Invasion of the Boy Snatchers (6 page)

“What’s with the hooker boots?” Claire whispered in Massie’s ear.

“She’s so hyrats.” Kristen paused to give her friends a chance to crack her latest jumble. “
Trashy!
”

“Food court!” Massie sneezed.

“I
like
her outfit,” Chris Plovert said with a devious smirk.

“Me too.” Derrington nodded

Claire glared at Cam.

“Not me.” Cam did his best to sound convincing.

Claire smiled.

“Puh-lease.” Massie rolled her eyes. “She has no style.”

“Her chest makes Alicia’s look like a back,” Dylan mumbled.

The boys high-fived each other.

“Shhh,” Claire shushed. “Here she comes.”

Nina glided toward them, never taking her eyes off the boys. Chris Plovert gasped and then punched Derrington in the arm. Derrington giggled and punched Chris back. As Nina got closer, they both punched Cam. By the time she arrived, Nina was faced with three giddy boys and four scowling girls. But before she could say hello, she was pulled away by Alicia’s dad, who just
had
to introduce her to Mr. and Mrs. Everhart from down the street.

“Hey, everyone,” Alicia announced when she rejoined the group. “This is Josh Hotz. He’s new at Briarwood.” She was swaying back and forth, twirling the ruby-and-gold ring on her index finger.

“We know Josh,” Derrington mumbled. “He’s on our soccer team.”

“Well, we don’t know him.” Massie extended her arm. He was the perfect match for Alicia. They looked exactly the same. “Hi, I’m Massie Block.”

“Hey, Massie Block.” Josh smiled eagerly.

The brim on his New York Yankees hat cast a dark shadow across his chiseled face, but from what Massie could see, he looked like Josh Hartnett, only scrawnier. He was a solid eight. “The chicks in this town are awesome,” Josh said after he met Kristen, Dylan, and Claire. His lips were dark red and wet, but not in a gross way. It sort of looked like he was wearing a new line of gloss for men.

“Thanks.” Massie pulled on a chunk of her crimped hair. She smiled sweetly and turned to face Josh, hoping her flirty expression would make Derrington jealous. But Josh was staring straight at Nina.

“Uh, let’s go meet some other people in my class.” Alicia yanked Josh by the sleeve of his blue blazer.

“Will they look like
her
?” he was still looking back at Nina.

Derrington, Cam, and Plovert cracked up. Alicia rolled her eyes and gave his arm one final tug.

“He’s a cool guy.” Cam was still smiling.

None of the girls responded. Kristen adjusted her fedora, Dylan sucked in her stomach, Claire tucked her overgrown bangs behind her ear, and Massie applied a fresh coat of Krispy Kreme gloss. She cringed when she heard Nina’s ah-nnoying
har-har-har
laugh and watched in horror as the tops of her massive boobs jiggled, right there in front of the Everharts.

Massie ran her fingers over the emerald green eyes in her cat brooch, wondering how to keep Nina away from the guys. But when she heard Derrington, Cam, and Chris whispering about “Alicia’s cousin’s epic cleavage,” Massie realized the real problem would be keeping the guys away from Nina.

After the party, Massie rushed home and turned on her G5. It was crucial that her first blog go live before the start of the new semester.

O
CTAVIAN
C
OUNTRY
D
AY
S
CHOOL
T
HE
C
AFÉ

Monday, January 26th 12:07
P.M.

“Virgins! Virgins! Virgins!” Massie shouted. Dylan and Kristen joined in. It wasn’t long before the entire lunch crowd in the Café was chanting and chewing.

Sage Redwood, a tree-hugging eighth grader, adjusted the garlands in her long wavy hair and straightened the flashing neon VIRGINS sign that hung on the wall above the cash register. It was obvious from her proud smile that she had been waiting for this moment for a long time. She was minutes away from cutting the red ribbon and launching the first alcohol-free cocktail kiosk on campus. And Massie, Alicia, Kristen, and Dylan, who were also known as the Pretty Committee, had received a personal invitation from Sage to be the first girls to try them.

“I can’t believe Sage got Principal Burns to agree to this.” Dylan shook her head. “These fruity drinks better have a lot of caffeine in them or I’ll never make it through World Issues.” She was dressed in an all-black pantsuit with pink pinstripes because her mother, Merri-Lee Marvil, the famous talk-show host, had told her vertical lines were slimming.

“I miss our Chai lattés already.” Kristen tilted the hot pink vinyl rain hat Massie had given her. “Remember when Sage was handing out those pamphlets last semester about the exploitation of coffee plantation workers in Sri Lanka and marching around the halls waving signs that said, S
TARBUCKS
I
S A
T
OTAL
H
AS
-BEAN?”

“Yeah, didn’t I throw iced cappuccino on her?” Massie put her index finger in her mouth and raised her eyebrows innocently as if to say, “Whoopsie.”

The three girls laughed at the memory of Sage covered in coffee and fat-free whipped cream.

“Yeah, but she still thinks it was Audrey Capeos.” Dylan coughed into her sleeve. Massie noticed that her hack sounded a lot worse than the night before and stepped away from her. She didn’t want to be sick and snotty for Derrington’s soccer game.

“I love your crimped hair. It looks so rock star.” Sage was looking at Massie and twirling a pair of giant silver scissors around her index finger. “I read about it in your blog last night, and I’ve already asked my mother to get me a crimper next month for my birthday.”

“That’s so cool, Sage.” Massie made a mental note to make crimpers out by the end of the month.

“Speaking of your blog,” Kristen piped in, “I love what you wrote about exchange students being out. I mean, what was up with that girl? She seemed so slutty.”

“If she’s smart, which I doubt, she’ll stay far away from me,” Massie said. “Because if I ever see her fat boobs near Derrington I’ll—”

“Not like Derrington would mind.” Kristen’s words crashed down on Massie like a heap of shoe boxes from the back of her closet.

“Hey, Kristen, maybe you should started dressing like her. Then no one would mistake you for a boy,” Massie suggested.

Dylan giggled.

“Kahnts a tol.”

“You’re welcome.” Massie was unfazed by Kristen’s hurt expression. “Are you ever going to let us see this mysterious haircut?” She reached for the pink rain hat.

“Never.” Kristen slapped Massie’s hand.

“Ouch!”

Kristen finally smiled.

“Massie, I thought for sure you’d write about your new brooch obsession in your blog.” She was looking at Massie’s big red rose pin that was fastened to the lapel of her red velvet blazer.

“No way.” Massie shook her head. “I want to wear them for at least a week before everyone starts copying me. I’ll make them in as soon as I get sick of them.”

“Rewtehav,” Kristen said.

“Wanna hear something else that’s in?” Massie asked. As soon as she said those words, she wished she could take them back. She knew it wasn’t the right time, but would it ever be?

“What?” Dylan asked.

Massie took a deep breath. “Bedroom sharing.”

“Huh?” Kristen said.

Massie told them that the Lyons family was staying in Westchester and that Claire would be sharing her bedroom until the extreme makeover on the guesthouse was done.

“How long will that take?” Kristen asked.

“Coupla weeks,” Massie mumbled.

“Gawd, aren’t you two sick of each other yet?” Dylan snapped. “I mean, you just spent the holidays with her in Aspen and now—”

“It may get a little cramped, but it’s better than having them move to Chicago, right?”

Kristen and Dylan shrugged and said nothing.

“Hey, speak of the devil.” Claire was heading toward the back of the line with her kooky friend Layne. “Over here!” She waved.

Claire was wearing a puffy orange vest, a white sweat-shirt, and navy cotton pants.

Massie heard Dylan whisper to Kristen, “She looks like a crossing guard,” but ignored her.

When Claire kept walking, Massie flipped open her cell phone. The bells that hung off her antenna swung back and forth.

“What is your obsession with Claire? Are you dumping us because I have short hair?”

“No, she’s dumping us because I’m fat. And we don’t have boyfriends like they do.”

Massie felt her stomach leap when Dylan said “boyfriends.” She couldn’t wait to see Derrington on Friday at the soccer game.

“I’m not dumping anyone,” Massie snapped. “I just thought Claire could cut the line and wait with us.”

“Don’t you mean the devil?” Dylan hissed.

“What?”

“You called her that, I didn’t.” Dylan smirked.

Normally Massie would have fought back, but she was distracted by Nina, who seemed to be modeling the latest knockoffs from Contempo Casuals. Everyone standing on line stopped talking and stared. She swung her butt cheeks slowly from side to side as she passed, hypnotizing the crowd with her steady, confident sway and the click-clacking of her knee-high leopard boots.

She stopped at the front of the line, right in front of Massie.

“
Hola
, I’m Nina.” She applied a fresh coat of bloodred lipstick. She snapped the tube shut and reached out her hand. Massie shook it, with caution.

“Funny, I expected you to have a stronger grip.” Nina smirked.

“I didn’t want your fake nails to snap off.”

Kristen and Dylan giggled.

“You are not the first person to think they’re fake.” Nina held out her nails and admired them. “They’re so perfect, no one believes they’re real.”

“Just like those?” Massie said, looking at Nina’s chest.

“Exactly.” Nina winked.

Massie couldn’t believe the frizzy-haired girl from Alicia’s pictures suddenly had so much confidence.

“I love your boots, Nina,” Lucy Savo called out as she passed.

“Yeah, they’re really awesome,” Becky Charsky agreed.

“
Gracias
.” Nina flashed a toothy smile.

Massie casually rolled up the bottoms of her long jeans, revealing the round toes on her new violet Kate Spade pumps, and made a mental note to start wearing shorter pants. Maybe then more people would notice
her
fabulous shoes.

“There you are, Nina. I thought I lost you,” Alicia called as she walked toward the Virgins line. She was moving at a normal, casual pace, which for Alicia, a notorious slow walker, meant she was in a hurry. “I’m glad you found everyone.”

In a desperate attempt to honor New Year’s resolution number seven, which was “Treat all friends with kindness,” Massie resisted calling Alicia “Mini-Me.” But it wasn’t easy, considering that Alicia’s hair was styled exactly like Nina’s. They were both wearing super-slick, tight ponytails, which Alicia never usually did because she claimed they pulled on her scalp and gave her migraines.

At least Alicia was still dressed like herself. She was in her usual mix of Ralph Lauren separates: Blue Label cargos and a corduroy blazer with a floppy felt flower on the lapel. Nina was wearing super-tight low-waisted jeans that were tucked into her boots and a red faux-fur mini-jacket that barely covered her ribs. Her flat, tanned stomach was completely exposed.

“You better be careful,” Kristen said to Nina. “That outfit violates OCD’s dress code. You could get suspended.”

“Yeah, last time we dressed like that, Principal Burns told us we’d have to start wearing uniforms. If it wasn’t for my mother we would all—”

“Puh
-or favor!
I already got sent to that birdie lady’s office.” Nina sounded proud of her violation. “I told her my outfit was a traditional Spanish ensemble and that taking it off would be an insult to my people.”

“And she believed you?” Dylan sounded genuinely impressed.

“I’m still wearing it, aren’t I?”

“That is so cool,” Kristen gushed. “Massie, I wish you’d thought of that when we got in trouble for wearing our Dirty Devil Halloween costumes to school.”

“Uh, I was a little busy trying to plan the first-ever boy–girl Halloween party to think up stupid excuses,” Massie said.

“Wait, you just threw your first boy–girl party last October? I’ve had boys at my parties since the fourth grade.”

Dylan sneezed, “Slut.”

Massie was the only one who laughed.

“Did you just call Nina a slut?” Alicia snapped.

“Dylan, that’s so dure.”

“What is dure?” Nina asked.

“It means rude,” Kristen offered. “It’s jumble.”

Nina shrugged.

“No, I swear. That was a real sneeze.” Dylan grabbed a napkin off a nearby table. “My cold is getting worse.”

Massie wanted to scream. Why were her friends being so nice to Nina? Couldn’t they see that she was a manipulative liar? Massie reached inside her hip-hugging Yves St. Laurent money belt and fished around the inside for her latest Glossip Girl flavor. Today’s delivery was Cinnabon. It had arrived that morning and it was ah-mazing. It actually smelled and tasted exactly like the warm cinnamon rolls from the mall.

“What is that
aroma
?” Nina asked. She crinkled her button nose and waved her hand in the air.

“Dylan?” Alicia said.

“It wasn’t me.”

“It smells like my grandmama’s kitchen.” Nina held her nose. “And she’s a terrible cook.”

“Yeah, it
is
kinda sweet.” Kristen sniffed the air.

Massie turned her back and quickly wiped her lips on the back of her hand.

“Nina, will you be okay here with my friends while I go do my newscast? It’s my first one ever, and I don’t want to be late.”