Inside Out (27 page)

Cope wanted to protect her from anything and everything that could harm her. He wanted to wrap her up and keep her safe. Holding her there as she couldn’t even look him in the eye over something she was not at fault for was torture. Because he wanted to fix it for her, and he couldn’t.

“Part of you will probably always react that way. It’s meant to be there, Ella. It’s the survival instinct.”

“When I first left, for months after that, I didn’t have panic attacks. I didn’t freeze up at random. He didn’t hit me every day. Not even every month. He terrorized me and made me small. That was his control. So when I left, I had it back. And then it slipped away.”

“I imagine someone breaking into your apartment with the intention of killing you would kick that animal part of a person into high gear.”

“I’d like very much to be normal all the time. Or at least crazy in good ways.”

“Everyone’s a little crazy. Life makes a person crazy. You’ve endured a lot, and yet you’re surviving. Thriving. Graduating with your master’s degree! You have a new job. You have friends who love you. You have parents who love you. And me.”

Once he said it, he couldn’t not say it again. He now had a powerful need to make sure she understood just exactly what he meant.

“I know. I’d planned to wait to tell you for at least a few more weeks. But I’ve known you for years. I’ve known you and been falling in love with you every minute of the last six years. You’re going to say it’s sudden. You’re going to say I don’t know what I’m feeling. And so I’m going to stop you before you do and tell you I know my own heart. I know the difference between how it feels to hold you, between what it means to know when you pick up one of my phone calls, I’ll hear the smile in your voice, and how it has ever been before. I love you, Ella.”

She gaped, starting to speak and breaking off several times. He satisfied himself by kissing each one of her fingertips and thinking up ways to make her come as she reeled through ways to deny what he was saying and couldn’t.

Finally she slumped, snuggling into him and whispered, “I’m glad I’m not alone.”

“No arguments?”

“I’m leaving a door open for you to exit through gracefully if I finally reveal something horrifying to you. I wouldn’t blame you.”

“Now you’re insulting me and my taste.”

She snorted, but stayed cuddled on his lap. “Well, you fell off the gorgeous blond woman wagon and into me. Jeez, Andrew, I can see the difference between me and the women you’re usually with.”

He pinched her side, but not hard enough to really hurt. “Hey. You know what else? Who am I with right now? You. Yes, you are different and that is why I love you and can’t even remember any of them. Hell, Red, I can barely remember my own name when you come into a room.”

“You’ve befuddled me on a regular basis for years now,” she muttered. “And you’re still doing it.”

It was his turn to snort. “Good. It’ll keep us both on our toes. Gonna be a bit of a bumpy ride, I imagine. At least you’re female and there’s only one of you. Maybe my dad will finally be satisfied. But it’s doubtful you’ll be spending any time with him anyway.”

She sat upright and swung her leg around to straddle his lap and face him. All thoughts other than shoving his cock deep inside her as she rode him just like this flittered away. His hands moved to the curve of her waist, and she cocked her head, giving him a good look.

“Tell me. I’m not going to say a word to anyone. Don’t carry it around with you.”

She’d opened up to him, and he yearned to share, so he did. “He tried to punch me.” He said it fast, in one burst of air and sound. “He called Ben and said horrible things. I can’t repeat it because it’s vile and because I promised Ben. But it was enough that I went to see him to urge him to get his act together and mend fences because it was nearly too late. He didn’t react well. I haven’t been over to their house or spoken with him since that day. I’m worried about my mom. I haven’t told her about it, but she knows something worse than usual happened.”

She kissed his cheeks before sliding her arms around him and hugging him. “I wish I could help you.”

“You do. That’s what you’re not hearing. You make me better just by being around.”

“Ditto,” she said with a sniffle. She moved a bit and then giggled. God, he loved making her giggle. “Um, it feels like I’m making a few things better,” she said, grinding herself over his cock.

He leaned her back to the couch. “Oh, sweet Ella, you always make that part better.” He unbuttoned her sweater, sighing happily when he’d exposed her bra and then her breasts. “Even betterer-er than before.”

She laughed again, her voice lowering the way it did when she wanted him.

“I think you’re supposed to kiss it to make it better.” She reached between them and down the waist of his jeans, grasping his cock. “Should I do that?”

17

It wasn’t more than a few days after he’d returned from the coast when Cope opened up his mail to find a bright red envelope. He smiled once he saw the lettering and recognized Ella’s address.

Wanting to read it but hearing the honk of Ben’s arrival—his neighbors would love the honking at seven in the damned morning—he tucked it into his messenger bag and rushed out to where Ben sat in his truck, idling at the curb.

“ ’Bout time,” his brother said by way of greeting when he’d gotten inside and buckled up.

“If you were even halfway punctual I’d be offended. As it is, what was I supposed to do? Run out and jump in through the window like we’re Bo and Luke Duke?”

“Don’t test me, asshole. I need caffeine.”

“Good thing your wife owns a café then, huh? Not as fun to go there now that my Red works elsewhere three days a week now.”

“
Your
Red, huh? That’s nice to hear. Christ, I feel like such a shitty brother for ignoring you. I’m sorry I haven’t been around much for you to talk to about this.”

“You’ve got a lot to deal with at the moment. I told her I love her this weekend. We had amazing sex. She gets me. It’s just . . . I don’t know, man, magical, I guess. She’s the one. I
know
it right to my toes.”

Ben smiled. “I’d say,
so fast?
But I know you. If you say it’s the real deal, I believe you. And it’s not fast when you’ve known a woman six years. Not really.”

He was so glad his brother got that. Cope hadn’t spoken to anyone about telling Ella he loved her, but he knew it would come up that he told her after only dating her a short time.

“This is what I told her. Mom wants me to bring her to dinner. I’m running out of excuses.”

“Why try to get out of it? Mom’s a great cook, and you know, if this thing with Ella is going to be serious, you’ll need to get her around the Copelands anyway.”

“I’m not speaking to Dad, and I’m sure as hell not taking Ella around with all this tension. Mom likes her, she likes Mom. Maybe we should go out to dinner or have her to the house here. The kitchen is working, and I’m nearly done with the dining room.” Ella had convinced him to let go of the condo and move into the house full time. He’d come home Sunday, and she’d even helped him pack the rest of his stuff and take it over.

“Anyway, I want Ella and Mom to get to know each other better and on a different level, without all that baggage. It’s going to be enough pressure as it is.”

“You don’t have to estrange yourself from them for me.” Ben’s voice had gone from lighthearted to sad.

“I’m not estranged from both of them. He needed to hear a few things, and he didn’t want to when I confronted him.” Best not to share the part about the near miss with the punch.

Ben pulled up in front of the café. “You didn’t tell me you confronted him. What happened?”

Cope opened his door. “Nothing worth writing home about. Come on, let’s get some coffee, and I’ll sulk that there are no women working the morning shift now that Erin is at home.”

Ben caught up with him at the door. “You know I don’t expect you to do this. I don’t want you having problems with your own damned parents because of the fucking life I lead.”

“There should
be
no problems with your own damned parents because of the life you lead, Ben. That’s the problem.
Not
the way you live, but how he’s reacting.” Cope went inside, his brother right behind.

“Don’t think you can just avoid telling me the story,” Ben said under his breath as they waited for their drinks. This time of day the café was packed with people from the neighborhood on their way to work.

“I don’t need to clear it with you.” He grabbed his latte, tucking a buck into the tip jar.

“You’re being stubborn.”

Raven waltzed in and waved when she saw them.

“How’s Erin?”

The woman was many things, some positive, some negative, but one thing Cope never found fault with was her loyalty to Erin and, with some glaring exceptions, Brody. He knew his brother did not trust her fully, but though they couldn’t understand just what it was between Erin and Raven that made them close, everyone in the group honored it.

“You should go over to the house today. She’s going stir crazy and would love the company. She’s not supposed to be on her feet for more than a few hours a day. Todd is on Erin duty, so I’m sure he’d like the break too. They tend to get on each other’s nerves when it comes to her health.” Ben snorted.

“That’s because they’re nearly exactly alike.” Raven’s smile softened. “I’ll stop over in a few. I’m just doing a quick coffee run for the boys next door.” She jerked her head toward the tattoo shop. “Hey, speaking of following up on people, I haven’t seen Ella around in a few days. How’s her new job?”

Cope smiled, thinking of the envelope in his bag. “She’s good. We’ll be at pool on Friday, so if you’re around, you can see for yourself.”

“That sounds good. I hadn’t realized how much I’d miss her until she was gone and I didn’t see all that red hair or hear that squeaky voice. Tell her I said hey.”

She was off, leaving them alone. They managed to play nice until they got to Ben’s place, where they took their argument up again on the way through the side door to their home office.

“There’s no reason for you to get caught up in this mess. Who knows, maybe Ella will soften him. She could soften just about anyone, your lady.”

Cripes, he got giddy thinking about her sometimes. “She’s special that way. But while this involves you in some ways, this is about family. My family as well as yours. He’s wrong. He’s hateful, and I’m not having it. I don’t want to be around it, and I sure as hell don’t want Ella around it. Anyway, that’s enough for now. Go and check on Erin; I know you want to. I’ll take the conference call.”

“What did he do, Andy?” Ben stopped him just inside their office door. “I need to know.”

“Go see your wife. You don’t need to know.”

“Fuck you. I’ve told you stuff. Pay up.”

He slumped into a chair. “I went out to the range to talk to him. It was ugly. So ugly he tried to punch me. Todd’s dad came out and pulled him back. I don’t know what happened after that, because I left and I haven’t spoken to him since.”

Ben blinked and leaned back against the doorjamb. “What the fuck? He tried to
hit
you?”

“I have to do this call. They’re expecting it. Go. Kiss your wife. He’s not worth it.” He began to dial, and his brother sighed.

“We’ll talk more about this later.” Ben left right as his conference call began.

“I’m leaving,” Cope called out later that afternoon. “I have shit to do, and you’re all fine here.” He bent and kissed Erin’s cheek. “How go things?”

“My blood pressure is better. Good enough that I can come out to pool on Friday if I sit the whole time.”

“Maybe.” Todd didn’t even look up from where he was working on tightening a washer on a leaky sink.

“You’re not the boss of me,” Erin tossed back without heat.

“I beg to differ.”

“That you have to beg to differ proves my point.” Erin beamed at Cope, who wisely hid a smile.

“My cue to leave. See you tomorrow,” he called to Todd. Ben had left to go deal with a client, so Cope had been able to avoid any further discussion of their father.

It was a warm day, so he decided to skive off and work on the house. Being late afternoon, he wouldn’t be worried overmuch about any noise from the saw or any of his equipment, and he needed to work for a while to get his head together.

First though, he sat on his bed and slit open the top of the shiny red envelope. She’d written the address in metallic ink. Her writing was all loops and swirls. He’d expected it to be precise, but it wasn’t. It was feminine and sexy.

A card came first. On the front, a photograph of a circular stairwell taken from the bottom. Light shafted against the gleam of the wood and the strength of the wrought-iron railing. He sat looking at it for a long while, felled that she got him in a way no one else did. Those curves and lines were beautiful and appealing to him in a way few would understand.

But she did.

Inside was a note.

Andrew,

I made you this playlist. Enter your e-mail address and it’ll load directly to your computer or iPod. It’s sort of a mixtape. Which makes me feel uncomfortably teenaged. And yet, they’re songs I have in my mental Andrew Copeland playlist.