Into His Arms (33 page)

He gazed out the window, a mighty struggle playing across his features, and Faith waited. In the past six months, she had come to understand such struggles, and she respected his need for thought.

“Are you with child?” he asked.

“If I am, it was conceived after we were married.”

Jonathan ran his hand through his hair, and it occurred to Faith that it was yet grayer than when last she had seen him.

“You do not go to church, either one of you, do you?”

He sounded tired, but they were talking. It was a step in the right direction.

She sat upon the high stool that had occupied a place in her father’s shop for as long as she could remember. “I have gone a few times to the Anglican church, but it does not speak to me. You were not far off earlier. I am somewhat at sea where my faith is concerned.”

“You know where to seek a guiding light and a safe harbor.”

Faith nodded. “Aye, but I must reach them on my own. You cannot do that for me.”

“I thought that I had charted your voyage for you when you were a child.”

“No one can chart the journey of another’s spirit, Father, but you gave me fine tools.”

“So you would still look to God to guide you?”

“Aye, I look to God, but He is not always as clear as I would hope.” He looked profoundly sad, and Faith guessed his worry. “You think that I struggle because God has not deemed me worthy of His grace.”

Tears welled in Jonathan’s eyes, and for once, it was he who dropped his gaze to the floor. “‘Tis not for me to say.”

“In my life,” she said, “I have ever acted faithfully, with the best intentions.”

“You must act as God intends. It is not for us to rely upon our imperfect impulses.”

“Nay, I have not acted upon impulse. What I have done, I have done with intent.” He blanched, but Faith knew that he must know everything if he was ever to understand. “Aye, even that. I thought long and hard before I gave myself to Geoff, even though he made it very clear he had no intention of marrying me.”

Jonathan sank down upon the chest he had been working on, his shoulders slumped in defeat, and Faith joined him. They sat with only a small space between them but did not touch.

“Why did he, then?” Jonathan asked.

“Because it was meant to be. If I had not known him in that way, he would never have seen that what he felt for me was not what he had felt before. I would have been but a passing regret, a minor curiosity left unsatisfied. You must ask Geoff how he feels about me, but I think you would find that I have changed the course of his life. I offered him hope and love. These things which our family has ever taken for granted, he has lived his whole life without.”

“And what role does he play in yours? What do you receive in return for risking your immortal soul?”

It was Faith’s turn to deliberate for a moment. “Freedom. Geoff does not presume to know the mind of God.”

That he was not entirely sure there was one was a point that could wait until another day.

“I am presumptuous, then,” Jonathan replied, obviously hurt.

“I find Owen Williams presumptuous. I find our church presumptuous. Geoff lets me search. He accepts me. I do not have to be someone else when I am with him.”

“I have never wanted you to be anything else.”

“You would have worried, even as you do now.”

“Have you always had these questions?”

“I think, perhaps, I have.”

Jonathan looked at her, baffled and sad.

“I wanted you to be proud of me,” she explained. “I wanted to be what everyone seemed to think I was. But underneath, it somehow didn’t fit.”

“I would have loved you no matter what.”

“Aye, I believe that, but would you have encouraged me?”

“To stray?”

“To search.”

He looked into her eyes, but still made no move to touch her. “They have not changed, those eyes of yours. They are the very eyes I dried after countless mishaps, the ones that sparkled whenever I offered some praise. Through it all, you are my child. How can I turn my back upon you? You are a part of me. You always will be.”

“As you will be ever a part of me, Father.”

“You say you have needed to search. What have you found?” he asked.

“I am coming to hear what speaks to my heart. No one is perfect, Father, and God created us so. Why condemn humanity because we are as He made us? We grew up. I grew up. Even as Adam and Eve had to leave the comfort of paradise, I had to leave the comfort of my home. Since the fall of Adam, it is our nature to make mistakes. The church says this is proof of our wickedness, but ‘tis only proof that we are not God. None of us.”

“The church tells us that we may find redemption through Christ.”

“Our church also tells us that only the elect will be redeemed. God is not moved by the will of men, and so it matters not what we think and do.”

“And you question this?”

“It leaves us so powerless. It seems to me that God may move through the will of men. We make choices. We make mistakes. Mayhap Christ redeemed us by showing us how to redeem ourselves. He taught us to live among each other with love and compassion. I think salvation has less to do with how Christ died than with how He lived.”

Jonathan shook his head. “Am I to choose between my daughter and my theology? It is too much to ask. Both are dearer to me than breath.”

“God is a father, too. Would He ask you to make such a choice?”

At last, he put his arm around Faith’s shoulders, and she leaned her head against him. They sat thusly for some minutes before he said, “It is heresy, but then, some called John Calvin a heretic, as well.”

“Then can you forgive me?”

“There is nothing to forgive. As others have reminded me, I am not blameless in your decision to leave.”

“And what of my questions, my doubts? Can you love me in spite of them?”

“You have given me much to ponder, Daughter, but of course, I love you. I must have faith that you will find your own way.”

She turned her face to his shoulder and wept with relief, and he held her, soothing her as he had ever been able to. When she calmed, he wiped her cheeks with his sleeve, as he had oft done when she was small.

“I think I have not made a good first impression with your husband.”

She sniffed and smiled. “Well, then we had better return. I would have him meet the man I told him of, the one I still hold in the highest esteem.”

They left the joinery hand-in-hand, and Faith finally relaxed enough to drink in the familiar sights and sounds of home. It felt so good, so natural to walk with her father the well-known path from the shop to the house.

Halfway down the trail, Jonathan froze, his gaze caught by something beyond the house. Faith stopped with him, her eyes following his to fall upon a most unwelcome visitor.

Chapter 30

The Reverend Owen Williams also paused on his route from the main road to the Cooper residence and regarded the two that exited the joinery. All three slowed their steps, no one eager to initiate the inevitable.

Jonathan shook his head grimly. “There must be some way to send this one on his way without incurring one of his accursed temper-tantrums. The man is famous for them.”

Faith just nodded and stayed at her father’s side as they resumed their pace, set to meet the minister together.

In due time, Reverend Williams called out, “I see the rumors were true. The prodigal daughter has returned!”

They closed the space between them, and Jonathan replied, “Rumor has swift wings in this village.”

Williams nodded. “Aye. Goodwife Little was upon the road this morning and spied our long-lost Faith with your family.” He turned to Faith, and his eyes perused her, noting with a frown of disapproval her rich clothing. “I am told you arrived with an escort, and yet I see only you two.”

Faith wiped at her cheeks to be sure no tears yet remained. She was certain her face was red and her eyes swollen, and it seemed vastly unfair that she should have to face this man when she was already so unsettled. Still, she lifted her chin and looked him squarely in the eye.

“I arrived with my husband, Captain Geoffrey Hampton.”

“Captain?” he replied with the sneer she remembered all too well. “A seafaring man. He is wise to bring you with him while he is at sea. I should imagine there are all manner of temptations in the Caribbean for a woman left to her own devices.”

“Actually, she comes with me because I cannot bear to be without her. If ever there was a woman who could rise to the challenge of temptation, ‘tis Faith.”

The small group had been so intently focused upon one another that none had heard Geoff’s approach, and Faith was pleased to see an embarrassed flush stain the minister’s face. Even so, he recovered himself quickly.

“I know you,” he said, after he had taken a moment to examine the newcomer.

Geoff stepped uncomfortably close, and his cold, calculating smile was the very one few men had survived to tell of. “We have met. You do not know me. They are not the same thing.”

Williams stumbled back, and though this time ‘twas anger that reddened his countenance, he wisely held his tongue.

Jonathan struggled to keep a somber look about him, but the merest hint of a grin slipped through upon witnessing Williams’s discomfiture.

Avoiding the intimidating figure in front of him, Williams addressed Faith. “I thought you to be a liar when you said that he accosted you in Boston. I see now I was fully justified in my conclusion. How came you to know a rough sailor when you lived the life of a pious daughter in our village?”

Geoff would have responded, but Faith raised her hand to stop him. “I confess, I was not entirely honest, but neither was I the crafty deceiver you say. I had only just met him when you saw us. When Geoff lied and said that he bought the silk for his sister, I did not contradict him, as perhaps I should have. Even so, I did not ask for his attentions, and I was, in fact, chastising him for his impropriety.”

“And yet, somehow, here he is.”

“Aye,” she answered, “here he is. Providence works in mysterious ways.”

The minister cast a dubious glance at Geoff, but could not hold his gaze. “Providence delivered you from a minister and placed you in the hands of a common sailor?”

“Delivered?” Faith reflected. “Aye, that is precisely the word I would have chosen, and as you can see, he is anything but common.”

“Your time away has but sharpened your tongue.”

“Aye, my tongue and my sight.”

Jonathan marveled at his once meek daughter who now managed to look down her nose at a man several inches taller than her. Subtly, he straightened a bit, pride written on his lean face.

“Will you allow her to speak to me with such disrespect?” Williams demanded.

Jonathan shrugged. “She is her husband’s subject now.”

“She is the king’s subject,” Geoff corrected. “She is my wife.”

“A woman is like a child,” the reverend lectured. “She requires guidance and a firm hand. One has only to look to Eve to see this.”

“Ah, Eve,” Geoff replied. “Well, one has only to look to Adam to see how ill prepared men are to provide such things.”

At Jonathan’s laugh, poorly disguised as a cough, Owen Williams turned upon the only one over whom he still had any authority. “Is this some new interpretation of scripture, Goodman Cooper, or do I detect that you are amused by their blasphemy?”

“He has a point,” Jonathan ventured.

“Does God command wives to obey their husbands or does He not?”

Jonathan turned to his son-in-law, and the two formed an unlikely alliance. “Do you wish her to speak more respectfully to our esteemed minister?” he asked.

Geoff turned to Faith. “Is this man due more respect than you have shown, Wife?”

Her eyes sparkled, but she feigned careful consideration. “I do not think so, Husband.”

He turned back to Jonathan. “Nay, I do not wish her to follow any course but that which she has chosen.”

“It would seem that she is in complete obedience to her husband, ill prepared though he may be to command her,” Jonathan said.

“I will not be mocked! The Lord is not mocked!” Williams shouted. “I knew all along that you were a wicked, wicked woman, Faith Cooper. I see now that even a devout man of God such as myself could never have hoped to bring you to the path of righteousness. It is we who are delivered! I thank God that He saw fit to remove you from our hallowed haven ere you could contaminate it with your sinful nature!”

“Look you to your own sinful nature!” came Faith’s firm reply. “Tell me truly, what compelled you ask for my hand? Did you seek to quell my wickedness or satisfy your own? I should very much like to know, Owen Williams, are you the only man besides Christ to enter the world free from the guilt of Adam’s fall?”

“Prideful wench! You are not the temptation you think!”

“Faith,” Geoff inquired, “have you not oft reminded me that lying is a sin?”

“Aye,” she answered, glaring daggers at the minister. “Even that which we will not admit to ourselves cannot be shielded from God’s eyes.”

Williams spluttered, his eyes blinking spasmodically, but no intelligible speech issued from his throat.

In a tone tinged in some pity, Jonathan said, “Much has happened since last you saw Faith, and it seems that your paths have well and truly separated. Mayhap it would be best if we bid you good day, Reverend. My wife, sons, and I will see you at meeting on the Sabbath.”

“If her path turns from me, it turns from her church and thereby you, as well, Goodman Cooper!”

Jonathan regarded him through narrow eyes. “You have no domain over this family, sir.”

“I am the ultimate authority over this family, sir!”

“God is the ultimate authority.”

“Through me!”

“You cling to your pulpit and your authority by a slender thread, Reverend. Do not presume to interfere where you have no moral or legal right. I tell you this now, I feared you once, and that fear nearly cost me my cherished Faith. It will not be so again.”

“Which faith do you cherish most?”

“God gave me my faith, even as He gave me this child. There is no choice to make. Good day.”