Authors: Nancy Ann Healy
Alex sat down on the chair in the corner of the living room and put her face in her hands as her phone rang. “Toles,” she answered as she fought to get any words to escape her lips.
“Alex?” Brian Fallon heard something strange in his partner’s voice.
“What is it, Fallon?”
“Are you okay?” He asked with concern.
“Fallon, what is it?”
Brian Fallon sat in the front seat of his car holding a file folder and thumbing through the various papers it held. “Toles, Brackett….it doesn’t make sense.”
“What doesn’t make sense?” Alex asked as she picked up a picture of Cassidy and Dylan that sat on the table beside her.
“Her case…I mean…it’s a case that had no reason to be reopened, near as I can tell.”
“And?” Alex found herself completely preoccupied with the faces in the photo; her finger lightly tracing the outline of Cassidy’s smile.
“Well, Toles…I shouldn’t have, but I checked her computer log.”
“You what?” Alex was shocked.
“Just listen. She’s pulled files on all your past cases, on O’Brien, but she…she hasn’t pulled one file for her own case… and…well…Alex,” he paused and took a breath. “She pulled the traffic logs from the day of the accident.”
Alex took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose hard. She released her own grasp and looked again at the picture. “Fallon?”
“Yeah?” He answered anticipating his partner to react to all he had discovered.
“What
exactly
did O’Brien say about Cassidy and Krause?”
“What?” He asked. “Did you hear what I told you?”
“Yeah, I heard you. What did he say about Cassidy?” Alex repeated.
“He played it off, said she was
emotional
back then…about Fisher… and that Krause recommended Fisher to him.”
“Emotional?”
“Yeah, you know, he said they were trying to get pregnant and she was upset when she couldn’t. He thought she was just over reacting to Fisher.”
Alex let out a disgusted sigh. “Yeah, sure he did.” Now Alex truly felt sick. Cassidy had already confided in her that she never wanted another child with the congressman. O’Brien was playing Fallon. “What about Krause?”
“What’s with this Krause guy?” Fallon asked. “I thought you didn’t know him.”
“I don’t. Fallon, what did he say…EXACTLY?”
Agent Fallon sighed. “He said she was studying in France and they became friends.”
“That’s all?” Alex asked.
“Yeah.”
“Listen, Fallon, I want you to do something for me.”
“Okay…”
“Follow Brackett this afternoon; see where she goes.”
“Why? You think she’s involved?”
Alex had a decision to make and she made it quickly. “I think she’s NSA.”
“What are you talking about?” Fallon said almost laughing.
“You heard me. She’s NSA.”
Fallon was beginning to think his partner’s personal involvement in the case was impacting her reasoning. “Toles…I think this case is…”
“Fallon, look…I know the signs. Pulling my old files, the old case assigned, she’s NSA.”
“You’re watching too many X-Files reruns,” he laughed.
Alex looked at the picture in her hands again and shook her head. “Fallon, I know because I was NSA.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’ll explain when you get here,” she said.
“When I get
there
? Toles, why would I come to New York?”
Alex stood and rubbed her right temple with her thumb. “Just get on a flight for tomorrow. I’ll explain when you get here. I have to go. I have something I have to do.”
“What about the letter?” He asked.
“Call your P.D. contact and see if he can meet us tomorrow. I have the letter covered.” She hung up before he could answer, leaving Agent Brian Fallon looking at his phone in disbelief and confusion. Alex reached in her left pocket and pulled out the small black phone Michael Taylor had given her. She took a deep breath and opened it. She popped open the back and searched for any signs of any recording mechanism. She fastened it back up, hit the number 2 and # and waited.
“Toles?”
“Here,” she said quietly.
“Brady there yet?” Taylor asked.
“No. Today’s not good,” Alex replied.
“Why?”
“Cap,” she said, “the woman is at the center.”
Michael Taylor froze. This phrase had only one meaning. It was the code they had used for many years. Someone was listening and someone was watching, someone on the inside. He cleared his throat slightly. “Well…that
is
unexpected.”
“Yes,” she agreed trying to keep their conversation as natural as possible.
“Do you want me to have Brady reschedule?”
“No…I think we’re okay. I’ll finish, but tell Brady I appreciate his help.” Alex kept rubbing her temple as she approached the stairway.
“Very well,” Taylor answered. “I’ll be in touch.”
“Thanks, Taylor.” She hung up the phone and looked up the stairs. Her mind was racing. Brackett was almost certainly NSA; she was sure. O’Brien was hiding something and Krause was almost certainly involved. Tomorrow she would
need to face Fallon with the truth and worse than any of that, she had to face Cassidy now, knowing that she had treated the woman she loved unfairly. Cassidy had held her while she cried, rocked her back to sleep, loved her, accepted her and still she somehow doubted the woman. Maybe it was the dream. Maybe it was just her fear that when this was over she would lose Cassidy. Or maybe, she allowed herself to think for a moment; maybe she was just rattled by Cassidy being in harm’s way. She took a deep breath. It was everything, all of it, and none of that mattered.
Alex went into the room Cassidy had given her a week earlier to change and gather her thoughts. She heard Cassidy’s door open and the woman’s footsteps travel down the stairs. The agent reached for her jogging pants. She wanted to run. She heard the front door close and her heart stopped. Alex ran down the stairs so fast that she nearly fell. She opened the door to find Cassidy’s right hand about the grab the outside handle and the mail in her left. “Cassidy!” The agent’s voice echoed both panic and relief.
“What?” The teacher looked at the agent a bit startled.
Alex felt her heart sway in her chest. She could see the anger and the hurt that lingered in her lover’s eyes. All she wanted to do was erase the morning, take it back and take the woman into her arms. “I thought you left…I…”
Cassidy nodded her head in understanding and pressed her lips together. “No, Alex, I don’t run away. That’s not who I am.” She walked deliberately past the agent and headed for the kitchen. Alex stood in the doorway and closed her eyes. Cassidy O’Brien knew her and knew her well. She had just been ready to do exactly that, run, again. The agent fought to inhale and held the little breath she managed to take in. The only thing she knew, beyond any reason or doubt, was that she
was in love with Cassidy and she was not going to lose her; not to anyone or anything; not even her own stupidity. She exhaled with deliberate force and made her way to the kitchen.
Alex walked through the doorway to find Cassidy sitting at the table opening the mail piece by piece. She stopped at the kitchen island and stood impossibly still. The smart and strong agent felt like a small child awaiting her punishment. An incredible sense of guilt and sadness flowed through her at the realization of how much she had hurt the beautiful woman sitting nearby. “Alex, the counter can stand on its own,” Cassidy said, never removing her eyes from the piece of mail she was opening.
The agent sighed and started toward the table. Slowly she pulled out a chair across from the teacher. “Cass,” the agent swallowed hard and raised her right thumb to her temple. “I…I’m sorry, Cassidy.”
Cassidy took a deep breath and released it in a sigh. “I know you are, Alex. I just don’t understand why.”
“Cassidy…I…you have to understand…I just….I don’t know why, I…it’s just…it’s Krause and Brackett and this Fisher….and then Fallon said you knew Krause.”
“Alex, you’re rambling. Look, I have no idea what Jon has to do with any of this. We were friends a long time ago, that’s all. I just don’t understand why you couldn’t ask me…just ask me…anything. I would tell you.”
“I know that,” the agent said.
“You do?”
Alex suddenly felt defensive. She just wanted to say she was sorry and move on. That might work with her casual lovers, but not with this woman. Cassidy expected more. “Yes, I do. I just fell into the job…”
“No, Alex….”
“No?” The agent asked.
“That’s not what happened.”
“Yes it is,” Alex said definitively.
“No. It’s not. You suspected me of something, not telling you some secret…something.”
“I didn’t suspect you.” Cassidy finally looked up and raised an eyebrow at the agent. “I just didn’t understand. I needed to know.”
“Well, now you know. Is that all?” The teacher was determined to stand her ground.
“Cassidy, I said I was sorry.”
“And I accept your apology, but you are not being honest with me.”
“I love you,” the agent said.
“I know that. I love you. That’s not the issue.”
“Why does there have to be an issue?” Alex asked.
“Because, Alex, I trust you with my life….with everything, my son, my heart….I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me, no matter how much I love you. I just can’t. I can take anything…and I would…but trust….I just can’t compromise that, Alex. I can’t.” The teacher started to stand and Alex grabbed her arm.
“Cassidy, please….I just….”
Cassidy stopped and looked at her lover. “What, Alex?”
“Dammit.” Alex put her hands over her face. “I’m scared Cassidy…I just got scared and I took it out on you…I’m sorry.”
The teacher squatted in front of the agent. “What are you afraid of, Alex?” The woman knew the agent’s fear was not about the case. Alex was an adept agent, experienced and intelligent. She’d seen war. Cassidy also knew they could not move forward unless Alex was honest; not only with the teacher but with herself. “Alex?”
“I wanted you to lie to me,” Alex admitted. “I did….and I knew you wouldn’t.”
“Alex, why? Tell me why.” The small blonde woman took the agent’s hands suspecting she might already know the answer.
Alex looked at their hands as they joined. “What happens when this is over, Cassidy? You won’t need me here.”
Cassidy rose and sat in the agent’s lap, lifting Alex’s chin gently with her hand. “Alex, of course I will need you here.”
“How? Where do I fit, Cass?” The agent was beginning to do battle with mounting tears.
Cassidy looked at Alex and smiled sweetly. “Alex Toles, what are you talking about?”
“Cass… this is… I’m in D.C…. you are here….I’m a..….and you’re…”
“You’re a what?” Cassidy started laughing and then turned serious. “Alex, you hurt me. I understand but you need to talk to me. So, we’ll figure it out. Somehow we’ll figure it out. You can’t push me away anymore and you can’t run away. I can’t handle that. I need to trust you too. I’ve dealt with dishonesty. I’ve lived with loneliness. I can’t do that with you. I love you too much.”
Alex looked at Cassidy and saw the tear fall across the woman’s cheek. “I love you so much, Cass…I just don’t know how to do that.”
“Yes. You do,” Cassidy said.
“I want to.”
“You already are, Alex. Promise me you will talk to me…please.”
Alex nodded. She was still shaking. “I am supposed to be protecting you, Cassidy, and here you are again…protecting me.”
“Alex, you can protect me from the bad guys all you want and I welcome it, but you can’t protect me from everything. You are not Batman. Even Bruce Wayne had pain, needed comfort,” she chuckled. “He had Alfred. You don’t always have to be the caped crusader. I love you just as much as an English butler,” Cassidy smiled.
“I feel like it’s always been this way and I know it hasn’t. I can’t stand the thought of losing you,” Alex admitted.
“Then don’t,” Cassidy answered as their lips met.
“Cass….”
“Come on, Alfred. I think we have some making up to do,” the teacher winked.
***
For some reason Alex felt very nervous as they reached Cassidy’s room and her lover sensed the stress. “What is it?” Cassidy asked. Alex gave a shy grin. “Are you nervous?” Cassidy smiled broadly. “You are,” Cassidy beamed.
The agent looked at the beautiful woman standing in her arms. She kissed her gently. “Cassidy, I want to make love to you.” Sparkling green eyes searched the agent’s deep blue. There was something in Alex’s voice that told Cassidy that Alex needed to say something more. She stroked the long dark hair that framed the agent’s exquisite features, studying every line, every slight crease and every curve in Alex’s lip. Alex slowly leaned over and kissed the lips she desired. She tenderly caressed the smaller woman’s face and her body began to quiver when Cassidy’s lips parted slightly, inviting her to explore them. She sighed through their kiss and felt Cassidy’s hands begin to wander. Alex gently grabbed Cassidy’s hands, breaking their kiss momentarily. “No,” she said firmly but softly.
“No?” Cassidy asked with a smirk.
“No. I want you to know how much I love you.” Alex’s voice was low and sensual. It resonated with so much emotion that it took Cassidy’s breath away more than any kiss ever could.