Intentionality (7 page)

“So you see dear, we need to devise a plan that suitably matches your individual talents, one that encompasses all the predictable paths that your life may lead during the next few months,” announced Mrs Alder.

I have been asked to remain in the learning pod after everyone else has been excused. I am absolutely petrified. I can feel droplets of sweat spiralling out of control down my spine, my breathing is shallow which isn't surprising as some invisible force has in fact gripped my wind-pipe and crushed it to half the natural size. My face is hot, my hands are cold. I am fighting the constant and absolute idea that it would be in my best interests to run, vanish, never to return. Could I make it to the air hole with the intention of leaping into the water? Could I run to the botanical gardens and live like a lost soul on an island for the rest of my days?

Surely I wouldn't have been allowed the comfort of my bed last night if my conversation with Willem had been observed. Maybe he was taken for questioning first and finally, after hours of interrogation, through lack of sleep and the need to drink was persuaded to admit to the illegal conversation we had.

I have revisited that conversation on numerous occasions, not just now in my heightened state of paranoia. I don't think we actually said any more than the polite pleasantries allowed. He was after all helping a maturing Seeder with a request for lamps. Nothing of ground-breaking controversy there!

“Mae, you have been a constant worry to me. You try so very hard to disguise your disability. I really am a huge supporter of you and of course your sister. However, and I don't say this lightly, due to very recent occurrences, I can no longer guarantee your predicted path to Ascension. Things in your life are going to change quite monumentally.”

Breathe.

Breathe, don't cry.

Breathe, don't cry and don't transmit that information to Lily!

It's going black again. I can't feel my fingers or toes. I am drowning in the air, can't Mrs Alder see!

Quite unexpectedly my head is an open room, there is no buzz, and I am devoid of the murmur. In its place there are my thoughts alone. This place is barren. I neither like it nor feel at home in it. I always thought that the buzzing was a brake to my learning process but now it has been taken away, I can see it has been the anchor, I desperately want it back.

“Mae, I need you to choose a path, one that you would like to follow if you fail to ascend at The Harvest. Do you understand?” interrupted Mrs Alder.

I had never really heard her tone before. It isn't harsh at all; it's actually quite soft and motherly.

“Am I being punished? I only went to Deck Zero to find some torches for the Graduation Ball,” I admitted.

“No dear child, I have once again calculated your rate of progress following the latest brain scan and it is with that information I am formulating a way forward for you, from what I predict to be a devastating time. I have always been here to guide you girls. I care for you as if you are my own. The thought that one of you will be separated is almost too much to contemplate,” revealed Mrs Alder

I open the piece of carefully folded paper, beautifully inscribed with my name. It looks very much like a list of gifts to be considered with delight. Number One is completely out of the question. I will not and cannot bring myself to start the year over with a new enhanced learning group. Number Two is equally dismal and unimaginable, but infinitely better than what I expect Number One will turn into and that predictably is my repeated failure to ascend, initiating my perpetual return to the beginning of the accelerated class, following every Harvest.

Number Two sees me as a young Mrs Alder, staying in The Nest. I would be trained to become a nurturing teacher, watching groups of Seeders succeeding where I could only fail. This option however alien is one that would, I assume give me the freedom to leave. I assume that I shall be classed as an Acer, and therefore be free to leave The Nest on occasion, possibly birthdays and such to visit Lily. Maybe there is a way to communicate with Lily via the internet each day, so that I can share in her experiences, also there is of course the vague possibility that once I am off the conveyor belt of pressurised learning, I can focus more on my natural skills. Maybe I can adapt a way of transmitting across a long range to Lily. That way we can both move on secure in the knowledge that we are both safe and well. I could then be of value down here in The Nest. I do after all have a communication gift. What better way to put that to use than through teaching.

“Mrs Alder, I really appreciate your consideration, I know that I have not been the easiest and most rewarding student. Like you say it's difficult to be conversant and logical with a constant drone in your mind. For my piece of mind, I really need to try to pass the Ascension test to be with Lily. You see it's not just my future to consider here. Lily and I have a bond that goes beyond the usual friendship. We…”

“Mae, I think that you misunderstood. I have no authority to allow you to miss The Harvest. You are a candidate with a reference code that must be engaged during The Harvest process. If that code is not activated then security will be alerted and The Harvest closed for further investigation. I can ask you to prepare yourself for the inevitable. Your scores are not improving quickly enough. In basic terms Mae, the power you emit is not of a high enough value to Intentionality at this moment in time. I have no doubt that the date change has everything to do with your predicament but I am in no position of authority to demand that the date be rearranged. I am so very sorry Mae, you must be devastated,” Mrs Alder whispered.

She does appear to be honestly upset about the situation and not just a little bit frustrated by the sudden rescheduling. That makes me recall The Captain with his unannounced visit. She really is a small fish in a very large pond! How the table has turned, now I am feeling sorry for her. She is stuck in a loop. Not having the decision process at her command. The result is Mrs Alder, ‘island of knowledge, team of one'.

“I have understood you Mrs Alder. You as my mentor have given me some very clear choices, for that I am grateful. I am obviously feeling extremely hostile towards the idea of repeating the class again, in turn raising my hopes each year, if actually my full potential power will never be of a premium. I agree that my disability is perhaps the place to apportion blame. However we shall never know about the cost of the rescheduling on my development either. It may only take another few months for me to be matured to the required threshold. I am hesitating to commit because I am not sure what a teaching post here in The Nest would entail. Would I even be suitable for that? You seem so very focussed and in tune with your students. I can imagine passing out in front of my pupils, during that information screening for instance,” I questioned.

“That is a valid point Mae and it's still not a certainty that you will be the only Seeder to fail the Ascension test. As you know two of your fellow candidates are in no fit state either. If they are to repeat, then perhaps you will feel comfortable to do so. If that really is not the option for you, then I do have the authority to organise a visit to your initial teaching placement if you like. Of course you would not be expected to teach Seeders initially. You would be assigned to teach basic reading, writing, mathematics and the sciences to the Mono children. I am scheduled to have a planning meeting with the teacher in charge tomorrow. You can think about your options overnight then meet me at the entrance to the Mono quarters in the morning. They register for eight o'clock, work through until lunch and then are timetabled for a safety talk on Deck Zero in preparation for their diving lessons next week,” Mrs Alder informed me.

With that she opened the door and I walked into the path of the rest of my life. Lily and I shall have to talk about this later. She is already anxious about the monitors catching my conversation with Willem. I saw her face as I was called to stay back at the end of class. I honestly think she was more frightened than me! Thanks to my new and improved ability to cloak my transmissions to her and of course Willem, I have been able keep many aspects of my life from her recently. I suppose without doing it on purpose I have been trying to prepare her for our imminent separation.

As the door to our pod slid open, I could see that Lily had been intensely searching for my communications. It hurts me to keep her in the dark and it physically tires her to search in vain. I think it may be the same as trying to tune in a radio for hours on end; it's exhausting and frustrating.

“Lily come sit with me on the bed. I have decisions to make that will alter our lives. I want you to know that I am attempting with all of my heart to remain by your side and I will continue to do that for as long as I am able. Mrs Alder has spoken to me and it's not what you were worried about. No one saw me talking to Willem. Absolutely no one, but you and he know about our extra gift. I won't make the requirements for Ascension Lily. You and I both knew that already. It's not such a shock but unexpectedly I do have options.”

Lily didn't move, shout, cry, stomp or rock as I spoke. She seemed to hover weightlessly above the bed. Not daring I suppose to question, as that would inevitably create a new path for the future.

“I shall be fine Lily. It's not like I'm in any danger here. You shall be starting a new life, one of wonder, challenge and importance. It's what we have been preparing for. My choices are straightforward. I can repeat in the hope that my Evo-gene can gather a significant amount of energy potential or I can submit to a life that is actually rewarding if not sophisticated. I can be a Mrs Alder recruit Lily, which, even in this extreme pressure cooker of a room is humorous and ironic. The worst of the best is to become a lesson giver for the future of our state! I can visit the Mono school tomorrow if I like, to see exactly what the job entails.”

“Mae I just don't know how to be without you. I breathe when you do, I think what you think and I am what I am because of you. How can such a small blip in our DNA cause such a void? Why don't I get the voices too? Can you feed them in to me during the Ascension test so that my mind is distracted also?” begged Lily.

“Lily if I become a teacher, I think I shall be classed as an Acer like Mrs Alder. Surely then I get freedom privileges; maybe I can ask to be stationed on the surface to teach the Monos there. I truly believe I still have options. I am going to try Lily, I shall be working on full power to get to our goal, but if that does not work and you ascend on the 8th, I want you to remember that I'm not lost. I will not surrender. We shall experience Intentionality together. As usual, I shall be redirected that's all.”

I wish I could wholeheartedly believe the words exiting my mouth. I am quite impressed with myself; who says teaching is difficult? A rousing conversation, imparting of pre-learned knowledge, a little bit of nurturing, half days and think of all the holidays!

Lily cuddled in after my revelations. The way she used to when we were five. She would move to my bed in the night to protect me from my dreams. I think secretly it was also to make her feel more secure. This is certainly the reason tonight. There's nothing else she can do at this moment. Our little twin promise seems so brittle now, held by the thread of less than a week. ‘I am you; you are me, forever that shall be'. Little did we know that a miniscule glitch in our twin DNA would separate us so conclusively?

I am lying awake pondering my future, no real need to rest and reserve my energy now. There is a craving from inside my brain. A new voice, it's mine; it's encouraging me to try out my transmitting skills. Could I contact Willem? Would he answer if I did? Gradually I lower the mental wall and let the thoughts of the day flood out in pictures so I don't wake Lily.

There has been no reply. I have tried for ten long minutes. I am clearly not as strong as I presumed. I am suddenly devastated. I had sneakily dared to believe that Lily and I would, after practise be able to communicate beyond The Nest if we needed to. I am now faced with reality. A lonely existence where my most genuine and powerful gift is hidden from view, rendered obsolete by my enforced separation.

I shall attempt to sleep. Tomorrow may very well be a pivotal day but I also have a room to dress for a Graduation Ball that I am not, under any circumstances going to miss.

It's Lily who is up and ready first. No surprise there. However the only reason I am reclining in bed is that I am finding it difficult to believe how well I slept. No dreams, none. Not even my tusked friend popping in for a swim. Lily is telling me that it is her turn to visit the girls in the medical bay. Dawn is still quite confused, continually expressing mathematical equations in her sleep. She is now able to function quite normally while awake though, she says she is to be a particle physicist, that's something to do with making and storing energy I think, but it is so far away from my comfort zone of knowledge that I am better off not knowing any more. Grace is on her way to a miraculous recovery. Well, recovery is not really the expression because that means a passage back to your old mental state and that would not be true. I suppose we could call it ‘extreme recovery' as she is to be a Doctor of medicine and as soon as she was well enough, she leapt out of bed diagnosing the other patients and administering drugs. This was, I am sure quite terrifying for everyone else but it seems she can't remember a time when she was incapable of doing these skills; such has been her speed of maturity.

Lily will be a welcome sight this morning as she has strict orders from Summer to remove Doctor Overdrive and bring her to help with the Graduation preparations. Matron Spendlove will be only too pleased to sign the discharge notice with a moments' notice.

I heard that poor Dawn needs to take another brain scan but that it's not looking good. I can at least sympathise with her on this, so I have offered to drop in with Lily and have a chat to Dawn about my options. It may clear her head to know that there is another route for her, if she also fails to ascend. At the very least we could be roommates, if of course she will have me! I might be a little more bearable to live with now that the buzzing has relented. It seems to be dying out all of a sudden, quite miraculous really. That conversation with Mrs Alder must have calmed my subconscious somehow. I was always worried more about not going than the actual next step towards Intentionality. I hope it's my Evo-gene taking over so that I can ascend with Lily.

Walking along a gleaming white corridor, with the sea in sight and the calming sound of bubbles cascading along the outer shell of The Nest, I wouldn't be blamed for thinking positively about the prospect of growing old down here.

However much I talk myself into giving this option a chance, I come to the same lonely conclusion. I have never been without Lily. We have always made plans with the comfort of assuming that we will be living in Intentionality together, I have a gene that is supposed to aid my fellow race, this is what I was selected for seventeen years ago. To fall at the final test when Lily and I have been through so much would be a terrible injustice.

I am prepared to hate the Mono deck. In fact I think I may NEED to hate the Mono deck just a little, so that I have the incentive to concentrate during the Ascension test.

“Good Morning Madam, would you do me the honour of allowing me to walk ten paces behind you so that we may pass small talk through the highly air conditioned atmosphere?” transmitted a voice I know.

“Only if you promise to act bored rigid, I don't want your face to look like a child with a new toy and give the game away,” I retorted.

“Your movie was greatly appreciated last night. I assumed as it was silent that you wouldn't take kindly to a response, so here I am in person,” Willem replied.

“You got the message! Oh my goodness, I can't believe it. Where were you? How far did it travel? More importantly, of course a girl always wants an answer!”

“Now who is the one that needs to be told to look bored? You won't believe this. I was actually doing some processing work deep in the ocean ravine not far from The Nest but certainly further than I had been the first time I heard your thoughts. To add even more astonishment to the already seemingly fictional plot, I was sitting in one of our deep-sea diving subs, which as you can imagine has an impenetrable hull. Nice going lady.”

It worked. I can transmit out from this place. I am so pleased to have tried that trick last night. There seems almost no reason to go to the Mono deck now. I am convinced that my Evo-gene is exactly where it should be. Why else would I be experiencing such a vast and rapid swing in my capabilities?

It's too late to turn and run now though, I have just spotted the welcoming committee. Mrs Alder is standing looking at ease with her Mono counterpart.

“Good Morning Mae. I must introduce Mrs Jones she is the teacher in charge here at the Mono school,” said Mrs Alder.

“Oh great, it's Mrs Jones! She is a… relative on my grandmother's side. When we go down to the air hole ask her about Mono history. She will be able to talk to you about me and once we are introduced I, as a trusted and highly ranked Mono will then have the privileges to speak with you for real,” sang Willem.

“That sort of cunning plan can only get someone in to trouble Willem. I am not so sure that I need to know about your history any more as I am convinced that in just seventy-two hours I will be on a sub, bound for the surface. I think that by then I shall be able to transmit to you from Intentionality and so we won't need to be introduced formally,” I countered.

His face dropped. The sparkling eyes of a puppy with a master plan dulled, simultaneously he looked away. He really has been waiting all this time for a receiver. I am so confused. Why should I perpetuate an illegal friendship that would be finished before it began? Yet my mind tells me that this link is very important, I have even convinced myself that the voices and buzzing are lessened by his presence.

I didn't have another moment to reflect as he quite obviously intended to throw a surprise attack into the mix.

“Mrs Jones, how lovely to see you again, I am the officer in charge of the safety talk this afternoon. I have arrived to show the children some of my equipment so that they can practise before we are in the confines of Deck Zero. I didn't realise that you also had another visitor this morning, but the extra hands would be extremely useful!”

That was underhanded and more than a little impressive. I can't wait for him to come up with the reason for arriving empty handed.

“Can I ask for a little help bringing the resources up from the lift?” he enquired angelically.

Smooth, very smooth!

It was Mrs Alder that offered my help, almost as if reading a script. She felt that it was within protocol for me to be alone with a high-ranking Mono, especially as I would need to learn how to make light conversation with people other than Seeders in the future. I nodded and did I was told. It's hard to look dutiful while giggling on the inside!

Willem and I walked in a measured way, keeping an appropriate distance from each other along the corridor. I chose to ride on the travelators and he continued alongside on foot. Nothing unusual happening on the outside but inside there was a storm of hilarity, as comfortable as the giddiness my sister and I feel when we catch a glimpse of our mutually sarcastic thoughts during class. The closeness I feel to Willem is quite disturbing. He feels like a relative, possibly another sibling, like I have been privately joking with him my entire life. I guess that it is the immediate trust you have when you can hear the inner conversations of someone. It is also clear that Willem has a way of creating a barrier; rather like the one I can project. But I am certain that he cannot hear my sister without being in the same room and likewise she cannot hear him through a wall.

Willem opened the lift with his communication cuff, not a second after watching the last glint of corridor light extinguished, we caught sight of each other and laughed at the incredulity of what had just happened. After the fear of being found out and harshly punished not two days ago, we were now travelling together with the permission of my mentor.

“Mae, I need to ask you if you are serious about staying. I don't want to get my hopes up. I want you to be aware that I can't be your surrogate sibling when Lily goes, but that with my privileges I can be around more often. It's not widely accepted or advertised down here but the Acers and high-ranking Monos do communicate and socialise. Mrs Alder is a regular visitor to the Mono deck because she is friends with Mrs Jones. They qualified as teachers together. That's why this little trip has been allowed,” revealed Willem.

“Quite a tangled little web down here isn't there, one that I am completely oblivious to. We know that we are only fed the information that will hone our skills and therefore our use, but more and more I am seeing that the Seeders are the hostages here, not as we are led to believe the Monos.”

Willem took a deep breath then, and began to tell me the most heartbreaking story I have ever heard.

“Life on the surface is hard Mae, the world was ravaged. Intentionality as you see it in the films is the only finished area. If you continue to live here you are going to need to accept that not everything in those films is completely accurate. Many places are derelict, beyond repair considered as graveyards. The Monos as you also know were left to find their own way, living in the container shantytowns. The Monos are segregated into areas, they are not allowed to mix. Once assigned to an area it is an expectation that the families will be contained there forever. There is no freedom of communication. I can't begin to imagine what it is like for the Monos in Intentionality, or the ones who are working in the farms or The Grid. We have passed on our knowledge and have become independent in our own living environments. However, it is considered a great honour to work here in The Nest. This place is the height of luxury. Only the best families were originally chosen, those with previous links to science or the government. Many of the Monos you see cooking or cleaning, are the relatives of the people in charge before the Evo-shift. They survived the plague and the devastation by having the immunity necessary. In the case of my family, the story is complicated and incredibly harsh. My great-grandparents were the very first to be born after the Evo-Shift. My great-grandmother was born to a parent that had contracted and beaten the plague.

“They grew up in the same shantytown, fell in love and married very young. Life expectancy was very poor. They grabbed and held on to whatever happiness they could. My great-grandmother began experiencing flashes of inspiration, mainly research knowledge, as her parents were geneticists. She kept the secret hidden for years even from my great-grandfather. Shortly after my grandfather was born, a message came from a woman called Eden. She was a scientist that had discovered the Evo-gene and importantly a way to test for it. All of the women in the shantytown were made to register for testing, their opportunity to assist with ‘the prosperity and longevity of mankind'. That's what it says on the letter. They were all keen to help, anything that would alter the situation in the shantytown. Before she left for the registration, my great-grandmother told my great-grandfather everything. She had made the same link that Eden had, but did not act upon it for fear of divisions in the fragile recovering society. They agreed to hide my grandfather. Heartbreakingly, she vowed to remain silent about her marriage and motherhood.”

“Did your great-grandmother help with the planning of The Nest?” I heard myself ask naively.

“My grandfather was brought up without a mother, Mae. The scientists did their tests and took my great-grandmother away for the ‘greater good'. We don't know what happened next in her life, we can only hope that she survived the testing and that maybe she lived a happy life, even though she was no longer allowed to live with her true family.”

Tears roll down my cheeks. How could the people from the life I was about to lead be so callous? Even if they didn't know about her son or husband, how could they steal a person? It was kidnapping wrapped up in duty labelled paper. It couldn't be interpreted as anything else when the lady wasn't given the opportunity for a farewell. It would be like taking the Seeders away in the night without the celebration or not allowing the next group the opportunity to learn about Intentionality and all of the hard work that has been done there to secure our future. How things have moved on. Thank goodness Eden's grandchild Natura is a different thinker. At this moment all I want to do is hold my sister and never let go. How can I tell her this horror story and then expect her to go on living happily in the luxury that came from the sacrifice of the innocent?

At least in the Mono school I could find some comfort in the knowledge that these Monos had fought to be here. My fears about them being servants and hostages were untrue, that had happened years ago, before my existence. I decided to enjoy my day with the Mono children; resolving to be a little less believing of the system when I ascended. After all I was to be a person who could translate the old texts. Maybe I could earn the responsibility to research the very first records produced after the Evo-shift. I could possibly work secretly towards discovering what happened to Willem's great-grandmother.

My day did in fact greatly improve. The children are well behaved and inquisitive, free to learn for interest's sake, not to be groomed and channelled into one specific area. The children are observed and their talents are fostered because The Nests upkeep relies on the culmination of many skills. In the main these skills are practical, interesting and incredibly valuable to the continuity of humans both here and on Intentionality.

By the end of this last free day, I felt contented. I have more options than anyone else in my class. It's time to troop back to my pod, reflect with Lily and begin our preparations for the next three days.