Inside Girl (13 page)

Sara-Beth nodded.

“Flan?” she asked finally. “Do you really think we're best friends now?”

“Sure I do,” I said, and the minute the words were out of my mouth, I realized they were true. “You know me better than anybody else, Sara-Beth.”

“And you really think we need … space … to stay best friends?”

“I dunno. It's just something to think about.” Reaching down to pet Noodles, I snuck a glance over at Sara-Beth. I couldn't tell if my words had really sunk in, but I could tell she hadn't totally tuned me out either. She looked serious, but she wasn't crying or anything, so that seemed like a good sign. “Listen, if you really want me to stay home tomorrow night I
will. I never thought my going out would upset everybody so much.”

Sara-Beth blew her nose loudly. “No. You should go, Flan. You're right—I don't want to make you feel trapped.”

“Are you sure it's okay?”

“Yeah. But on one condition: I want all the details.”

“Of course.” I reached over to give SBB a hug. It was sort of awkward, but good. Still, this whole disaster had taught me a lesson: I needed to be much, much more careful with my friends' feelings.

On Friday, I went straight to Meredith's apartment after school to get ready for the party. She and Judith and I were all really excited—two parties in two weeks! How cool could we get? We all got dressed—I borrowed this denim miniskirt of Meredith's with a beaded rose appliqué—and then we went out for pizza together and made our way over to Bennett's apartment, which was on the Upper West Side.

I'd never been to his building before, so I was psyched to see where he lived. The Upper West Side is nice, but it can be kind of boring sometimes, with crummy French bistros about every two blocks and a lot of old people pushing around those weird little shopping carts that they use for their groceries or medications or whatever. But the bagels are good and there are some nice bookstores up there, so I don't mind it too much.

Bennett lived up near Riverside Park, and his building kind of looked like a cake: it was white and tall and square, with complicated decorations up along the top. We went in, took the elevator up to the sixth floor, and walked to the apartment.

“Hey, you're here!” said Bennett, letting us in. He gave me a big hug, and I grinned. This was going to be the best party ever.

So far, there weren't that many people there; maybe ten sophomores, including Jules and Eric, were scattered around the living room, drinking punch out of plastic cups and listening to the All-American Rejects album playing on the stereo. Two boys were in front of the TV playing an X-Men video game. The apartment itself was nice—dark wood paneling on the walls, a fireplace, and a view of Riverside Park out the windows—but it looked like it'd been decorated by someone with boxing gloves and a blindfold on. A pullout sofa, a pair of beanbag chairs, and a wagon-wheel coffee table were the main furniture in the living room, and a poster for the movie
L.A. Confidential
hung prominently on one wall.

“So, you live here with your dad?” I asked Bennett as I looked around.

He shrugged. “Yeah, on weekends mostly. The rest of the time I'm with my mom—she lives downtown—
but I could never have a party there. She notices when one little thing is out of place.”

Meredith and Judith went to get some punch, and I sat down with Bennett on the pullout sofa. I leaned against his shoulder. The longer I was in the apartment, the less the tackiness bothered me.

“How've you been?” he asked. “I feel like we've barely gotten a chance to talk all week.”

“All right. Mostly just stressed out.” It seemed really wrong, somehow, that he was showing me his home and I still hadn't told him practically anything about my life, but I didn't even know where to start. “There's just way too much drama at my house, you know?”

“Yeah? Man, you should see my folks when they're fighting. It's a nightmare.” Bennett shook his head. “If they hadn't gotten divorced, I seriously think they would've exploded my eardrums by now.”

“Well, I'm glad I'm here now.”

He smiled, showing his chipped tooth. “Me too.”

The whole time Bennett and I were sitting in the corner talking, the room was filling up with people. Apparently some of the older kids had showed up fashionably late after all. It started getting a little wild, and definitely hot and loud, with the music turned up and people dancing, or sort of standing around in
groups together, moving their shoulders to the music, like they were too cool to actually dance. After a while, I realized I hadn't seen Judith and Meredith for a long time, and even though I really wanted to stay there talking to Bennett, I realized they might feel like I'd ditched them for a guy if we didn't go looking for them soon. And that would suck.

“Where do you think they went?” Bennett asked as we got up to start looking around.

“I dunno.” I stood on my tiptoes, but even though I'm kind of tall, it was hard to see much of anything in a room so filled with people. “Should we look in the kitchen? Maybe they went to get more punch.”

“Let's hold hands.” Bennett coughed. “I mean, we don't want to get separated.”

“Okay.” I took his hand. Could this evening be going any better?

After a lot of pushing, we finally got to a space in the room where we could breathe without bumping into someone. I stood on my tiptoes again to look around.

“There they are,” I said, tugging on Bennett's hand. Meredith and Judith were over by the entrance to the kitchen, holding cups of punch and looking around. They seemed to have gotten shoved around by the party too: Meredith had a run in her tights, and
Judith had spilled punch on her tank top. “We should go over to them.”

“Looks like they're coming over here.” Bennett pointed with his free hand. Meredith had spotted us and was waving like we were the best thing that had happened to them all night.

Just then, someone tapped me on the shoulder. And it wasn't one of my friends.

“Hey, I know you,” said this guy. He was wearing a white T-shirt with Hugo Boss suit pants and flip-flops, and he looked older—eleventh grade, maybe. He had his hair slicked back and his skin was really pink, like he'd just gotten a facial. Bennett looked at me questioningly, but I didn't know what to say. The guy was sort of familiar, but I didn't really recognize him.

“Sorry, you must be thinking of somebody else,” I said.

“No, I'm positive. Man, why can't I remember?”

“Hey, Bennett,” said Judith, pushing through the crowd. “Great party. Hey, Flan.”

“Flan!” The Hugo Boss guy clapped his hands together like he'd just discovered a new planet or something. “Flan Flood! Of course. You're Patch Flood's little sister.”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess, um—” Bennett and I were still holding hands, but our palms were getting sweaty. I
glanced at Meredith and Judith. They both looked really curious.

“Don't you remember me? We met at that club, whatsitsname, Lotus. You were there with your brother and that guy Jonathan, and David and Mickey Pardo kept throwing cake at some other people I was with and it turned into kind of a riot. I'm Harrison Grand Williams the Third.”

Now I remembered. That night in Lotus had been my fourteenth birthday, and a bunch of us were just hanging out since my real party had gone haywire. Harrison had come over to our table to talk to my brother, who he claimed to know from private school, and he'd been totally annoying, gossiping about random people and trying to act like he was one of my brother's friends, the Insiders, which he was so not. SBB had been there that night too—she was the one who got me into the club—but apparently she'd been pretty well disguised, because if Harrison had recognized her, he totally would have been sucking up to her too.

“Oh yeah,” I said. Right now I was starting to wish
I
had a disguise on. “Harrison.”

“How's Patch? Still throwing those wild parties? That last one was a riot. When that male stripper showed up and started rapping, I thought I'd die laughing.”

Meredith, Judith, and Bennett were all really staring
at me now. I felt like I was onstage and I didn't know my lines.

“I wasn't at that one,” I lied.

“Oh, come on. I'm sure you were. Don't you remember? Or maybe I'm just thinking of that other party—Liesel Reid's sweet sixteen. I'm sure I saw you there. You know, with the pink champagne? Where Mickey Pardo stole the horse? I know you were at that one, because I remember someone saying, ‘Hey, there's Patch Flood's little sister. And who's that girl with her? Is that Sara-Beth Benny?'”

The whole room was getting quieter now, and Harrison's voice was getting louder; with the mention of SBB's name, several people turned to stare at us. I wanted to fall through the floor. That party had been in every gossip column in the city.

“I guess this party's a little tame by your standards, huh?” Harrison glanced around appraisingly. “Who's even throwing this thing?”

“Um,” I said.

Meredith and Judith were staring at me like I'd just confirmed all their worst suspicions. And then Bennett's hand slipped out of mine. His face was burning red.

“Bennett, wait!” I yelled.

But he was shouldering his way into the crowd, away from me.

The cab ride back home was really silent and tense. I sat in the middle, with Meredith and Judith on either side of me, and they both looked out the window the whole time. I don't think I've ever felt so ignored in my whole life. We were supposed to go to Judith's to sleep over again, but about halfway there, I told the driver to drop them off first and then take me back to Perry Street. The girls didn't protest.

“Listen,” I said after a long, long silence. “I'm really … sorry.”

Judith and Meredith looked at each other—it was like they were having a conversation with their eyes.

“I just don't get it, Flan,” said Judith. Outside the window, closed-up shops swirled by. “Who are you, seriously? I thought we were friends.”

“We
are
friends, Judith.”

“Then why didn't you tell us any of that stuff?”
asked Meredith. “I mean, your parties, your brother—who, by the way, is totally famous—everyone at our grade school used to read that anonymous blog that chronicled his every move—it's like you're hiding us from all the cool people in your life.”

“I'm not hiding you guys,” I said. “I'm just—”

“Then explain to me why you won't have us over to your house.” Judith turned back to the window angrily.

My cell phone made the little musical sound that it does when I get a text. I flipped it open and found the longest message I'd ever received:

OH MY GOD FLAN THE BOARD IS TOTALLY PSYCHO THEY TRIED TO PRY INTO MY PERSONAL LIFE BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE IT OF COURSE AND THEY FREAKED OUT AND TOLD ME THAT IF I DIDN'T STOP SOBBING THEY'D HAVE TO CALL AN AMBULANCE AND I WAS LIKE IF I WANT TO SOB I'LL SOB I'M A BIG STAR AND HOW COULD YOU FORSAKE ME IN MY HOUR OF NEED FLAN I THINK I'M GOING TO STAY AT YOUR PLACE A FEW MORE DAYS BUT AT THE SAME TIME YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING YOU DIDN'T EVEN COME HOME AFTER SCHOOL TODAY AND I NEEDED YOU TO
QUIZ ME AND HELP ME PREPARE AND PICK OUT CLOTHES FOR ME TO WEAR AND ALSO YOU SAID BEFORE YOU'D WRITE ME A RECOMMENDATION WHICH YOU NEVER DID BUT ANYWAY I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT MICKEY AND PHILIPPA HAVE MADE YOUR SISTER'S ATTIC INTO A LITTLE LOVE NEST AND WHENEVER THEY COME DOWNSTAIRS THEY'RE EITHER ARGUING OR TALKING GROSS BABY TALK AND ALWAYS WITH THE PDA AND I WAS ALL LIKE GET A ROOM AND THEY WERE LIKE WE ALREADY HAVE A WHOLE FLOOR AND I WAS LIKE GET A ROOM OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE YOU HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PEOPLE AND THEY WERE ALL LIKE THIS ISN'T YOUR HOUSE AND MEANWHILE LIESEL IS BEING SUCH A TOTAL BITCH AND SHE'S WEARING A HEADSET NOW CAUSE SHE'S ON THE PHONE SO MUCH AND NOODLES CHEWED UP HER SHOES SO OF COURSE SHE THREW A TOTAL FIT AND I TOLD HER IF SHE CAN'T DEAL SHE SHOULD JUST LEAVE TOO AND THEN SHE

I stopped reading and shut my phone. It was really disturbing to think of SBB crying and typing into the tiny pad of her cell phone across town, and I just
couldn't handle it right then. I couldn't even solve my own problems, let alone hers.

“Things are just really complicated right now.” I looked over at Meredith, but she averted her eyes. “You've got to believe me. I'm not ashamed of you guys.”

“I'll bet,” Judith snorted.

My phone made another little sound and against my better judgment I opened it again.

FLAN YOU NEED TO COME HOME RIGHT NOW SBB IS ACTING REALLY UNSTABLE AND SHE'S THREATENING MICKEY WITH HER AIR HORN

“Who keeps texting you?” Judith demanded.

“This old friend of mine is kind of messed up. But listen, I'm not going to deal with her right now. It doesn't matter.”

“See? That's a perfect example of what I'm talking about. What's happening with you
does
matter. But you won't tell us anything—you won't let us meet any of your other friends, or invite us to any of your parties. You're totally ashamed of us, and I can't take it anymore. I won't.”

“I don't see why you guys are so mad. It's not like any of this was top secret or anything. If you'd asked
me, I wouldn't have lied. It's not like it takes a genius to recognize my last name.”

“Yeah, well, somehow I assumed that if you had a brother, especially one who's basically world famous for blowing off the title of Hottest Private School Boy, you would have brought him up by now!” Judith was getting really mad—a strand of her hair had come loose and she kept puffing to keep it out of her eyes.