Institute (18 page)

“You did not defend General Lee?”

“Defend him? Why should I have defended him?”

“A great soldier, a great educator, a great man—and you let these slurs be passed on him without uttering one word in his defense?”

“It wasn’t up to me to defend him.”

“But you accepted this man’s characterization?”

“I did not. He didn’t tell you the truth. He had some idea—he seemed obsessed with it—that I was trying to dictate to him, to block him from the approach he had in mind, to keep him from writing a biography of Longstreet. I kept telling him that I was not. I told him to write his book as he saw it and if that involved derogatory reflections on General Lee, then that was his conception of it, and the Institute had no objection.”

“In other words, you did agree?”

“In no other words but yours, Senator. I told him to write his own book—not my book or the Institute’s book or
your
book, for that matter.”

“I’ll thank you to leave me out of it.”

“And I’ll thank you not to put words in my mouth.”

By this time I was myself. I sounded civil, verging on oily, and my little crack got a laugh. But the senator wasn’t done yet. He reverted to his basic theme—that I was a faithless, unprincipled creep who had committed a fine institute to anti-Southern writing with his employer’s knowledge.

“Did you or did you not,” he asked me, “discuss this blackening of General Lee’s name with Mr. Garrett?”

“Not until you got in it, Senator.”

“You withheld it from him?”

“I had no reason to bring it up.”

“But you discussed it with Mrs. Garrett?”

“Did I?”

“I am asking
you,
Palmer. Answer me!”

“I thought you were telling me. No, not with her, either.”

“You’ve seen quite a lot of her?”

“Daily, almost.”

“Where, Dr. Palmer?”

“At her office, at my office, in the Garrett Building, and lately at our offices in the new Institute building. Also at lunch, and quite often, at dinner.”

“And you didn’t mention this to her?”

“Again, not until you got in it.”

“Not even in your cups?”

“In my
what
?”

He picked up a sheet of paper. “I hold in my hand,” he said, “a copy of the restaurant check you paid on the evening of April 13 last, one week ago today—one the waitress penciled your name on, which shows a fifteen-dollar charge for one quart of champagne. You drank this wine, Palmer?”

“No, I did not.”

“You mean to say,
she
did? Mrs. Garrett?”

For a moment my head was spinning around, trying to locate myself on this bottle of champagne and figure out what in the name of God he was getting at. His question, though, gave me a clue. He was getting ready to line me up for more of his basic theme: that I had so little respect for Hortense, I’d get cockeyed drunk at dinner with, her, a continuation of what a worthless, respect-lacking employee I was—which, of course, would go down well in the teetotalling parts of Georgia. But mainly, I sensed that he knew nothing of what I had been dreading, which was my relations with Hortense, and my head suddenly cleared. I knew then that I would disregard all the warnings I had had from Senator Hood and let Pickens have it with both barrels, if God gave me the strength.

“No, Senator,” I answered quite casually. “Mrs. Garrett doesn’t drink.”

“Then you drank it, Palmer?”

“No, Senator, I did not.”

“Well, somebody must have!”

“I would assume that the couple across the room did, the couple Mrs. Garrett sent the wine to. A girl at the Royal Arms got married week before last and was having dinner that night with her husband. Mrs. Garrett went over to congratulate them and give Lucy a kiss. Then she asked me to order the wine so she could send it over as a gift from her—which I did. She paid me for it ... which leaves you looking rather silly, Senator.”

“Never mind how I look, Palmer. Now did you—”

“Just a moment, Senator; I’m not finished yet.”

“I’m asking the questions, Palmer!”

“And I’m giving the answers. Senator, the mistake you made was to bring this subject of alcoholic refreshment up at a hearing you invited TV to cover, which will show on color film a witness named Palmer with the pasty-pale skin of the man who drinks only water, and a senator named Pickens, with a skin of the deep, crimson-red color that comes from only one pot. Senator, all over Georgia tonight they will see with their own eyes, which of us is sober and which the drunken sot!”

He bellowed something, but the roar of applause I got drowned him out. Then he got another surprise. Mr. Garrett was suddenly there on the dais beside him, looking down at him like something carved out of granite. Then the toneless Garrett voice was coming through the mike.

“Senator, you will expunge from the record all references to my wife—
now.
Do you hear me?”

But the woman with the stenotype was already tearing up tape. The applause from the crowd bordered on an ovation, with people standing up. As Garrett came marching back, I was still on my feet, and he was extending his hand. I was so glad to take it that I wanted to cry. That handshake, that warm, wonderful grip, was the greatest moment I ever had, in my whole life, with another man.

A
CROAK CAME OVER
the loudspeaker system: “This hearing’s adjourned,” and the people were swarming around us, shaking hands and aiming cameras. Then we were back in Senator Hood’s office with everyone gloating over what we’d done—Mr. Garrett “for teaching the bastard manners,” and me “for really settling his hash—that cooks his goose in Georgia, make no mistake.” Well, it did cook his goose, as we know, but I didn’t much care at the time. I wanted out of there. Then I found myself down on the street with Mr. Garrett. He was patting me on the back and saying: “Lloyd, as you know, this stuff that Hood peddles—discretion and going along—I’m for most of the time. I practice it myself. But every so often the one thing that fills the bill is a sock on the snoot, and boy, did you give him one today. I’m still exulting over it. I glory in what you did. I can’t thank you enough.”

Then I was home lying in bed with no idea how I got there. I had to be alone, to face up to this thing in my life, not the clobbering of Pickens, because that was something I had to do but took no interest in. It was that handshake and how it made me feel that I had to face up to now, especially what it meant in my life. One thing was clear, and it kept hitting me: once that handshake was given, once I felt as it made me feel, I couldn’t lie anymore. I had to come clean, with no fiddling or foodling or faddling around. So where did that leave me? I wrestled with it, hating to face up to what it was leading to.

Sometime during the afternoon I realized that I hadn’t heard from Hortense and thought it very odd. She must have heard about what had happened. It seemed peculiar that she wouldn’t have called me. A few other people did, those who had my number, with congratulations for what I had done. But she didn’t. Then in the early evening I heard her key in the lock and then she was calling me.

“I’m in here,” I called out, sounding thick.

She came in and without saying hello lay down beside me in the dark but without taking off her clothes. I was dressed, too, with the spread pulled over me. There we lay for several minutes, the first time, I suppose, we’d ever stretched out that way. But she acted so strangely that I asked: “Is something wrong, Hortense?”

“Wrong?
I’ll
say there is.”

Then, almost at once: “Lloyd, it’s not that Teddy creature, the one I thought it was. It’s
Inga.”

“Who?”

“The housekeeper, the Swedish housekeeper.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It’s so, just the same. The woman detective reported today, at last. Lloyd, she got in there by going up in the elevators, the way I told her to, pretending that she wanted a job when Inga came to the door. And when she spoke Swedish, Inga let her in. She had no work for her but gave her coffee and the names of some places she might apply at. Then she apologized for running the woman out, but said her boss was coming and she had to give him lunch. Then when the woman was leaving, Inga called out: ‘Oh, no, not here! We have a hideout downstairs, a little place with two rooms where no maid is on duty to see. My boss mixes love with lunch’—and she flipped up her skirt to show she had no pantyhose on ... Lloyd, how
could
he?”

“Easy, just stretch her out and—”

“It’s no laughing matter!”

“I didn’t say it was. I just said it’s easy.”

“Well, if that’s how you feel about it!—”

“Ask
me
what’s new, why don’t you?”

“You? What are you talking about?”

“They had a hearing today. Remember?”

“Oh,
that.”

“Yes, that.”

“Well? What happened?”

“I clobbered the senator—and your husband finished him off.”

“So?”

“Then we shook hands.”

“And the sun stood still—or what?”

“It changes things.”

“In what way?”

If she couldn’t see in what way, I didn’t know how to tell her. I didn’t even try. She started all over again, telling me what Inga had said. It seems that there was quite a bit more—how loving her boss was at night, and how he liked
auser,
as Inga called it in Swedish, meaning extra, at lunchtime, for which they needed the hideaway so the maid wouldn’t catch them at it. Then she raised up on one elbow and announced: “Lloyd, I have to
know
what this
means
! I can’t fool around any longer, playing it in the dark.”

“Nobody asked you to.”

“And my waist is an inch bigger than it was this time last week. It’s beginning to show!”

“You’re six months gone. That’s why.”

“I have to
talk
to
him
!”

She reached him not at the hotel but at the ARMALCO offices. It took some arguing to get him to come, but finally she snapped: “Richard, do you think I’m playing games? I said get out here to Lloyd’s apartment in College Park—and come now!”

Why it should have bucked me up, I have no idea, but it did. I suddenly felt proud of her—and hopeful—in spite of what I had to do. As soon as we got up and she made the bed, I got out my personal stationery and wrote my resignation in longhand.

I addressed it to Mr. Garrett and simply said: “I resign as the institute’s Director.” I wrote it on the cocktail table in the living room while Hortense was back in the kitchen, fixing bacon and eggs. I went back and we ate. Then we sat in the dark, holding hands, whispering, waiting for Mr. Garrett to come. He had said he would be there about ten.

At last Miss Nettie called to say he was there. I put on the lights, opened the door, and waited. When he came, I gave him my hand. He took it again and gave it that extra shake that said that he meant it. When he came in, he kissed Hortense and looked around at the apartment, especially the pictures. At the one of me on my perch as a lifeguard at Ocean City, he snapped his fingers sharply. “I knew I’d seen you somewhere!” he said. “I said so, didn’t I, that very first day, when you came to the apartment in Wilmington? Remember?”

“Yeah. But give—what’s the rest of it?”

“At Ocean City—I was spending the day there and got interested in this guard, the wigwagging he was doing, and asked him about it. But he corrected me. ‘We don’t wigwag,’ he said; ‘we semaphore.’ And it turned out that he was semaphoring about a child, a girl in a red dress with white polka dots—”

“I remember now,” I said; “and you told me, ‘If that’s all that’s bothering you, there’s a red dress under the boardwalks, sticking out of the sand,’ and we both crawled under, and there was the lost child. A lot of gratitude we got. Some children get lost on purpose.”

“It just goes to show,” Hortense said.

“Show what?” he said.

“Well, if you don’t know—”

“She’s always doing that,” he complained, turning to me. “Getting off a real deep thought and then leaving it up in the air, dangling. But it does explain why I remembered you, and you had no recollection of me. You hardly looked at me.”

He left the pictures at last, then crossed to a sofa and sat down, facing Hortense. “What’s this all about?” he asked her.

“Richard, I want a divorce.”

“No.”

“I must have a divorce. I’m pregnant.”

“I’ve known you were for some time, knew it before you did, perhaps. Your eyes betrayed you. For several days they had that madonna look they had that other time. The answer still has to be no.”

“The answer has to be yes. Richard, I’m going to get a divorce whether you like it or not; I’m going to get it regardless of what you say.”

“You’re
not
going to get it. Under the law, you must come to court with clean hands. As far as I’m concerned, you’re as clean as baby’s breath, but a court—when your pregnancy comes to light—might feel differently.”

“How would it come to light?”

“I would light it, that’s how. Hortense, I mean
no.”

“Why?” I said.

He didn’t answer me or even look at me.

“Did you hear what I said?”

He still didn’t answer or look at me. I took my resignation out of my pocket and handed it to him. “Mr. Garrett,” I said, sounding pretentious but not knowing how to sound otherwise, “that note will tell you, I think, the depth of my feeling for you, especially after today—what we did to that son of a bitch and the moment it gave us later. I mean the handshake we had. After that, I couldn’t play it slick. I couldn’t have false pretenses with you. So I wrote this note ... to get it over with. In spite of all that, in spite of what I feel, I have to tell you that you don’t get out of here until you spit it out—what it’s all about, why Hortense can’t have a divorce. A football player is no more persuasive than anyone else, except for one thing: he doesn’t mind playing rough. So, making it as plain as I know how, if it means you stay here all night, here’s where you’ll stay—until you tell Hortense
why
she can’t have a divorce. We know about Inga, so take it from there.”

He got up, his face falling apart, apparently stunned. It crossed my mind that it was probably the first time that he had been told what to do, what he
had
to do, by anyone. He took out his handkerchief, crumpled it, and pressed it to the palms of his hands. Then suddenly he said: “I can’t stay out of her bed.”