Inspector Hobbes and the Blood: A Fast-paced Comedy Crime Fantasy (unhuman) (44 page)

Next
came the attack on Mr Barrington-Oddy and the theft of the dragon ring, which
was when I began to pick up the chain that led, link by link, to Mrs
Witcherley.'

'And
Phil?'

'Well,
Andy,' he said with a ferocious frown, 'if you hadn't been stealing his
business cards to further your nefarious schemes, you might have seen his note
on the computer, suggesting he was investigating Mrs Witcherley.'

I
hung my head. 'I'm really sorry.'

Laughing,
he patted me on the back. I could tell he was still weak because I stayed on
the sofa. 'Only joking. No harm came of it and you learned something about
yourself. No one's perfect, we're all a mess of contradictions and impulses and
yet we can train ourselves to rise above them. At least, for most of the time.

Mr
Waring, who was trying to work out precisely what Mrs Witcherley was up to, unfortunately,
trusted Tony, who was apparently a valuable source of information, for the
right price. Tony played along, taking his money, remaining loyal to Mrs
Witcherley. He doped Mr Waring, and the rest you know.'

I
nodded. 'Tony claimed he wasn't doing it for the money and thought she loved
him. I think he changed his mind when she started shooting.'

Hobbes
chuckled. 'Well, perhaps he does have a better side. Let's hope he chooses his
next lady more wisely.'

'Where
is he now?'

'Gone,'
said Hobbes. 'The superintendent said he'd packed his bags and fled. He'll be
back. He always comes back.'

'What'll
happen to Narcisa? Will she go to prison?'

He
shrugged. 'Maybe, though she'll have good lawyers and the most likely verdict
is 'not guilty by reason of insanity', or whatever they say these days. That's
assuming she's in a fit condition to stand trial.'

'There's
one other thing,' I said. 'Would the blood ritual have actually achieved
anything?'

'Yes,
it would have killed Mr Waring.'

'No,
what I mean is, if she had drunk his blood would it have given her youth back?'

'I
doubt it. Leastways, I've never known that sort of thing to work. Drinking a
goblet of warm blood is enough to make most people sick, which is why they
normally swap it for red wine, though Ribena will do at a pinch.'

'Oh.
Umm … there's one more other thing.'

'Make
it the last then,' he said, 'I'm going for a lie-down.'

'OK.
What was she going to do with you?'

'I
don't know.' He yawned. 'Happily, thanks to you, I never found out.'

'It
was nothing,' I said. 'And I'd have been killed if it hadn't have been for Mrs
Goodfellow. She deserves the credit.'

He
stood up. 'What you did was a great deal more than nothing. The lass did well,
but Philip Waring and I would have been dead without you. I told him what you'd
done.'

He turned away, walking slowly upstairs,
leaving me in silence, partly basking in the praise, partly embarrassed,
finding it hard to cope with praise after a lifetime of criticism. I was overwhelmed
by a strange emotion that felt like happiness and lasted far longer than on the
previous occasion.

Next
morning when I went down, Hobbes was dressed in his work clothes, as if nothing
had happened. Mrs Goodfellow, materialising under my ear with a joyful, 'Good
morning, dear,' cackled at my jump.

I
enjoyed breakfast, though not as much as Hobbes, who wolfed down three full
plates of bacon and eggs and several mugs of scalding tea. Afterwards, I walked
with him into town and, though icy rain was blowing into my face, I was smiling,
feeling like a hero.

We
stopped off at the
Bugle
, where I congratulated Ingrid. She smiled, blushing,
and it hurt, though I was, genuinely, happy for her and only a little jealous
of the lucky Scottish guy. She told us Rex wasn't in because he was looking
after Narcisa, who'd had a breakdown. Phil caught my eye and grinned. I grinned
back, happy to see him alive and well, wondering what I'd ever had against him.

As
we were leaving, Ingrid stopped me. 'Andy,' she said, 'I'm sorry I got so upset
with you the last time. Phil told me that you helped rescue him and Mr Hobbes.
Thank you.' She kissed me on the cheek.

I
walked away in a daze. I wished her well, I really did, yet there was an aching
emptiness inside where something was missing. For the first time I could see
her for what she was: small, dumpy and worth a million times more than my
idealised portrait.

'Never
mind,' said Hobbes as we stepped out into the street, 'tis better to have loved
and lost than to have been shot by a crazy woman.'

Though
I smiled, my mind turned back to dark places. 'Umm … there's a question I must
ask. It's really been bugging me.'

'Fire
away.'

'Could
you tell me what's behind the door in the cellar?'

'Of
course I could.'

We
walked in silence for a few moments.

'Umm
… will you tell me?'

'I
will … probably.'

In
the distance, somebody shouted and glass shattered.

'When?'

'At
the appropriate time. However, right now there's constabulary duty to be done.'
As he loped away, he was grinning.

COMING SOON...

Inspector Hobbes and the Curse

unhuman II

Wilkie Martin

Again
set in the Cotswolds, this is the next instalment in the adventures of
Inspector Hobbes, Mrs Goodfellow and Dregs, as narrated by the still disaster-prone
Andy Caplet. It is a rip roaring, funny and moving tale of Andy's infatuation
with a dangerously beautiful woman, starting off during investigations into
sheep deaths and the mysterious disappearance of pheasants. These incidents
appear to be connected to a rash of big cat sightings, and something horrible
seems to be lurking in the woods.

Is
Andy cursed to be always unsuccessful in love, or is the curse something much
darker, something that will arouse his primeval terrors?

The Witcherley Book Company

ISBN
9780957635128 (paperback)
ISBN 9780957635135 (ebook)

Acknowledgements

I
would like to thank the past and present members of Catchword for their
support, guidance, and encouragement: Geoffrey Adams, Gill Boyd, Liz Carew, Jean
Dickenson, Rachel Fixsen, Susan Gibbs, Richard Hensley, Rhiannon Hopkins, Nick
John, Sarah King, Dr Anne Lauppe-Dunbar, Dr Rona Laycock, Peter Maguire and Jan
Petrie.

I
would like to thank Jan Henley for reviewing an early manuscript, Natasha
Wagner for proofreading, and Cathy Helms for the cover. Thanks go to all at
Impress Prize for New Writers for shortlisting this novel – a very welcome vote
of confidence.

Writers
in the Brewery and the members of Gloucestershire Writers Network have also
provided much appreciated support.

Finally,
a huge thank you to my family, to Julia, and to The Witcherley Book Company.

WILKIE MARTIN

Wilkie
Martin's novel
Inspector Hobbes and the Blood
, was shortlisted for the
Impress Prize for New Writers in 2012 under its original title:
Inspector
Hobbes
. As well as novels, Wilkie writes short stories and silly poems,
some of which are on YouTube. Like his characters, he relishes a good curry,
which he enjoys cooking. In his spare time, he is a qualified scuba-diving
instructor, and a guitar twanger who should be stopped.

Born in Nottingham, he went to school in
Sutton Coldfield, studied at the University of Leeds, worked in Cheltenham for
25 years, and now lives in the Cotswolds with Julia, his partner of 30 years.

Contact Wilkie Martin

Visit
Wilkie's website
www.wilkiemartin.com

Follow
@wilkiewrites
on
twitter

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Wilkie's author page on
facebook

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to
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See Wilkie's
author page on
amazon.co.uk
or
on
amazon.com

Published in United Kingdom
by The Witcherley Book Company

Copyright
© 2013 Martin J Wilkinson and Julia How.

The
right of Martin J Wilkinson (Wilkie Martin) to be
identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in
accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All
rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a
retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission
in writing of the copyright owner, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of
binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar
condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

Names,
characters, places and events in this book are fictitious, and except in the
case of historical fact, any resemblance to any actual events or locales, or
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

British
Library Cataloguing in Publication Data.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN
9780957635104 (paperback)
ISBN 9780957635111 (ebook)

Font:
Minion Pro 11 point (paperback)

Cover
design copyright  © 2013 Cathy Helms

LIC Library Subject Headings: Character., Cotswold Hills
(England)--Fiction., Cotswold Hills (England)--Humor., Crime fiction, Crime and
the press—Fiction., Crime--Great Britain--Fiction.,  Detective and mystery
fiction., Detective and mystery stories, English--Fiction., Dracula, Count
(Fictitious character)--Fiction., England--Fiction., English wit and
humor--21st century., English wit and humor--England--West Country., English
wit and humor--Great Britain., Fantastic fiction., Fantasy fiction, English.,
FICTION / Crime., FICTION / Humorous., FICTION / Mystery & Detective /
General., Humorous fiction., Humorous stories., Humorous stories, English.,
Journalists--England--Fiction., Mystery and detective stories--Fiction.,
Police--England--Cotswold Hills--Fiction.,
Police--England--Gloucestershire--Fiction., Transylvania (Romania)—Fiction

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