Insider (4 page)

Ten minutes or so later
,
mom and Caeden joined us again. Caeden’s hands smelled like lemon dish soap and it made me smile.

“
Have you thought of a
ny more questions?” my dad asked as he leaned forward to e
xtinguish his stub of a cigar.

I entwined my fingers in
Caeden’s before saying, “Is there anything you think we should know?”

Dad cleared his throat. “Have you heard of the binding ceremony?”

“No,” I said. “What is that?”

Dad chuckled. “Shifters have a traditional wedding just like humans but there’s an extra element to ours and it’s the binding ceremony. It’s quite beautiful and still practiced today but it has a different meaning for mates. Your souls merely recognize each other right now, they’ve chosen the other person, but the binding ceremony binds your heart, body, and soul to the other forever; even in death.”

“It sounds scary not beautiful,” I snorted.

“I’m sure at your age it does sound a bit frightening but I can assure you it’s anything but.”

Caeden cleared his throat. “So for mates it literally binds us?”

“Yes,” my dad said and looked at my mom with so much love. I would normally find it disgusting but now that I had the same with Caeden I couldn’t think that anymore. “You become even more in tune to the other person thoughts, feelings, and their emotions. When you fight you’re stronger, unstoppable, when you’re together. The things you can do become limitless.”

“Wow,” Caeden breathed. “I had no clue.”

“So you did the binding ceremony?” I asked my parents.

My mom shook her head no. “We did it ourselves,” she squeezed
dad’s
hand, “but in order to work properly it has to be performed by the head elder of the council. Our binding is weak.”

“Oh.”

She smiled at me. “Sophie, I know what you’re thinking and that’s not true. We could’ve never stayed there. It wouldn’t have been allowed. A Grimm and a Beaumont
…” she shook her head, “I
t was blasphemy. You are not the c
ause of this my beautiful girl.”

“I’m sorry,” I said and stood up, sho
v
ing the chair back in my haste. I stormed down the porch steps into the sand.

I walked as fast as my feet would carry me. When the house was no longer in my sight I fell to my knees. I didn’t cry I just sat there and stared at the falling sun.

Sacrifices. So
. M
any
. S
acrifices. And I knew that my parent’s sacrifices were only the beginning.

I brought my knees up to my chest and rested my chin there. The evening air was cool and
goosebumps
soon appeared on my skin but I didn’t move. Couldn’t move.

The sky burned a brilliant orange.
Tints of lavender and pink dotted the sky. It was a beautiful sunset, one you can only see from shore. With the water receding in the distance the world looked infinite.
If only that was true.

Caeden sat down beside me. I knew it was
him
.
I didn’t even need to look. There was just a certain feeling of
calm
that stole over me whenever he was around.

He draped a jacket over my shoulders.

Archie and Murphy played nearby.

“I didn’t ask for this life,” I breathed.

“None of us did, Sophie, but it’s all we’ve ever known.”

“What if I can’t do this Caeden? What if I can’t be a shifter? An Alpha?”

“You can Sophie, it’
s in your blood.”

“Everybody keeps saying that!” I snapped.

“It’s the truth,” he said quietly.

Tears glistened in my eyes but I dammed them back. “So many sacrifices have been made Caeden.
By
everyone
.
I don’t know if I can do the same.”

“You can, I believe in you.”

“I’m glad one of us does,” I laughed shakily and stretched my arms into his warm jacket. I then wrapped it around me. “Thank
s
for the jacket,” I tried to smile.

He tentatively opened his arms. I leaned into his embrace. His woodsy smell engulfed my lungs.

“This life is a blessing, Sophie, not a curse.”

“I’m sorry, I know that.”

“No, you don’t,” he said and I could feel him shake his head. I burrowed my head against his warm neck. “Ever since you found out about this world you’ve only seen the bad.”

“That’s not true,” I whispered and hated that I had caused his thoughts to wander this way.

“It is true. Between what
happened to me, what
Travis did to you
,
and hearing about Bentley’s brother you must think we’re all like that.”

“Our pack isn’t like Travis,” I said and looked up into his vibrant blue eyes. Right now they were less vibrant and
more stormy
colored, almost gray.

He smiled, a genuine smile, “
Our
pack?”

I sighed. “It’s our pack Caeden. I need to stop thinking of myself as something outside the pack and instead as an insider.”

“You are an insider,” he said, “to the greatest pack
ever
.”

We both smiled. Our previous
melancholy disappeared.

“It’s beautiful here,” he said. “Nothing at all like I was expecting.”

He wiggled around and fixed me between his legs so I could rest back against
his chest.

“Same here. I don’t know what I thought it would like but it was definitely not this.”

The water was gray and the town was small but its simplicity only made it more beautiful.

“I’m so happy I found you,” I kissed his cheek.

He grinned. “Yeah, sorry about dropping the cupcakes on the floor.”

I laughed and it felt good. “It was cute and you certainly made an impression.”

He shook his shaggy head. “I was so embarrassed.”

“Not as much as me when I fell off the treadmill,” I added rather glumly.

Caeden hooted with laughter. “That was hilarious. Your face! Ah, that was classic. I’ll be telling our grandkids about that one day.”

“Grandkids?” I turned around and smiled at him.

“Well,” he squirmed suddenly nervous, “I like kids and I just assumed that sometime in the future there’d be little Caeden and Sophie’s running around.” He shrugged and squinted into the sunset.

I settled myself against him once more. “I like kids and I want kids but it’s just strange to think about it right now. Talk to me about it again in a few years.” First my mom and now Caeden!
Jeesh
, we weren’t even out of high school!

Caeden laughed. “Alright, we’ll talk about it again in a few years.” His chin rested on my head and he inhaled.

“Cookies?” I joked.

“Freshly baked chocolate chip cookies,” he said.

We sat there until the sun went down. With the stars twinkling above us
,
I stood. “We better get back.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said and stood as well, brushing sand off of his shorts. He pulled me to him and placed his hands on my cheeks. He slowly lowered his head until his lips touched mine.
The kiss was slow and sweet. He then kissed me on my head and said, “I love you, Sophie, so much. Never forget that.”

“Your love would be impossible to forget.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” he grinned and kissed me again.

Giggling, we opened the screened door and walked into the kitchen.

“Sophie-” mom called and I could hear her getting up from the couch.

“Sorry about running out,” I said.

“Baby girl,” she said and wrapped her arms around me. “You’ve got to stop worrying about me and your daddy. We made our decisions and there’s not a single one that I regret.”

“Sorry about running off,” I repeated. “
That isn’t like me,”
I pulled away from her embrace.

She patted my cheek. “You’ve been through a lot. I think you’re allowed to freak out now and then.” She took a breath and pulled away. “We’re going to bed. See you two in the morning. Night.”

“Goodnight,” Caeden said from where he was leaning against the wall.

“Nightie night mommy.”

“Nightie night Sophie,” she said.

When I was little she had always tucked me into my bed, read me a story, and before turning out the light she’d kiss me on my forehead and say, “Nightie night Sophie.” Even when I entered my teenage years she’d stop by room and s
ay
the same words.

“I’m going to shower,” Caeden said and moved away from the wall and down the hall.

“Kay,” I said.

Mom had gone upstairs but dad was in the living room
stretched out in his recliner watch
ing TV.
I flopped onto the couch and sighed. Down the hallway I could hear the shower come on. I yawned.

“Sleepy?” dad asked.

“It’s been a long day,” I replied. “I
better get ready for bed but I’m just too tired to move.”

Dad laughed.
“I thought you might be different after being away for half a year but you’re still the same,” he shook his head.

“Should I be offended?” I asked and twisted around on the couch until my head hung
off and the blood went rushing to my forehead.

“No,”
he laughed. “You’re going to give yourself a headache if you hang upside down like that.”

“You suck,” I said and stuck my tongue out at him before flipping backwards off the couch.

“I’m your dad
,
it’s my job to suck the fun out of everything.”

“Well, you’re doing a great job,” I said and saluted him. His laughter sounded behind me as I headed down the hallway. Caeden was
already
out of the shower
. Guys were so
lucky,
they didn’t have all this hair to wash.

I grabbed my pajamas and headed into the bathroom to take my own shower. A stinky Sophie was not a good thing.

My mom had about fifty
bagillion
different body washes, shampoos, and conditioners.

She was one of those people that bought it if she liked the scent, not caring that she had ten bottles at home.

I washed my hair and then scrubbed my body with a cookie scented wash. Caeden was going to love it. I should buy some when I get home. I committed the brand to my memory.

I dried my hair a bit with the towel and pulled on my PJs.

I turned the light off and slowly opened the door, creeping down the hallway to see if my dad had gone up to bed. Thankfully he was gone. Backing down the hallway I came to Caeden’s room. The door was closed and I eased it open.

“Sophie?”

“
Shh
,” I hissed.

“What are you doing?” he whispered and flicked the bedside lamp on.

I rolled my eyes. “You didn’t really think I was going to sleep across the hall by myself
did you
?”

“But your parents-” He protested.

“I don’t care, Caeden,” I pulled the sheets up and wiggled in beside him. “I’ve gotten so used to sleeping with you that I can’t sleep without you.”

He laughed and put his arm around me, holding me close. He sniffed my hair. “Is it just me or do you smell more like cookies than you usually do?”

I giggled and splayed my hand across his chest, watching it fall and rise as he breathed. “Yeah, mom had some cookie scented body wash.”

He pulled the sheet up over my shoulder and snuggled closer. “Your dad is
so
going to kill me in the morning.”

“He’ll have to go through me first,” I smiled.

“You’re so hot when you’re protective,” he breathed against my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.

“Go to sleep Caeden,” I said.

“I can’t now,” he said. “I ju
st keep seeing you go all
wolfy
on your dad. How do you expect a guy to go to sleep with that image in his mind?”

I laughed. “Try, please? I’m tired.”

“Then you shouldn’t have gotten me all worked up,” he said but he leaned over and turned off the light. “Night babe,” he whispered but I was already asleep.

* * *

I woke up with my face pressed into Caeden’s chest. He was snoring softly and the sun was beginning to shine through the blind, lighting the blue walls. I pulled myself out of his death grip and he mumbled something in his sleep. Gosh, he was so adorable when he slept, so peaceful. I tiptoed to the door, opened it, and did a quick scan before scurrying across the hall to the room I was supposed to have slept in. I pulled the covers back and quickly covered myself when I heard steps on the stairs.

The steps came down the hallway and my door opened.

I feigned waking up. Stifling a yawn I said, “Morning mom.”

“Sophie Noelle Beaumont don’t act like I don’t know where you were sleeping last night,” she said, a coffee cup in her hand.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stretched
my arms above my head
.

“Oh don’t you?” she quirked a brow.

I let my arms drop back down.
“How do you know?”

“I came to check on you last night and found this bed empty but another one suspiciously full.”

I hung my head and shoved my long hair out of my face.
“I can’t sleep without him anymore not since-”

“Say no more,” she held up a hand. “Just don’t keep things from me Sophie,
kay
?”

“Okay,” I nodded. “Sorry mom.”

“Get dressed, I’ll make breakfast.”

She closed the door behind her and I let out a big breath before flopping back on my bed. That went way better than I could’ve ever expected.

I made the bed that I hadn’t even slept in, and dressed in a pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt.

I knocked on Caeden’s door and he opened it, pulling on a t-shirt over his baggy basketball shorts.

“What?” he asked, rubbing sleep from his eyes, and then ruffling his wavy hair.

“My mom knows where I slept last night.”

He glanced down the hallway and then back at me before whispering, “Should I expect to be hung from a tree in your backyard?”

I laughed. “No, she understands.”

“Phew, that’s good,” he rubbed neck. “I don’t think a hanging would be very pleasant.”

“I don’t think it’s meant to be. Mom’s making breakfast,” I nodded my head down the hall.

He yawned. “Good, I’m starving.”

“You’re always starving,” I said.

“Especially since you ate my dinner,” he said with a grin.

I smacked his side. “It was a little piece of chicken
,
you baby
,
and that
hardly constitutes dinner.”

He laughed and danced down the hallway, his feet thwacking on the tile. “Just don’t eat my breakfast.”

I shook my head at his antics.

I took the time to stop and admire the pictures mom had hung in the hallway.
The beige paint hardly peeked through
,
the wall was so covered
. There was a picture of me on my bike without training wheels
,
and then one taken only a few moments after the one before it of me
crying my eyes out over my skinned knee. There was one of me as a baby sleeping on my dad’s chest, me with missing teeth, school pictures. The whole hallway was basically devoted to pictures of my childhood. It brought tears to my eyes.

“Sweetie?” mom said.

“Yeah?” I turned to her and wiped away a tear.

“Are you crying?” she asked and concern etched her face.

I shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Why honey?” she asked and wrapped her arms around me in one of her warm hugs. Her distinct scent of freesia nearly knocked me over. Several months after my transformation most things, like my new sense of smell and sight, seemed normal but every once in a while something would threaten to overwhelm me.

“I just miss you guys,” I said. “Most kids think they don’t need their parents but I do. I need you mommy.”

“
Aww
baby girl you’re breaking my heart,” she said and suddenly her southern accent was thick. It usually got that way when she was concerned.
I hugged
her
for a good five minutes before I pulled away.
I never wanted to let go.

“Sorry, I needed that,” I said.

She smiled. “We always need our mothers pretty girl,” she said and wiped my wet cheeks. “Come on,” she tilted her head down the hall, “breakfast is getting cold.”

I giggled. “If dad and Caeden haven’t eaten it all by now.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “That’s very true.” She patted my shoulder before leading me to the kitchen and practically shoving me into a chair.

Dad and Caeden were sitting at the table waiting patiently for breakfast. Thank the lord they hadn’t started eating or it would all be gone. Mom handed us each a plate.

“Homemade chocolate chip waffles? Am I in heaven?” Caeden asked as he looked at his plate with wide blue eyes.
“Sophie I don’t think we’re ever going home.”

I laughed. “Your mom can cook.”