Instinct: The Power to Unleash Your Inborn Drive (4 page)

I
n order to activate our instincts, I’m convinced everything starts with
exposure
. You cannot be what you do not see. It isn’t that exposure gives us instincts; it’s that exposure awakens instincts and stops us from ignoring what we know to be true within us. Most people adapt to their environment more quickly than they should. They adjust themselves to the situation rather than adjusting their situation to the dreams they have inside.

You’d be surprised to find that you have accepted and adapted to being much less than what you’re capable of becoming. It’s alarming that people seek to fit in without considering the power they have to cultivate the gifts they’ve been given. You may even be mystified as to why you aren’t further along in life. You have checked off all the boxes on the recipe for success and
yet find yourself falling short. Isn’t it time for you to understand what you’ve been given and how to sift the stirrings within so that your survival instincts can surface?

As the Zulu taught me, you must combine all your ingredients with the inner wisdom that God has given you if you expect to thrive. My prayer is that you will experience the same kind of revelation that struck me while sitting in a Jeep in South Africa as a wizened tribesman proclaimed, “The elephant is ova dere!”

Several years ago when I came to Dallas, I decided I wanted to buy some land and build affordable housing as a way of giving back to my community. I thought it would help many people who couldn’t afford a home to be able to bring the cost down to their individual means. My goal was well intended and came from a good heart, but when I begin to gather statistics on the process, I learned something that would inform my hypothesis: people adapt to their own expectations. In other words, we often behave based on our perceptions more than the reality of our actual circumstances.

You see, in this case the reality became clear: people who move into low-cost neighborhoods soon lose interest in repairs and home improvements. If their required investment is small, so is their commitment. They acquiesce to the environment and so do their children. They assume
low-cost
means “inferior
quality,” “temporary,” and “inadequate,” which of course is not the case. But it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when they neglect their new homes, ignore needed maintenance, and disrespect their opportunity for advancement.

Instead I learned that the wiser way to influence and effect change was to avoid the subtle segregation that creates sociological constructs for the possibility of ghettos. We learned that mixed-income housing creates a stronger tax base, which in turn improves public school systems without subsidies. The result is a win-win: neighbors influence one another in not just community maintenance but through the exchange of ideas that help to raise the diversity in that community!

Often we don’t recognize the urgings within us because we haven’t been exposed to people who affirmed their importance. If we don’t learn to listen to instinct, then we will soon find ourselves extinct! To ignite your own unique instincts, you must recognize how you have handled them thus far in your life. If we are to institute change, then we must recognize the environmental influences to which we’ve been exposed. Is your perception of reality skewed by what you expect or by what you really desire? Obviously, our attitude and outlook on life have an enormous influence on both the accuracy of our instincts as well as our inclination to be aware of them and trust their guidance.

I have a set of twin boys—well, I say “boys,” but my sons are actually grown men now. And while they are fraternal, not identical, twins with the same mother and father, they couldn’t be any more different. When they were still in the crib, I noticed each had a distinct personality that continued to evolve and solidify as they developed. One is personable and artsy; the other is quiet and independent. One is nurturing and compassionate; the other is responsible and diligent. One is spontaneous and social; the other is methodical and private.

I’m certainly not a licensed clinical psychologist trained in early childhood development. I’m just a father who started out peeking over their cribs. While my wife and I never intentionally tried to make them conform to the same personality type, I’m sure we assumed that they were more similar in temperament than they actually were. We probably dressed them alike when they were too young to protest and worked to make sure each got equal attention. But clearly they were not alike!

And as they grew through puberty into young adulthood, I continued to ponder how two people so closely intertwined in such a small place as the womb, raised in the same house, and parented in identical environments
could gravitate to such different clothing, diverse types of friends, and separate courses of life.

In observing them as adult men, I remain fascinated to watch each of them unpack their inventory of uniqueness and become acquainted with the substance of their individuality as they pursue the fulfillment of their divine potential. It’s been an often-raucous adventure as they’ve explored and discovered their own uniqueness, for each brings a distinctly remarkable thought pattern and skill set to problem solving.

Perhaps the primary reason for their successful development as independent, distinct individuals is their commitment to discover the power of their own unique talents, abilities, and proclivities. They clearly are not clones of each other, and they haven’t simply become the opposite reaction of each other.

Because they’re twins, though, they probably faced the challenge of self-discovery sooner and more deliberately than most of us. And yet their accelerated journey is the same one we’re all traversing: to know who we are created to be, to know why we’re here on this earth, and to live out the pursuit of our divine destiny.

Like my twins, many of us share the same variables for success as others around us, and yet we each fail to discover our distinct, personalized combination to unlock that success. Have you ever wondered why people with less talent, fewer resources, and more obstacles than you pass you by? Have you ever attempted to
follow a formula or check off five “easy steps” to fulfillment only to become frustrated and feel like you’re the exception? Too often, we imitate others and conform to popular standards but fail to tap into our most powerful, most precious resource—
our own uniqueness
.

Obviously, my twin sons shared numerous similarities, both genetic factors and environmental influences. But the fact remained that each of them had been divinely designed as a one-of-a-kind, inimitable reflection of his Creator—not of his twin or even his parents.

As they matured, my twin sons naturally noticed the ways in which they differed from each other—but more important, they relished, cultivated, and celebrated these differences. As I mentioned before, they were more self-aware and more determined at an earlier age to discover their own unique abilities, interests, and personal passions. As much as they loved each other and enjoyed being twins, nonetheless they didn’t want to be a duplicate of someone else, certainly not each other. Like each one of us, each wanted to know the fingerprint of his own personality.

They were blessed to have both the motivation and the freedom to explore their inner resources. Growing up, many of us aren’t encouraged to identify our individuality; in fact, we were likely told in both word and by example to conform, to fit in, to not stand out. Whether it was overtly expressed or covertly implied,
the message we got was to accept the status quo and not make waves. This may have been our parents’ attempt to make life run smoother or even to protect us from the scrutiny, and often cruel mockery, that comes from standing out in a crowd.

And yet, most of us knew at an early age that we were not like everyone else, let alone who others wanted us to be. It might have been our desire to stay indoors and get lost in the adventures of the Hardy Boys or Harry Potter instead of playing pickup basketball in the park. From my experience and observations, our true identity rarely enjoys the freedom to emerge without first enduring conformity, social modification, or outright suppression. Peer pressure as well as parental expectations and the demands of our circumstances all exert various amounts of force on who we really are. Our instincts may have even guided us to hide parts of ourselves in order to keep them alive when we were younger. We instinctively knew that we could not express our creativity, unleash our imagination, or announce our dreams without them being injured by the ridicule, rejection, or retaliation of others.

As adults, however, we now have the power to liberate ourselves. We need no one else’s permission to empower the God-given essence of our identity! Whether we think we have the time, money, or other resources needed to uncover who we really are, it’s vitally important that we discover our core and allow it to grow, develop, and flourish.

You see, it’s not about whether you can afford therapy or complete your education or attend that self-improvement seminar. And it’s not about becoming self-absorbed, babying your inner child, or excusing self-indulgence. It’s simply about whether you have the courage to look within yourself and embrace all that you find there!

People successfully living by instinct, the innovators, trailblazers, and playmakers, are liberated by their own instinctive drive, the fuel for their own unique GPS systems.

This motivational contrast can inspire, equip, and model for you the areas of development required for progress on your own journey. This helps explain why the mixed-income housing solution mentioned earlier emerged as the most solid, change-inducing one available. We often learn from our differences more than our similarities, and those ascending the ladder of success can watch and learn from those a few rungs above them.

On the other hand, we cannot allow imitation or even emulation to dictate our decisions. Our exposure to others must become fuel and not the engine itself, empowering our self-discovery and energizing our instincts. Perhaps considering the way an artist or a
designer works may illuminate the process for us. An artist has natural talent but nonetheless needs instruction, inspiration, and integration in order to produce their own unique innovation.

Their natural talent will get them only so far without input from teachers, peers, and practitioners. An artist’s exposure to the great historical works provides a solid foundation that allows the artist to branch out into new areas of experimentation and hybridization. As one writer once told me, “You have to know the rules and the reasons behind them before you can break them!”

I’m convinced awakening our instincts as a guiding force in our lives operates from a similar paradigm. We need to glimpse what has gone before in order to envision the portals of possibility. We must taste the nectar of past necessity if we are to ferment our own nectar for the future! We should take in as much of the view as possible from higher elevations in order for us to acclimate and climb to our own higher summits.

Ultimately, this will require you to step out on your own more than follow in the footsteps of others. The higher you ascend on your own unique path, the fewer the number of trailblazers ahead of you. Allowing your instincts to guide you will be lonely at times. Others, especially those committed to conformity and comfortable in their own cages, may feel threatened as you venture out on your own. They may criticize your
passionate pursuits and seek to sabotage your date with destiny.

However, if you live instinctively, these critics will never impede your progress for more than a few moments. In my own life, I’ve never had a hater who’s doing better than me!

The people ahead of you, living in the liberty of instinct-guided uniqueness, will welcome you, encourage you, and mentor you. They will inspire you to be a pioneer and not a poser. Only those incarcerated by their unwillingness to listen to their instincts and to take the risks required for success will seek to deter you.

We’ll discuss more about the temporary obstacles these critics might present in an upcoming chapter. But for now, simply realize that both exposure and independence are required if you are to get in touch with your instinctive wisdom and allow it to guide you to the next level of intentional living. Don’t allow those less motivated, or committed to tearing down others in an attempt to prop up themselves, prevent you from being all that you can be in the fullness of your special, unique, one-of-a-kind identity.

Once you’re ready to activate your instinct for success, you must actively seek elements of excellence that inspire you. Are you aware of what truly fascinates
you? What appeals to your heart and ignites something deep inside you? The news articles that arrest your attention, the topics that tantalize your thought process, the curiosity that compels your unquenchable questions? These are the areas where you can begin to energize your instincts of identity.