived in Germany. It worked there.”

I say, “Then why aren’t you there?”

He’s tall and proud. “I want to be here.”

A few minutes later, I say, “What do you do?”

He says, “I’m a professor.”

I say knowingly, “Oh, no wonder. You know Harvard used to be Christian. So were all the other Ivy League schools. So was our country.”

He says, “Jefferson wasn’t a Christian.”

I say, “I know. He was a Deist. He didn’t believe Jesus was God, but he loved the Bible and thought our country should be based on Jesus’ teachings.”

I say, “What do you teach?”

“History.”

I laugh, “Oh! Didn’t you learn from history that communism and socialism don’t work?”

He’s silent. I say, “What about the death panel and euthanasia clause?”

“That’s a lie. Did you read the bill?”

“Yes. And, they will have to ration care… it’s inevitable.”

My friend walks by and says, “Hey Vicki, did you hear? Obama deleted the death panel clause today!”

I look at my German-loving Obamunist professor and say, “How could they delete it if it never existed?!”

He walked away.

Down is Up, Unfair is Fair, and Ignorance is Bliss

One time I woke up in the middle of the night and realized the trick. You see, evil doesn’t just show up. It disguises itself as something nice so you’ll let it in. It tricks you.

Murdering babies is called
Pro-Choice
. Unfair Censorship is called
The Fairness Doctrine
. Outlandish Taxes and the Death of Freedom is called
Cap & Trade
. Sounds like Fish & Chips. You gotta figure out the trick.

I’d been wondering why liberals are so passionate about this Health Care movement. It couldn’t be because they actually care about poor, sick people. If they did, they would visit hospitals, and give ten percent of their gross salaries to Compassion International and World Vision, like we stupid churchgoers do.

No, there’s gotta be a catch. I guess this question was sitting in my brain, and during my sleep my brain was working on it. When I suddenly awoke at 3 a.m., I had the answer: Euthanasia!

Social Security and Medicare are broke. Baby boomers, like me, are getting old and will soon be asking for it. Socialized medicine makes people die. You stand in a long, long line with a breast lump, clogged artery, or sharp pencil stuck in your eye, and someone like the DMV person who can’t speak English, is chewing gum, has an attitiude, really long fake nails that curl up at the end, and is talking on a cell phone, enjoying their power trip moment, is finally face to face with you. They mumble something incoherent about paperwork. You die. One less person in line for Social Security and Medicare!

Obama has legalized the killing of babies and is out to legalize the government-empowered elimination of Grandmas!

Hitler did this. He killed the weak, the sick, the old, and babies and races he didn’t like. Hitler had the VW bug invented as the state car. Ring any bells? Chevy Volt.

Kill off the weak. That’s been the plan of so many government-controlled societies, and it looks like we are inviting such a fate into our own policies. Tax the workers to death, erase the middle class, make a welfare state—sounds like the evil governments we studied in high school.

State of the Union Address: 2010

I’m lying in the dark in my Tiffany Blue bedroom, listening to the President tell lies. He’s so good at it that he is smiling, and lots of people are clapping. He says, “Public option: no one will have to change if they like their present situation.” I know that’s stretching the truth.

“My plan will not add one dime to the deficit.” That’s an obvious lie. I wish the Congressional Budget Committee would speak up.

He says that if we don’t act now, the country will fall apart. He says that the quality of health care won’t suffer. He says that there won’t be rationing. All lies.

He says that the Republicans have no solutions to offer. Several Republicans in the house lift papers into the air. He says that this is not socialism. He says this is the “moral” thing to do. How can that be? Take money from the middle class and give it to the non-taxpayers and illegals?

And then… wait! I choke on my Diet Coke… Like a voice from above, I think I just heard someone shout out just what I was thinking,
“Lie!”

I can’t believe it! Someone used the real word, not the politically correct word, “Disingenuous!” Nancy Pelosi’s big, arrogant smile suddenly drops and she looks over to the Republican side of the room with the mean glare of a stern librarian! This is fantastic theatre!

Biden isn’t listening to a word of this speech. He’s trying to decide whether to wear a serious face, or a happy face, or a concerned face, or a mad face. So his expression results in a combination of all of the above.

I’m new to politics. Is it always like this? It doesn’t take a… well, a “bimbo” to realize what is happening!

The President continues, “I don’t have all the specific details ironed out yet!” Laughter! People laugh out loud! The President finally told the truth! Then he continues with his lies. Free stuff for everyone!! Yay! I’m the magic man!!!

I think of those funnel cakes I saw at the LA County Fair the other day. I think it’s a deeply fried and re-fried glob of dough that’s covered with sugar and syrup and whipped cream. The President should say, “Free Funnel Cakes for everyone and there are
no calories
!!” I turn the TV off, shut my eyes, and start to pray for the blind and deaf people in our country.

My friend calls me. She is a Hollywood director—not a conservative, not into politics. She whispers into the phone, “Hey Vic, what can I do to help the cause? This guy is making me feel scuzzy. He’s lying!” I flip her over from the “Kool-Aid” side to the “Get-It” side.

I Meet Sarah Palin:
Tea Party Express, Boston, 2010

I am with my fellow Tea Party Express-ers in Boston, where Sarah Palin is speaking. I’m in the back row next to a man who is holding up an Anti-AARP bumper sticker. Palin is in the center in a red leather jacket. Happy mayhem surrounds her. Pushing, snapping, hugging. I couldn’t get near her if I tried, so I just stood in the back watching the circus. At one point, while she was signing Ron Rivoli’s guitar, I couldn’t resist. I reached out my arm through the crowd and touched her red jacket with my finger!

After I touched Sarah’s jacket with my finger, I went back to watching her talk to her fans, when suddenly Sarah turned around and our eyes met. She did a double take and said, “Oh! I love you!” She swam through the crowd to hug me, and then she said, “Thanks for all you’re doing. I want your autograph!”

For the rest of the day, I had a dumb grin on my face.

The Muslims Next Door

Frankly, I’m afraid to say anything about Muslims. Why? Because they kill people.

Maybe that’s why the liberals kiss up to them—fear. Why do liberals embrace Shariah law even though beheading your wife seems to go against the feminist movement’s mantra? Why do liberals embrace Islam, knowing it frowns on homosexuality?

It’s because they have the same goals. Progressives, communists, liberals, globalists, and Muslims want to destroy America. When that goal is reached, they will fight for top billing. It will be bloody.