Insufferable: A Dark Erotic Romance (18 page)

Chapter 29

Jaime

Out of all the times I’d driven to the mansion, the journey never held such nerve-wracking emotions for me. I shouldn’t be doing this. Sevastian was going to be pissed, but I couldn’t help myself. If I could just see Lydia one more time, even through the monitors, I’d be better.

Almost three weeks had passed and although it was a grain of time compared to how long she could be there, I couldn’t wait anymore. Sleeping was almost impossible. I couldn’t stomach food. My thoughts revolved around nothing but her. I felt lost without seeing her smile or hearing her voice. It shouldn’t be this hard, but it was.

The large gate illuminated from my headlights and I pushed the button, opening it. Before I could get all the way through, my ringer filled the interior of my car. I hit the button, bracing for Sevastian’s wrath.

“Boss.”

“A little unexpected you showing up here. Did you forget how to call?”

I pulled in, throwing the car in park. “I couldn’t sleep. I have to see her.”

“It’s almost ten. Lockdown is at eight, you know that. She’s sleeping.”

“I figured as much and that’s okay. I just want to see her on the camera.”

Silence stretched out until the front door swung open. I hung up the phone, climbing from the car.

“I should boot your ass out of here. You know that, right?”

I nodded, still moving forward.

“Can I see her?”

“The door’s open, isn’t it?”

A smile tugged at my mouth and I climbed the steps, squeezing Sevastian’s shoulder as I passed.

“I owe you one.”

“No, you don’t. Diane said you were on your way. She knew when she heard you sneak out. Besides, you’ve been a good sport about helping with the wedding. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me and her.”

“Don’t even mention it. You know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for either you.”

Sevastian hand flattened between my shoulder blades while he led me to the stairs. “I know. I’m actually glad and a little relieved that you’re here. I need to talk to you. I need you to be truthful with me, Jaime.”

“Okay?”

“How is Diane? Really? I constantly text with her, but it isn’t the same. I can’t assess her myself and it’s driving me crazy.”

I went over our days together, analyzing my memories as we climbed the stairs. “She seems okay, I guess. Lonely, but it’s be expected with you gone.”

“Has she seemed … unwell?”

I slowed at the top of the stairs, turning toward my best friend. “Not as far as I can tell. What are you getting at?”

“I don’t know.” He sighed, pulling the keys from his pocket as we walked the rest of the way to my old bedroom—his old room. “We had an … accident a week or so before I came here.”

“Accident?” My head shook. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Accident, Jaime. Condom broke.”

My eyes went to the monitor, but I brought my attention back to him. “You can’t have kids.”

At his hard stare, my eyes widened. “You got it reversed?”

“A few months back.”

“Oh, shit. Well that changes things.”

“So how has she looked?”

Again, I reviewed our time together. “Maybe occasional paleness. Sometimes I guess she seems pretty tired, but you know how she is. She’s always on the go. Hell, she wears me out.”

“Paleness?”

“Well, yeah, but I’ve always thought that about her. It’s probably her dark hair. Sometimes her skin tone just seems lighter than other times.

“Hmm.” He frowned. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“Probably not. She hasn’t appeared sick or anything.”

“Yeah.

He got quiet and I glanced toward the monitor again, my mind swirling as calculation pushed through. Desperation had me turning back to Sevastian.

“Why don’t you go stay with her for the night? Diane would love that. I could watch over Lydia for you.”

Temptation flashed on Sevastian’s face and my pulse spiked as his eyebrows drew in.

“I shouldn’t leave.”

“You’re getting married in a few weeks. Go stay the night your soon-to-be-wife. We’ll be fine here. I’ll watch her from the monitors. Please. I need this as much as you do.”

“Dammit, Jaime. Did you have this planned?”

My hands shot up as I shook my head. “I didn’t, I promise. You’re just so concerned and she’s so sad. I think this would be great for her. For both of you.”

“And Lydia?”

“She won’t even know I’m here.”

“If you set her back—”

“I won’t.”

Worry only registered for moment before he nodded. “I’m trusting you.”

I reached to the back of the chair, pulling it out. “Drive safe.” My eyes were already on the monitor. On her curled body under the blanket. It was pretty dark, but I could see her hair spread over the white pillow case. My eyes stayed glued to the monitor. Sevastian sat down the keys and I couldn’t even turn to watch him walk out of the door. My heart was racing and my stomach was in the worse knots it had ever been.
Butterflies
. Yes, they were so bad that they almost made me smile. I was here, back within distance of Lydia. For tonight, she would be mine. Even if it was watching her through the screen.

Minutes passed and then hours. Not once did I break concentration. She tossed, she turned, and then she would grow still again. I yawned, glancing at the clock. It was close to two in the morning, but I was far from calling it a night. I stood, heading for the study. I needed a drink. I was wound so tight, my shoulders ached.

I headed down the stairs, turning into the study when a high pitched scream left me going rigid. I didn’t think, I ran, taking the stairs three at a time. Keys fumbled in my hand while I stole glimpses at the monitor. Covers were moving wildly as I grabbed the key. I surged forward, throwing my weight into the door and unlocking it at the same time. Cries filled the space and my hands were shaking so hard I nearly knocked the shade off the lamp in my impatience to turn on the light.

“Hold on. Fuck.”

The light clicked and I was met with a pair of wide blue eyes. Wetness had a part of her hair stuck to her face while the rest was wild around her sitting form.

“What happened? What’s wrong?”

My hands were already out, patting her down looking for something, anything that would have caused her to scream the way she had.

“Am I still dreaming?”

“Dreaming?”

“Your body was so broken. I thought it was real.” She sobbed, shaking her head. “If I’m not dreaming, what are you doing here?”

I drew back my hand, clenching it into a fist through the need to keep touching her. “Vivid dreams.
Of course
. They’re common with the medication. I used to have them a lot.”

“Are you back? Are you staying?”

The hope on her face nearly had me reaching out to cup her cheek. I shook, trying to keep any emotion that may show due to my feelings. “No. I’m only here for a few days, then I’m back to Hong Kong. Sevastian had something he had to take care of. I said I would monitor you until he comes back in the morning.”

“Oh.” Sadness had her bottom lip pushing out the smallest amount. She looked down while she clasped her hands. “Can I get some water? I’m still a little shaken up.”

“Of course.”

I stood, locking the door behind me as I stepped out of the room. My body was trembling so badly I could barely walk without my knees feeling like they were going to give out. Dammit, this wasn’t good. I was all instinct and no logic. I should have let her scream it out until I knew what it was she was reacting over. I should have never gone inside. It was too late now. 

I headed into the kitchen, filling a glass with water. My mistake could be fixed. I’d give her the drink, let her take a few sips and leave. It was that simple. No harm done.

The trip back upstairs couldn’t come fast enough. I took out the key and unlocked the door, nearly dropping the glass as I was faced with Lydia’s nude body.

“You have to take me to the basement.”

“Whoa. No. Here.”

“I’m begging you. I can’t ask my new Master to do this. The need is getting worse.”

I shoved the glass in her hand, trying my best not to take in the curves before me. It was impossible when I knew every inch of her body. Even in my peripheral it was like seeing the real thing, and I wanted her more than I ever had.

“The need to cut?”

“Yes. I’ve been fighting it and I’ve managed to do good, but if you can give me this, it’ll be sated. You once said the flogging would replace my urges. It has to be done, Jaime.
Please
. You said you would help me. You said a lot of things. I need you to do this.”

A deep breath left me and honor twisted me from all sides. If Sevastian knew she had these urges and how we dealt with them, he’d understand. Hell, if he didn’t have Diane, he would be doing this himself to help her. But he did have his fiancée, and I sure as hell didn’t want him seeing Lydia as she was, nude, or even scarcely dressed. There was a difference between looking at a monitor and seeing the real thing up close and personal.

I headed to the closet, my legs feeling like lead as I grabbed a robe. When I handed it to her, Lydia signed in relief.

“Thank you. I know after what I did with taking your keys and the razor, you don’t want to be around me more than you have to, but thank you.”

“Slave …” My eyes closed through my own guilt. I wanted to tell her the truth. That I was over the hurt that she caused and that I loved her. All I wanted to know is if it was all lies she fed me. But I couldn’t do any of that. “Let’s get this over with.”

Pain flashed for only a moment before her head lowered. And I felt it, through every inch of me. I followed behind, rolling up my sleeves as we went. When we reached the bottom of the basement stairs, Lydia untied the robe, letting it pool at her feet.

“You don’t have to do it long. Just … use what you did last time. The one that looks like horse hair.”

I nodded, following her to the St. Andrew’s cross. Lydia went to turn away when I grabbed her shoulder.

“Face me this time. Eyes here,” I said, pointing to mine. “And I’m your Master for tonight. You’d be smart to start addressing me as such.”

“Yes, Master.”

No hesitation. The words were full of something more. Longing that fed the Master in me. I stepped in, reaching for the buckle. Her breaths increased and I took my time soaking her scent into my memory. With each rise and fall of her breasts, they brushed along my lower chest. The sheer willpower it took not to look at her face was unfathomable. If I made eye contact this close, I was done for. I would kiss her and with that came my claim. We wouldn’t make it through the night without having sex. Hell, I wasn’t sure I could now.

The other buckle fastened under my fingertips and I lowered, coming face to face with the only other thing worse than looking into her blue depths. The small whimper that left her had me tearing my eyes from her pussy to glance up.

“I wouldn’t assume perhaps—”

My head shaking cut her off. “Can’t happen, slave.”

“Because you don’t want me that way? Or because of your commitment issues?”

“It’s just not best if we take that route again. I think if anything, we’re more like friends.”

“So it is the commitment issues, then?”

I gripped her ankle, spreading her wider as I strapped the other leg in.

“I don’t have commitment issues. Quite the opposite, actually. It’s what made me open my eyes. You have a lot you have to do to better yourself, but so do I. With everything together between us, me taking care of you … doing what we were doing, it was too much.  I know when I’m in over my head. I was. Now I focus on me. My wellbeing and my career. Maybe when I get things tackled there, I can tease the thought about a future with someone, but that’s not going to happen any time soon. Probably never, if you want honesty. I’m a pretty selfish man.”

“I see.”

I rose, standing to tower over her. “I should have told you that before I acted upon my urges. And that’s all they were, slave. Lust, cravings. You were right to call me the names you did. I was wrong for using you. I’m sorry for that. You deserve better than someone like me. I’m sure you’ll find the right person for you in due time.”

Lydia’s eyes broke from mine. Where I expected to see tears, I didn’t.

“If you say so.”

“I do. Focus on you. After all, that’s what these lessons are about.”

Her stare raked up and down my body and I couldn’t ignore how she was making her want of me obvious.

“Lessons. Hmm. Yes. You know, I used to think being brought here was the worst thing that could have happened.”

“And now?”

“I’m happy. The runs, the daily wellness routine Sevastian has me on, the reality that I’m going to be going back to school. Not to mention Ms Jo. I’ve talked to her on the phone a few times. I couldn’t be happier. I guess this is the new start I’ve been praying for.”