Into the Blue (A Wild Aces Romance) (20 page)

I watched her walk away, hands fisted at my sides, panic in my chest. I wanted to go after her; I commanded my feet to fucking move, a voice screaming inside, telling me I was going to lose her, that this was it, this was
good-bye
. I stood
there, impotent, confused, drowning, feeling as if I’d been thrown an anchor only to have it ripped from my grasp.

Fuck that.

I wasn’t a kid anymore. I wasn’t losing her. Not again.

“Becca.”

She didn’t turn around, her dark hair swinging behind her, her strides angry as she walked down the dock, toward her car.

My footsteps picked up, my long legs eating up the distance between us until I’d broken out into a run, my heart pounding with panic and fear.

I caught up with her quickly and she whirled around as I reached for her arm, her gaze pinning me.

“What?”

“I’m not giving up on us. I’m not choosing the Air Force. I’m telling you I can’t make promises right now because I have to sort out my job. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. I need to go back to Bryer and see what my future holds. I’m going to look at options for getting out. I
want
to look at options for getting out.

“I don’t want this to be the end. I love you. I’m sorry that doesn’t come with a ring right now, that in a way it probably feels like we’ve gone backwards, but given how crazy my life is, I think the best thing for us is to take things slowly. To see how you feel about being with me in the military. I have a year left on my commitment, but in that year there’s a deployment, and I know it’s a lot to ask you to deal with.”

I pushed past the boulder in my throat, the tremor in my voice filling my ears.

“I know you’re scared. I know losing your parents the way you did was hard, and I know you’re afraid that something will happen to me. And with everything that’s happened lately, I’m scared of that, too. I wish I could promise
you that it’ll be easy, that I’ll always be safe, but I can’t. I’ve already broken too many promises to you; I don’t want to break another. But I promise I’ll put you first. Put us first. That I will always love you.

“I want to examine my options. Want to figure out the best career move for both of us, so I can be the man you deserve. I want to build a future with you. That’s all I want. I want to wake up in the morning with you and go to sleep with you at night. I can’t promise I can give you that life any more than you can promise you’re going to be okay being with me while I’m in the military, but I want to see where this could go. I want to stay together. I love you.”

Tears spilled down her cheeks, but I saw the moment when her expression changed, the flicker in her eyes that told me she’d let me in instead of pushing me out.

“I’m scared,” she whispered. “You’re right; I don’t ever want to lose you. Don’t want to get a call in the night saying there’s been an accident. I know I hold on too tight, but I’m scared that if I let go, you’ll be gone. I’m scared that we aren’t kids anymore, that we’ve built our own lives and that as hard as it was for us to come together ten years ago, it’ll be even more difficult now that we’re set in our ways.”

“I know. Me, too. I’ve been thinking about the PTSD.” It was the first time I’d put a label on this feeling inside me. “I’m going to talk to someone when I get back to Bryer. I need help. And yeah, maybe it’ll screw me in the long run, but it’s the right thing to do. I want to take care of myself. For you and for me, and for the guys who depend on me when I’m in the air.

“I don’t know if this will work. Don’t know if it can work. But you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved and that will never change.” I reached out, stroking her face, staring into her big brown eyes. “I let you go once; I can’t do it again.”

“I don’t want to let you go, either.”

“Then don’t. Thanksgiving is in a month. Why don’t you come out to Oklahoma and visit? I’ll get four days off. You can meet my friends, see what my life is like. It’ll give us a chance to see how things are between us outside of Bradbury. Do you already have plans for the holiday?”

“I usually spend it with Lizzie, Adam, and Dylan, but they won’t miss me.”

“Then come out. We’re doing a big Thanksgiving dinner with the guys in the squadron who can’t spend the holiday with their families and there’ll be lots of wives and girlfriends there. Everyone’s dying to meet you.”

“You’ve told your friends about me?”

“Well, yeah. How could I not? You’re it for me, Becca. You always were.”

She wiped at her eyes, the look there filling me with the kind of hope I’d never dared to feel.

“Okay.” She reached for me, her arms wrapping around my neck, pressing her body against mine.

“I love you,” she whispered in my ear, so quiet I barely heard it, but loud enough to count.

I held on to her tighter, hoping those three words were strong enough to keep the world at bay.

“I love you,
too.”

I stared up at the clear blue sky, my gaze searching, heart pounding.

“Which one is he?”

“He’ll be the first plane to come into view,” Jordan answered from her spot next to me on the flight line.

Eric hadn’t been able to come pick me up from the airport when I flew to Oklahoma the day before Thanksgiving, so he’d sent his friend Noah’s wife, Jordan, in his stead.

I liked her from the start; she’d explained that she was new to military life, too, and that she and her husband—who she referred to as Noah rather than the call sign I’d heard from Eric—had been married only six months. Eric had explained they’d been living together in South Korea until Jordan became pregnant, but owing to complications, her doctors had advised she come home. I couldn’t imagine spending your first married holiday away from your husband, but she seemed to be taking it in stride. We had a big Thanksgiving dinner planned with eight of Eric’s friends,
Jordan included. I was equal parts nervous and excited to meet the rest of the group, to see this side of his life.

Back in Bradbury, it had almost felt like nothing had changed between us, as though he’d never left. But here there was evidence of all the differences between us, of the decade we’d spent apart. None more glaring than the way I stared up at the sky, waiting for his F-16 to land.

When he mentioned that he had to fly when my plane arrived, he’d made this suggestion for me to come see what he did all day, the excitement in his voice impossible to resist. So here I was, trying to envision a future for us even if it looked nothing like the one I’d always imagined.

“It’s surreal, isn’t it?” Jordan commented, tilting her head to smile at me. “The first time I watched Noah land, I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience.”

I grinned. “That sums it up.”

Suddenly, a loud roar filled the air around us, cutting off all conversation. It was a shriek unlike any I’d ever heard, heralding something impressive heading toward us.

Easy walked up beside me, staring up at the sky. He’d been nice enough to escort us onto the flight line so we could watch Eric land. He pointed up, his voice rising to be heard over the plane’s engine. “There he is.”

At first it was just a speck against the few clouds—a
loud
speck—and then the big jet came into view.

It hit me so unexpectedly, but my chest went tight, an enormous feeling swelling inside of me, as though my body couldn’t contain the emotions spilling out. So many images of Eric filled my mind—the boy who’d courted trouble with single-minded determination, who’d bitched about having to read
Middlemarch
, who’d picked me up for our first date, given me my first kiss the same night, the boy I’d stayed up
late with, talking about our dreams, the memory of the night he’d come home and told me he wanted to join the military, confessed he wanted to be a fighter pilot, a touch of embarrassment in his gaze at how
big
the dream was, his voice full of so much excitement.

And then I saw the man he’d become. Who sat in the cockpit now, living his dream.

I was so proud of him. So, so proud.

And just like that, I knew—no matter how much he loved me or what he was willing to give up for us to be together, I didn’t want him to give up this. I didn’t know how we were going to work this out, only that we would. Somehow. But not at the expense of his dream, not at the expense of the thing that had turned him into the man he was today. A man I loved with every fiber of my being.

Tears spilled down my cheeks as my emotions overtook me and I was grateful for the sunglasses hiding my eyes, a little embarrassed by how much the sight of Eric in that jet made me feel. Jordan reached out and put an arm around me, her free hand on her stomach, hovering over the tiniest of bumps.

I watched him soar, amazed at the skill it must have taken, at how he could fly the jet with such ease, held my breath as he descended, as the wheels touched down on the runway. And then he was on the ground, safe, and all was right in my world.

“We’ll wait until he taxis into his canopy spot and then you can go see him,” Easy said.

“I’m allowed to go out there?”

“To the canopy? Yeah.” Amusement filled his voice. “I think Thor’s going to want the full impact of you seeing him get out of the jet.”

Jordan snorted. “You’re such an ass.” She ducked her head, whispering conspiratorially in my ear. “He’s not wrong, though. It is pretty hot.”

I couldn’t argue with that point. I’d
never
imagined that I’d find his job sexy—especially with our track record—but I’d been really, really wrong. There was something about that roar, seeing the jet soaring in the sky, knowing all the hard work, dedication, sacrifice, and determination that had gone into it, that made it awe-inspiring.

And yeah, really freaking sexy.

Easy nodded as the jet came to a stop under an awning.

“Go for it.”

I walked toward the F-16 on shaky legs, torn between wanting to run up there and trying to keep my cool. Finally I settled somewhere between the two, waiting until the jet canopy popped open and I got my first full-on view of Eric in all his glory.

Holy hell.

The smile got me first. He looked so happy to see me and so proud, that same expression on his face that he’d always had—the one that suggested he’d take you on the ride of your life if you let him—and I fell even more in love with him.

We’d talked every day in the last month, and I’d known it would be amazing when we finally saw each other again, but nothing compared to this moment and the feeling bubbling up inside me like someone had shaken up a bottle of champagne and let it fly.

I stood there waiting while he took his helmet off, his hands going over his flight suit, unhooking parts of his gear with a self-assured grace that impressed me. He hopped out of the jet, his feet hitting the metal ladder as he climbed down toward me.

He looked . . . there really weren’t words. He looked like
flight suits had been designed with him in mind, like he’d been born to this. He seemed even taller, his body encased in a green suit that zipped up the front. The suit was smattered with patches on the shoulder and chest, his call sign prominent.

He wore an impressive pair of boots that might have had something to do with the additional inches he appeared to have gained, his hair mussed from the helmet he’d removed, faint lines on his face from what I assumed was the mask he’d been wearing.

He looked like an all-American fantasy and he walked with an air I’d never seen on him before. He’d always been confident, brushing right up against cocky, but now? He carried himself like he could do anything, as though the remnants of the adrenaline high he must have felt in the jet crackled through his body like electricity.

He looked at me like he wanted to devour me, like those moments up in the sky hadn’t been enough and he needed to burn off more steam.

I was definitely up for the job.

I took a step forward, and then another, meeting him halfway so he caught me around the waist, smelling like machine and man.

When we were younger, we hadn’t experienced absences in our relationship, so I’d gone into the month apart unprepared for what it would be like to be away from each other, somehow expecting the worst. What I’d gotten instead was four weeks of reconnecting, of sexy video chats and talking about our days. We’d fallen back into our relationship so easily, but this was the best of both worlds, having him here in front of me, strong and steady.

He broke apart first, his gaze running over my face, his hands traversing my body, a smile playing at his lips.

I reached out, my thumb brushing against his lower lip, wiping the hint of lipstick that had gone from my skin to his.

“Hi,” he whispered.

I grinned. “Hi.”

“I missed you.”

“Missed you, too.”

He brushed a strand of hair away from my face, hooking his arm around my waist and pulling me toward him.

“God, I love you.”

I would never grow tired of hearing him say that. Never grow tired of saying it back.

“I love you, too.”

He reached down, grabbing my hand and linking our fingers, waving to Easy and Jordan standing next to each other with matching grins on their faces.

We walked back into the squadron together, my hand in Eric’s, his helmet bag dangling from his free hand, a line of gleaming F-16s behind us, and I felt like each step toward the squadron took me away from the life I’d known and into a new adventure, a new world.

The squadron had emptied out by the time I got through the debrief and went to my office in search of Becca.

I found her sitting in my desk chair, flipping through her phone, and for a moment I just stood in the doorway watching her.

She’d worked in the morning before flying to see me, and she hadn’t changed from the knee-length, ass-hugging skirt
or the silky black button-down top that hinted at cleavage. She’d draped her coat over the couch in my office, leaving her beautiful body on display.

I closed the door behind me, locking it, before turning back to face her, eternally grateful for the dull, windowless space that now afforded me the privacy I craved.

“Have I ever told you that I sort of have this thing about you all dressed up for work?”

She looked up from her phone, her lips curving into a smile. “A thing?”

“As in, when I see you in those tight little skirts you wear, I want to bend you over a desk, lift your skirt, and fuck you until you’re screaming my name.”

She grinned. “I could be down for that.”

This girl slayed me.

“Stand up.”

She rose from the chair, and I closed the distance between us, figuring I’d never look at my office the same way again. I drank in the sight of her, my dick already so fucking hard, the month apart catching up with me.

“You’re so beautiful,” I whispered, coming to stand behind her, my hands settling on her hips, holding her against me.

Becca trembled as I lifted her hair and kissed her nape, as my hand drifted from her hip, to her stomach, and higher still until I cupped her breast in my hand, my fingers finding her nipple through the fabric.

She moaned.

My other hand slid behind her, between us, cupping her ass, stroking her through her skirt, squeezing, my mind already four steps ahead, consumed with all the things I wanted to do to her.

My teeth grazed the curve of her shoulder, and then I
nipped her there, loving how she squirmed against my dick, the sound of her breaths growing louder, harsher, as though she clung to her control by a thread.

I ground myself against her ass, the zipper of my flight suit digging into my dick to the point of pain, and then I couldn’t take it anymore, and I pulled the zipper down until my boxers were exposed, and I’d freed my cock.

I bent her forward over the desk, swiping some papers away, and then I was lifting up her skirt, watching the fabric slide over her ass and the lacy black thong she wore.

I groaned. “You are so fucking gorgeous. Perfect. Absolutely fucking perfect.”

I laid my palm on her ass, caressing her there before reaching up and pulling the lace from her body, dragging it down her thighs, loving the visual of her spread open before me. I would never sit at my desk again without seeing her here, just like this.

“Eric . . .”

I leaned forward, my cock brushing against her bare ass, my hands sliding between her body and the desk, cupping her breasts, tweaking her nipples while she rocked against me.

Fuck.
She was soaked.

I couldn’t take it anymore, couldn’t hold back, and my hands left her breasts, gripping her hips, just below her skirt bunched up around her waist.

With one hand I positioned myself at her entrance, rubbing against her clit, her wetness smearing around the head of my cock. My balls tightened, a bead of sweat popping up on my forehead as I slid inside, a slow steady glide, feeling her clench around me.

When I’d pushed all the way inside, I grabbed her hips, holding her steady, stilling, trying to get my shit together, and then I couldn’t take it and I
had
to move.

I fucked her hard and fast, biting down on my lip hard enough to draw blood to keep from shouting out when I came, when I felt the beginning of her orgasm pulsing around my dick, when my name fell from her lips.

When we’d finished, she sagged against the desk, and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her down into my lap, my heart hammering. Minutes passed before we spoke, until Becca broke the silence.

“That was one way to welcome me to Oklahoma.” She grinned. “Turns out a month is a really long time.”

“Tell me about it.”

She kissed my cheek. “Take me home. I have another round in me.”

She was definitely going to kill me, but I couldn’t think of a better way to
go.