Into Death's Arms (12 page)

      I had enough.
I was pissed and everybody was going to know it.
“Are you going to die today,
” I asked harshly.
He blinked in rapid succession.
“No, well
fuck;
I might,
so for now
,
if we are going to do this, we are going to do it my way. If you don’t like it whatever one less Ao in the world, maybe you can go out and fight the
Vamp
s
Mike
you feeling up to it?
”
I turned grabbed Laurna’s arm. “I’ll be in my room when you make up your mind.” 
Together we stomped off. Okay
,
so I stomped off
,
Laurna was dragged by her arm.

    I wrenched the dress out of my closet and started jerking my clothes off. My hand
s
shook so badly I couldn’t unbutton my jeans. Laurna did it for me. “You don’t have to do this.” She whispered, “I wouldn’t blame you.”

     “I would,
” I sobbed. “This is what I have been waiting for my whole life. I just never
thought
…
” Sob, “This is supposed to
be uplifting. Why am I so scared?”
And
,
that was the truth of the matter I was scared. I was only
twenty, too
young to die. It
was going to be painful
,
even if I lived through it and
I was just having a hard time believing in myself. Why me? What made me a better candidate than Laurna? Genetics, yeah, if it was genetics I w
ouldn’t be so imperfect would I?
I mean look at Deanna she was perfect.
She was blond and curvy the model female.
I was flat chested, my lips were too big, and I always looked like a lemur, dark circles around my eyes. I
breathed
to fast making myself dizzy.

       Laurna pushed me down on the bed and
held out a paper bag. “Breathe,” s
he commanded
.
I obeyed.
There wasn’t much else I could do.

     “Before my
ritual
,
I witnessed three others,
” A soft voice came from the doorway.
Oh God, Ms. Perfect
had
heard all that
!
“One of the girls died,
” she paused and made a distressed face,
“
horribly.” D
eanna glided across the room, pulled me up from the
bed
, and
helped me slid
e
the gown over my head.  “But I knew what to expect. I had friends other
Ao;
I had been raised with to share my concerns with.” She pulled my hair up and pinned it.
Her hands graceful as she tugged the errant strands into place,
“Caden says you did not tell your friend about yourself u
ntil yesterday, is this true?” H
er voice lifted at the end of the question.

       “No, not until yesterday,” I hiccupped.
Laurna nodded as well.

     She
smiled;
it lit up the whole room. “So brave,” she said.
“To face all of this alone
,
”
s
he waved an elegant hand as if to encompass the entire world.
She opened a small bag she had brought into the room with her. “I often told your father I thought he did you no favors raising you away from the others.
” Her lips pressed together in an agitated expression. “
I think I was wrong. No one has ever stood up for me as your
yo
ung friend did for you today.
And, y
ou have something none of the rest
of us
has
a true understanding of humans.
I protect them because I was trained to.” She frowned marring the perfection of her brow for a time, “but I don’t really understand them. I don’t really care what happens to them.
I think it will give you an edge.” She smiled
again
and began to apply cosmetics to my face. 

    
I had to ask.
“Were you afraid?” I sounded
hopeful.
I hated that in my voice to sound weak before a stranger, but I couldn’t help it.
You really don’t contemplate the things you are going to miss until there is a chance you won’t have them anymore. Laurna’s laugh, my dad’s constant nagging that said more than
anything did
how much he loved me. The way the air smelled in the winter crisp and clean. There was so much I was going to miss.

     She nodded, “terrified,” she said in a conspiratorial tone. “Furthermore I know for a fact Caden was terrified as well. He tried to run away.
Iris told me,
” s
he winked
making herself seem much more reachable she probably wouldn’t thank me for the comparison but she seemed more human
.

    I gasped. My father
running away, “no way
,” I said
shocked to my socks. He was the epitome of masculine bravery well unless I was involved then he was kinda a chicken but scared of death? Not my dad, s
he nodded.

     “We are ready now.
”
S
he piled all the makeup she’d used on me back into her little bag,
took Laurna’s hand
,
and led her from the room. “We will wait for you out back.”

     I looked at myself in the mirror. Not bad, all my red hair was piled on top of my head
,
pinned into place with invisible hairpins.
I don’t know how she made it stay like that. Heck, I didn’t even know I had enough hair to make it do that.
I couldn’t see the makeup Deanna had applied
,
but I knew it was there because I
had
never looked better. My eyes looked like ferns on the edge of the lake.

  
I had to find out how she did that. The dress barely covered all my parts. My belly, my back, and my arms were bare. Boy was I glad I had a fl
at tummy.  I took a deep breath
.
I think I can.
It was okay. M
y dad had been scared,
and Deanna
had been scared. Being scared didn’t make me weak
,
it made me normal. I smiled at that
.
I’d never
thought of myself as
normal
before.
I spied my gift from Laurna
lying
on the bed, unopened forgotten. I peeled
back
the paper.
Inside lay a wooden case
,
I frowned, opened the case,
and caught my breath. The sword
that lay within the case was a work of art
,
totally exquisite. I picked it up
,
testing the weight. I swung it a couple of time
s
experimentally.
It was short and almost rectangular, a gladius
, the sword the Roman’s had used
. I l
iked the way the Roman’s fought.
Laurna and I had argued the merits of Roman blade work over more modern blades many a time. Usually in the middle of history
class
just to annoy our professors. 
My dad believed I could do this. Laurna obviously believed I could do this. My confidence grew. I put the blade back in the case
,
closed it gently
,
and left my room.

    My back yard was lovely
. O
f course in San Mateo
,
you have to fork out a lot of cash to have any kind of yard
. Sunlight glinted off the pond.
I was freezing. I shivered as I watched them standing together. Everyone
waited for me
,
far enough away to be out of the shade of the house.
No shadows could touch my body
while we performed the ritual.
Redwoods framed them in the background, squirles chirped their annoyance as leaves skittered across the lawn.
A humming bird flitted past me and for a moment time stood still.
Laurna looked worried
,
but
she was the only one. Deanna and my dad smiled benevolently. Both looking peaceful and content
.
I was happy
somebody felt peaceful
.
A space had been cleared of trees, shrubs, and anything else that might interfere.
Father
Mike
stepped forward. He was in his full priestly garb and held an air of authority.
He carried with him an air of power that I would never have suspected. His confidence helped me to gain back a measure of my own.
“Macyn Devlyn
Reece
, come forward.”
He held out his hands
. H
e wore black and white, a man of the cloth
. My father wore black. Deanna wore white. Death and life
. Laurna wore white. O
nce white had been the col
or of mourning. We still use it but
I didn’t tell Laurna
.
I should have. I was wearing white
.
I
t
was supposed to symbolize my leaving this life for the new one I was about to embark on. Like a wedding
dress,
I suppose
,
but the last time I’d worn a white dress had been to my mother’s funeral. That was not helping my confidence.

   
I stepped forwar
d
, walking barefoot in the grass.
God, how I love
d walking barefoot in the grass, the cool feel sliding between my toes, the soft blades tickling my feet as I took the next step, the sweet smell that enveloped me with each step.
I hoped fervently this wouldn’t be the last time I ever got to do so.

       I loved the way the sun felt on my skin. I took another deep breath. I loved the pride in my
father’s
eyes and
the way he always supported me even
when I
was wrong.
I loved Laurna
for her
straight laced
demeanor
and her stiff sense
of humor.
I just had one more thing to take
care of in
case I didn’t survive.
“Father,” I knelt before Father
Mike
, “I owe you an apology. No matter how I
felt,
I should not have spoken to you as I did. It was disrespectful.” There I
had said it
.
I had admitted I was wrong
. I
f I
died,
I could do it
with a clean conscious. I didn’t like it, but it was said.

      He smiled
lighting up
that little grey face
with a kind of inner joy
.
I felt it all the way to my toes.
“You are Caden’s daughter
,
aren’t
you?” H
e
took my hands.
His hands were smooth
,
t
he hands of a scholar. I nodded. H
e said the words I
’d
been hoping for
, “
I forgive you. Step into the li
ght child.”  I did as
I was told
.
My skin heated.
“Today, we offer up this daughter unto you. It is our hope that she will serve you well
. A
s all Ao have served over the years. Are you ready to accept the light into your heart child?”

       I took one more deep breath.
I still wasn’t sure I was worthy
,
but looking into Father
Mike
’s eyes left me
with
but one answer.
“Yes, I am.”
My voice sounded over loud in the silence of the yard. I wondered what would happen, what would it feel
like? A
nd then it happened
. T
he light burned through me.
My organs burned. My skin was on fire.
It tightened.
I felt like someone had pulled a latex suit on over my entire body.
Oh God
,
how could anyone survive
this?
I was wrong
.
I wasn’t worthy.