Inside the Palisade (7 page)

“It’s Gamma. Are you okay?” She sounds frantic. Of course. I was supposed to meet her for dinner yesterday. The panel shudders as she pummels the door from the outside. Without thinking it through, I open it. She stands on the threshold, arms braced against the doorjamb, breathing heavily. She’s still in her factory uniform. “I’ve been ringing and ringing. What’s going on?”

“I was in the shower.” I indicate my damp hair, draped messily around my face.

She pushes past me and strides inside. “How could you not call me? I thought something had happened when I didn’t hear from you last night and then you weren’t on shift this morning.
And now I find you lounging around in your PJs.”

I move forward, hands raised in surrender.

That’s when she notices.

My eyes.

The frozen look of disbelief on her face is all I need to remind me that I forgot to look for my spare contacts before my shower.

Her mouth drops open.

“It’s only a birth defect. It’s no big deal,” I say.

“They’ve always been this way?” she asks.

“Yes.”

“And you never thought to tell me? Your best friend? What else haven’t you told me? How about where you really were last night? You weren’t in the Clinic. I checked my mom’s datapad.”

“It’s kind of a long story.”

“That’s what they all say. I thought you were better than that. I thought we were friends.”

“We are, but—”

“Save it.” She turns on her heel and storms out.

I trail after her, but I’m much slower in my bare feet, and I need to stop to fix the door so it doesn’t lock behind me. I have no way of opening it again without my communicator. And part of me thinks it’s safer to let Gamma stew in her own juices. I’ve seen her get like this before, but never with me. I know I can’t really leave her this way.

The fire door slams at the end of the corridor. She’s obviously avoiding the less-than-reliable elevator. When I get to the bottom of the stairwell, she’s at least a flight above me. I can hear her stomping footsteps further up the stairs. She’s heading up to her quarters. I stumble over the hem of my robe and curse as I grab at the twisted metal banister to right myself. By the time I reach the sixth floor, there’s no sign of her. I head for her door and knock loudly, not caring that I’m on the important folks’ floor in a bathrobe without my contacts.

When Gamma’s door opens, I find myself face to face with her
mother, Ma Temple. Gamma’s mom is an anomaly because she has a dual Calling: motherhood and Med-Tech. It’s rare, but it happens. Of the two, motherhood is the higher vocation, attracting the honorific “Ma” title like my own mom. She examines me from head to toe, not flinching at my appearance, or my eyes. Rather, she steps aside and motions me in.

“I suppose we’d better get that daughter of mine back here and sort this out,” she says.

Ma Temple is so much more stylish than my own mother, with her scarlet tunic over fitted slacks. The combination works somehow despite her pale complexion. She leads me to the lounge suite that takes pride of place in the living area and gestures for me to sit.

A door cracks open behind her to reveal Gamma hovering just inside the kitchen, scowling.

Ma Temple addresses her. “Could you come in here please?” Gamma takes a reluctant step, glaring at me.

“I suppose this”—Ma Temple indicates my eyes—“explains this.” Now she’s pointing at her daughter. I want to be angry with Gamma, but it’s true that I’ve kept this hidden from her our whole lives. It’s not every day you find out your best friend is concealing an inexplicable mutation.

Gamma looks from her mother to me and back again.

“You know about this?” Gamma says to her mom.

Ma Temple doesn’t deny it. My back stiffens. She’s obviously been keeping some secrets of her own. She beckons us to the sofa. This time I allow myself to sit. The cushions are so plush, I sink into them despite my best efforts to sit up straight.

“I suppose I owe you both an explanation,” Ma Temple says. “I only wish your mother were here, Omega. I told her something like this would happen. I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner.”

My fingers beat a tattoo on the armrest. Gamma’s jaw sets into a tight line. Ma Temple touches her arm gently. “Honey, why
don’t you come with me to the kitchen? We can calm down and maybe fix some hot chocolate? Then we can sit and talk.”

Hot chocolate. Ma Temple’s answer for everything. It usually works on Gamma. I want to push Ma Temple to start talking now, but that won’t be possible until Gamma gets her temper under control.

“Omega, you’ll be alright here for a few moments on your own, won’t you?” Ma Temple clearly isn’t expecting a response.

They’re in the kitchen for a long time. Their voices rise in pitch until the kettle whistles. Then the smell of hot chocolate wafts into the living room. It causes me to salivate, despite the charged atmosphere. I haven’t eaten anything since the factory yesterday.

Glancing out the picture window, I notice a hummingbird flitting around the branch of an oak tree. Quite a contrast to the view from the window in our quarters, overlooking the dumpster. The arguing from the kitchen has stopped. Gamma and Ma Temple return. Ma Temple holds two steaming mugs while Gamma cradles the third to her chest. Ma Temple presses one of her mugs to Gamma who takes it automatically. “Honey, why don’t you give this to your friend?” She emphasizes the last word and Gamma groans.

My heart sinks as I remember Gamma at the factory. Have I lost her as a friend? After a few moments, she places the extra mug on the coffee table in front of me and shuffles away with her own. She stops when she realizes her mother has taken the chair across from me, and the only place left for her to sit is on the sofa beside me.

I pull my legs aside so Gamma can pass without having to touch me. She gets like this when she’s annoyed even though she’s never been this angry with me before. Maybe she’s scared of me now, of what my eyes might really mean.

“Gamma, please,” I say. “I should’ve told you sooner, but it doesn’t change who I am.”

She still won’t look at me, and seems to be making sure she’s
sitting as far away as possible without leaving the sofa.

“Please, Ma Temple.” I force myself to ignore Gamma. “Tell us.”

Ma Temple blows the steam from her mug before taking a deep draft and licking the residue from her top lip. Gamma curls her knees to her chest and hunches into the far corner of the sofa. Her mug is clasped between her fingers, but she isn’t drinking. She’s staring straight ahead and ignoring me. My hot chocolate doesn’t seem so tantalizing anymore.

“What has your mother told you so far?” Ma Temple asks me.

“Nothing.”

“She never told you anything about where you came from?”

“She never talks about her Procedure if that’s what you mean.”

Gamma’s honeysuckle fragrance mingles with the aroma of the hot chocolate, a heady combination.

Ma Temple addresses her next words to Gamma. “Honey, do you remember what I told you about why you should never go outside the palisade? Back when you were young?”

Gamma releases her knees from her chest before she answers. “You said the
demen
hordes are still out there, even though they’re supposed to have died out.”

They’re definitely still out there. At least one of them.

“Do you remember the story about the woman who went outside, and what happened to her?” Ma Temple asks.

Gamma leans over to deposit her mug on the coffee table, placing her elbows on her knees to focus on her mother, effectively blocking me out. Something passes between the two of them. I can tell by Ma Temple’s expression and the sudden hard set of Gamma’s shoulders.

“Maybe you should share that story with Omega,” Ma Temple says. Gamma turns hesitantly to face me, her skin pale. I have a bad feeling about this. If the story upsets Gamma so much, do I really want to hear it? A breeze blows a tree branch against the
window, startling me. I reach for the table and accidentally bump my hot chocolate, causing it to drip over the mug and down one of the table legs. The sludge begins to soak into the white carpet.

Embarrassed, I glance at Ma Temple.

“Don’t worry about it.” Ma Temple stands. “I’ll take care of it. Gamma, why don’t you tell Omega what I told you?”

Gamma doesn’t seem so angry anymore. If anything, she looks sad. Ma Temple goes to the kitchen so the two of us are alone now.

Gamma inches a little closer. “Can I see your eyes again?”

I turn to face her. She exhales loudly as she presses her fingertips on the tops of my cheekbones directly below my lower lids.

“How have you hidden them?”

“Contact lenses. Little pieces of plastic I use to cover them.”

Gamma’s lips form into a round “o”. Then she asks, “Are they painful?”

“No, only if my eyes get dry. I’m used to it now.” I pull further away. “What did your mother want you to tell me?”

She blinks and straightens. “Honestly, all my life I thought it was just a story Mom told me, to scare me out of ever thinking about trying to get outside the palisade. Remember how adventurous I was back then?”

The memories of her plans to do death-defying stunts flood back. I don’t know why I ever thought I could be an explorer. She’s the one with the adventurous streak.

“I don’t know why I never figured it out before,” she says. “I mean, that the story was true.”

My hands begin to shake and I rest them against my knees.

“My mother used to tell me about a woman who had been Called to motherhood,” Gamma says. “It was a while back. She was planning to have the Procedure but she couldn’t go through with it. She was worried about the society inside the walls. Worried about the kind of world her child would grow up in. She
didn’t think we could sustain ourselves forever, and she wanted to go outside. To see if there was anything out there. People to trade with, to help us grow.”

“Sounds like my mother,” I start to say. The words die on my lips.

Gamma collects my hands between hers, pulling me forward. “This woman – she snuck outside the palisade. Only once. That’s all it took.”

It feels like a heavy weight has descended on my chest.

“She was attacked?” I say.

“She went missing for several days. Her partner was wild with fear. The Protectors were planning a search party, but it ended up not being necessary.”

“Why not?” My voice sounds tinny in my ears.

“This woman, she had left her communicator behind. It looked as if she didn’t want to be followed. But no one realized she had taken an emergency beacon with her. A few days after she disappeared, the signal was activated. From outside the palisade. The Protectors found her near the boundary, badly injured and unconscious with no memory of activating the signal. The Med-Techs assumed her memory had been affected by the trauma. Later, she was able to recall some of the things the
deman
did to her. Her physical injuries were healing, but the Med-Techs discovered something else.” Gamma sinks back into the sofa, releasing my hands.

I barely hear Ma Temple enter the room. She walks over to us and pats my knee before wiping the spilled chocolate from the glass table and leaning over with a rag to mop up the stain on the carpet. When she’s done, she perches on the arm of the sofa.

I speak more to myself than to anyone else. “So, that’s why my eyes are like this?”

Ma Temple nods. “When a woman has the Procedure the Med-Techs can control for genetic abnormalities, but when a
deman
—”

“A
deman
did that to my mother. She never had the Procedure. Why didn’t she tell me?”

“She was trying to protect you,” Ma Temple says.

“How do you know all this?”

“Where do you think she gets the contact lenses?”

Gamma bolts forward, her voice rising in pitch. “You mean you’ve helped Ma Wye all this time? Helped her lie to Omega? And to me?”

“Honey, calm down.”

Gamma stalks to the window, scaring away the hummingbird that has been hovering there. I can see clouds gathering in the distance. I wonder if the dry spell is going to break. Probably not. The rainclouds always appear on the horizon, but they never seem to get any closer. It’s like they’re taunting us.

Ma Temple raises her voice. “It started long before either of you were born. We didn’t mean to hurt you. Either of you. I was on duty at the Clinic when they brought Ma Wye in from the outside. I examined her then, and worked on her later when we began to suspect that she might have become an Expectant.”

Gamma is suddenly behind me. Her honeysuckle scent envelopes me. She reaches for my hand and our fingers interlace. Her skin is warm and soft. And reassuring. We’re friends again.

“Maybe it was all meant to be,” Ma Temple says. “After all, motherhood was her Calling.”

Gamma’s story is rattling around in my head when another thought strikes me. “How many people know about this?”

“Not many. There were only a few of us on duty that night and the Elders swore us to secrecy. Your mother managed to keep everything quiet even after she decided…” Ma Temple doesn’t finish the sentence. She doesn’t need to. I know what she was going to say.

“My mother was going to kill me,” I say. I’m the one who shouldn’t be here. I’m the monster. My lower lip quivers. “Why didn’t she go through with it?”

Gamma’s grip tightens around my hand.

“She came to talk to me before she decided. She asked me if anything was wrong with the baby, with you. She wanted to know if there was any chance you could be one of them.”

“A
deman,
” I whisper. Ma Temple regards me through lowered lashes. “She was going to kill me if I was a boy.”

“But you weren’t.” Gamma interjects.

“Omega. Look at me.” Ma Temple’s voice is firm as she touches my knee and leans forward. She smells of hot chocolate. “Whatever else your mother may have done, she did it out of love. How you got here doesn’t matter. She loves you. Think about it. She never had another daughter, did she? She spent her life caring for
you.
”

“Despite what I am?”