Into the Deep (15 page)

I
went home after that to meet my mom for our shopping date. She was already waiting for me when I walked in the front door. Immediately, I raced up the stairs to leave my school bag in my room and grab a light jacket. We left shortly after that. As we drove to the mall, I was glad to have a day with her. It would be just the two of us as Sadie was being babysat by the neighbor, and Dad, as usual, had yet to come home.
     At the mall, we bounced from one store to another, commenting on what we thought was cute and what we considered total insanity in the world of fashion. We talked about which decade fashion would be replicating next, would we see more neon and black in an 80’s resurgence or were leather and metal studs making a comeback. Mom insisted that a good leather jacket never went out of style. I agreed and that was when she turned the conversation to what she really wanted to talk about-me.
     “So how have Christy and Eliza and Tiana been? I’m surprised you didn’t invite them shopping with us.”
     The shopping bag in my hand suddenly felt as if it had been filled with cement. I took a deep breath and thought about how to answer her question. It was hard to talk about some of the things that were going on in my life, being able to hear voices the hardest of them, but I felt like I’d been lying to my mom a lot lately and the urge to tell her the truth about some of those things was overwhelming.
     “I’m kind of not really friends with any of them anymore.”
     Mom almost stopped walking in surprise but managed to keep her cool. She had a way of carrying on a conversation in a normal carefree kind of way, even when someone had said something that should be cause for alarm.
     “What happened?” she asked calmly.
     “We just… I don’t know, I guess I just realized that they weren’t the best friends. I started hanging out with a new friend, this guy, Brant… and they didn’t approve.”
    
A boy, well that makes sense
, “I see. Honey, I know you probably think this guy means a lot to you, but you shouldn’t ignore your friends because of him.”
     I laughed a short laugh.
     “It’s not like that at all, Mom. They stopped being friends with me because I was hanging out with him.”
     Mom sighed.
Girls can be so cruel. God, if I could see those girls now…
     “
It’s okay though,” I said. “I’ve met some new people.”
     “I’m really sorry.” She paused for a moment.
     The sugary, sweet smell of cinnamon rolls drifted through the air as we rounded the corner to walk past the
Cinnibon
. I stared at the pastries through the window in the shop as we walked by.
     “So who are these new people you’ve been hanging out with?”
I really hope they’re not the reason why she was skipping school
.
     “Well there’s this girl Charlotte I met in the library. Mostly I’ve just been hanging with her and Brant.”
     “Brant? Is he your boyfriend?” She was trying to keep the conversation casual, but worry was slipping into the tone of her voice.
     “No, Mom, we’re not seeing each other. Just friends.”
     She sighed, possibly in relief. I, however, was running over my own words in my head. It was the first time I’d actually called Brant a friend aloud and the word felt right. We were friends. What was bothering me was that I was starting to wonder if we were something more.
     “And, don’t worry,” I continued, shaking the thoughts of Brant from my mind, “neither one of them are the reason why I skipped school on Tuesday. Actually Brant was walking me back to school when I got caught.”
     “I really wish you’d tell me why you skipped class.”
     I looked at her, painfully aware that she was more concerned for me than she’d ever been in my entire life. I wanted in that moment to tell her everything, tell her about my ability, about someone wanting to blow up the school, about Dad’s affair, but I couldn’t. That was still something I didn’t know how to say.
     “I was just going through something, I needed some time to figure some stuff out, that’s all. I promise you that you don’t have to worry about me.”
     She reached over to me and pulled me against her as we walked. She gave me a tight squeeze then let me go.
     “I love you, honey, and I’m glad you told me about all this.”
     “I’m glad too, Mom,” I said, and I really was.

19

Everyone has Something

S
aturday morning, Mom made waffles. Sadie and I sat at the breakfast counter to eat and Mom turned cartoons on the small TV in the kitchen. I smiled, watching as my little sister completely missed her mouth with a forkful of syrupy waffle because her eyes were glued to the screen. Dad came down the stairs. He was in his workout clothes and had a duffel bag slung over his shoulder and tennis shoes in his hand. Sadie jumped in her seat as he entered the room.
     “Dad!” she shouted, her breakfast forgotten.
     “Hey, kiddo.”
     “Can we go to the park today, please?” She dragged out the ‘e’ in her ‘please,’ begging with the best of her ability.
     Dad smiled at her and ran his hand through her hair, ruffling it on her head. “Maybe later, ask me when I get back from the gym.”
     “Okay, I will.”
     Dad smiled again then grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge. He glanced at me.
     “I love you girls, both of you,” he said then started to walk out of the kitchen.
     I thought about the awkwardness that had been between us lately and, just before he was out of the kitchen, I swung around on my stool to face him.
     “Dad,” I said and he stopped and turned around. “I’m sorry.”
     He nodded and offered me a soft smile. He looked happy to hear my apology, then I could see something resembling pain or regret enter his features, his eyes squinted and his jaw flexed. It was just a moment, a flash, like when you catch the cue mark in the upper corner of a film at the movie theater. That tiny black dot that’s there one minute then gone the next. I wasn’t listening to his thoughts, but I knew him well enough to read the emotions on his face, he felt guilty.
     “I’m sorry too, kid,” he said. Then he turned and left.

T
he rest of my morning and most of my afternoon was fairly uneventful. I watched cartoons with Sadie, helped Mom fold laundry, finished all my homework. A little after two, Charlie called me to see what I was up to. As it turned out, we were both rather bored and so we decided to see a movie. She met me at my house around four, and pulled up in a baby blue Chevy Lumina that was at least ten years old but appeared to be running well. Charlie made her way up the steps and Mom took a break from washing the dishes to come to the front door when she knocked.
     I opened the door to greet Charlie. With Mom hovering behind me, I knew she wanted to be introduced so I invited her in.
     “Come on in,” I said. “This is my mom.”
     Mom stepped forward and said hi. Charlie grinned politely.
     “I’ll be just a minute,” I said. “I’m just gonna grab my purse.”
     I was quick running to my room and grabbing my bag. When I came back down the stairs, Mom was in full parent mode as she asked Charlie about where she was planning to go to college. I heard Charlie tell her that she was planning to apply to UCLA but that her dad wanted her to go to Berkeley. Mom seemed pleased with her answers.
    
Seems like a nice girl, though she really should dye her hair all one color
, Mom thought.
     “Well we’re gonna book,” I said and then Charlie and I were out the door.
     “Have a good time girls,” Mom yelled as we walked to my car, and I waved back at her.
     We picked a suspense thriller entitled
Crash
, and after it ended, we discussed the overdone CGI as we walked back to my car. The sun was beginning to set and the horizon was growing dark as the sky was cast in shades of red and purple. The shadows were reclaiming the sky, and slowly the last shimmering rays of gold melted into the abyss like a man’s dying breath dissipating into the air. It was then that I felt the vibration of my phone ringing. I pulled it from my pocket and noticed that I had a text message. It was from Brant. I clicked it.
     ‘If ur not doing anything u should come over, bring Charlie if u want.’
     “Who’s that?” Charlie asked.
     “Brant, he wants to know if we want to go over to his place and hang out.” I was suddenly nervous that Charlie wouldn’t want to go.
     Charlie thought it over for a moment. “Sure, if you want to.”
     “Yeah, why not?” I said casually, but inside I was tingling with excitement.
     After that, I called my mom while we made our way over to Brant’s house. She must have been impressed with Charlie since she barely even asked what we were up to when I said I’d be out later. She tended to be a lot less concerned about what I was doing when she liked the people I was hanging out with. She just said that she expected me home before midnight and to have a good time. We got to Brant’s not fifteen minutes later.

I
checked my hair in the rearview mirror before getting out of the car, frantically trying to flatten all the frizz. After parking in Brant’s driveway, I felt unexpectedly nervous, as if maybe I’d swallowed some uncooked cornels of popcorn at the movie theater and they were now popping in my stomach. There was another car in front of mine that I didn’t recognize and I wondered who all was here. Was Brant planning to have a party? I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was excited to see him nonetheless. Charlie followed me around the house and we let ourselves in through the sliding glass door.
     “Brant?” I called out as I started to walk down the stairs to the basement.
     He didn’t answer but I could hear voices. I rounded the corner coming out of the stairwell. The room was void of smoke, but the smell still lingered like it was made up of burrs. The hooks of the smoke seeds clinging to the fabric and walls and getting stuck in your hair like little balls of Velcro. I saw him then, sitting on the black leather couch. Skyler was at the other end of it and Jason was sitting on the floor. A bottle of Jack Daniels sat on the coffee table. It was open but little had been drunk from it thus far. Brant’s eyes locked onto me the second I came into view. He smiled and then he stood up.
     “Ladies, come on in,” he said.
     I glanced back at Charlie and she and I walked into the room. Brant gave us his spot on the couch and leaned up against the wall as we sat down.
     “Hey, I’m Skyler,” Brant’s friend said, giving Charlie a wave.
     “I’m Jason.”
     “Charlie.”
     “And we all know you, Ivy,” Jason said.
Brant’s been spending a lot of time with you lately.
    
“Hi, guys,” I said, feeling my cheeks blush slightly.
     “We, uh, we were thinking about playing cards or something,” Brant said.
I’m glad you came
.
     I smiled. “I’d be up for some cards.”
     “Great.”
     “I vote for a drinking game,” Jason said as he grabbed the bottle of Jack off the coffee table.
     Charlie cast me a nervous glance. “I-I don’t know…”
     “Oh, no worries,” Jason continued, “there’s no pressure, I’m fine drinking by myself if you’re not feeling like it.” He took a swig from the bottle and smiled at us.
Let’s just have some fun.
    
Charlie shrugged, seeming a little more at ease.
     “
I say either Kings Cup or Circle of Death,” Skyler said.
     Jason rolled his eyes. “They’re the same thing, numbskull.”
     Brant was laughing as he grabbed the deck of cards. It was the same one that he and I had played Rummy with nights ago. He shuffled them in his hands and I watched as his fingers moved with precision as they bent the cards into an arch then let them fall back down in a crisscrossing pattern.
     “How about poker?” Brant asked.
     Skyler’s eyes brightened. “Strip poker?” he asked.
     “No, come on, Skyler, don’t be a dick,” Brant said then glanced at Charlie and me.
     “Kidding, I was kidding.”
Jeez, lighten up.
     “I don’t know how to play poker,” Charlie said.
     “How about Crazy Eights then?”
     She smiled and Brant shuffled the cards one last time.
     “Crazy Eights it is.” He dealt out the cards and took a seat on the floor across from me.
     The game was started in relative silence. We focused on the cards in front of us, planned our strategies. I laughed as Jason decided that every card he had to pick up constituted him needing to take a drink. After he had to pick up five cards in one turn, which translated into five swigs of whiskey, I heard Brant think that he was an alcoholic. The thought was joking but it also seemed to have some truth behind it. He set the bottle down after that and didn’t pick it up again for some time regardless of if he had to pick a card or not.
     Jason looked a little sick.
Ugh, that stuff burns. I really should mix it with Pepsi next time.
     Skyler shook his head at him. “That’s what you get for drinking too fast.” He grabbed the bottle and took a sip himself but set it right back down.
I wonder if I should offer them any.
He glanced over at us.
     I softly shook my head ‘no’ and he didn’t say a word.
     I don’t know if I knew exactly why I wasn’t drinking. Maybe it was because I knew Charlie was uncomfortable with it and I didn’t want her to feel singled out or alone. Then again, Brant didn’t seem to be drinking either. Maybe it was because I was driving home, even though that hadn’t stopped me in the past. I’d driven home after drinking at Nicolette’s party only about a month ago.
     I’d like to think my choice that night was based at least partly on the guys around me and how they made it easy to say no. They didn’t make me feel pressured to conform or like I wouldn’t have fun if I didn’t drink. In that moment, I thought about how insanely stupid I’d been to drive home from Nicolette’s.  I hadn’t planned to drink that night, but Christy had handed me a beer as she dragged me down to the beach with the guys and made me feel like I couldn’t refuse. It was odd how sitting here with Brant, Charlie, Skyler and Jason, I felt more comfortable to be me then I ever did with Christy, Eliza and Ti. What it came down to was that I simply didn’t want to drink, I was having fun just playing cards, and that was fine with them.
     “Hearts,” Brant called as he laid down an eight.
     I cringed. I only had one heart, a two. I set it down and hoped that someone would change the suit again before it got to be my turn. When I looked to him, I saw he had that smug smirk plastered on his face.
    
Out of hearts
.
     My eyes went wide. He laughed.
     I don’t need to read minds to know what you’re thinking, Ivy. You’d make a terrible poker player.
     I laughed. He was probably right.
     To my left, Charlie was giggling and holding her cards to her chest as Skyler tried to peek at them. The bottle of Jack that sat on the table appeared to have been completely forgotten by this time.
     Charlie won that game, but Brant placed a close second. I watched Charlie smile as I offered to help clean up, then as I reached for the cards that were laid out on the coffee table, my hand brushed against Brant’s as he did the same. We both jerked back from one another and our eyes met. He’d touched me before, grabbed my arm to stop me from walking away, hugged me, wiped a tear from my eye. But something was different now. That small contact between his skin and mine had my heart sounding like the metrical tapping of a dozen marbles that had their jar overturned at the top of the stairs to bounce over every step in an erratic rapping beat.
    
Sorry,
he thought, but shook his head as if realizing that he had nothing to apologize for.
     Brant smiled at me and went back to grabbing the cards off the table. I just watched. I overheard Charlie talking with Jason. They were arguing over something frivolous, and as they talked I found I was still watching Brant clean up.
     “I’ll prove it,” Jason said, “Brant, mind if we use your kitchen? You’ve got bananas, yeah? I know there’s pickles up there.”
     “Not positive about the bananas, but yeah go ahead.”
     Jason stood up then and started to walk out of the room. He nodded at Charlie to follow him and she did after casting me one last glance as if to double check that I’d be alright without her. Once they made it to the stairs, Skyler stood as well.
     “Oh, I’m coming,” Skyler said. “Maybe I can score a free sandwich out of this.” He vanished up the stairs and then Brant turned to face me.
     “You two having fun?” he asked as he put the cards away in the top drawer of his dresser.
     I nodded. “Yeah, yeah it’s been fun… your friends seem nice, they’re funny.”
     “Jason’s just drunk, he’s far less entertaining when he’s sober,” Brant joked sitting down on the couch beside me.
     I laughed. “Does he always drink so much?”
     Brant glanced at the stairwell for a moment as if to assure himself that we were alone in the basement. “Not usually,” he said, “but he found out his little brother has cancer. Lymphoma… it’s not as bad as it sounds, they found it early. He’s got a really good chance, but Jason’s been having a hard time with it.”
     All I could do was nod. I thought about what I would do if anything happened to Sadie, what I would do if she was sick. My little sister could be a real annoying brat at times, but I still loved her. If there was even the possibility of anything happening to her, I’d be devastated. I could understand Jason’s need to wash away those feelings with the fiery liquid he’d been drinking that night. I knew what it was like to want to forget that something had happened to you.
     “I guess everyone has something,” I said and Brant smiled at me.
     “I think people like to think that when something bad happens to them that they’re special or something, as if no one else has issues in their life.”
     I nodded. I’d done the same thing when I found myself being able to hear people’s thoughts. I wondered
why me
, but it wasn’t just me. Everyone has something.
     “So what’s Skyler’s story?”
     Brant laughed. “Actually, not much. Nothing as obvious as a family member with cancer at least. He just likes to smoke. Smart guy though, could be the next President if he wanted, and as President his first official ruling would be to make marijuana one hundred percent legal,
no more of this medical excuse crap
, as he’d say.” Brant laughed.
     “Do you smoke?” I inquired and his eyes snapped to mine, wide and nervous.
     “No… I mean yes, I mean, I have, but I don’t.”
God, you’re a fumbling idiot, just talk to the girl.
“I’ve tried it, but it’s not my thing.”
     I nodded. “I noticed you weren’t drinking tonight either, so… what
is
your thing?”
     I suddenly realized that we were sitting with little distance between us. His arm was casually resting atop the back of the couch, and he was turned to face me. Our knees were touching and the small amount of my skin that brushed against his jeans was tingling. I saw his sight waver from my eyes down to my lips, his long lashes fluttering at me. His lips were parted and I realized that mine were as well. I felt like I could feel every inch of my body. I was hyperaware of the slow shallow breath that passed my lips, of the thrumming of my heart, the sweat pooling in my palms and the deep low down tickle that felt like it was radiating from the pit of my stomach.
    
Right now, it’s you
, I heard him think, and as I breathed, he moved in, chasing away the rest of the space between us.
     His lips met mine and his hand came up around me, pulling me closer to him. My eyes closed as I let myself fall into his embrace, fall into his kiss. I didn’t know what to think, thoughts were impossible to form. All I could focus on was the soft slow movement of his lips that sent tingling electricity sparking through my veins.
     He pulled away from me, still refusing to allow our faces to be more than a few inches apart, and I could feel his heated breath on my cheeks. My body was trembling. It wanted to be flush against his, and he seemed to feel it too, almost as if we were magnets that wanted to be stuck together. We had to restrain ourselves in order to keep any amount of distance between us but, like magnets, the closer we got to one another, the harder it was to resist. He neared again, his head tilting faintly and my eyes fluttered shut as I waited to feel his lips against mine again.
     Then there was the soft thud of footsteps and the murmured sound of voices and Brant and I jolted away from one another just before Charlie and the boys made it to the end of the stairs. I could tell my face was flushed red as they came around the corner but no one seemed to notice. Brant was much better at appearing calm and casual. He and I watched as the three of them continued their conversation. Well, mostly it was Charlie and Jason talking as Skyler was currently stuffing his face with what appeared to be a peanut butter and banana sandwich.
     “It’s not my fault he liked mine better,” Charlie said.
     “Oh you cheat,” Jason replied. They both laughed.
     “Oh, hey, Ivy, we should probably get going though, it’s getting late.” Charlie said.
     I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and noticed that it was after eleven thirty already.
     “Oh yeah,” I turned to Brant, “Sorry, we really do need to get going.”
     “It’s alright, I’ll walk you out.”
     Brant walked us to my car. He didn’t try to kiss me again, but he did grab my hand and gave it a squeeze. Such a simple action but it made my heart race all the same. It was beating loudly in my chest, and as I got in the driver’s seat, I gave him one last glance before backing out of his driveway. His blue eyes shined through the dark, the sight of them sending shivers down my spine.