Irons (Norfolk #1) (13 page)

“No.”

I wondered why Joel had gone to my family’s home, too. I don’t remember a movie of his being there—“Oh my God.”

I covered my face and began to feel like I couldn’t breathe. I stood up and tried to go to the door.

“No, we get this out—”

“Can’t breathe.”

My heart pounded so hard against my chest that I felt like it would come out. My body started to tingle and then the tingling subsided and I felt numb.

“Frankie?”

I could hear his voice but the tightness in my chest worsened and I was sure my heart would stop beating at any moment. “Movies.” I tried to push past him, “Me and him, oh God!” I cried out and held my chest.

“Okay, breathe, Frankie.”

“I’m gonna die,” I cried as my body started shaking uncontrollably. I had suffered from anxiety, but never an attack like this. It was a new feeling, one in which I knew would not go away.

“I won’t let that happen.” He picked me up in his arms.

“Air, outside.”

He walked quickly outside and held me as I gasped for air.

“Breathe slower, Frankie, in and out. In and out. That’s good, Slower and deeper.”

He sat on the steps of his back deck, cradling me in his arms as I took slow deep breaths.

It was several minutes before I felt like I was going to be okay, that I could breathe.

His lips were on my head as he whispered, “In and out.” Over and over again.

When I had calmed down enough, I sat up and stepped off of his lap. “Thanks.”

I started walking down the beach and he followed.

Once I stopped and looked over the water, he stood beside me and shoved his hand in his pockets.

“How bad are they?”

I shook my head from side to side and whispered, “Bad.”

“You need to call him and ask him what his intentions are with the videos.”

“I don’t know what to say, how to even go about starting that conversation.”

“I can do it.” The low rumble in his voice shook me a bit.

“No, I will.” I turned and walked towards his house. “I need to leave. You and I aren’t good for each other just like they said. I will ruin you.”

“Who said?” He asked grabbing my hand and stopping me.

“What?”

“Like who said, Frankie?” He scowled as he waited for the answer.

“I was rambling.”

“Bullshit. Tell me the damn truth.”

I felt myself shaking again and I closed my eyes, taking in long deep breaths trying to calm myself.

“I got all night, Frankie,” he warned.

“Please, Jax.”

“You tell me who and why and I will take you home. I will leave you the fuck alone like I have all week, even though it’s crushing me, Frankie. Do you understand that? It is crushing me.”

I understood perfectly well what he felt. I felt it too.

“Someone called me. They said to stay away from you, that I wasn’t good for you or your future plans.”

“Are you fuck—” He stopped and took a step to me, took my hands, pulled them up to his face, and held them against him.

“Listen to me and listen well. I won’t repeat this again. When I think of my future now, I don’t see me alone and it has never been that way. You and I, we talk about the call. We talk about the video and we talk about what your father and I discussed about that first summer we lost Will.”

“What did he tell you?” I tried to pull my hands back, only to have him hold tighter and kiss my palms.

“Nothing that made me afraid to bring you here. Nothing that made me want to run.”

“Then you don’t know a damn thing.”

He pulled me against him, “You were grieving the only way you knew how. But that’s all changed now, hasn’t it?” I shook my head no. “Don’t lie to yourself, Frankie. Be honest and ask yourself what made that change.”

“I’m cold.” I didn’t want to face my feelings right now. Feelings that would cost me my heart and him a future.

He pulled me tighter. “I’ll fix that, too.”

I looked up into his beautiful green eyes as he looked down at me.

“You and me, were gonna happen—”

“But—”

“But nothing, we just have to figure out what we’re up against.”

“Mimi?”

“I don’t think so. And you don’t have to worry about her. It’s a show, Frankie, her father and my father made a deal years ago.”

“It’s none of my business.” I looked away and then felt his finger lift my chin.

“It is and you know it. Let’s go inside. I wanna warm you up properly.”

“Jax, we shouldn’t.”

As we walked to the house, his hand on the small of my back, guiding me, I couldn’t say no. Couldn’t walk away if I tried. My body and brain were at war inside of me. I knew the warning I received wasn’t in jest or without merit.

“Jax, between the video and my… past,” I stopped and closed my eyes. “I told you three years ago how I felt about you and that hasn’t changed, it’s only grown stronger. But I’ve grown too and I will not be selfish with the man I—”

I stopped again and he turned me and held me as he whispered in my ear, “Say it.”

“It’s not fair, it’s no good. I can’t—”

“Say it,” he whispered again, a bit louder.

“I love you, okay? Is that what you wanted to—”

His lips crashed down over mine before I had time to finish and he lifted me up as he walked into the house, kicking the door closed behind him.

His tongue traced the part in my lips, I opened, giving him what he desired and he groaned as his tongue stroked mine. My body immediately came to life. Nothing could stop this feeling if I wanted it to. No amount of will power could exist in a world where Jaxson Irons was touching me. It simply didn’t exist.

My arms wrapped around his waist as I closed the distance, that seemed to be more than a million miles between us, as my tongue met his. Even with our bodies touching, it wasn’t close enough. I wanted to be closer to him. My hands found their way to his neck and I pulled him down.

“Fuck,” he said in a growl as his teeth pulled at my lips, and then he pulled away abruptly.

I looked up at him. He closed his eyes tightly together and the muscles in his jaw twitched.

“Jax?”

He grabbed my hand and opened his eyes, looking intensely into mine.

“You’ll be staying with me until we figure out who the hell is calling you. I’m going to call my mother and find out—”

“Jax, no. I’m not ready.”

“You are.” He turned his back and walked into the bathroom.

“I am?” I asked, following him. “What is that supposed to mean?”

I stood beside him as he washed his face with a wash cloth then stretched his neck and took a deep breath.

“Look in the mirror, Frankie. What do you see?”

“Excuse me?” I had no idea what he was asking me.

“Look in the mirror and tell me what you see.” I started to object and he shook his head no.

“Please, just do as I asked.”

“My hair’s a mess.” He closed his eyes and looked down. “You, you’re stressed and tense and borderline crazy. You’re miserable and I make you that way.” His lip curled up on the side. “Are you smiling?”

He shook his head no, “This week was almost unbearable, Frankie. I was so angry with you. I wanted nothing more than to stop feeling. Then I saw you at work and it hit me like a brick to the face that it wouldn’t be as easy, or even possible. You evoke feelings in me I have never had. So yes, I am stressed and tense and making decisions that are fucking insane, but you being able to see that makes something inside of my chest burn. When you look in the mirror, you see flaws in yourself that I don’t see and I am very visual, critical, and pretty much an asshole when it comes to what I want. When I look in the mirror I see you, not me, and I want you so bad that the burn in my chest is almost unbearable.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me over so that I was in front of him. “Now I see us, Frankie, not you, not me, but us. I don’t see the girl whose brother’s death nearly crushed her. I don’t see the girl who thinks she is so broken she begs to be beaten, I don’t see the girl you do, I see the girl I want in my life—.”

“But—”

“You say you love me. Words that I have never heard before from anyone. Words I never needed to hear, but fuck if it didn’t change something in me the first time you said it and it’s changed me ever since. I don’t want to look in the mirror and not see you standing in front of me. So whatever we have to do to make this work, we do it. If you tell me you love me, you damn well better not stop because I want that from you. I want your love, Frankie. I need it like I need my next breath.”

“But—” I said as tears started falling.

“Say it again.” One arm snaked around my waist pulling me closer to him and his free hand captured my neck not allowing me to look away.

“I love you.”

“We figure it out together. That’s what love is, right?”

“Yes.” The unintentional innocence in the question hidden behind his eyes as he asked was sad, yet beautiful. “But Jax—”

“No more buts, Frankie,” he smiled with a sad smile. “You’ll stay with me tonight and every night until—”

“No—”

He pulled me harder against him and I felt his erection against my back as his hand moved under my shirt and slowly went up. His large rough hand against my skin caused goose bumps in the wake of his touch. It felt so good, I leaned against his chest and looked up into the mirror and saw green eyes watching me, watching us. A vision I had dreamed about nearly half my life that was not only a day dream, a night time fantasy, something that woke me in the middle of the night because I physically wanted him so badly it was almost painful.

He wanted us.

Jax

L
ooking at her
in the mirror as she looked back at me was different now. Love, an emotion, emotions that I was raised to avoid because emotions interfered and interrupted plans and progress, emotions I could not ignore, avoid, or push away with Francesca Cruz, and I had no intentions of doing so.

The other thing that could not be ignored when I was in the same room as her was the attraction, not only physical, not only sexual, but deeper, so much deeper. I felt it the first time I saw her on the beach and it scared the hell out of me then. It didn’t anymore.

I pulled down the cup of her bra and felt the reaction she had to our proximity, no different than mine. I rubbed my thumb across her taunt nipple and watched as her eyes closed and head jerked up in the mirror.

“Look at us, Frankie, tell me what you see,” I whispered against her head.

When she looked up her eyes were dark and glassy., “Us,” she panted as she pressed back against me and rotated her hips against my strained pants, “Please, Jax.”

“Please what?”

“I need you inside of me, I need that now.”

I reached my free hand down, pulled her skirt up and pushed her panties to the side rubbing my finger as gently as I could against her moist lips.

“All of you,” she whimpered as she pushed towards me.

The need in her voice was so fervent and so fucking familiar. I pulled myself free from the restraint of my pants and pushed her forward, trying to be as gentle as I could, “Hands on the counter.”

She did as asked and I rubbed my cock against her slick, hot, flesh. The moan that escaped her nearly made my knees buckle. The need, the desire, the want, the—love, unreal. Her head fell so that she was no longer looking at me. Instinctively I reached in front of me and wound her thick black hair around my hand and pulled back forcing her head up so that she was again looking at me.

Her lip curled slightly and her eyes blazed as she pushed back as hard as she could against me.

“Fuck,” I groaned.

“Harder.” Her voice was a cross between a purr and a growl.

I held her hair in my hand as I thrust in and out of her, unable to use any restraint.

“Oh, God, Jax,” she yelled out as I continued my assault, driven by the new level of desire that was sparked seeing her raw, animalistic need.

I pounded into her as I stared in the mirror at the reflection of us united in the most erotic sexual moment of my existence.

I felt heat pooling in my groin and stilled.

“Don’t stop,” she begged.

“I don’t want to come yet, damn it,” I said, trying to hold her still.

“I do, please, I need it so bad Jax.”

“Don’t you fucking look away,” I said as I released her hair and held her hips as I drove into her, over and over, until she cried out as her pussy contracted around me, until I couldn’t take it anymore and I joined her in an orgasm unlike any other I had ever experienced.

I pulled out, and grabbed the cloth from the counter and gently cleaned between her legs as she rested her body over it. I cleaned myself off, and then pulled her up, took her hand and walked into my bedroom, where I quickly took her clothes off and then mine.

“Sleep.” I pointed to the bed and she lazily climbed under the covers and lay down.

I climbed in beside her and pulled her as close as I possibly could without being inside her.

“Jax?” she yawned.

“Yeah.” I rubbed her back.

“I love you, but I really think this is a bad idea.”

“I won’t let you stop. I can’t let you stop so, good or bad, it doesn’t mean fuck all to me. I swear I will take care of you.” I kissed her head and then held her hand. The hand that Will’s ring was on. In my sleepy post orgasmic state, I held her tighter and made a silent promise to my brother by choice, her brother by blood, that I would never stop taking care of this woman, not until my last breath.

*     *     *

I woke to
her thrashing in my arms and turned on the side lamp. She was asleep and must have been having a nightmare.

“No, please, no,” she whispered.

“Frankie.” I sat up and leaned over rubbing her back. “Frankie.”

“Jax?” She looked shocked when she saw me.

“I’m here.” I pulled her against me and kissed her cheek.

“You’re sure? This isn’t a dream?”

“I’m sure that it’s a dream but one that’s real. Go to sleep, I got you.”

She nodded her head and lay back, pulling me with her.

When I woke up, I made breakfast and let her sleep. My room was always pitch black. It had to be that way, because when I had the time to sleep, I needed to make sure I did. You never knew when duty would call.