Innocence Lost (10 page)

Ben

              The thunder shook the windows in their dark room. The storm arrived suddenly and battered the old building, but no one in the room seemed to notice. They had moved the body into another room but Rook’s dried blood stained the middle of the floor, reminding them of what had just happened. Mason and Zima sat on opposite sides of the room with their head to the floor while Stevenson paced slowly throughout the room. Ben sat just a few feet from Mason.

              “We just going to sit here all day?” Stevenson asked.

              “There isn’t a damn thing we can do in this storm and you know it.” Zima said.

              “We can use it as cover to get the fuck out of here.”

              That caught everyone’s attention.

              “Get out of here?” The words came out slow from Zima’s mouth.

              “Yeah, fucking get out of here,” Stevenson said as he began pacing again. “We have no fucking business being here. Our asses are supposed to be on our way to Kentucky; instead we’re here trying to save a bunch of shits who could care less.”

              Zima and Mason shared a quick glance.

              “What part of our orders confuse you exactly?” Mason asked.

              “Don’t give me that shit. I know exactly what our last orders where and that was to get to Kentucky. Not to squat here. That order superseded the other. ”

              “Our orders,” Zima started, the anger in his voice evident, “are to maintain order regardless. If they needed us there in a certain amount of time, they would have let us know.”

              “You fucking kidding me?” Stevenson kicked the wall. “You go in that room and look at what is left of Rook then you tell me we are making the best choice. There are dozens of those fuckers out there and they got a shit load more ammo than we do.”

              “I’m afraid too.” The words were out of Ben’s mouth before he realized it. Everyone stopped and stared at him, even Stevenson stopped his pacing. “I’m afraid because there are more of them than us. I’m afraid because they have more weapons than we do. I’m afraid but I’m also pissed.” The realization struck Ben hard and filled him with confidence. “I’m pissed that there are people like that out there. People like that killed my family and at the time I couldn’t do anything about it. I believed I was a child and I acted like a child and my family paid for it. I’m not a child anymore. I can do something about it now and I can stop them from hurting anyone else.”

              Stevenson shook his head. “It’s not that fucking easy.”

              “Nothing is. I could die trying to stop them, but I’m willing to do that. I’m not willing to let the people who killed Rook keep on doing what they are doing. They are not going to get off that easy.”

              Stevenson stood there in silence for a moment. He took in a deep breath. “I’ll follow orders. I was just saying it’s fucked, that’s all.”

              “Yes it is,” Zima said. “Let’s focus on what we know. I had three confirmed KIAs.”

              “I had multiple confirmed hits and I’m tied with Zima on KIAs.” Mason said.

              Stevenson glanced between the two men and took in another breath. “I killed two, confirmed. I know I caught another or those fuckers in the leg, probably bled out within the hour.”             

              “How we looking with ammo?” Zima asked.

              “We can’t have another extended firefight like that.” Mason said. “Still probably have a few clips in the Jeep but we’re limited.”

              Zima nodded and began to talk strategy. Ben should have been listening but he couldn’t focus. He still couldn’t believe what he had said, but every word of it was true. During the fight Mason had treated him like an equal but even more so, Ben felt like an equal, not like a child. He still didn’t know what he was doing but he could learn and he was willing to learn.

He looked to Mason, who was staring at him. The man gave him a small smile and nodded his head. Ben hid his smile. Things were different now.

Clive looked like a man defeated when they banished him. Freddie and Malcolm had stood nearby, guns in hand, when Alec untied him and gave the news. Clive didn’t say anything, he wouldn’t even meet Alec’s gaze. The only reaction was when Alec told him if he returned they would kill him, Clive’s shoulders tightened up for a few seconds then dropped again. Freddie dropped him off on the main road and watched as Clive headed east. For the first month they upped their patrols but Clive never returned.

Life continued on after that. Their settlement grew in size as some of the people from Centralia moved in to help with the small amount of crops they were able to grow. They had managed to capture nearly a dozen horses, most of which were used to help plow and work the fields. They still struggled to keep the cows enclosed as the animals tended to make short work of their makeshift fences. And Margie and Beverly were able to capture several chickens so a couple times a week Alec got to enjoy scrambled eggs once again.

Alec swung the axe down, slicing the large branch into two pieces. He stood there for a minute catching his breath and surveying the large collection of wood scattered all along his feet. He tossed the axe to the side and began placing the pieces of wood into the nearby wheelbarrow.

As he was tossing them in, he noticed Jamie walk nonchalantly to the nearby fence and stand there watching the horses graze. Trevor said that his daughter had seemed distant recently but he wasn’t sure why. Alec had not been sure what to tell the man because for the first time in a long time things seemed to be good. No worries about food, or shelter, or if someone was going to show up and demand food. He stood there thinking for a moment and decided to try. He just hoped he wasn’t crossing the line.

“Hey short stuff, what are you doing?” he asked as he walked over next to her.

She smiled as he approached. Her smile, which typically lit up her entire face, was subdued. The girl was only around ten or eleven years but was sprouting up so fast it looked like she was going to be taller than her father.

“You mind if I take a breather over here by you?”

“No, that’s ok.” Just a slight hesitation.

“So you plan on learning how to ride one of these things?” he asked, nodding towards the horses.

“I hope so.” Another subdued smile. “I didn’t realize how big they are. Are you?”

“Don’t have much of a choice. Gas is limited so if we want to get around we’re going to need a renewable source of transportation.” Though he didn’t want to admit that jumping onto one of those horses scared the living crap out of him.

Jamie just nodded her head and looked back at the field. She didn’t seem to be focused on the horses, or the field, or anything for that matter.

“Jamie, I’m sorry if this crosses a line, and I’ve never been very good about talking about….feelings, or stuff like that.” He glanced over at her and her gaze never wavered. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Not definitive.

“I know it can be hard to talk about…..things.”

Jamie turned to him. “Do you miss them?”

This time Alec fought the urge to gaze out into the nothingness. “Every day.”

“How….do you notice that some days it’s easier to forget than others?”

“Yeah, I do.”

When they had first met Trevor had shared with him that his wife, Jamie’s mother, died shortly after the power went out. She had been a diabetic and after a time they couldn’t find any more insulin. Alec remembered how it felt watching his mother slowly die and not being able to do anything.

“I’m afraid I’m going to forget,” Jamie’s voice cracked slightly. “I feel bad that some days are easier than others.”

“You’ll never forget. You wouldn’t be sad if you lost someone you could forget. Things get easier after time but it’s not because you’re forgetting the people you love, it’s because you’re learning how to live without them.”

“That doesn’t sound much better.”

Alec tried to recover. “There is a big difference though. Like you, I lost my mother and she was everything to me. She was there when I woke up, through the time until I laid my head down to sleep. She was my constant and then one day she was gone.” He felt the familiar feelings of loss washing over him. He let it flow over and past him. “I really did think my life was over when she died because I couldn’t imagine my life without her, I’d never had to.”

“How did you-“

“I kept going. The power went out shortly after that so I didn’t have a lot of choice, but I continued living. My mother gave me the knowledge and the strength I needed in order to live without her. Every moment she was with me, every lesson she taught me helped make me who I am today. So don’t be sad that you’re able to keep on living without your mother being here, it just means she did her job.”

“It got worse when we got here.” He watched her fight back a tear. “At least out there we were always searching for food or a place to sleep so it didn’t feel like we had a home, but now we have a home and she’s not here. And then I lay down at night and realize I wasn’t sad for her. That I went an entire day without missing her.”

“I know what that feeling is like. Trust me when I say that the people we’ve lost wouldn’t want us sitting around feeling sad all the time. The memories we have of them are happy ones, and it would be a waste if all we did is focus on the small amount of sad memories instead of the abundance of happy ones.”

Jamie wiped away her tears. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“I guess we are all a family here.”

Alec looked back at the trailers, tents and dozens of people mulling about in the distance. He did feel a fondness for the people here. At first it was just a duty to help them out since he was there when their home were destroyed, but he did genuinely care for them.

“Dad said when we had to leave our house that home is where the heart is. He said it because I never thought we would have a home again, just like I never thought I would have a family again. But everyone here is my family.”

“You know what? I think you’re right.”

Jamie smiled, and this time it was back in full force. “So do you know what you are going to call this place?”

“Call it?”

“Yeah, everyone keeps calling it a settlement but this is like a new town.”

Alec smiled. “I haven’t given it much thought.”

“You should call it the one thing that Dad says can beat anything.”

“What’s that?”

“Hope.”

Ally

              The first week had been the hardest. Ethan hadn’t been able to talk Roy into letting her have a blanket yet so she had been stuck sleeping in a ball in the corner of the cage. But Roy had come back one day complaining that his “buyer” wasn’t motivated enough, so she was going to be staying there for a while. After that he had relented and given Ally a moth-eaten blanket. It smelled and looked dirty but it was soft.

              All she did was sit in her cage. She sat there in the hot humid days when it felt like the air wasn’t moving and she was drenched in sweat, and she sat there during the cold nights when the old wooden floor felt like it was frozen. Roy would throw her scraps at the end of the night but Ethan would sneak her food all throughout the day.

              In her cage all she could do was think. Think about how things used to be. Think about the people she had lost.

Think about Joseph.

He was her brother but he was also her best friend. She hadn’t gotten along with the little girls in her school. They always said she was too rough and would complain to the teacher. They called her names and said she acted like she wanted to be a boy. She didn’t even know what that meant. She was just being herself. Joseph understood her though. Even when they played rough he didn’t make fun of her or call her names. Sure he tried to run away from time to time but that just made it more fun. He was her best friend and he died trying to protect her. Ally wanted to go hunt like she always did when she got sad but she couldn’t. All she could do was sit there and remember. She couldn’t stop the tears.

              “Hey little bird, you still up?” Ethan’s voice floated into the room.

              Ally had only been mildly aware that night had fallen. The room was always dark but usually the drop in temperature clued her in. She had been so lost in her head she hadn’t noticed.

              Ethan walked into the room with a candle that pushed the darkness to the edge of the room.

              “You okay? Why are you crying?” Ethan looked at the room then stopped. “Oh, Roy. Don’t worry I won’t let him sell you.”

              She had watched the men interact she was well aware of who called the shots. “You can’t stop him.”

              The man’s face turned red. “If I wanted to I could. When the time comes, I will let him know you are not going to be sold. He’s bigger and stronger than me but I’m a survivor. I’ve made it past worse than him.”

              “Let me go. Let me go and then you don’t have to fight him.”

              “No,” the man shook his head. “It’s dangerous out there. You need someone like me to watch over you. A lot of people tried to make it on their own and they’re dead. You always need someone watching your back.” Ethan paused and looked at her strangely. The look in his eyes made her feel uncomfortable. “You know, you’re going to grow up to be quite beautiful one day.”

              Ally scooted over to the far side of the cage. Ethan’s eyes never left her.

              “Don’t worry, I’m not like Roy’s friend. That’s disgusting.”

              She wasn’t sure what he was talking about. She didn’t know why someone who be interested in buying her. All she knew was that if that person was friends with Roy, she didn’t want to know them.

              “I’m a patient man and I have morals. We’ll be best buds until you get older, then we’ll see.” The man laid down next to the cage and stared up at the ceiling. “By then I’ll have this place fixed up and it’ll be just like those nice houses before the power went out. Momma always wanted to live in a nice fancy house like this one. Do you miss your family?”

              The sudden topic change caught her off balance.

              “I never knew my dad but my momma was great.” The man paused. “Well, maybe not great, but she did as well as she could. We never had a lot of money but momma always made sure I always had what I needed. I always had food in my belly and a warm bed at night, what else can you ask for? Your momma take care of you?”

              Ally’s mind turned to her mother. She remembered her smile and the feeling she got when her mother tucked her in at night. “Yeah, my mom took care of me.”

              “Was she nice?”

              “The nicest.”

              Ethan smiled at the ceiling then the smile vanished and he sat up and looked at her. “What happened to your momma?”

              “She died.” The empty feeling resurfaced. “Before the lights went out. She was sick.”

              “I’m sorry.” He sounded genuine. “My momma died too. She wasn’t sick though. I never knew my daddy. My momma had a boyfriend and she tried to tell me to call him Daddy but I didn’t. He was nice to me when she was around but when she wasn’t, he wasn’t. He’s the one that killed my momma.”

              Ally didn’t know what to say. Ethan was a bad person. He watched a man get killed and he helped kidnap her, but that didn’t stop her from feeling sorry for him in that moment. “What did you do? Where did you go?”

              “I lived with my uncle for a while, until he lost his job. Then they kicked him out of his house and we lived on the streets. It really wasn’t that bad.” He sounded like he was trying to convince her. “I didn’t really like him so I left and lived on my own. I’m a survivor just like you.”

              “What would you have done if someone kidnapped you when you were on the streets all alone?” she asked.

              “I didn’t kidnap you. I’m protecting you. Things would have been better if someone tried to protect me.”

              The pity she felt for him vanished. He had no intention of ever letting her go.

“I didn’t have a family growing up and you don’t have a family now. Everybody should have a family. Tell you what, I promise that I’ll make us a happy family and then you won’t be so sad.”

              Ally wrapped herself up in her blanket. Ethan continued to talk but she just blocked him out and pretended to be asleep. After a few minutes Ethan finally stopped talking.

              “You asleep?” She heard him rustling around as he got up to check. “Out like a light. Good night little bird.”

              She watched the darkness replace the light as the man took the candle and left the room. She laid there for a few moments unsure of what to do or what to think until finally she fell into a troubled sleep.