Intentions - SF9 (2 page)

His eyes were tightly closed, and he looked like he wanted to put his hands over his ears to block out her words. "I know I did. I know that you don't believe me, but I honestly thought that you understood my…need. The other women didn't mean anything, Catherine. You're the only woman I've ever loved!"

"Given the choice," she said dryly, "I might have preferred to be one of the women that you didn't love."

His shoulders slumped dramatically. "I suppose this means that you'll file for divorce."

She shook her head, saying, "Not yet. I'm not in the mood for a fight right now. And knowing you, that's exactly what I'll be in for."

His head started to shake, increasing in intensity until his hair was flying around his head. "No, no, no," he insisted. "I won't fight you, Catherine. I would like my cars, but you can have the rest. I would never be able to enjoy Pebble Beach without you, and this place has too many memories to even think about living here alone."

"I'd love to have that statement in an affidavit," she said, her tone harsher than she wished.

The hurt that filled his green eyes was nearly palpable as he quietly said, "All right." He turned to leave, one hand still clutching the photograph.

Surprising herself, Catherine reached out and placed a restraining hand on his shoulder. "Wait, Jim. Please." He turned, regarding her with grief-suffused eyes, his head cocked a little in question, and she said, "Stay and have coffee with me. I hate to think of you sitting in the airport alone."

He nodded, surprised and somewhat heartened by her offer. While Catherine went to fetch the coffee, he dried his eyes with his handkerchief, wondering where his legendary control had disappeared to.

She had obviously decided that a change in topics was called for, because when she returned, she focused on his move to Washington. "Where will you be living, Jim?"

Just the question caused tears to form again, and he silently cursed himself as he swiped at his eyes in frustration. "I'll be at the Hay-Adams for a while…It's easier than having my own place."

"That's a nice hotel," she said, finding the conversation more than a little strained. "Will you take anyone with you?"

"Yes. I'm bringing two associates from the firm. I doubt that I'll sponsor much, if any, legislation, but I'll still need to conduct a lot of research. I need people that I can trust, who don't have an agenda to foster."

"That's good. At least you'll know someone."

He gave her a look of incredulity, amazed that she would even think that associates of the firm could make up for the loss of his family. "I regret agreeing to do this," he said softly, staring at the carpet.

"Really? I would have thought that this would be quite beneficial for the firm."

"It is," he said somberly, his eyes boring into hers. "Sometimes the firm isn't the biggest consideration, Catherine."

Since when?
she wanted to say, but bit her tongue since they were trying to be civil.

He saw the look of doubt in her eyes and added, "I'm learning-for the first time-that my life can't be fulfilling if it's centered around work. It's just not enough."

She cocked her head again and gazed at him for a moment, trying to gauge his sincerity. "I'm sorry that you had to learn that the hard way, Jim, but it's a valuable lesson."

"Yeah," he mumbled. "As though it matters now."

"It will still be good to know, Jim. I know you're upset now, but you will go on. I hope you enter your future relationships with that perspective."

"I don't want future relationships, Catherine," he said earnestly. "I want us back."

"You can't have that, Jim. I'm sorry." She actually did look sorry, but she also looked completely determined, and he knew that he didn't have a chance.

"Does Jamie know?" he asked tentatively.

"Not in so many words," she admitted. "I don't tell her much about us. It's not good for any of us."

"You've always been the more mature one," he commented, drawing a knowing glance of agreement from his wife. "Will you tell your friends?"

"Again, no. I don't want to tell a soul until we decide what we're doing, Jim. I don't want to feed the rumor mill one minute earlier than I must."

He nodded, knowing that his wife hated gossip. "I won't tell anyone either, Catherine. I'll just tell my staff that you have too many commitments to join me in Washington."

"That's not that odd, anyway, Dear," she said, unconsciously reverting to her usual term for him. "Many senators live alone in hotels and apartment buildings in Washington."

He laughed bitterly, admitting, "That's because most of them are about the caliber of husband that I am. If you really love your spouse, you go with them."

She nodded, knowing that he was probably correct. "I'm sure you'll do fine there, Jim. You've never backed off from a challenge."

"I've never been so ill-prepared emotionally to face one, either," he said softly, his hair falling into his eyes as his head dropped again.

She fought the urge to push the errant strands back into order, and instead gave him a small smile. "You'll get through this. It will just take a while to adjust."

He sighed and stood, looking awkward as he loomed over her. "I've spent years trying to have my own life-apart from you and Jamie. It always made me feel safer to have something that was mine alone." He shook his head as he admitted, "Well, I've got it now." He turned and walked towards the door, pausing when his hand grasped the knob. "It stinks." Without turning back, he walked out the door, their wedding portrait nestled securely against his chest.

Ryan was riding down to Palo Alto with the team, so Jamie decided to go down early to spend the afternoon with her mother, and she arrived just after noon. For a change, she used her key to enter, feeling more comfortable at her family home than she had since she left for college three years previously.

She strolled around the first floor, poking her head into the kitchen and seeing a stranger standing near the sink. "Hello?" she said tentatively.

The woman turned quickly and blinked at her. "Miss Evans?" she asked warily, wondering how many more of the family members she would meet that day.

"Yes. Jamie, please," she said immediately, extending a hand.

The woman smiled and said, "Marta told me that you did not like to be too formal." She shook Jamie's hand and said, "I'm Helena. I've just been here a week."

"It's good to meet you, Helena," Jamie said, smiling pleasantly. "Is my mother at home?"

"Yes. I believe she is upstairs. Shall I tell her that you're here?"

"No. No, thanks. I can find her." She turned and headed upstairs, looking in the usual places that her mother spent her days. When she didn't find her in her office or the small, but well-stocked library, she decided to look in her room. A light knock heralded her arrival, and she waited patiently as she heard her mother cross the room to open the door, which was, surprisingly, locked.

"Yes?" Catherine asked, opening the door warily. "Oh, Jamie!" she said, wrapping her arms around her daughter. "I'm so glad to see you."

Leaning back in the embrace, Jamie lifted a hand and brushed it across her mother's cheek. "You've been crying," she said softly, not often having seen such obvious evidence of tears .

"Your father was here earlier," Catherine informed her, sighing heavily as she did so.

"What did he do to you?" Jamie asked sharply, her eyes narrowing.

"Oh, Honey, don't worry. He didn't do anything. It just made me sad to see him. As much of a sham as our marriage has been, it's still hard for me to face that it's over. We've managed to be friendly to each other through the years, for the most part," she sniffed, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. "I lost my husband many years ago, but now I feel like I'm losing a friend. My oldest friend," she added sadly. "It's so much harder than I thought it would be."

Jamie tucked her arm around her mother's waist and guided her to a small love seat near a window. "How could it not be hard, Mom?" she asked softly as Catherine's head dropped to rest on her shoulder. "You've been married for 22 years."

"It's funny, Jamie," she said softly, her thoughts drifting to her conversation with her husband. "We yelled at each other at the top of our lungs today." She cocked her head slightly as she added, "Things might have been different if we could have done that at the very beginning." She pursed her lips as she reflected, "We've always been so careful with each other."

Jamie nodded, seeing how an overly polite relationship could be counterproductive in a marriage. "Jack and I were that way for the most part," she admitted. "When he broke up with me, I think our entire conversation took less than five minutes. No argument, no yelling. He said it was over, and I accepted his decision." She shivered noticeably as she said, "Lord, what a mistake it would have been to marry him."

"You would have had a marriage like mine," Catherine said softly. "Now I'm hoping that one day I can have a relationship like yours."

Jamie smiled at her, giving her knee a tender squeeze. "That's exactly what I wish for you, Mom. I want you to have someone who loves you like you deserve to be loved. Someone who thinks you're the center of their universe."

"I'm so glad that you have that, Honey," Catherine sighed. "Nothing can make a mother happier than knowing her daughter has someone in her life who loves her well."

"Then you should be downright giddy," Jamie chuckled softly, giving her mother another squeeze.

"Having you and Ryan care for me makes me giddy, Honey. I don't know how I'd get through this without you."

"We're with you permanently, Mom. We're a team."

Jamie's cell phone chirped as she and Catherine were leaving the room. "Hello," she said.

"Hey, James, Mia," the perky voice sounded. "I need some advice."

"Sure, Hon. What is it?"

"I want to come down and see the girls play tonight, but I don't want to look like I'm chasing Jordan…even though I am," she chuckled softly.

"Ooooh," Jamie said, "What's up with her, anyway? Has she called you?"

"Nope. Not a word. It's weird, James, I know that we really hit it off the other night, and I sat around all day on Tuesday waiting for her to call. I really thought she'd ask me to come to the game to watch her."

"Is that why you weren't at the party after the game?" Jamie asked, suddenly understanding why Mia had made herself so scarce.

"Yeah. I thought it would work better to act like I didn't think it was a big deal-but it clearly hasn't worked! I'm really frustrated, James. What does the lesbian rulebook say about this situation? Can I call her?"

"Hmm…I haven't received my copy of the rules yet, Mia. Why don't you just come down to the game and sit with us? Maybe you can stay with your parents tonight, and since Stanford is so close…"

"Good idea, James. I'll come down and sit with you." She paused for a second and said, "Oooh, it might be weird to see Conor, though. Jesus! I've gotta start dating outside of this incestuous little circle!"

"You parted on good terms with Conor, Mia. It should be fine."

Her friend sighed and reluctantly agreed. "I guess you're right. Gosh, James, if I was anywhere near ready to settle down…"

"I know, Mia, but you're not. It's really better not even to have the temptation."

"Yeah, I know you're right. At least Jordan's where I am in terms of being serious. Or even further behind," she added wryly.

"As I've told you, I don't know Jordan really well, but I'm pretty confident that she's not ready to settle down."

Mia laughed softly. "I'm not even sure she wants to date, much less settle down!"

"Jamie," Catherine said when they reached the kitchen, "Should we have the O'Flahertys over for a little dinner tonight as well as tomorrow?"

"Sure, that would be nice. I'm not really sure who's coming tonight, but I can give Martin a call."

She found him at work and he agreed that he and Maeve would love to come, but that none of the other family members would be able to make it, since they all had to work until at least five. The drive down to Palo Alto was almost always a tough one, but crawling through stop and go traffic after a long day at work was a sacrifice that Ryan didn't expect her brothers to make.

After having a bite of lunch, Jamie decided that she needed to take care of one little matter and now was the perfect time to do it. Marta had prepared their lunch, but as soon as the women were served she'd gone into her room to allow them to enjoy their meal alone. The servants' quarters were just off the kitchen, and when Marta was not in the kitchen proper she could usually be found in her spacious room. Jamie knocked and heard the softly accented voice reply, "Come in."

She opened the door and stuck her head in to find a smiling face looking at her questioningly. "Do you need something else, Querida?"

"No, no, Marta," Jamie smiled. "I wanted to talk to you for a minute. Do you have time?"

"Si, si," she replied as she motioned Jamie into the room. There were three bedrooms in this section of the house, each with its own bath, and Marta clearly had the best of the bunch. She predated Jamie's nanny Elizabeth by five months, so she had been able to have her pick of the rooms 22 years earlier, when she had joined the staff.