Interrupted (9 page)

I nodded and forced the corners of my mouth up, but I felt hollow and my stomach ached. Didn’t Irene know that … that
glow
in Beatrice’s eyes was all for her? Her
true
daughter. Once Irene left, all the sunshine would go with her.

Beatrice never looks at me that way
. Every time she glanced in my direction, I sensed nothing but tiredness and concealed frustration. I was something she dutifully cared for, not loved. I cleared my throat and looked away.

Irene looked at the empty doorway a moment more before giggling and hopping off the loveseat. “I’m going to go help
Mom out with supper. You relax.” She smiled and skipped out of the room like a six-year-old.

I sighed and pulled my feet up onto the armchair.

“I looooove you,” someone crooned from the gramophone.

I glared at it. “Oh, shut up.”

I
rene squeezed my elbow and laughed. “Oh, I haven’t been to a picture show in
years
, girls! Daniel never can go.”

Charlie’s eyes twinkled. “This one has Clark Gable in it. He’s the dreamiest star
ever
. Or so Allie thinks.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

I blushed and walked up to the window. “Three for
Gone with the Wind
.” I looked over my shoulder at Irene. “It came out a few years ago, but it’s still good.”

When the lady behind the desk gave us our tickets, Irene giggled like a girl. “Oh, it’s so
exciting
!” She pushed up her sunglasses and squeezed Charlie’s arm.

Charlie gave me a quizzical look, and I could tell she was holding back a laugh.

“So, Allie,” Irene said, smiling at me. “I ran into quite the interesting young man at the post office the other day. He told me you were friends when you were younger.”

I clutched my ticket, creasing it down the middle. “Sam?”

“Yeah.” Irene brightened. “I invited him to the movies with us today.”

“You did
what
?”

“Ladies,” someone said behind us. I turned around slowly. It was only Russell. My heart stopped racing before I’d even realized it had started.

“You silly boy!” Charlie gushed, grabbing his arm. “What brings
you
here?”

Irene looked between the two of them and crossed her arms knowingly.

“Lovely day for a picture show. Don’t you think so, Allie?” He smiled at me and held up his ticket.

“Sure, Russell.”

“Good afternoon, everyone.”

I turned again, this time to see Sam Carroll tip his hat at us. “One for the Clark Gable show,” he said to the girl behind the counter.

“Oh, it’s you again!” Charlie beamed at him and then turned back to Russell, reaching up to play with a tendril in her golden bob.

“Good afternoon,” Irene said, nodding. Sam tipped his hat in response.

“Who is this?” Russell frowned at him.

“Oh, it’s just Sam.” I rolled my eyes. “Irene invited him to come with us.”

Russell went back to looking disapprovingly at Sam. “How do you know Allie?”

Sam winked at me. “We go way back.” He smiled as he took his ticket from the blushing girl behind the counter.

Charlie squeezed Russell’s arm, not that he seemed to notice. “Well, this is just lovely. It’s like a double date! With Irene, of course.”

“Of course.” Irene grabbed her purse and began to walk into the theater. “I’ll see you inside, Allie.” She looked at me with the same knowing look she’d given Charlie.

What?
I turned to face Sam, who was grinning.

“We’re right behind you!” Charlie pulled Russell, who continued to frown back at Sam and me, into the theater. “Terrible weather, isn’t it, darling?” She shivered, glancing up at the stubbornly blue sky. Russell hesitated before wrapping his arm around her.

I snuck a look at Sam. He held out his elbow to me. “Shall we?”

I stormed into the theater, leaving him to follow me in. Knowing him, he probably was amused by it.

Clark Gable was just too handsome. I stuffed popcorn into my mouth and sighed.
Really, that woman just doesn’t deserve him
.

“I don’t get it,” Sam whispered.

I glared at him. Didn’t he ever hear you were supposed to be
quiet
during the picture show?

“Why do women love him so much? He’s not that great looking.” Sam reached over for a handful of popcorn.

I ripped the popcorn away from him. “Are you serious?
Clark Gable
?”

Sam smirked. “Yeah.”

I looked back at the screen.
What does he know?

Sam reached over and brushed a piece of popcorn off my sleeve. “What’s wrong?”

Charlie, who was sitting behind us and obviously listening, leaned forward and grinned. “You don’t know what you’ve started. Allie’s had a crush on Gable since she was fifteen.”

Sam’s eyebrows shot up. “Really? I guess I wouldn’t know, considering she and I never went to movie theaters in Tennessee.”

I squirmed, keeping my eyes glued on the screen.

“Mmm-hmm.” Charlie propped her elbows up on our seats, her mouth close to my ears.

Sam looked like he was holding back a laugh. I glared at Charlie and stuffed more popcorn into my mouth.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” Charlie whispered in our ears.

I started to frown. “Now, that’s never a good thing—”

“Hush!” Charlie lowered her voice. “There’s a fair in town. I say we ditch the picture show and go have some fun.” She raised one side of her mouth. “What do you say?”

“I’m up for it.” Sam started to stand. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him back down.

“What about Irene?” I hissed.

Charlie widened her eyes innocently. “What about her?”

“We can’t just leave her.”

Charlie shrugged and leaned over to Irene before I could stop her. “Hey, Irene, honey, is it okay if we go over to the fair? It’s getting a bit stuffy in here.” She fanned herself and batted her eyelashes.

Irene laughed and swatted us with her purse. “Go on, you silly kids. I’ll cover for you.” She saw me and grinned. “What? I was young once too.” She lowered her voice so only I could hear her. “And it’s a great night for love.”

My mouth dropped open. “No, no, it’s not …”

She snuck a quick look at Sam and whispered, “Trust me, just go and have fun,” then settled back into her seat.

Beside me, I think Sam was smiling.
Did he …?
My face grew scarlet as I climbed out of our row.

Gosh, why did I have to be adopted by such an embarrassing family?

The fairground was alive with glowing lights, with the sweet smells of popcorn and cotton candy wafting through the air.

“I honestly thought you were going to get sick on that last ride, Allie,” Sam said into my ear, his eyes twinkling.

I leveled my eyes at him. “I’m sure you would have enjoyed that.”

Sam shrugged his shoulders and grabbed a piece of popcorn. “Hey, I’m not saying I would have liked it to happen. But if it did, I would have wanted to see it.”

Charlie laughed and shoved him. “Oh, you are too much! Isn’t he too much, Allie?”

“You have no idea,” I muttered.

Sam looked up. “What’s that?”

“Nothing.” I looked away and instead focused on the twirling lights of the merry-go-round.

“And that’s when I discovered that botany isn’t so different from biophysics after all,” Russell droned on beside me, idly
chewing on a piece of popcorn. “It all depends on the chemical makeup of—”

“Oh, a Ferris wheel!” Charlie brightened, grabbing my arm. She tugged my elbow and batted her eyelashes. “Oh, let’s go on it, Allie. Come on!” She giggled and linked her arm through Russell’s. “Have you ever been on a Ferris wheel, Russell? It’s so much fun!”

Sam and I followed and climbed into the seat above them. The ride conductor shouted and pulled back the lever, setting the wheel in motion.

The ride started slowly. I took a deep breath, determined not to show my fear. It was just so … high. I clutched the side of the seat and looked over the edge, and my stomach churned in response. I sat back and closed my eyes.

Sam was laughing. “Haven’t you ever ridden a Ferris wheel before?”

“Once.” I opened one eye. “I threw up.” I promptly closed the eye, my face reddening.

“Well then, this will be interesting,” Sam chuckled. I reached out and slapped his arm. “No need for violence. Just sayin’ that if it happens …”

Breathe in. Breathe out. This will all be over soon
.

The ride jolted to a stop. My eyes jerked open. We were almost at the top of the Ferris wheel, looking down at the brightly lit park.

Panicked, I clutched Sam’s jacket. “What happened?”

A short, bald man walked over to the side of the ride. “Just hold on!” he shouted. “We’re having a few problems, but we’re sure it will be fixed in no time at all!”

Sam smiled and nodded at him. He turned to me with a devilish smirk on his face. “Looks like you’ll be getting over your fear tonight.”

I grimaced, my stomach feeling woozy.

“How are you all doing up there?”

Sam waved to the man below. I
f he wasn’t the only thing keeping me somewhat calm, I would throw him over the side
.

I groaned and pulled my thin sweater tight. “We’ve been up here for two hours.”

I looked down at the park beneath us. In time, my wooziness had settled to a slight flutter at the sight of all the lights and little people below, though I was far from happy to be perched in the air. At least everyone had stopped staring at the stuck Ferris wheel and were now continuing on their way out of the park.

Sam smiled. “It’s a beautiful evening.”

I stared at him, incredulous. “The park is closing in ten minutes. This evening won’t be beautiful for long.”

“Allie?”

I looked down to see Russell glancing up at me with owl eyes. On his shoulder, Charlie had dozed off. “What, Russell?”

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Russell whispered, his face red.

Sam shrugged. “Sorry.” He whispered to me, “What does he think you can do about it?”

Russell grimaced and tried to go back to sleep.

I in turn sighed and leaned on the side of the seat.

Sam fiddled with his ride tickets. “I wish there was some kind of poem I could recite about this.”

“There is no poem about this.” I turned and settled my gaze on him. “How many poets have gotten stuck on a Ferris wheel two hours after curfew? Not even Irene can get me out of this one.”

Sam grinned. “Maybe I’ll write one instead.” His brow knotted as if he was deep in thought. “I shall call it ‘Ode to a Luminous Wheel.’ ” He glanced sideways at me and batted his eyelashes. “I’ll dedicate it to you.”

A smile tugged at my lips. “I doubt you could write poetry.” Before the smile could betray me, I turned away, clutching the side of the seat while looking out over the park.

“You’d be surprised.”

I strummed the hard steel seats, trying to keep my mouth straight.

“Do you remember your fourteenth birthday?” Sam asked suddenly.

My head shot around. He was staring at me, an unreadable expression on his face. I lowered my eyes.

Sam folded and refolded a ticket. “I gave you a set of chalks.” He looked seriously in my eyes. “Did you really hate them as much as you made it seem?”

My stomach lurched. “No,” I said softly.

“Oh.” Sam ran a hand through his hair and then looked away. “Just wondering.”

“And, um …” My voice choked. “And what I said at the funeral wasn’t true, either. About Mama’s death being your fault and all.” I looked down at my lap.

“Oh, good. I felt really bad. For, you know, keeping you from being there and everything.”

“No, I’m glad I wasn’t there.” The words took me by surprise. “I wouldn’t have wanted to see Mama fall and feel like … Like it was my fault.”

“Yeah?” I studied the floor, but I felt his gaze. My stomach fluttered.

“Yeah.”

“Allie?” Beatrice glanced at me out of the corner of her eye.

“Hmm?” I rested my head against the car window and closed my eyes. Lights buzzed past us as we drove through the busiest part of town. Beatrice paused. I peeked open an eye and saw her gripping the steering wheel, her knuckles white.

“Allie …” We turned into our driveway and stopped at the top of the hill. I leaned over to climb out, but Beatrice grabbed my arm. “Allie, wait.”

I jerked back into the seat. “What?”

Beatrice sighed. I couldn’t see her face in the dark car.
Has she decided to punish me after all? I’m still surprised she let Irene take the blame and let me off the hook that easily
.

I squirmed. The silence was awkward.

“Is it something I did?” Beatrice finally asked.

“What are you talking about?”

Beatrice took a deep breath. “Ever since you came here you’ve been … bent-up and moody and … I don’t know. It feels like you’re holding everything inside, deep down … somewhere. It can’t be good for you, Allie. But I can’t figure out what I’ve done or what I can do to make you happy. You know how I pray for you. That God would lead you to show me what’s wrong.”

I gulped.
I don’t need your prayers
. “There’s nothing wrong.” I adjusted my yellow cotton skirt and tried to open the car door.

“Allie.” She reached out to grab my arm, her voice softly pleading. “I’ve never tried to do anything to hurt you. All I’ve wanted to do is be a good mother to you — to love you.”

My head whipped around. “I have a mother and I have a home and neither one is in Maine.”

Her face crumpled. She dropped her hand and turned to the steering wheel, tears filling her eyes.

My stomach churned for the second time that night. I opened my mouth and shut it.
I shouldn’t have …
“Sorry,” I whispered.

I jumped out of the car and slammed the door, running to the house and up the stairs.

I locked my bedroom door and collapsed on the window seat.
I’m so stupid. Why can’t I do anything right?

I banged my fist against the wall and covered my face. “Why does this have to be so hard?” I whispered.

I glanced out the window. Beatrice was leaning on the side of the car, burying her face in her arm.

My heart squeezed with guilt. I closed my eyes.
Mama. I want Mama
.

She’d said that Christians would do their best to make you feel wanted. To make religion sound so good and inviting. But I couldn’t crack. I had to stand firm.

I could hear her voice in my head: “All people want to do is hurt you. All you can trust is where you come from and who you are.”

I glanced out the window and saw Beatrice wiping her cheeks, turning to come inside.

I pulled the curtains shut and wrapped my arms around my knees. My eyes welled up. “I don’t care,” I whispered into the darkness. “I don’t care.”