Instant Daddy (5 page)

Neil’s hands had been strong and gentle, too. Sometimes, they’d been cracked and stained from hard farm work even though he used the special soaps she’d given him. Her heart twisted at the memory of her ex-fiancé. “Okay. Go ahead,” she encouraged.

Peter made his move.

With a shriek, Jake’s chubby legs flailed, his slippery body squirming and twisting to get free.

“Whoa, there,” Peter grunted, no doubt surprised by
the power one little boy could unleash. He tried to set Jake on his feet on the towel, but churning legs and a squirming body made that impossible. So Peter hugged Jake close instead. “It’s okay, Jake. We’re going to get you dry and dressed so you can have that snack.”

At least his instincts were good. But it was hard to tell whether Jake heard him. He wailed loud enough to alert Jessie’s parents on the patio. She wouldn’t be surprised if Mom popped in to find out what was going on. “Calm down, sweetie,” she cooed as she tucked the towel around Jake.

“He’s never going to forgive me for doing that,” Peter said dismally.

Jessie could almost feel sorry for the man…if she wasn’t worried what he would decide to do when he fell in love with Jake. If he hadn’t already.

Finally, Jake’s crying subsided. “Wan Os,” he said on a hiccough.

Peter looked over Jake’s head at her as if asking her to interpret.

“He wants Cheerios for his snack.” She nodded to let him know Os were an option.

“Sure, Jake. Os sound good,” Peter said.

“Wan Os, wan Os.” Jake sniffed, twisting to get out of Peter’s arms.

“Slow down,” Jessie warned. “You can have Os just as soon as Peter gets you into your diaper and pajamas.”

Peter’s eyebrows shot up. “You sure I’m up to that?”

“Aren’t you?”

He squinted. “How hard can it be?”

Looked like he wasn’t ready to cry uncle anytime soon. She laid a diaper and pj’s on the changing table
in the corner of the small room and stepped out of the way.

Peter climbed to his feet, abandoned the towel and laid Jake on the changing table without a hitch. He picked up the diaper, turning it in his hands as he studied it.

Not one to stay still for long, Jake began rolling onto his side.

Jessie lunged toward him.

“Whoa, there, fella.” Peter grabbed Jake to stop him from falling.

Jessie gave a sigh of relief.

“You need to lie down, so I can get this diaper on you,” Peter explained as if he expected the eighteen month old’s complete cooperation.

“Wan Os.” Jake swayed his head and upper torso back and forth to make his point.

“After we get you dressed,” Peter said.

Jake wailed, struggling to free himself.

Jessie grabbed the towels on the floor and began wiping up the water near the tub. If Peter wanted her help, he could ask for it. But she kept a keen eye on his progress.

He held a squirming Jake with one hand while he spread the diaper on the changing table with the other. Then he plunked Jake on the diaper and somehow got it between the little boy’s legs, but he couldn’t seem to figure out how to fasten it. At least, not before Jake kicked free of the diaper and sent it flying.

Things couldn’t be working out better. Suppressing a grin, Jessie flipped the drain and scooped toys into the net bag attached to the wall. “Are you going to get that diaper on him or not?”

Peter raked his free hand through his hair. “A demonstration might expedite things.”

“Are you asking for my help?”

“Please?” He gave her a pathetic look. Well, as pathetic as a strong, handsome, intelligent man can look, anyway.

With an exaggerated sigh, she ambled over to contain Jake while Peter retrieved the diaper from the floor and laid it on the changing table.

Jessie gave Jake a toy car to keep him occupied, lifted him onto the diaper and secured it.

“You sure make it look easy,” Peter commented.

“Experience. Can you handle putting him in his pajamas?”

Peter picked up the train-printed pj’s and looked them over. “Snaps go back or front?”

“Front.” She took the garment and matched top to bottom to show him.

“Got it.”

She wiped down the tub-surround, glancing back to see how things were going.

Shoulders flexing, Peter worked to get the small, struggling boy into his pajamas, then concentrated on matching snaps. “We’re almost finished, Jake,” he promised several times.

Jessie perched on the side of the tub to wait. He must be realizing he wasn’t cut out for parenting by now. One would think, anyway.

Finally, he lifted Jake in the air as he checked his work. “Mission accomplished,” he announced. He did look like he’d been on a mission—a very wet one. His dark hair was soaked and as mussed as short hair can get, and his soaked shirt clung to his chest.

Jessie noticed one lone, unmatched snap on Jake’s
pajamas and considered not mentioning it. But only for a second. “You missed a snap.”

“Are you sure?” He gave her an exasperated look as he folded Jake in his arms.

“Of course I’m sure.” She reached for Jake before his dry pajamas were as sodden as Peter was.

Jake hurled himself into her arms. “Wan Os, Mama.”

“Okay.” She concentrated on righting the snap and tried not to feel sorry for Peter in his wet shirt, but she did anyway. “If you want me to throw your shirt in the washer, you can wear one of Dad’s.”

He looked down at his soggy shirt. “That would be great. But I doubt your father wants me wearing his clothes.”

“He won’t mind.” She opened the bathroom closet her mom had converted from linen storage to hold her dad’s clothes. “Take your pick.”

Giving her a wary eye, he chose a worn denim one she hadn’t seen Dad wear for years. “This looks comfortable. It isn’t his favorite, is it?”

Jessie shook her head.

Peter hung the hanger on the shower curtain rod and unbuttoned his shirt. He glanced at Jessie.

She realized she was watching as if a good-looking man taking off his shirt in her bathroom was an everyday occurrence. And not just any man…but the man who’d made a baby with her sister? “I’ll just…uh…” She motioned toward the door.

He raised an eyebrow.

Flustered, she set Jake on his feet on the floor and darted out of the room after him. Well, wasn’t that just lovely? Now Peter would probably think she was attracted to him.

Well, what woman wouldn’t be? After all, he was a very attractive man, wasn’t he?

By the time she got to the kitchen, Jake was pushing a chair to the cupboard. “I’ll get your Os for you.” She took the box from the cupboard and grabbed a small bowl from another shelf.

Peter strode into the room, powerful and in charge but looking a tad more relaxed in Dad’s old shirt. His own wet shirt in his hand, he stopped by the table and studied the wall of family pictures. “Looks like you were a busy girl in school. Plays, proms, cheerleader.”

She looked up from pouring cereal. “You know which pictures are me and which are Clarissa?”

“Sure.” He turned to her. “You’re very different from your sister, you know.”

“She’s the brainy one. No surprise there.”

“You’re brainy enough.” Peter laid his shirt on the table to help Jake scramble into his high chair. He attempted to attach the tray without success. “You don’t seem as driven as Clarissa. You’re gentle. And there’s more compassion in your eyes.”

Strangely touched by his comment, she leaned in, clicked the tray in place and set the dish of cereal on it.

“People love you,” he said.

She didn’t know how to respond. “Why do you think that? You don’t even know me.”

“I’ve watched you with people. They love you.”

“A problem when you can’t live up to it.”

He chuckled. “You have nothing to worry about, then.”

She frowned. Did he take her comment as her attempt at humor? Or arrogance? If only. But how refreshing. He didn’t know or care about her past or how far
she’d fallen from the self-sufficient, independent woman she’d been before the accident. And he had no clue how much she had to depend on her parents and relatives to help her make her life run.

But his comments gave her the courage to ask a few personal questions of her own. “You said you and Clarissa were never a couple. That you don’t have time for relationships. But obviously, you cared about each other…”

“Your sister and I had an excellent working relationship. We respected each other’s integrity a great deal. We understood each other’s drive and dedication to our work.”

Jake held an O out to Peter.

“For me?” Peter bent and opened his mouth to let Jake drop the cereal inside.

Jake watched with rapt attention. “Mmm?”

“Mmm,” Peter repeated.

A mixture of emotions churning inside her, Jessie waited for Peter to continue his explanation of his and Clarissa’s relationship. But he didn’t. Instead, she watched him and Jake take turns sharing Jake’s snack. Finally, she decided to push the issue. Somehow, she needed to know. “Did you love her?”

Peter looked at Jessie, his smile disappearing. “It wasn’t like that, Jessie.”

She frowned. Clarissa had never given her the idea that she’d loved Jake’s father, either. “How was it, then, Peter?”

He blew out a breath, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. “I guess you deserve some explanation. Clarissa and I were working together on an important experiment. When it failed, we were devastated. We took comfort in each other that night. That’s it. It was a mistake.
It only happened once. Neither of us pursued anything further. Two months later, she transferred to the New York lab to further her career.

“I wished her well. I never suspected for a moment she was leaving to hide her pregnancy from me. I heard she took family leave a few months later to help her sister—you—recover from a car accident.”

“Yes.” She couldn’t explain why she was relieved to hear their relationship had been mostly professional.

Jake held his arms up to Peter. “Hole me, ’kay?”

“I sure will.” Peter beamed at Jake as if the heavens had opened up and showered him with manna. He fiddled to unsnap the tray, tugging it impatiently.

Jessie let him figure out the high chair on his own this time.

The tray unsnapped and came off in Peter’s hands. Surprised, he looked it over.

Jake lunged out of his chair.

Jessie lurched to catch him, but she was too far away to reach him in time.

He hit the linoleum floor with a thud.

“Jake.” Peter fell to his knees beside Jake.

“Mama,” Jake wailed as soon as he caught his breath. “Need ice. Need ice.”

Heart pounding, Jessie dropped beside him, scanning his head for bruises. “Will you get the ice pack from the freezer, Peter?”

“Right away.” Pale and miserable, he climbed to his feet, strode to the fridge and yanked open the door.

She’d never get used to Jake getting hurt, even if she had learned to stay calm so she could help him. Noticing a spot on his forehead turning pink, she gathered him close. “The ice pack is in the door rack. Grab the dish towel on the oven door to wrap it in.”

He was back in a flash and handed her the towel-wrapped ice with shaking hands.

She held it to Jake’s head.

Jake reached to help her hold the pack. “Pedo hurt Jake,” he accused.

Peter shut his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“Peter didn’t hurt you, honey,” Jessie explained. “He didn’t know you were going to jump.”

Peter shook his head as if he couldn’t believe his incompetence. “I shouldn’t have taken my eyes off him.”

Jessie’s heart ached for Peter. “I should have warned you he likes to jump.”

What had she been thinking? She’d been selfish and smug trying to show Peter he couldn’t be a parent. He
was
a parent. A parent who wanted to know his son and his son to know him. Didn’t every child deserve to know his daddy?

She’d die before she’d give Jake up. But that didn’t mean she had to be selfish. If she held on too tight, she might lose Jake completely.

“He could have gotten seriously hurt,” Peter said miserably.

She saw defeat in his eyes, defeat she’d wanted.

She felt terrible. Peter didn’t deserve this. She’d been wrong.

Instead of being critical and acting superior, shouldn’t she be helping Peter learn Jake’s habits? Because no matter what, she had to do everything in her power to keep her little boy safe. “How many skills do you think I had when I brought him home from the hospital? But I learned.”

“I’m sure Jake didn’t get hurt while you were learning.”

“He won’t get hurt, Peter. Not if I teach you. You did say you’re a quick study.”

T
rying to shut out the memory of Jake’s fall, Peter sat at the rickety desk in a musty motel room he’d finally found on the outskirts of town. Seemed graduates’ relatives had booked everything in the town’s one decent motel and the B and B. He’d made a few calls and found another chemist to cover the tasks he’d planned to take care of this weekend. Now he stared at the graph he’d pulled up on his laptop while he explained the Jake situation to Scott on his cell.

“I’m shocked,” Scott said. “I had no idea you were leading a secret life.”

“Right.” He knew Scott’s remark was a stab at humor. “Like I have time for a secret life.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re a daddy. And knowing you, you’re not taking it lightly.”

He leaned his arm on the desk and propped his head in his hand. “I don’t want my son growing up without a father like I did.”

“Maybe you’ll have to take my advice to hire more people at the lab, if you’re actually contemplating a life outside of it.”

And compromise his research? He wouldn’t be even
close to the testing phase of the new drug without the countless hours he spent in the lab. “I need to be on top of things. You know that.”

“So hire good people to help you stay on top of things.”

“Good people leave just when you have them trained the way you want them.”

“Like Clarissa did?”

“Obviously. I think she transferred to the New York lab because she wanted to hide her pregnancy from me. But other promising people have left for various reasons, too.”

“You need to give them more responsibility. Stop trying to save the world all by yourself, man. It can’t be done. Besides, good people need to feel they have a stake in the outcome.”

“We’ve had this discussion before, Scott.”

“To no avail. But you’ll have to make some changes if you want to spend time with your son.”

Peter closed his eyes against a flash of Jake falling. “I let him fall today. He moved so quickly, I didn’t have time to react.”

“Is he all right?”

“Yes, but I’m sure the bump on the little guy’s head will impress his grandparents, especially when they learn I’m responsible for it. I should have anticipated his action. I’d seen him make a game of throwing himself with Jessie. Of course, she caught him. I should have.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Peter. It’s not like you’ve ever been around kids.”

“But it could have been serious. The amazing thing is that Jessie didn’t pounce on me. She doesn’t want me here. She’s made that abundantly clear. Yet, when Jake
accused me of hurting him, Jessie defended me. She must have known if she didn’t come to my aid, the kid would never trust me again. Maybe he still won’t. But instead of blaming me, she promised to teach me how to take care of him.”

“Maybe she’s trying to protect the child.”

“That makes sense. She really loves him. She lights up like a Christmas tree with him.”

“She sounds like a wonderful, compassionate woman, Peter.”

“Yeah. She looks like Clarissa, but the resemblance ends there. Jessie’s soft, vulnerable. But with a core of steel, I’m finding out.” He remembered his discomfort when she offered to pray. What would Scott think of it? “She said she’d pray for you and me.”

“Did you thank her?”

Peter sighed. “I didn’t know what to say. Nobody’s offered to pray for me before.”

“Karen and I always pray for you.”

“What?” Peter shook his head. “You never told me that.”

“I wasn’t sure you’d be comfortable with the idea.”

He was right about that. But at least, thanks to Scott, Peter now knew how to respond. “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.”

Too bad he couldn’t say he prayed for them…or that he knew how to pray at all, for that matter. “What should I do?”

“I’ve never been a father. What makes you think I can advise you on this?”

“You’ve been as close to a father as I’ve ever had. Nobody knows me better.”

“I know you won’t be able to live with yourself if you don’t do everything possible for that little boy. You’ll
have to decide how much you need to be involved with him. What kind of dad do you want to be?”

Peter recognized the exhaustion in Scott’s voice. He had to let him get off the phone soon, but he’d never needed his wisdom more. “I want him to know he can count on me, no matter what.”

“That will take some serious relationship building.”

“Not my strong suit, I know. Not to mention the time.” Time he didn’t have.

“Are you considering bringing him to live with you?” Scott asked.

“I don’t know.” Straightening, Peter rolled his shoulders to get out the kinks. “That could take a court battle.”

“Not a happy prospect.”

“The worst.”

“Maybe you can work out something part-time with Jessie. Do you think she’d be willing to move to Madison so you can see more of him?”

Peter thought about it for a second. “I don’t know. Her family’s here. And she has her own business, a diner.”

“Maybe you can help her establish a business in Madison or in one of the towns nearby.”

That would make it possible for him to keep long hours in the lab and be part of Jake’s life. And it wouldn’t force him to tear his son from the only mother he’d ever known. But would Jessie consider moving? “I’ll give it some thought.”

“Figure out what you’re willing to do for a relationship with your son. Once you know the answer to that question, you’ll figure out the rest.”

“I can see sleepless nights ahead. Thanks for listening. Now get some rest. I’ll be home tomorrow.”

“You know we wish you the best.” Scott’s phone clicked off.

Peter turned off his cell and stared at the graph on his laptop. He gave a fleeting thought to the list of tasks at the lab he’d had to delegate to allow him to stay another day. Too many things for his own peace of mind.

But Scott was right. To allow time for Jake, Peter would have to cut back on his hours. That would mean assigning some of his work to technicians and hiring another assistant to take up the slack. Was it possible to make so many changes without compromising the stringent quality he demanded in the lab? Especially now that they were beginning the testing phase on humans? He sure couldn’t compromise that.

His mind snagged on the mathematical equation he’d been working out on his laptop. The roadblock shifting and giving way, he began keying in the solution.

If only he could solve his sudden father status as easily.

“What?” With a glance in each direction, Maggie power walked across the street beside Jessie. “Whatever made you decide to help him?”

Dragging in a breath of earthy scent left behind by the rain, Jessie hurried to keep pace. “He looked so defeated, I…”

“He manipulated you.”

Is that what happened? Remembering the look on Peter’s face after Jake fell, Jessie shook her head. “No, he didn’t.”

“Well, he took advantage of the situation to get you to do what he wants. Sounds like a controlling man to
me.” Maggie dodged a puddle in the middle of the sidewalk.

Jessie veered to avoid her. “What kind of mother would I be if I didn’t make sure he knows how to keep Jake safe?”

“How much are you planning to let him be around Jake?”

“I don’t know. Will advised me to compromise. He said if it goes to court, Peter could possibly win full custody if he wanted.”

“How can you be certain he’s Jake’s father without a paternity test?”

“He already took swabs for a DNA test. But anyone can see he’s Jake’s father.”

“Well, even so, waiting for results of the DNA test could buy you time until you figure out a strategy to deal with him.”

“There’s been no time to figure out a strategy,” Jessie blurted. “It’s like Jake and I are suddenly in the middle of a tornado and all I can think about is how to keep him safe.”

“I don’t mean to criticize, Jess. I just want to help.”

“I know.” Jessie waved at neighbors sitting on their front porch, the ache in her hip warning her to drop back a little.

Maggie slowed her pace. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” She wanted to tell the entire town she was fine and be done with it. After the accident, being grateful for everyone’s concern had worked for a long time, but constant reminders that she was no longer the person she used to be only set her apart to pity.

Pity didn’t help. Not pity from others, nor self-pity. She needed her energy to try to keep her life together.
Which she’d been doing a reasonable job of until Peter Sheridan showed up with a claim on Jake.

She couldn’t help feeling God had pulled the rug out from under her…again.

Mixers whirring, Jessie hurried to one of the stoves, pulled two strawberry-rhubarb pies from the oven and set them on the cooling rack. Tossing her oven mitts on the counter, she barely noticed the mouth-watering aromas mingling with the other pies and cakes she’d managed to bake despite being all thumbs this morning. She gave the clock above the sink an evil eye. How had she forgotten she had extra baking to do when she’d pushed her snooze button the third time?

Of course, if she’d been able to sleep, she wouldn’t have needed more z’s. But she doubted sleepless nights or the anxiety that spurred them were going away any time soon. At least not while Peter Sheridan was in town.

She flipped off the mixers, grasped a bowl and rubber spatula and poured airy yellow batter for Mom’s Sunshine Cake into the ungreased tube pan. Ever since she’d decided to teach Peter about Jake last night, she couldn’t shake the feeling she was making it easier for him to steal her son from her. Her conversation with Maggie during their nightly walk hadn’t helped. But what else could she do? She had to protect Jake.

“Smells good in here.” Jessie’s mom walked through the kitchen.

“Hi, Mom.” Blowing the tendril of hair out of her eyes that had somehow escaped her kerchief, Jessie poured batter for Aunt Lou’s walnut cake into the prepared pan.

“You look so stressed, dear.”

“Not what I need to hear, Mom.” Grasping both cake pans, Jessie strode to the oven, popped them in and set the timer. “I’m muddling through with only a few minor mishaps.”

“I see.” She spotted Jessie’s earlier attempt at Sunshine Cake on the counter. “New recipe for lemon pancakes?”

“Ha,” she said half-heartedly. It was pretty obvious she’d been too distracted to beat something long enough, probably the egg whites. She checked the clock. Her mom was running late, too.

“You know stress isn’t good for you, Jess.”

Jessie blew out a breath of impatience. “I’m fine.”

Mom washed and dried her hands at the sink. “Sometimes it’s okay not to be fine.”

“
Now
is not that time.”

“All right.” Her mom threw up her hands as if giving up.

Jessie didn’t believe it for a second. “Lots of people stayed in town after graduation yesterday. We’ll have even longer lines waiting at the door than we usually do on Sunday mornings. I haven’t had time to start coffee or set up out front yet.”

“I’m on it.” She grasped the cash drawer Jessie had gotten ready earlier. “Your dad promised to bring Jake in plenty of time to allow me to get him settled for his nap before church. By the way, the bump on Jake’s head was barely visible this morning.”

Jessie dragged in a breath, remembering Jake’s fall. Noticing the fatigue on her mother’s face, Jessie’s heart contracted. Her mom was stressed, too. Of course, what Peter did affected her parents, too.

Please don’t take Jake from us, God. I don’t know what any of us would do without him.
She pressed her
fingers to her forehead to try to stop the flood of emotions. Her head felt like it might explode. “Do you think we could lose Jake, Mom?”

“Oh, honey…” Her mother set down the cash drawer and gave Jessie a hug, then drew back and met her eyes. “After you told us about Peter’s life last night, I can’t imagine he thinks he can take care of Jake.”

With her heart aching, Jessie shook her head. “If only I’d left it alone after Jake’s fall…but I couldn’t. He’s Jake’s daddy, and whether we like it or not, there’s nothing we can do to change that.” Jessie bit her lip. “It would be so much easier if he didn’t seem like a good man who wants to do the right thing.”

“You don’t mean that, Jess. You wouldn’t want a bad father for Jake.”

“No. But it
would
make it a lot easier to dislike Peter. As it is, I keep thinking, what little boy doesn’t need his daddy? Especially one who’s so interested in him?” She felt sick to her stomach. “But I’ll never forgive myself if I’ve set things in motion to give Peter the confidence he needs to take Jake away.”

Mom patted her arm. “We need to put the situation in God’s hands, dear.”

“How can you be so confident…after what happened to Clarissa?”

Mom gave her a sad smile. “I pray the gospel prayer, ‘Lord, I believe. Help thou mine unbelief.’”

Faith seemed so simple when Mom talked about it. Jessie blew out a breath. Why did she find it so difficult?

When nobody answered the door at Jessie’s home, Peter drove to the diner. He was anxious to see Jake. He sure hoped the little guy had forgiven him for letting
him fall last night. Peter was jazzed about taking him to play at the children’s park he’d seen near one of the schools. With Jessie’s supervision, of course. He didn’t trust himself to go solo, and he doubted she would, either.

But who would have guessed he’d have to wait in a long line of chattering people to get into Jessie’s Main Street Diner to see his son? Finally edging inside the noisy place, enticing smells confirmed Jessie’s food was a lot better than the late, so-called dinner he’d eaten near the motel last night. Probably the reason she had so many customers standing in line.

The young woman he’d seen behind the counter yesterday—Lisa—gave him a nod of acknowledgment from her post at the cash register.

He broke from the line. “Is Jake in the back room?”

Lisa frowned. “You’ll have to talk to Jessie about Jake.”

Peering over people’s heads, he spotted Jessie alone behind the counter and headed for her.

A big guy threw out his arm to stop him. “You’ll have to wait in line like everybody else, buddy.”