Internet Kill Switch (25 page)

6
1

Rick started off very early the next morning for Knoxville. Part of the reason for his before-dawn departure was to get there and back before dark, when it got more dangerous. The other part, Tony knew, was that Rick hated sitting around. He had to move, to be active. Sani was the definition of sedate, and it made Rick antsy to be around people like that for very long, even if he liked them as much as Sani.

Tony and Scarlett were up before Sani, and took a walk down the road to get some time alone
; also, to test out Tony’s leg and see how it reacted to light activity. They held hands as they walked, enjoying the cool of the morning and the warmth of their clasped hands.

After an hour, they returned to the house. Sani was awake and dressed. She asked Scarlett
to gather eggs and cook breakfast while she examined Tony’s leg. Scarlett went out to the chicken coop.

Tony’s leg was improved from the previous day. Sani touched the area around the wound with
her gentle fingers, fingers that knew how to probe without causing pain.

“Look very good, Tony. You be ready to go in few days.”

“That’s great, Sani. I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done for me. For us. I think Scarlett would ask you to adopt her, if she could.”

Sani chuckled. “She nice girl. You two have good walk?”

“Yes, it was. She’s really something. I can’t believe a girl like that would like a guy like me.”

“You too hard on self,” Sani said, finishing the exam and returning to her chair. “
You lucky, but she lucky, too.”

Tony smiled.
“Thanks, but I think I’m a lot luckier than her.”

Sani wove patterns
in the air with her hands as Tony picked up his novel.

“So, your parents worried,
with you gone so long?” Sani asked, unexpectedly.

“Well, I was -- unavailable -- for several days before the Internet went down,” Tony said, not wanting to think about his kidnapping. “Rick, who lives near me, said that he told my
Mom and his parents that we were taking a Spring Break trip out of town. I don’t know what they’re thinking now. My Mom’s probably out of her head with worry.” It was another subject Tony didn’t like thinking about. He couldn’t contact his Mom, and she had no idea where he was. And he couldn’t take care of her during this crisis, the way a son should.

“What about father?” she said.

“I never knew him,” Tony said. “He wasn’t around since I was born.” Sani was touching on sensitive subjects this morning, but Tony didn’t mind. He felt he could tell her anything, and she had a way of making him feel better.

“Sorry to hear,” Sani said.

Tony thought about the shoebox his Mom had thrown away, that had the only picture of his Dad. “I guess I wonder why he left. My Mom doesn’t talk about it. What did I do wrong?” For the first time in awhile, Tony felt the familiar strain in his chest, the heaving in his lungs that meant he was going to cry.

Because this was Sani,
he did. He didn’t mind crying in front of her. She cared about him; cared about him the way his father
should
have. The way a parent was supposed to care about a child.

Sani got up and put her thin arms around him. That only made Tony cry harder.
After a minute, his crying slackened, and she handed him some tissues.

“I’m sorry, Sani,” he said, wiping his eyes and nose. “I -- I’ve always been like this.” Then he asked her
a question that had always been in his heart, hoping she might have an answer. He couldn’t ask his Mom because it would hurt her, but Sani, wise old Sani, had answers. She would know what to say.

“Why didn’t
my Dad like me, Sani? What’s the matter with me that made him leave? He left because of me, I know it, and my Mom and I ended up alone because of me. I must have done something wrong. Am I that bad a person?”

Sani hugged him again, as the pain and frustration of not only the last week, but his abandonment by his
Dad, poured out of him. She didn’t say anything for awhile before speaking. “Tony, listen good. Father not leave because of
you
. Father leave because of
him
. You just baby; how could you do something wrong? Not blame self for what happened. Some men see children as burden, as problem to be fixed. They not realize problem with them, something inside them; not with child. Men like that have problem backwards. Children need father, boys especially. Father supposed show how to be man. But man who leave child only show how to be bad man.”

Tony’s head was on Sani’s shoulder as she talked. He
r words brought some brightening into his soul, some sun to dark places.

“Tony, you very, very good boy. Sani see, Sani know. I too old to fool. You have beautiful soul; Sani see it.
You think other people important.” She stroked his hair as tenderly as any mother with a newborn. “You being born was not mistake. No one being born is mistake. Mistake is when parent miss out on blessings of children. They not get good things by leaving children, as they think; they give up good things instead.”

The sound of frying eggs came from the kitchen. Sani let go of Tony and sat back in her chair. Tony knew she was right. Although it would take time to fully absorb and understand her words, they had the ring of truth. Sani did for his mind and soul what she’d done for his leg.

After resting a few minutes, she
looked toward the kitchen. “She love you, you know.” The statement startled Tony, coming from Sani. He didn’t say anything, but looked toward the kitchen. He could see Scarlett’s back as she scrambled the eggs.

Sani hummed for a minute, then spoke again. “I get married at 99. Harold love me so much, and I love him so much.
” When Tony looked away from Scarlett, he saw Sani fixing him with a stare. “I wait long, long time to be with a man,” she said, holding his gaze. Tony understood what she meant when she said ‘with a man,’ and thought again of Scarlett’s hand straying toward his crotch yesterday. How did she
know
these things?

“I very glad I wait. No hurry in life. Take time, do things right. Some things, once given away,
we can never get back. Precious things. Some things, Tony, we only miss when gone forever.” She narrowed her eyes a bit for emphasis, then closed them and started humming again. At that moment, Scarlett came into the room with two plates of eggs and vegetables. She was so beautiful. So tempting.

6
2

That afternoon, Sani went into her bedroom to take her usual nap. Tony sat up in his bed, studying maps for the next leg of their trip. Scarlett lounged in her chair, talking to Max.

“It looks like we’re about 5
00 miles from the University of Maryland, so we should get there in about five days,” Tony said. “I should be good for 100 miles per day now.”

“It still seems a bit soon,” Scarlett said. “Your fever only broke a couple of days ago.” She got out of the chair and sat on the bed next to him, taking his hand and kissing it. “I want to make sure you’re fine.”

Tony’s heart beat faster. He took her other hand and kissed it. “I am, thanks to Sani, her amazing tea, and you.”

“Not me. I haven’t done much.”

“Yes you have. You’ve cheered me up every day. You helped me make it here. You’re just... incredible.”

Scarlett blushed. “So are you.” She kissed him hard on the mouth. Tony returned the kiss, although not as aggressively. She pushed him back on the bed and kissed him longer, stroking his hair. Tony opened an eye, trying to look out the open door, expecting to see Sani there. Nothing.

Scarlett reached down to Tony’s waist and undid his belt buckle. As before, Tony froze, unsure what to do; his mind wanted Scarlett to stop, but his body wanted her to go full-steam ahead.

She unbuttoned his jeans and started to reach down inside, toward his underwear.
He started to reach out toward her chest. As he did, he remembered Sani’s words from that morning: Some things, once given away, you can never get back.

With a monumental effort of will, Tony
lowered his hand from her breast and grabbed Scarlett’s hand before it got any further, pulling it out of his jeans. Scarlett instantly tensed and pulled away from him. She rolled off the bed and stood in a corner of the room, looking crushed.

“What’s the matter, Tony? Don’t you want to do this?”

Tony gave her a pleading look. “Yes. Yes, I do. But... not now. Not yet.”

Scarlett backed a little further into the corner. “Why? Don’t you love me?”

Why am I turning her down? Tony thought. Have I lost my mind? “I do, Scarlett. Of course I do. It’s just that... well... I’m not sure this is right. Some things, you know, can’t be undone.”

Scarlett
slid down to the floor, burying her head in her hands. “But things are so different in the world now. I don’t know how much time I have, or you have, or any of us have. I just wanted to share love with you.”

Tony knew he was the biggest idiot who ever lived.
Why was he passing up this chance? Many of his friends had already had sex, and the rest thought about it all the time. Now here was this gorgeous girl throwing herself at him, Tony Carver, biggest dweeb in Miles Forge. It made no sense in this day and age. But...

But he kept hearing Sani’s voice in his head, and couldn’t shake it out.
She would say this is wrong, that he’s giving away a gift, that there’s plenty of time for that later. And she was right. “Scarlett, I really hope one day we can... you know. But right now, I feel like I’d be taking advantage of you, that we’d be doing it for the wrong reasons, and at the wrong time.”

He looked away from her; it was too hard to see her fallen face. He’d blown it with her, for sure. She
’d never get near him again. His jumble of emotions left him feeling like a boat in the middle of a storm, being pushed around by the waves, tilting dangerously to one side, threatening to tip over and sink. He was a mess.

“You hate me now,” he said miserably. “I don’t blame you.”

Scarlett, still on the floor, lifted her head. Tony was looking away, red-faced with embarrassment. He was so vulnerable now. He’d stood up for what he thought was right, and risked their relationship because of it. Would other boys do that? No, she knew. Most would have willingly given in, then gone and bragged about it on Facebook.

Maybe
, then, what he’d done was a compliment to her. He respected her, and respected himself. Maybe, in fact, his refusal had nothing to do with her, but with who
he
was, what his principles were.

There were guys with principles?

She looked at Tony again, and he seemed to have grown in stature, although he was already tall. She saw a young man who was really
about
something, something more than the immediate payoff. He wasn’t rejecting her, after all; he was simply living what he believed, and not willing to compromise.

Wow.

“Tony.”

He looked up at her nervously.

She smiled. “Thank you.”

He looked confused. “For what?”

“For saying ‘No.’”

“You... you
don’t hate me?”

She got up, walked to him and took his hand. “
Of course not. And it’s OK. Better than OK; it’s great.”

Tony still looked nervous. “So, uh, can I still tell you I love you?”

Scarlett laughed. “As long as I can, too.”

Tony leaned over and gave Scarlett a hesitant kiss. “I’d like that.”

She kissed him back and returned to her chair, feeling better than she had in a long time. She didn’t deserve Tony, she thought, but she’d sure try hard to correct that.

6
3

Rick got back from Knoxville a few hours later, tired but happy to have gotten out. He saw Sani, Tony and Scarlett on the small front porch when he pulled up on his bike. A red-gold sunset was in full bloom, and they enjoyed it together. Within an hour, the sun had disappeared and a starry night took its place. As they chatted, Sani yawned and said she was going to sleep.

“First, though, want to say something to you.” She addressed them all. “Sani very old, you young. One thing want y
ou to remember: Every day, you come across situation when you can make world better, or worse, with action. Could be words used, could be something you do for someone. Each time you do good thing, say right thing, you build little connection, like spider web, to other person. Bring world closer. Each time you say bad thing, hurtful thing, every time you think about self instead of others, you break strand, push people away, make world worse.”

Sani made little tracings in the air with her fingers, like a web being built.

“At end of life, you could have web of love surrounding you, web you build, connecting you with world. Or you could stand alone, no web connecting you, because you make world worse, colder. You not connected to anyone, no one connected to you.”

Sani looked far off, into the night. “Either build web or destroy web every day, with little things mostly, but some big things, too. You wonderful young people. I see it, see how you care. Building strong webs. You at beginning of journey, though. Sometimes doing right thing painful
, but that OK; doing right thing never cut web, only make web stronger. Easy way sometimes look better, but always cuts web. You do right things, and will have beautiful web at end.”

No one spoke. After a minute, she got up and kissed each of them on the forehead
. “You remember what Sani say,” she said, as she padded inside.

They sat on the porch, pondering Sani’s words.

“That’s what we’re trying to do with Max,”
Tony finally said, breaking the silence.

“What do you mean?” Scarlett asked.

Tony thought for a few moments. “Well, we need to get the Internet back, for sure, but in some ways I kind of like Sani’s world. It wouldn’t be so bad if we weren’t online so much, you know? Living life slower. Taking time to talk more and text less. Make real, human connections.”

Rick nodded
, thinking back to his spur-of-the-moment concert. “I know what you mean. People seem more...
alive
lately. Yeah, there’s been a lot of bad stuff, too, but I think I could get used to it.” After a pause, he added, “But I sure as hell want working toilets back.”

They laughed.

“I do feel like I see the world more -- I don’t know -- clearly now,” Scarlett said. “Before, whenever I was doing something -- at a party, on vacation, wherever -- I was always thinking ‘I need to Facebook this’, or ‘I need to Tweet this,’ or ‘I need to text Jenny and let her know.’ Now, since I can’t do it, I think more about what I’m actually
doing
, rather than how I’m going to let other people know about what I’m doing.”

Max cut in.
“Well, you all can think what you want. But as far as being a phone is concerned, not having the Internet sucks. I mean, really, really sucks.” They all cracked up.

The next morning, everyone but Sani was up early. They chatted softly on the porch for a few minutes, and decided to head out after a good breakfast. Tony felt good as new, and the hot meals had re-energized all of them. There was a temptation to linger, because they enjoyed Sani’s presence so much. But Max warned them that the longer power was out and the Internet down, the harder it would be to restore everything. They had their supplies from Rick’s trip into Knoxville the day before, so there was nothing holding them back. They packed up their backpacks, and Tony went into Sani’s room to wake her up so they could say goodbye.

He opened her door quietly, and poked his head in. Sani looked snug and comfortable under her bedspread, and Tony hated to wake her; but they had to say goodbye, and
tell her how much they’d miss her.

“Sani?” he whispered. She didn’t open her eyes.

He walked in. “Sani?” he said, louder. He went to her bed and gently shook her. “Sani?” No response. He shook her a bit more strongly, and spoke her name loudly. Nothing.

Tony put his hand under Sani’s nose and watched her
body. He didn’t feel breath or see the rise and fall of her chest. He stood up in a daze and walked out of the room, then sat down on his bed and started crying.

Scarlett heard Tony, and came in quickly. “What’s wrong?”

“Sani’s dead.”

Rick came in the room. “Dead?” Tony nodded. Rick went into
Sani’s room and came out a minute later. “You’re right,” he said. Scarlett joined Tony in weeping.

Rick sat on the bed. After a minute, he held up a slip of paper. “Tony, did you see this?”
he said in a hollow voice.

“See what?”

“Sani left us a note. You may not have seen it, because it was in her hand, under the covers.”

“What’s it say?” Tony said through his sniffles.

Rick read the note, written in pencil. “Tony, Scarlett, Rick. Leaving you something to help you on journey. In shed behind coop. Belong to Harold, now belong to you. Build good webs. Love, Sani.” There was a key taped to the paper.

They went out back to investigate. Behind the coop was a large tan shed that Sani had never taken them in; she told them it was farming equipment, and not to go in because some of it was old and dangerous. They used the key
taped to the note, which opened the lock on the shed, then opened the door and stepped inside.

Sitting in the middle of the shed was a Toyota Prius. It looked perfectly maintained. Tony opened the driver’s-side door and sat down in the seat.
A key was in the ignition. He turned it a quarter-way, to turn on the battery and check the gas level.

Full.

On the floor of the shed was a gas can, that was also full.

Wi
th this, they could get to Maryland in a single day.