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Authors: J Q Anderson

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Chapter 32:
Jake

 

I drive to her house most nights after the time Zack branded me with his
fist. Switching corners so the neighbors don

t call the cops on me, I keep vigil until the
late hours.
Great headline, Jake: From Olympic gold medalist to ultimate
stalker.

Sometimes I can see her through her windows. She stares outside and ties
her hair up into a knot. She stands there for long periods of time. Other
nights she

s not home when I get there and
I wait, letting the possible scenarios torture me as they go through my head.
Her with Charlie, her with someone new. The anxiety grips me until she finally
comes home.

She always comes home alone.

Until one night, she doesn

t.

Sudden fury surges through me when I watch her step out of a black
Maserati followed by that fucker she used to be engaged to. I have to fight the
urge to bolt out of the car and ask her what the fuck she thinks she

s doing. That asshole is a cheating scumbag. She
can do better than him.
Who, Jake? You?
I close my hands into fists.

I don’
t
go back after that night.

Double Post keeps me busy. The surfboards are already on backorder and
the sales for custom gear have almost tripled. I really have more than I can
chew for now and it

s almost
enough to keep my brain occupied.

I have to hire more employees and a manager. One of the girls I hire eyes
me with puppy eyes and doesn

t miss an
opportunity to flirt with me. I have half a mind to tell her this isn

t going to work. She asks me out for a drink
after we close one night, and I turn her down. In Natalia

s words, drinks with the boss are Not a Good
Idea. She frowns when I tell her and doesn

t ask again.

I call my brother Jamie and ask if I can come up to Santa Barbara that
weekend. I haven

t seen him in a while.

When I finally make it up there, he greets me at the door with a hug.

“It

s good to see you, Jake. It

s been too long this time.”

His two boys run to the door and immediately start climbing on me. I grab
their arms and throw them on my back. They love it when I do that and giggle
till they can

t breathe. Jamie

s wife Christina appears at the door and smiles,
then hugs me.

“Jake. We

ve missed you. Come in.”

We have lunch and the kids run to the pool afterwards. They are only five
and seven years old, but Jamie

s
already teaching them to play water polo. I promise them I

ll be out to play after I catch up with Jamie.
Christina smiles and leaves behind the boys.

I tell Jamie about Double Post and about my decision to retire. Jamie
knows about my former job as an escort. He is glad to hear I have left that and
listens intently. Then without planning to, I tell him about Natalia. I tell
him about the day I met her and how things quickly turned into more.

“It was unstoppable. She just barged in and changed the way I felt about
a lot of things. That

s why I ended
up retiring. I couldn

t do it
anymore.”

“That

s good, Jake. Sounds like she

s worth fighting for.”

“How did you do it, Jamie? How did you forgive Mom?”

Jamie looks at me for a long moment. “I had to. When I met Christina, it
all came back. Just like it happened with you and Natalia. Christina told me
she loved me every day. And after who knows how long the penny dropped. I
wouldn

t be able to love anyone until I forgave Mom and
let all of that go.”

“Just like that?”

“No, Jake. It took a long time. But I did it. I have an amazing family
now. You can have that, too.”

Jamie

s words soak into me. As I drive home, the
memories from the past flood me once again, but for the first time I feel pity
for my mother instead of hate. Dad always said she was broken. Maybe he was
right.

What I don

t know
is if I can be like Jamie, or if I am as broken as she was.

Chapter 33:
Natalia

 

Marc picks me up at six the next morning. We drive for a little over an
hour up the coast to the Dana Point marina. He packed enough food for an entire
weekend and makes quick work of loading everything into the sailboat. It is
beautiful, twenty-five feet of space we will be sharing for the next two days.
The fog is light today and the wind is slowly picking up. The forecast
announced perfect weather and as we set sail, my nerves rattle.

We immediately fall into our own sailing routine as we make our way
across toward Avalon in Catalina Island. Marc is an exceptional sailor. He
moves around the sailboat with confidence and ease. I follow his commands and
we work in comfortable silence, the way we have done so many times in the past.

By the time we get to Avalon it is a little after four in the afternoon.
The sun is still high, so we decide to walk around the island to explore.

We find an old Cantina, have cold beers and fried fish,
then
go back to the boat to watch the sun disappear behind
the island. Despite everything that

s
happened, it is still easy to be with Marc. He is an innate charmer. He wants
to know every detail about my internship and laughs at my anecdotes about the
kitchen and what we had to endure as interns. When I ask him about his job his
face lights up. I used to love listening to Marc talk about work. His mind is
brilliant, the ideas flowing non stop. He tells me about his latest work at the
agency and all the places he

s traveled in
the last few months. I listen to him talk and smile, remembering the trips we
took together. There are so many happy memories in our past: sailing around the
Caribbean in a boat like this one, eating fresh shrimp and drinking warm rum on
the deck as we watched the sun sink into a collage of magentas and blue.

The wind picks up and I shiver. Mark immediately takes off his sweatshirt
and wraps it around me. The eternal
gentleman, that
was one of my favorite things about him. He doesn

t have to think about it, it is part of his DNA.
I sit with my back against his chest and he wraps his arms around me. I close
my eyes and breathe in traces of Ralph Lauren mixed with the ocean. It seems
strange to be here, like this, after everything that

s happened.

“I

ve missed you, Nati.” Marc
kisses my head and when I look up he dips his face and our lips meet. It is
soft, tender and the taste is familiar. I close my eyes and let the memories
invade me.

Marc makes love to me in the small cabin, the waves rocking us as they
lap against the boat. It is not desperate like it was with Jake. Sex with Jake
was savage, a primal thirst that needed to be quenched. Marc is gentle,
different, and knows my body well. He pins me under him, sinking in and out of
me, his eyes closed. Did he always close his eyes when we made love? I

ve never noticed it before. Jake

s eyes were always locked on mine, so intense.
Why am I thinking about Jake now?

Later, I lie awake in Marc

s arms
for hours while his chest heaves up and down peacefully. It would be easy to
fall back into this. Let all the happy memories I have with Marc envelope me.
We could start the family we always dreamed of. I could work part time, be a
mother. I have always known life with Marc would be stable. I would want for
nothing. Is that what I want?

In the morning we have breakfast at a small café overlooking the bay. The
day is crisp and the wind has picked up, promising an easy ride home. We spend
a few hours exploring more of the island. We walk around the Botanical Gardens
and visit The Catalina Island Museum. At noon we eat a quick lunch before
setting sail back to Dana Point.

By the time we make it back to my door it is nearly ten in the evening.
It is hard to keep my eyes open. Marc wants to stay the night and I tell him it

s okay, though I need to leave early for work the
next morning.

When we make love that night I close my eyes and don

t think. I am all sensation. Marc kisses every
inch of my skin. He lowers himself on top of me then opens his eyes, searching
mine.

“I love you, Natalia.”

I bring his mouth to mine and kiss him. I don

t say ‘I love you back.
’ I don’
t say anything. I still love Marc, of course. But
I don

t know if it will be ever be the same between us.
I close my eyes and let him love me, surrendering to the memories of our happy
times.

The fresh aroma of coffee wakes me. I have to be at work in an hour, so I
quickly rush through my morning routine.

Marc is already in the kitchen, showered and dressed for work. He

s tanned from the weekend and his blue eyes blaze
against the russet tone of his skin. A familiar flutter swirls in my stomach.
We have a quick breakfast in comfortable silence. I tell him I had a great
time. It was good to see him. When I kiss him goodbye he pulls me into his
arms.

“I

m going to England next week. I
will be there for two weeks, then in Germany for one more. Come with me.”

Whoa
. “What?”

“Come with me.” He takes my hands and looks into my eyes. “I love you,
Natalia. I want to marry you. Come to England with me as my wife.”

I take a step back “
Marc. I don’
t
think that

s
a good idea.

“Why? Because of what happened before?”

“Yes and no. I mean…
I just can’
t.”

“Nati.” He searches my eyes. “I know I

m an asshole for what I

ve done to you. I am
so
sorry. I am. I
never wanted to hurt you. I was selfish. I wish I could take it all back. But I
can

t. What I
can
do is promise you I will
never hurt you again.”

“Marc. I can

t do this now.” I bite the
tears. I have a sudden urge to run. This is too much.

“Just promise me you will think about it, then. I

m in love with you, Natalia. I want to take care
of you. Give me another chance.” He presses a soft kiss on my lips.

“I have to go to work now. Can we talk about this later?”

“I have to be back in L.A. by noon. It

s not complicated, Nati. We had a great weekend.
I want you back. We can make this work.”

I pull back so I can look in his eyes. “We did have a great weekend. But
that

s not enough to make a decision about the rest of
our lives.”

“Okay. Come with me and we will figure things out while we are away.”

“Marc, no. I have job interviews here. I can

t leave now.”

He watches me for a few moments. “Alright. When I get back then. I

ll come over and we can spend the weekend
together. We can talk.”

“Marc… I…
Shit
. I

m going
to be late.”

“I know you still love me, Nati.”

“It

s not that simple. I want other
things, too.”

“Okay. Like what?”

“I want to start my career. I want to find a job and stay in San Diego.”

“Nati. Come on.” He pulls back a strand of my hair and tucks it behind my
ear. “My job is in L.A.. We don

t have
to go back to the Manhattan Beach house. I

ll sell it and we can buy another house together.
You can find work anywhere you want.”

“You are not listening to me, Marc. I don

t want to live in Los Angeles.”

“Okay, look. We can work something out,” he says, pulling me back into
his arms. “You are the most important thing to me right now. I will do whatever
it takes, Nati. I love you. We can have it all back. We can make our future.
Whatever we want, travel, kids. You can open a little shop on the beach. I want
you to be happy. Just think about it, okay? Let

s talk when I come back from Europe.”

“Marc. I…”

He doesn

t let me finish and pulls me
back into his arms.

“What can I do? What do you need from me?”

I press my face against his chest. “Space and time, I guess.”

He squeezes me hard and kisses my head. “Okay.”

On my way to work, I replay my weekend with Marc in my head. He

s given me more good memories to add to the old
ones. Maybe he is right and we can make things work. I may even be able to
forgive the cheating, leave that behind. I love him. But deep inside I also
know things between Marc and me are different now.

Maybe that

s a good thing.

Do I want a new start with Marc? Or is it time to finally let go…

***

As the week comes to an end, the kitchen staff throws a party for all the
interns. Everybody is in a great mood. Charlie will begin in his new position
Monday and I tease him telling him he will miss me more than he thinks. He
takes my face in his hands and his blue eyes are soft.

“Of course, I

ll miss you.
The hoax will be up within a day. They

ll know
I am only talented when you and I work side by side.” He gives me a soft peck
on the cheek and I blush. I will miss Charlie.

Later we all meet downtown for drinks. Even Chef Pierre comes to
celebrate with the staff. I hug him and thank him for everything he has done
for me. He asks me if I have any more interviews and I tell him I had two more
with the hotel in Del Mar and I am hoping they will call. He smiles.

By one in the morning, my head is heavy and I want to go home. I have
another interview tomorrow and need to get some sleep. I wait at the curb for a
cab. The first thing I will do if I get a job is lease or buy a car. San Diego
is not like Buenos Aires when it comes to public transportation and it can take
most of the day to get from one place to the next. It

s crazy. I would spend most of my salary on cab
rides.

In the morning, my phone rings as I am waiting for the taxi that will
take me to the interview at a hotel downtown. My heart stills when I recognize
the number of the hotel in Del Mar.

Hannah from Human Resources tells me they are prepared to offer me a job
as a Sous Chef. My heart is banging so hard against my chest I wonder if Hannah
can hear it. I still have several interviews to take at other places, but this
was my top choice. I know Chef Pierre has most likely pulled a personal favor
since he is close friends with the Executive Chef there. Hannah tells me to
come in the next day to get a tour of the kitchen. I call the hotel where I was
about to have the interview and tell them I accepted another job.

The next morning I meet with the Executive Chef and he introduces me to
the rest of the kitchen staff. After that I sit down with Hannah and she
presents me with a formal offer. I accept it on the spot. I really don

t need to think about this any longer.

In the afternoon, I wonder listlessly around my apartment. Marc has
respected the time I

ve asked him
for and hasn

t called.

For the first time in a long while, I think about Jake. Tomorrow is his
birthday and I wonder who he will spend it with. Did he move on?

I think of all the things Jake and I went through and the new
possibilities Marc offered me.

My head spins.

Despite the chaos, there are two things I do know.

What Jake and I had was real.

But what Marc and I can build together is full of promise as well.

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