Into the Lion's Den (53 page)

“When I tried to kill myself he said he was going to kill father Patricio in return if I ever tried it again
and I didn't want to risk to know if it was true,” I told him.

“Guntram, he's a mobster, a criminal with no qualms when it comes to his own needs and desires. By
definition, he disregards all rules. I was sincere when I offered you my protection and affection and I trust that you
will return those feelings to me,” Konrad said and I was speechless. He certainly knows how to make things clear.

“Konrad, I think we could be friends at some point. You're a good person and have helped me out of
kindness, but, as you said, some things don't mix together well,” I said very slowly, choosing the words with infinite
care.

He laughed at my face. “Guntram, the fever was really affecting you!” he chuckled. “Some “things”—

as you call them and I believe you're referring to sex—can't be rushed or forced. I'm not planning to exchange
security for sex with you. I can obtain “that thing” at a much cheaper price and with more seasoned lovers, without
jumping into a young man's bed. I only want your companionship and nothing else. The rest might come later or not.”

“Why are you interested in me? I'm practically a dork.”

He chuckled once more, louder. “Your propaganda ministry needs some restructuring, Guntram. Maybe
I like you because you're “a dork”. You're intelligent but very naïve, honest, polite, generous and for some unknown
reason, you don't grate my nerves like ninety-five percent of the people I know do. I haven't shared my life with
anyone for the past fifteen years because all the lovers I had, were thinking more of themselves than of me. How can
you share something with someone if they're already naming the price? They all want something from me, but you
don't.”

“I would also want something from you; protection from Constantin,” I clarified, not liking a bit his
reasoning.

“I know and I don't mind providing it. Your character is naturally selfless, peaceful and kind. The person
who came here in February is not the boy who stands now in front of me.”

“I'm very grateful to you, Konrad. You have been almost like a father to me.” A big cold water bucket
should do.

“Perhaps I'm practising with you,” he giggled, unaffected by what it's supposed to be the greatest turn-off phrase in mankind's history. “I'm considering very seriously in having children in the near future. I'm forty-six and
soon people will tell that I'm an old spinster. You can stay single till you're forty, then people start to suspect.”

What? Not even two minutes ago he insinuated that we should have sex, well not really, come to think.

He says he can get better elsewhere, thank you very much! I'm not such a dry old bone to the cast away! One look
from me and Constantin was set in flames and now he wants to marry? Poor woman and children!

“Are you going to get married?” I asked, still shocked at his audacity. Shameless prick!

“No, I couldn't stand a wife. I don't like women outside the bedroom. I said I want children and
nowadays is possible to have them without the inconvenience of a wife. Before too, but you had to spend the rest of
your life explaining your reasons and you had to adopt your own son so he could inherit you.”

“Konrad, I'm afraid you are not making any sense.”

“I need a gentle person at my side to counterbalance my domineering ways, as someone told me once.

Alone, I would be too much for any child. They need stability and love in their lives and they don't care if the love
comes from someone not blood related to them. Look at Friederich and me. He's like a father to me and has coped
with me for the past forty-two years. He will die in this house and I suspect that I will mourn him more than my own
father. Friederich has always been there for me, without asking anything for himself. He wasn't very funny when it
came to study or discipline, in fact, he was very stern, but he protected and loved me like no one else had done it
before. I want that my children have the opportunity to share their lives with a generous person like I had. Their lives
will not be easy, exactly as mine was and they will need someone who's there to show them the right way. My father's
best present was to bring Friederich from Salzburg. I've seen you with the children on Easter Sunday and they like
you and want to be with you. You could take care of my children and help me in their education.”

When he finished his explanation I was in shock, convinced that the fever had returned. “Are you
offering me a nanny position for some non-existent babies?”

He was silent for a long minute and then he just said: “Essentially, yes I am.”

I just gaped like an idiot for a longer minute. “I know nothing about children,” I stuttered.

“Most people have no idea and have them, but you will get qualified help from a nurse for their menial
tasks.”

“I know nothing about educating someone!”

“Don't you want to have children?”

“Yes, but my own ones; the normal way. Getting a nice woman to look after!”

“Life never turns out how we plan it, Guntram. Evaluate your real chances to get children on your own
after one year. Let's assume that for some miracle you manage to avoid our Russian friends and escape to an X

country. You would need to start all over again, without money, friends or any kind of support. Get a new name, fake
papers, and a low pay job as you have no special education of any kind. You would have to move every six months to
escape the hounds after you. Perhaps Repin would grow tired in a year or two. Perhaps not, because for him this is a
very cheap entertainment. How long would you last with your heart condition? A year? Two years? What would you
do? Paint portraits in the streets? That's the first place where Repin's people would look. What about medical care?

You need it constantly and an insurance company to survive. The stress would kill you in less than a year. You've
heard Dr. van Horn.”

“You said you would help me to get away from Constantin.”

“I said I would help you as long as you were a member and turning your back to us, by refusing to
cooperate with your Hochmeister, is a serious crime bordering on treason. Of course, I would not punish you as I
truly appreciate you and don't think that you could be a threat to us, but we would withdraw all our support. You will
be on your own, Guntram.”

I felt like dying. Do what he wanted or take my chances with Constantin and I knew he wouldn't let me
go. It was his way or the grave.

“You could be happy taking care of the children. Once they go to school, you could pursue your artistic
career. I have nothing against it and I believe that you show great promise. You can paint here all what you want as
long as the children are taken care of and happy. I'm sure the minute you see the babies, you will love them as if they
were your own. We could reach an understanding between us and be happy together as friends or companions.” He
bent his body over me and his right hand stroke my cheek in a tender gesture. I was frozen and slightly trembling
under his caresses. His eyes took a warmer light and he smiled genuinely at me.

“You have some time to think about it. I would protect and cherish you as you deserve. You don't know
how rare and precious you are for me. These past two months at your side made me realise that you're an excellent
companion for me. For the first time in years, I long to come home every night, have dinner with you, speak with you
or just have you around me while I work. I told you once that you reminded me very much to the man I loved, but it's
not the case any more. Physically you two look the same, but you're very different to him and I prefer you a thousand
times over him.”

I was mute and could only gape at him while he gently stroked my face and hair. I wanted to close my
eyes to enjoy the feeling because he had been the first person that I had allowed to show me such tenderness. He bent
over me and kissed me tenderly on my forehead, letting his lips linger over it longer than necessary. I held my breath
and he smiled again at me in a very kind way, erasing my shock at the crude way he had declared to me. No, this can't
be a love declaration, but it's certainly not what your future employer tells you in a job interview. Imagine, I was
making a job interview on Easter Sunday and no one told me! At that point I was a mess and I returned his smile. His
own smile broadened and he touched playfully the tip of my nose (that's certainly not sexy!) He rose from my bed and
left the room.

I don't know what to think about. I'm as clueless as you can be. He's certain that I couldn't live on my
own for too long. This bloody myocardial hypertrophy ruined my life more than Olga Fedorovna. Constantin was
determined to get me back no matter the costs. I don't want to think what could have happened to me if our meeting
would have taken place in another place that wasn't Konrad's house. It would be a madman's run against
Constantin's men. I would be dead in less than four months.

I don't want to die. I want to live and paint. I want to have a life once more. I want to be able to look for
a job, have a house of my own and raise a family. What all men want.

Konrad is offering me to be a part of a family, not my own of course, but a family nevertheless,
continuing with my career and life.

If I'm alive again is because of him. He took me away from Constantin, even if he had his own selfish
reasons , protected me, forced me to overcome my fears, and gave me a reason to live again.

He was always kind to me for whatever reason he might have.

He was responsible for my family's death.

Why did my father choose him as my tutor? I know this is true as I saw the documents he signed for
Konrad so he could adopt me. In the letter he left for me he only wrote that he had cancer in a terminal phase and the
illness forced him to make that decision; that everything had been a move against Konrad to get rid of him and that
he was a good Hochmeister, worthy of his position.

I don't know what to do.

“I just explained to him what was expected from him. Didn't you want me to be honest with the lad?

Well, I was. He knows where he's standing and didn't refuse to contribute to the cause.”

“What did you tell him?” Friederich couldn't believe his former pupil's audacity and shamelessness.

“The same I told you. I want him as a companion and perhaps lover and that he takes care of my children exactly as you did with me. He could be a good friend.”

“Do you have any kind of feelings, Konrad?”

“Of course I do! But I'm not full of sentimentalism. In a way, he's perfect for me, has accepted our rules and soon will let go his grievances against me for that matter with his relatives. After all, he never met them and they never cared about him. Jerôme was very clever to keep him away from those rats.”

“I don't believe you.”

“Well, I had to clearly explain the consequences of leaving this house, as it was his original intention. He knows that without me, there's no possible life for him.”

“What if he rejects you? Will you be so heartless as to throw him to the hyenas?”

“It will not be necessary. He will love me. I'm certain of that. Like all orphans, his greatest desire is to have a family and I will provide one for him. Be glad Friederich, I'm settling down finally. You like him too.”

“My opinion about him has nothing to do with your behaviour, Konrad! Do you love him or is he one of your playthings?”

“I don't know, but I'm certain that I would like to spend the rest of my life in his company. He will be an excellent tutor for my children. So please, do not interfere and let me work my way with him. What do you prefer?

He, happy and in love with me, looking after my children or depressed, terrified and counting the days till February 2005?”

“He does not deserve to be treated like one of your pawns.”

“I swear that I will always treat him with my highest consideration. He's going to be my Consort.”

The old man only huffed his impatience and turned around, leaving Konrad alone.

San Capistrano

The Duke had preferred to leave a brooding Friederich at home even if he was planning to stay in Rome for a whole week. His former tutor's behaviour was grating to his nerves. Guntram didn't need to have a dragon at his side! Konrad was sick of the old man finding excuses to keep the boy away from him, interrupting them every ten minutes if they were alone. 'Friederich should be glad, I'm being perfectly honourable with the boy, offering the chance to form a family, cleaning my own closet and settling down, exactly what he has nagged me to do for the past seven years. Could he be jealous of Guntram? No, it's not that, he looks after him much more than me. Why can't he believe that I want to have the child? He's everything I wanted and, in a way, perfect for me. We complement each other. Does he really believe that I want to take revenge on a sick creature? That's beneath me! Guntram will be good for my children, but that's not his main concern! Bloody Roger, still making my life miserable after fifteen years! The minute I find him I'll take my time to kill him.'