Into the Arms of a Cowboy (16 page)

She squirmed against him, and he groaned. “Take me, Jess,” she whispered.

“Let’s move to the bed.”

“No. Right here.” She undulated her body again, suggestively. “Right now.”

“What a brazen hussy you’ve turned out to be,” he teased. “You’ve got it, lady.” His hands slid under her skirt, tugging off her panties, and Cassie hiked up her skirt. She felt cold porcelain against her bottom, but she was too excited to care. Her fingers found the edge of Jess’s towel. She gave it a tug. The towel dropped to the floor.

Jess reached around her body and fumbled in the medicine cabinet. Boldly, Cassie grabbed the condom from him and tore open the packet. “Here, let me.”

He raised his eyebrows, but he raised no objection as she wrapped her hand around his erection. In fact, his eyelids slid down and he gasped in a way that suggested he didn’t mind at all.

Now that they’d made love a few times, Cassie found his nakedness far less intimidating. Despite her eagerness, she took a moment to caress him as she unrolled the condom along his rigid length. He felt amazing in her hand, like silk over steel. He’d feel even better inside her.

Jess kissed her again, and pulled her to the outer rim of the basin. “I’m on the edge, Cassie. I can’t wait much longer.”

“Then don’t.” She moved against him and felt him slip into her, fast and hard. But she was ready. She rocked against him, matching his eagerness.

Within minutes, she heard his cry of release. His climax caught her up and pulled her over the top as well. They clung to each other, bodies wet with sweat and steam. Her
heart still slammed against her ribs. So did his--she could feel it. “Lord, Cassie,” he rasped, his breath still coming in short bursts. “You’re one hell of a quick learner.”

She slid off the sink into his arms. “Oh, I don’t know,” she said, flashing her most alluring smile. “I’ll bet you can still teach me a trick or two. What about it, Professor Logan?”

He smoothed back her hair and kissed her brow. “It would be my pleasure,” he said. “Just give me a few minutes to catch my breath, babe, and then we’ll move on to the next lesson.”

They spent the rest of the day “playing house,” in Cassie’s words. The rain made a trip outside unappealing, and besides, she couldn’t bear to leave the coziness of the cabin. Together, they fixed a huge breakfast and feasted on eggs, sausages, hash browns, and Cassie’s special chocolate pancakes.

Once they finished the dishes, Jess went out to feed Harry. Cassie freed the kits from their carrier and set them down on the freshly made fold-out couch. They were so active now, scrambling over the sheets and tumbling together like puppies.

Cassie stretched out on the mattress and watched their play. Scamp was pawing at his brother’s stomach, making miniature growling noises. Rascal, the larger of the two, rolled over on his troublesome sibling, eliciting squeaks of protest from Scamp. Cassie laughed. “Look at you two. Can’t you get along?” she scolded, just as Jess burst back into the cabin.

“Sibling rivalry,” he said, shedding his raincoat. “When we were kids, my sister Jenny and I beat up on each other all the time.” He shook his head, spraying Cassie with droplets of water from his dripping hair.

Grinning, she held up her hands to shield herself. “Didn’t you have the advantage, being the boy?”

He plunked himself down on the bed next to her, avoiding the rampaging kits. “Nope. Just the opposite. She was older and bigger, at least for a while. Of course, once I got bigger, she stopped taking me on. Physically, at least.” He grinned. “She still talks to me like I’m about six year
s old. Tells me I should settle
down and give her a niece or a nephew. She’s one bossy woman, that Jenny.”

Cassie sighed. “You’re lucky, though. I always wanted an older sister. Someone to explain all those things that confused me.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, you know. Girl stuff. How to talk to boys, figure out your bra size, put on mascara without poking yourself in the eye. . . . I had foster sisters, lots of them, but it wasn’t quite the same.”

She kept her tone upbeat, but Jess’s dark eyes seemed to pierce her soul. “It must have been a lonely childhood.”

Cassie shrugged, but her voice quavered a little as she answered. “I suppose so. I also remember feeling this crushing responsibility all the time--the need to take care of my mother--and a sense of shame, like there was something wrong with me because I’ve never had a real family. I don’t belong anywhere, or with anyone.”

“Cassie.” He slipped his fingers under her chin and tilted her face up, forcing her to look him in the eye. His voice was gentle but firm. “You’re not alone anymore. You belong here, with me.”

Yes, but for how long?

Cassie brushed the thought away and gave Jess a trembling smile. “Thank you.”

“I mean it.” A slight frown creased his rugged face. “You have a home here. Don’t you feel that?”

Pain clawed at her heart. She did feel it. She’d never felt anything so strongly. But she wasn’t free to choose Jess, or to stay with him. First, she would have to face her past, and the ghost of Andrew Chabot. What price would she pay for her impulsive decision to run away that night?

She watched the raccoons tumbling over one another. Their fur was thicker now, their dark masks more distinct.

“They’re so different already, have you noticed?” she said softly. “Rascal’s the biggest eater, and the most affectionate. He’s kind of this lazy, gentle soul. Scamp’s much more aggressive, and louder.” Cassie turned back to Jess, whose frown now revealed deep grooves at the corners of his mouth. “It’s funny. I’ve never had a pet of my own--I was never allowed--and I didn’t know animals could have personalities.”

Jess didn’t answer. He kept staring at her, searching her face until she grew uneasy and began to fidget. “What?” she asked, a defensive edge creeping into her tone. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

When he spoke, his tone was dull, flat, and edged with ice. “You’re going to leave me, aren’t you?”

Of course she wouldn’t stay. He’d been a fool to think she would. One of these days, sooner or later, Cassie would pack up and go--just like Danielle. Anger mingled with the fear jolting through Jess’s body like an electric shock.

“Will you tell me first,” he rasped, as his throat closed up, “or will I just come home from work one day and find you’ve cleared out?”

Cassie stared at him, obviously hurt by his words, but she made no move to deny them. That alone was confirmation enough. Jess ground his fist into his thigh, cursing himself. Danielle was right. He was naive. He’d thought, after what they’d shared, that Cassie just might love him.

“Well? Did I hit the nail on the head, Cassie?” He took a deep breath, fighting to hold back his fury and pain. “Are you already planning your escape?”

“Jess--” She closed her eyes, her chest rising and falling like the wind-whipped trees outside. “I can’t make any promises right now,” she said, in a strangled voice. “There’s a good reason, I promise. I just can’t tell you what it is.”

“Damn it, Cassie!” He stood abruptly as his temper finally spiraled out of control. “I’ve been patient as long as I’ve known you. I haven’t pushed. I’ve kept out of your business. But if you don’t trust me by now--after we’ve made love, for God’s sake--well, I just don’t know where to go from here.”

She flushed and hung her head, obviously close to tears.

“Help me out here,” Jess demanded. “Say something.”

She was silent for an incredibly long moment. Then she raised her head. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Do you want me to leave now?”

His close-clipped nails bit into the palms of his hand. “Oh, hell. No. No, that’s not what I want.”

He wanted her to stay. Forever. But he couldn’t say those words aloud. He jumped up and grabbed his coat. He needed to be alone. Alone, and far from Cassie.

She watched him with a pleading expression. Her eyes begged him to understand. But understand what? How could he understand when she wouldn’t tell him anything? Fury and misery churned together in his gut.

“Where are you going?’ she asked.

“Out.” He shoved his arms into the sleeves of his rain slicker and flipped up the hood.

“But it’s raining.”

“No kidding.” His tone was biting, sarcastic. She winced as his words struck her like a blow, and he half wished he could unsay them. “I can’t stay here,” he added, with less anger, as he snatched up his walking stick. “I’ll be back.”

Cassie bit her lower lip, an endearing gesture that almost quelled his rage. Almost, but not quite. “When?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” He crossed the room in three strides and slammed out of the cabin.

On the porch, Jess let out a shrill whistle. Harry bounded to his side. “Come on, boy,” Jess said. “Time to head for the hills.”

Great sheets of rain pelted his face as he followed his own fence line up the mountain, Harry at his heels. The fence, topped with a double strand of barbed wire, kept out the hunters who roamed the mountain during deer season. Jess usually waited until mid-summer to make repairs. But as long as he was walking, he figured he might as well do something useful.

Within minutes, Jess’s jeans were soaked through. At least his boots kept his feet dry. The boots were worn and scuffed in places, and the design worked into the leather beginning to unravel, but they were a gift from Uncle Gus and one of his most precious possessions. As he walked, he mostly used his stick to ward off blackberry vines and tree limbs. His ankle was a little sore still, but nothing serious.

In fact, his heart hurt far worse than the healing rodeo injury. Anger still boiled through his veins, anger aimed more at himself than at Cassie. Hell, she’d never lied to him, as far as he knew. All along she’d refused to tell him her troubles. He should have known better than to fall for her. He had known better, and like an idiot yet he’d gone right along and done it anyway.

He came to the creek, swollen with rain, and crossed the narrow plank bridge he’d built the year before. Harry planted his front feet on the other side, too nervous to follow. “It’s okay, boy,” Jess called. “You can do it.”

The dog flicked his floppy ears and growled. “Harry, come on,” Jess urged, and waited until Harry padded gingerly across.

“That’s a boy.” Jess fondled the dog’s silky muzzle. His fury was draining away now, lessening with each step he put between himself and the cabin. It wasn’t like him to get so riled up. Usually, Jess was slow to anger, and he rarely took that anger out on the people he cared about.

But his explosion today had been building up for days, he realized. It was just one more indication of how much Cassie meant to him. She’d gotten under his skin like no one else.

He pushed aside an evergreen branch and found himself back at the fence line. A section of barbed wire hung free, broken by a fallen tree limb. Glad of the distraction, Jess set aside his cane and tackled the task of untangling the wire from the branch. He even welcomed the pain as one of the barbs bit into his palm. It took his mind off the agonizing uncertainty twisting his insides.

Why wouldn’t Cassie confide in him? Maybe she was ashamed. But she wasn’t capable of doing anything truly shameful. Jess was sure of that. He knew Cassie, knew her with his heart, his soul, his body--knew her better than he knew himself. Why couldn’t she trust him, when he loved her so much?

But he’d never told her so.

He let go of the tree branch. It whipped back and caught him a stinging blow across the face, but he felt no pain.

He’d never told her.

Cassie didn’t know he loved her.

“Damn it, Jess,” he said aloud. The wind tore the words from his mouth. Harry wagged his tail and whined, apparently thinking he’d done something to anger his master.

Jess pushed back the hood coat and let the rain plaster his hair to his head. He turned his face to the sky, catching the cold, pure water in his mouth. He’d never been
much of a talker. He preferred to express his emotions through action, not words. Last night and this morning, he’d poured all of his feelings into making love to Cassie.

But Cassie didn’t know--couldn’t know--that their passion for each other was something out of the ordinary. She’d never been with a man before. What if she didn’t understand what she meant to him? What if she didn’t even realize he wanted to share the rest of his life with her?

“Oh, hell,” he moaned. “I am an idiot.”

If he wanted Cassie to stay, he had to convince her to trust him. He needed to show her that he loved her no matter what. And there was only one way to do it.

Marry her.

“Jess, you’re bleeding!” Cassie exclaimed. He’d just come back from his walk, soaked to the bone and with deep scratches in his cheek. Blood trickled over his jaw and down his neck. His hand was bleeding, too.

Strangely enough, his grin spread from ear to ear.

Outside, the rain had stopped, and the wind had died down. Apparently, the storm had taken Jess’s earlier anger with it. Cassie rushed forward and took his raincoat, relieved but puzzled.

“Let me get a towel and some ointment, then I’ll--” Jess leaned forward and kissed her on the mouth, cutting her off. He smelled sharp and spicy, like pine sap. Cassie frowned. “What was that for?”