Invisible (42 page)

“That painful?”

I laugh. “Well, maybe I'm exaggerating, but only a little bit.” Then I grow serious as I recall the conversation with my mother. “But yes, it was hard. She believes, really believes, that she's protected me from evil all these years. That by filling my mind with what she believes to be true in her mind, that she's somehow protected me.”

“Wow. I'm so sorry, Ellyn.”

“All I can do now is pray for her. But, for me, I think it was a huge breakthrough. I'm not saying it was a miraculous healing and I don't have any more work to do, but when I left her house yesterday, I left Earl—and years of shame—behind.”

Sabina lifts her hand in the air. “High five, girl.”

I put my palm against hers.

She wraps her hand around mine. “You are amazing. I am so proud of you.”

I shake my head. “I'm not amazing. God is amazing. He led me every step of the way.”

“Good.”

“Do you mind if we talk about something else. I'm still sort of emotionally exhausted. I can tell you more in a day or two.”

“No problem.”

“So, you enjoyed yesterday?” I look out at the view as Sabina answers.

“We really did. It was a rich time with incredible people.”

I look back at her. “I'm so glad. So what's up for New Year's?”

Sabina's face is radiant. “Well, I'm spending New Year's Eve with my man. We're going to ring in a new season of life together.”

“Oh, Sabina, I'm so happy for you. By the way, where is Antwone?”

“He and Miles and the boys went to hit buckets of balls this morning.”

“It sounds like Antwone and Miles have really hit it off.”

“How does the saying go? ‘Necessity is the mother of invention.' They both needed a golf partner, and that foundation seems enough to build a lasting friendship on. Oh, and speaking of New Year's, this is so sweet. Will and Twila were making plans last night to ring in the New Year together. They're spending the evening with Alex and Kimberli. I wish you could have seen Twila—she was glowing.”

“Oh, that's so great. I'll give her a call today and get the scoop.” Twila is so deserving of love. My heart swells for her. Sure, they just met yesterday so it's too soon to know whether or not they're in love. But if Will isn't the one for Twila, there will be someone else. Of that I'm certain. She is so full of courage. And she's leading the way for me.

If Miles isn't the one for me, then I can believe now that there will be someone else. But, oh. It will take me a while to get Miles out of my mind.

And heart.

Sabina's brow furrows. “What will you do on New Year's Eve?”

“Oh, don't worry about me. I have a standing date with a stack of old movies and a bowl of popcorn . . . with butter.” I raise my eyebrows. “Don't deny me a date with butter. There's nothing better.” I mean what I say, too. I'm content . . .

Sort of.

As I make the
short drive from Sabina's rental to my house, an idea begins to take shape.

Really? Is it ridiculous? Wistful thinking?
Lord? But what if . . .

I weigh the pros and cons with God as I walk into the house. By the time I reach the phone in the kitchen, there's only one thing I can see standing in the way of the idea. Well, two things . . . and one of them I have no control over.

I'll leave the unknown in God's hands.

I call Twila. She shares the details of her Christmas with Will, and I hear a new lilt in her voice. When she's done, I ask her the question that will give me either the red or green light on my plan.

I'm given a green light.

Oh Lord, I think this is from You . . .

When I hang up the phone, excitement has me trembling . . . and, okay, a touch of uncertainty, too. I grab a pencil, a lined pad of paper from a drawer in the kitchen, and sit at the table in the nook to jot down ideas.

As the ideas shape up, one truth hits me: I can't do this alone.

Back to the phone.

I hear the humor in Sabina's voice when she answers. “Miss me already?”

“No. I mean, yes. But, no. Never mind. I have an idea and I need your help.”

December 31 blows in
clear and cold. The forecast earlier in the week prepared me for a high of fifty-two degrees. The wind of early morning gives way to a chilly, but still, afternoon. I'll take it.

At 4:30, as the winter sun is dipping on the horizon, I'm rushing between the upstairs deck and the kitchen downstairs—making sure everything is in place. I stop at my bedroom during one of my trips back and forth and change my clothes. Makeup done, I pull the band out of my ponytail and brush my hair until it shines. I leave it loose, hanging over my shoulders and down my back. Then, before heading back down to the kitchen, I reach for a new bottle of fragrance and spray a bit on my neck.

I stand back and look at the image reflected in the mirror. “Beautiful.”

At 6:00 p.m. on the dot, there's a knock on my front door. That's when my knees begin knocking too. I take a deep breath and go to the door. I stand there for just a moment.

Lord, this is Your evening. I trust You.

I open the door, knowing who waits on the other side. “Hi.”

“Hello.”

I can't tell if he's irritated or just confused.

“I believe I was just kidnapped by my buddy Antwone, who then pulled into your driveway, told me to get out of the car, and then . . . left me.”

“Well, then, I'm glad I'm home.”

“Ellyn?”

“I'm sorry, Miles. The kidnapping was by design. Please, come in and I'll explain.”

He steps inside. “You're all dressed up. You . . . look . . . great, Ellyn.”

“Thank you. If you don't mind, just follow me and then I'll explain. Okay?”

“Well, it's either that or I walk home, I guess.” He chuckles.

I'm so grateful for his sense of humor and willingness to go along with me, at least for the moment. I walk to the stairs and begin to make the ascent. For just a second, I'm aware that he's behind me, and might be watching my least favorable asset make its way up the stairs. But then I choose a different mind-set. What he's seeing is, in fact, my
biggest
asset. A giggle escapes.

“Are you laughing at my predicament?”

I turn and look over my shoulder. “No, I'm just cracking myself up. C'mon, we're almost there.” I lead him up to the guest room, cross the room, and open the door to the small outside balcony. Then I head up the last set of stairs to the upper deck. The evening is dark, the moon still hidden. I lead Miles to the balcony overlooking the headlands. The sound of the surf breaks in the distance. “Wait here just a second.”

I go grab the gift bag I planted nearby, and then come back and hand it to him. “Here, this will explain things.”

I reach for his hand and put the handles of the bag around his fingers.

“I can't see it.”

“Oh, right. I turn and reach for the candle and lighter I left on the railing. Everything is planned to perfection and in its place. The only unknown is how Miles will respond. But I won't worry about that. It's in God's hands.

I light the candle and hold it between us. “Okay, go ahead.”

“The bag looks familiar.” He reaches inside, pulls out a small box, and takes off the lid. He takes a smooth piece of sea glass out of the box. He rubs his thumb over the word etched into the glass. “Here, hold the candle closer, Ellyn. I can't read it.”

I move the candle closer to the piece of glass he holds. My breath catches and my hands tremble. The flame sways back and forth with my shaking.

He looks at the piece of glass and reads the word inscribed on it. He stares at it for a moment and then rubs his thumb across the word again.

“Miles . . .” My voice is hoarse. “You told me to let you know if I was ever ready for more.”

He looks up at me.

“If you're still . . . interested, I'm . . . ready.”

He stares at me for what feels like forever and then he looks back down at the piece of glass he holds. “You're ready for this?” He holds up the sea glass. “Ready for
Love
?”

I nod. “Yes, I am. Miles, I . . . love you and I'd like to date you. In a romantic sort of way.”

His face is shadowed, but the flame flickering between us catches the glimmer in his eyes. He reaches out and takes the candle from me and sets it on the railing. Then he takes me in his arms and pulls me close.

I snuggle into the warmth of his embrace.

“Oh, Ellyn . . .”

“Hmm?”

He shudders against me. “It's . . .
freezing
out here.”

I pull back. “Yes, I know. Stay here.” I go over to where a power strip with multiple cords plugged into it sits beneath an outlet. I reach for the plug and push it into the socket. As I do, the upper deck comes to life with hundreds of white, fairy lights. They hang from the railing encircling the balcony, and they outline the frame of the white rental tent that is set up in the middle of the deck.

“Wow . . .”

There is awe in Miles's voice.

I go back to him. “I hope you'll stay for dinner.”

“Dinner?”

“Yes.” I walk to the tent and pull back the two front flaps, revealing a table for two set inside. Next to the table stands my outdoor heater, along with candelabras standing on either side. I tie the flaps back, pick up the lighter I left on the table, and light the propane heater and the twelve tapered candles. On a small buffet on the side of the tent are covered serving dishes with flickering pots of Sterno under each. I light candles I've set on the table, along with a small votive in the center of the table. I turn back to Miles. “Please, come in, it's cold out there.”

He walks into the tent, where the heater already warms the interior. He turns and looks back out the open flaps at the stars twinkling overhead. Then he turns to me—he stands so close that I feel his breath on my cheek as he whispers, “Ellyn, would you give me the honor of your second kiss?”

I stand on my toes and tilt my face up to meet his.

His lips are warm. His kiss tender.

He pulls back from me. “And your third kiss?” Then he kisses me again.

His voice is husky. “And your four—”

I reach for his face and pull it toward me. My kiss is more demanding than his. When I need to catch my breath, I lean back just a bit. “Miles Becker, you were my first kiss, and I hope you'll be my last kiss, and every kiss in between.” As I watch his face, tears glisten in his eyes . . . as they do in mine.

“That, Ellyn, would be my great pleasure.”

And he proves it.

You called and cried out loud and shattered my deafness. You were radiant and resplendent, you put to flight my blindness. You were fragrant, and I drew in my breath and now pant after you. I tasted you, and I feel but hunger and thirst for you. You touched me, and I am set on fire to attain the peace which is yours.

Saint Augustine

Chapter Fifty-Seven

Sabina

On the fourth Saturday
in May, Antwone and I sit side by side, along with fifty or so of Miles's and Ellyn's closest friends and family. As we wait, I look up and see blue sky peeking through the top of the cathedral—the canopy of cypress branches. The branches sway in the spring breeze and sunlight dapples the cathedral floor, reminding me of the day not so long ago that God met me here and called me unto Himself.

Sitting here now, I'm staggered by the changes that have taken place since that day. When the bonds of shame are broken, freedom soars.

I reach over and grasp Antwone's hand, then lean in and kiss him on the cheek. “I love you, baby.”

He gives my hand a gentle squeeze. We are not the only ones soaring today—nor are we the only ones wooed by romance.

Twila sits in front of me, her hand clasped in Will's—they lean, heads together, and whisper to one another. There is, as of last night, a thin platinum band with a small diamond on Twila's left ring finger. They announced their engagement, at the urging of Miles and Ellyn, at the rehearsal dinner last night. The dinner was a formality, as there was little to rehearse for this simple ceremony. Rather, it was a time for those closest to Miles and Ellyn to affirm and celebrate their love.

Nerissa sits on Twila's other side. Her left arm drapes around Twila's shoulders. The ring Nerissa wears on her left hand also speaks of love and commitment. She's committed her life to her eternal Bridegroom. I notice her eyes are closed and I imagine she is enjoying this moment with Him.

My thoughts are interrupted by the singing of violin strings signaling the beginning of the ceremony. Miles and his pastor walk down the middle aisle and take their places.

Then Ellyn appears.

She walks into the grove and stands at the back.

The friends and family gathered all stand and turn to watch her. Before I turn, I wait to see the look on Miles's face. I see such joy there . . . and maybe even a hint of awe.