Intrinsical (16 page)

Brent stepped toward me, slowly lifting his hands to my arms. “Everything is going to be okay, Yara. I’m not sure how, but it will be.”

“
Stop that! Stop trying to comfort me with empty promises.” I glared at him for a second. “There has to be a way to fix this.

“
There isn’t a solution, only acceptance,” he said, with a wisdom that seemed to go beyond his teenage years.

His words ruffled something deep in my soul and I stopped, my eyes finding his. “How? How do I simply accept my death? I have no idea how to make peace with this.”

“
You can start by saying goodbye to your friends.”

Cherie now sat in a pool chair weeping quietly, her drama teacher, Mrs. Tolley, holding her hand. Steve stood behind her with his hands resting on her shoulders.

“
I can’t do that.”

“
It will make it easier.”

“
For who?” I asked angrily. “She needs me and I’m not leaving her. If you think I’m just going to accept this, then you don’t know me very well. I’m not ready to die,” I insisted through clenched teeth.

“
It doesn’t matter if you’re ready or not, you already did,” he reminded me evenly.

“
There is always a solution.”

“
Not this time,” he said, sitting on the edge of a glass table.

“
Look . . . I’m willing to accept that I . . .” I couldn’t bring myself to say the word drowned again, “ . . . had an accident, but I just can’t believe that it’s over. If this is it, then why am I sitting here and not in the Great Beyond?”

He started to say something, but a look I couldn’t read, maybe guilt, crept across his face and he kept quiet. With a deep breath, I began pacing around the room, still massaging my temples with my fingertips. I hoped rubbing them with enough force would somehow make sense of the last few minutes and help me see a way to make everything right.

I have no idea how long I went on like that, but when I finally sat down next to Brent, I realized the paramedics had arrived.

Bright bursts of red and blue light swept around the room from the emergency vehicles parked outside. A paramedic was speaking quietly with Steve. A man in a police uniform was standing close by with a notebook out, jotting things down that Steve was telling him. Cherie, who was standing next to him, holding his hand, was staring blank-faced toward the pool. A photographer was taking pictures of the scene and several other officers were sealing off the room. I buried my head in Brent’s chest, unable to watch as they zipped my body up in a long black bag before strapping it onto a gurney. He soothingly stroked my hair, murmuring comforting words into my ear.

I couldn’t help but follow as I was wheeled out of the pool area and into the ambulance.

“
They can’t take me away,” I cried to Brent.

“
They have to,” he said, tightening his arms around me.

“
But if they do . . . how am I going to fix it?”

“
Please believe me— you can’t fix this, Yara.” He moved my chin so I had to look into his eyes.

“
No!
” Cherie screamed, chasing after the ambulance.

Steve was right behind her, pulling her back. My unbeating heart wrenched painfully at Cherie’s desperate pleading, at the way her body crumpled into Steve’s arms as she sobbed. As I watched her mourn, the whole world began to spin dangerously fast and nausea swept through me. I couldn’t take it anymore. Desperately, I fled the room and out into the trees to put distance between me and my grieving friend.

Chapter 9

I was thoroughly overwhelmed and I fled into the groves for refuge, sprinting at full tilt, branches and rocks all skimming past me, through me. Even though I couldn’t hear him, I knew Brent was close behind me; I could feel him near. I stopped and clung to a tree, trying to get the last image of Cherie out of my head. Her expression had made everything far too real. I couldn’t deny it anymore: I had died and there was no way to fix it. As I finally accepted this, everything fell into place, how everything had gone dark before Brent had been able to rescue me, my heart being so silent because it was no longer beating and the way everything was now bathed in a beautiful glowing light.

Brent’s breath warmed my neck as he came close behind me.

“
How did I die? I mean I know how . . . just, what happened? I was sitting by the pool talking to the imposter you, next thing I know my spirit was shot across campus, only to find my body had a restraining order out against me.”

The corner of Brent’s lips twitched as he ran his fingers through his chestnut hair. “I’m pretty sure your drink was spiked with some concoction, probably containing a special blend of black licorice. I knocked it out of your hands but his had stuff in it too. I did try to keep him from sharing his drink with you, but his grip on it was too strong.” Brent sighed.

The groaning of brakes and tread of tires rumbled past us as the emergency vehicles left Pendrell. After they were gone the night became silent, even the insects hushing as if paying their last respects to me.

“
That stuff he gave you can be pretty nasty for people who can project. It gives your spirit the old heave-ho and then won’t let your spirit or anyone else’s near the empty body.”

“
I died because I drank some stupid drink.” My shoulders slumped. “So that orange thing you destroyed— was that created by the licorice stuff?”

“
Yep.”

“
I was so dumb to not pay closer attention to your warnings. Thanks for trying to save me from my own stupidity.” I lifted my head and looked at Brent, completely defeated. “At the risk of stating the obvious, I really wish you had saved me.”

He sighed heavily. “Me, too. But I failed you again.”

I startled at his unexpected word choice. “Again?”

“
Well, besides drowning . . .” He stopped and somehow I knew he was trying to figure out how to explain the rest. “I saw the light coming and I wanted to watch you cross. I wanted to be there with you . . . so you wouldn’t be alone. Then I saw the darkness trying to get to you as well . . . I wasn’t sure which one would reach you first and I panicked. Instead of pushing you toward the light . . . I grabbed you rather . . . rashly. I took you away from them both.”

“
What does that mean?”

“
Well . . .” he sighed again. “Honestly, I’m not sure, but I think it means that you are stuck here with me.”

I blinked in sheer confusion. “I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”

Brent tucked his thumbs through his belt loops, not meeting my eyes. “I think you might actually have missed your chance at Heaven or whatever . . . because of me.” My mouth dropped in complete surprise and I found I had no words. “I think my pulling you from the light might have . . .”

I found my voice and it wasn’t happy. “So I’m dead, but I don’t get to go to Heaven because of you!?”

Suddenly agitated, he started chewing on his fingernails as he spoke. “Basically, but I only did it because the darkness was coming.”

For a moment the dual image of the light on one side of the pool and the sinister gloom on the other flashed before my eyes. Dread swirled through me at the memory of the heavy black that had felt like it desired to swallow me.

“
What is the mist? Is it Hell? Have I been too bad to go to Heaven?” Every rule Cherie and I had broken replayed itself in my mind.

Brent chuckled quietly, which made me throw him an evil look. “Of course not.”

I tapped my finger to my chin thinking. “It attacked me once on campus and it’s what tried to choke you the day I saved your life.”

“
It was?” Brent asked astounded. “I always wondered about that.”

“
Yeah.”

“
So the mist is responsible for you and I meeting.” He laughed. “It really is up to no good.”

I eyed him suspiciously. “Did you ever see it?”

“
No, but I think I felt it. That day it attacked you, I could almost sense it then, too. I could tell something was happening the way your hair was flying everywhere like you were inside a twister. I could almost feel something there, something trying to hurt you. I just knew you were in trouble and needed my help, so I blasted the area with a gust of wind. It was the only thing I could think to do, but it seemed to work.” He fiddled with the knot of his tie. “And I didn’t say anything because . . . because I couldn’t see anything. Why didn’t you?”

“
I wanted to, but I was afraid you’d call me crazy.”

He shrugged his shoulders, frowning. “Yeah, I guess I deserve that.”

“
But what is it?”

“
Beats me. All I know is to avoid it when I see it. I thought I could protect you but that didn’t turn out so well.”

“
What would happen if it caught me?” I asked.

“
Again, I don’t know but I’m guessing nothing good.”

“
If we’re . . . dead—” It was still hard to say the word. “And we’re not in Heaven or Hell, where are we?

“
Limbo, I guess. We’re not alive, but we aren’t with the other spirits either. I have no idea how long we’ll be stuck here or what happens next.”

“
What kept you from the light? The black mist?”

Brent shook his head. “Nothing. The light didn’t come for me.” He dropped to the ground with a sigh. “It’s almost like the Cosmos isn’t aware that I died.”

“
When did you die?”

“
I died a few weeks ago, or maybe it was a few days; I’ve lost track of time, but I’ve been dead for a while.” Brent took a deep breath. “You’ll probably remember it— the night I was supposed to start training you.”

“
That’s why you didn’t show up?” He nodded, and I chewed my lip. “So ever since then it hasn’t been you?”

Brent shook his head.

“
Then who has it been? Why did he kill you? And why kill me, too?” I asked in a rush of words.

A grim and determined smile carved itself into Brent’s face. “That’s the question, isn’t it?”

My fingers drummed on my leg as I waited for Brent to continue but he didn’t. “And the answer is?”

“
Your guess is as good as mine.”

“
Really? That’s it.”

Brent nodded, resting his back against the trunk of a tree. He stretched his legs out and crossed his ankles.

“
Any theories?”

“
No. But I’m starting to wonder exactly how my brother died.”

I slinked down to the bumpy ground as I asked. “Do you think his . . . death—”

Brent swallowed hard. “You can call it what it was.”

I averted my gaze and licked my lips nervously. “Do you think his suicide is connected to this?”

“
I have no proof, but my instincts say yes.”

“
What do you mean?”

“
For some time after . . . my body was shanghaied, I had company.” Brent scratched the back of his head.

“
Okay . . .” I drawled out.

“
Phil Lawson.”

I leaned toward Brent stopping myself from taking his hand. “That isn’t possible, Brent. He killed himself right after your body was snatched.”

“
That’s just it— he didn’t.” Brent brought his knees to his chest. “Someone had stolen his body and had it for a long time before I joined him.”

“
Is he still around?”

Brent’s voice sounded feeble when he answered, “No.”

“
What happened to him?”

“
The mist got him, probably about the time of his so-called suicide. After his body died, the light and mist came for him, just like they did for you. I tried to help but . . . he didn’t stand a chance. It wasn’t pretty.” Brent’s voice was barely audible.

“
But it never tried to get you?” My stomach lurched and it felt like my tonsils doubled in size.

Brent shook his head. “The mist knocked me on my butt a few times, but other than that, it never noticed me at all.” Rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, he added, “The whole thing got me thinking— maybe that’s what happened with the other suicides. Maybe their spirits got evicted and were stuck here like me. Maybe they didn’t really kill themselves. Maybe Neal didn’t choose to die.”

He was quiet, his last words lingering. I lifted my hand and started rubbing his back, imagining Phil Lawson being captured by the mist. “Thank you for saving me. Maybe I’m stuck in Limbo but at least that . . . thing didn’t get me.”

“
Oh, I wouldn’t thank him so soon,” Brent’s voice said from behind, not beside me, as a chill crept into the air.