Into the Deep (4 page)

“Thanks. I’m okay. It’s been a rough week. See you later.”

I hop off, trailed by Charlotte and instantly forgetting about boy problems. What are they compared to myths and fish tails? I glance over at my friend. “Seriously, this has to stay a secret.”

“You can count on me. Friends to the death, remember? Just be careful.”

Her warning causes me to slow and almost tip over. Maybe my fish and chips vision wasn’t so insane. “Why be careful?”

She reaches out to support me. “You shouldn’t do anything silly. Don’t go jumping in the open ocean. Find out more first. It’s going to take some getting used to.”

“I won’t be stupid.” I flash a reassuring smile. Jittery with nerves, I blow off most of the people at the party, receiving quite a few strange stares. I’m more concentrated on keeping myself from falling apart.

Lost in a daze, I force the butterflies in my stomach to stop their frantic flutter and shift my worry the confrontation ahead of me. How do you begin to have that conversation?
Hi, mom. No, my night was great. Hey, did you know I turned into a mermaid?

I have to be strong and force her to reveal the truth, once and for all.

Chapter Six

The entire car ride home, my body hums from what it’s just been through. Sprinkled in with my swirling dread and happiness is the warm memory of how it felt as a mermaid. Mermaid. I can’t use the word without a shiver of astonishment shooting through me. The more I relive it, the more I want to find out if I can change again, to swim, to revel in the power of the movement. It can’t be a random, onetime occurrence. If I do it with no chance of being seen, I’ll be safe.

I wrack my brain to remember what I know about mermaids, which is stupid considering they’re not supposed to be real. Am I brainless to consider changing again? How can I be afraid of something I yearn for? I clench my hands into fists. I went from a one-legged freak to a fish freak. It never ends.

Anticipating the conversation I’m about to have with Mom, my anger builds.

A few years ago, when I was ten, I was at the party of a girl in my class. Afterward, most of the guests were gone and I sat out by the pool with the birthday girl waiting for Mom to pick me up. I remember staring at the water, the sweat from the summer sun dripping down my back. Curiosity drew me to the pool. What would it hurt if I only stuck my good foot in? I’d researched that amputees were extremely capable of swimming and I couldn’t wait. I also read it only takes four inches to drown a person, but the turquoise water seemed harmless. I’d been a few moments from removing my leg, still relatively new, and slipping in when I heard my name being yelled.

“Zoey!”

Mom wrenched me up by the arm. It was humiliating. She kept yelling the entire trip home.

“How could you be so stupid? You remember what happened last time you were in the water, don’t you? Why would you risk that? I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

She scared me into submission and I didn’t attempt it again. Her fear, however unfounded it seemed, translated into my own and eventually, I only managed a shower or a very shallow bath. Submersion equaled terror, shadows hungry for blood.

Charlotte drops me at home, offering me luck, and I hobble up the walk to the door. In the car, I’d managed to secure my leg, but it isn’t fastened tightly and throws me off balance. The lights are on so Mom is waiting up. Of course she is.

Except when I limp into the kitchen, she’s furious. Her hair stands out at all angles and her lips are pressed so tightly together they have no color. For a split second, I wonder if it’s possible she doesn’t know about the mermaid thing, but her shrill inquiry chases it away.

“Where were you?”

Her question catches me off guard. I completely forgot I was supposed to be at a movie. She must notice my hesitation because she continues.

“I called Netty to see if she knew when the movie got out, so I knew whether or not to stay up. She said you were at a bonfire with Charlotte. Where was this bonfire and who was there? And why do you look so disheveled? What were you doing?”

Her anger takes me by surprise and guilt flushes my cheeks. Then, a flash of my beautiful tail causes me to meet her anger.

“Let’s see, Mom. I went to a party and actually had fun for once. Some guys from school were there, along with our friends. Not much to say, but did I mention it was at the beach? Yeah, I went to a bonfire at the beach. Imagine my surprise when something happened as I got knocked over by a wave. Do you have any idea what that might be?”

To her credit, she appears shaken. Her face pales and she plops down heavily on a dining chair. She doesn’t answer me.

“I turned into a mermaid!”

“How?” It’s a single word, but it confirms my suspicions.

I share all of it, every detail including how wonderful and terrifying it felt. When I finish, I wait for her to explain or deny. The silence drags on until I can’t stand it anymore.

“Do you have anything to say? Do you realize how scared I was? Am I a mermaid?”

She sighs, full of sadness and defeat, brushing her white blonde hair away from her face. “It’s true, you’re a mermaid.” Her statement is resigned, as if she’s always suspected but never knew for sure. “And so is your father.”

I can’t stop what pops out next. “My dad’s a fish!”

“Sit, Zoey. I’ll tell you the entire story. No questions until I’m done, okay?”

I sink down across from her, hug my knee to my chest, and listen to what I would have chalked up as a fairy tale only two hours ago. A single tear rolls down her cheek, erasing the hardness I have toward her and some of the fear.

“At seventeen, I was a pro surfer, barely starting out, but getting a lot of national recognition. You’ve seen the pictures. It was so long ago. I spent the summer before my senior year traveling with a couple other sponsored surfers in the South Pacific. It was the most picturesque place I’d ever been. The water was so clear and warm…magical. We stopped over in Fiji. There was an island nearby with these killer breaks. Grandma and Grandpa are total hippies. They were fine with me traveling the world, said it was beneficial for me.” A brittle smile falters on her lips.

“One day, I was snorkeling and went off from the group. You can’t imagine the colors. I was so caught up in the coral and the reef. Then, I saw something big move. My initial reaction was shark, considering where I was, but as I got a better view, I realized I was wrong.

“It appeared to be a man with a fishtail, a very good-looking man. We locked eyes and then he was gone. I didn’t trust what I saw, convinced myself it was a trick of light or the allure of the place. I forced myself to forget about it.”

“This is fascinating,” I bite out sarcastically but scale it down when hurt flares in her green eyes. “I’m sorry. Go on.”

Her face relaxes. “The next day, we took a boat to the island with the breaks. It’s a tiny atoll, but because of how the reef crosses close to it, the waves are amazing, giant barrels crashing in the middle of nowhere. I was so excited.

“The first couple of rides were perfect. I’d died and gone to surfing heaven. The next set was bigger than I was used to. I didn’t care and dropped in anyway. Needless to say, I wiped out, bad.” Her gaze turns haunted. “I got caught in the strong undertow and thought I was going to drown.

“Someone grabbed me and pulled me toward shore. I passed out before we reached land. When I woke up, I was lying on the beach and felt someone beside me. It was the man I saw while snorkeling, only this time, no fins.”

Mom’s expression is soft and dreamy. In spite of myself, and my impatience, I’m caught up in the story. The longing in her voice embarrasses me and I’m reminded that she once was like me—desperate to live, have adventures, and fall madly in love.

“He was the most striking man I’ve ever seen. I mean, Greek god gorgeous. Wavy black hair, piercing ice blue gaze, he stole my breath. His name was Stavros and I knew instantly my world wouldn’t be the same.

“We spent the day together, and the rest of the week. He showed me who he truly was and it didn’t faze me in the slightest. It was surreal.”

More tears fall. “I knew it would end. I had no misconceptions about that. When he left, it broke my heart. We fell in love, the kind you only find once in a lifetime. I can’t explain it, baby, but he’s the reason I never dated. How do you compare a normal man to a fantasy? A lot of what I experienced with Stavros is too private and personal to share, but you have to believe I loved him.” She scratches her elbow distractedly, staring at a spot behind me.

“He told me his kind can only turn human and be on land for one week a year. So, when I had you, I kept us close to the ocean. I hoped he would come for us, that his circumstances had mysteriously changed. It sounds so pathetic. As the years passed, my hope faded.

“You look exactly like him.” She tucks my hair behind my ears. “Whenever I glance at you, I’m reminded of what we shared. And what I gained because of it.”

It’s an unbelievable story. If I hadn’t witnessed myself turn into a mermaid, I might think she’d been drinking. The fact she’s waited all these years for some mythical creature to show up breaks my heart and I wipe my cheeks.

“Does he know about me?” I croak.

She shakes her head. “No, he never had the chance to learn about you.”

My heart sinks. “Why?”

Her hesitation leads me to conclude he must be dead, but her next words shatter that. “Stavros was destined to be a king.”

Chapter Seven

The room spins as I digest her bombshell.

“King? Does this mean I’m a lost mermaid princess? Granted, I’m a bastard princess, but still. You’re positive he doesn’t know? Maybe he can’t visit us because of his position?” I babble, already giving this absent dad more credit than he’s probably worth. Each beat of my heart pounds a forbidden hope into place that, someday, I’ll meet him.

“I’m positive he doesn’t. He’s the kind of man who would’ve been involved in our lives if he did.” She peers at the floor, as though what she must say next is troublesome. “His mother found me after you were born.”

“What?” My brain struggles through a hazy fog of confusion. I rub my temples and mumble, “I can’t take much more of this, Mom.”

She gives me a sympathetic grimace as she explains, “A few months after you were born, this beautiful woman showed up at the house. I knew instantly who she was. She had the same eyes as Stavros, the same strange blue you also share. Everything about her was regal—how she held herself and the elegant way she moved. Her name was Galina. She went on and on about how exquisite you were. I have no idea how she found us and when I asked her why she was there, she said she came to meet her granddaughter.” She crosses her arms protectively. “I’d been spending a lot of time at the beach with you, mad with hope. Maybe she’d seen me, maybe she just mysteriously knew about your birth. She didn’t elaborate.”

She sniffs and wipes her nose. “According to her, Stavros will not be aware of you, not unless you wish it. He was set to be married and times were tense in his kingdom. She told me your fate would be sealed on your sixteenth birthday and I needed to keep you safe.

“Then, she left. I panicked. I didn’t understand what she meant. She didn’t exactly stick around to explain. Part of me didn’t believe her, so, when you were about seven months old, I put you in a warm salt bath, but nothing happened. I’d been too shocked and heartbroken to ask questions, but I convinced myself you were safe, although I worried about it constantly.” She gathers herself, seeking strength, and I love her so much, regardless of how mad I am. “From then on, I tried my hardest to keep you from water of any kind, especially as your sixteenth birthday got closer. Stavros and Galina left me to raise you terrified. I did it to protect you. Yes, you’re a princess in every sense of the word, but it’s dangerous for you out there. I did what I had to do. If you were terrified of the water, you’d never discover your secret and be tempted to leave me.”

“Why don’t we live in Kansas, far from the ocean?” I stand up to pace, eager for movement and not caring my prosthetic is still squishy from the ocean.

Embarrassment flushes her cheeks, putting some color back into her face. “I told you, I hoped that eventually he would discover you exist and come to us. I’m not saying it was rational, but I was torn between protecting you and continuing to wait for him.”

“I feel sorry for you, sitting here all these years pining for a man. You’re stronger than that. At least, I thought you were.”

“Oh, sweetie, it may have started out that way, but I’ve accepted the fact he’s not coming. Once I realized my mistake, it was too late. Uprooting you was out of the question.”

Thinking rationally is impossible, even when I appreciate her logic. “So instead, you raised me to be fearful of something that’s as natural to me as breathing.” I paw at the tears slipping down my cheeks, annoyed by their frequency. “Tonight, I felt more myself than I ever have, and it was only five inches of ocean. I was finally whole. You kept that feeling from me, along with a very important piece of information.”

“I had to, don’t you get that?” She slaps the table. “You have no idea how terrifying it is to be a mother at barely eighteen with the knowledge of what you’d possibly become. What if someone found out? You’d be taken from me and studied in a lab! What I did then ensured you wouldn’t have to deal with it in the future. I just didn’t consider your curious nature.”

“You should have trusted me! At least I would have been prepared at the aquarium when the fish were acting nutty. Or I’d understand the consequences of stepping in the ocean with people nearby.”

A shadow of terror washes across her face. “Did anyone see?”

“Only Charlotte and she won’t say a word to anyone. I trust her more than you obviously trust me.”

She leans forward and grasps my wrist. “I do trust you. I had to be confident you were mature enough to handle it when I told you. Except, the longer I waited, the tougher it came to spring it on you.”

“A simple, normal life isn’t possible, not after this. It would have been nice to prepare for! I don’t recognize the stranger my body has turned into. As amazing as it felt, it was terrifying,” I screech.

“I know it’s scary,” she starts, but I cut her off.

“You have no idea! I watched my legs turn into a fish tail. I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“You’re my daughter and I love you. Whatever else happens, we will deal with it. I can’t change the things I kept from you or how I handled it. All we can do now is find a way for you to live with this. I’m always here for you, baby.”

“Wait,” I pause. “Was I really attacked by a shark?”

She hangs her head. “Yes, you were. It was the most terrifying moment I’ve ever experienced, but it was also my fault.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I shouldn’t have had you out there. I was searching for him.” Shame flushes her skin, coloring it a deep red. “Every weekend, I took out Grandpa’s boat and searched for any sign of your father or his kind. I made it an adventure so you’d enjoy it. Desperate and heartbroken, I became obsessed. You were leaning over and fell in. By the time I reached you,” an anguished sob escaped, “it was too late. You floated there, in all that blood. I thought I’d lost you. After that, I gave up.”

“I didn’t turn when I fell in?” The shock numbs me as I finally recognize why she’s so protective.

“No, not until you’re sixteen, remember?”

I nod woodenly. “I need to be alone for a while.”

I flee to my room, not letting her catch sight of the fresh tears. My mind is restless, overloaded with information. It’s impossible to concentrate on any single part of her revelation. I lay in the dark for hours riding this roller coaster my life has become. The highs of how it felt in the water dip into the lows of wishing I could erase the last couple hours. Which part is going to win out?

One fact sticks out above them all.

My father is a mermaid king.

The simple fact forces me to stifle a laugh. It also allows me to fantasize about a whole other life I could have had. Unfortunately, it only resembles a certain Disney movie. Growing up, it was strange to miss what I’d never had. My friends’ dads were great, there in a way my mom wasn’t. As a little girl, I fantasized about him—where he was, what he was doing, if he missed me. But I matured and those silly dreams faded. Now I
know
he is out there and my heart burns to meet him. How can I blame him when he was left in the dark as much as me?

Earlier, in the water, I’d been too overwrought to process the emotions tumbling through me. Here, in peace, I can relive it and remember how wonderful it was to be whole again. My tail was beautiful, unmarred. All I did was sit there and move it a little, but it’d been so easy and smooth, not clumsy. I crave it again. The desire to turn gushes through me hot and bright.

Two points rise above the rest. I am a mermaid and I will change again, somehow.