Inhale, Exhale (11 page)

“All right, Jillian. You got this. If you make this spare, we will inch out of last place for the first time in eight months,” Tonya’s friend Kristen urged. “Not to mention, it’ll ensure I don’t have to pay the tab tonight!”

Everyone watched as I picked up my ball and walked slowly toward the lane. I had made the last two spares, but with all this pressure I wasn’t sure if I could do it again. I took a deep breath, and swung the ball smoothly behind me before releasing it. It glided down the lane toward the three remaining pins and suddenly I couldn’t look. I closed my eyes, but within seconds heard the crash of pins and eruption of cheers behind me. The group ran up to me, hugging me, high fiving, and patting me on the back. I spun in circles as I was passed from one to another, giddy that I had helped them in this victory.

As the group began to disperse back to their seats, I realized the person who I was now leaning against was Grant. I immediately stood up straighter and took two steps away from him. He chuckled slightly under his breath. What was he up to now?

Throughout the night, we’d played a dangerous game of cat and mouse. Light touches, brief glances, and conversation ripe with innuendos. With the rest of the group imbibing to their hearts’—or livers’--content and lost in their own world for most of the night, Grant was free to toy with me.

Not that I minded. I was a willing participant. It was amazing to be chased by him. He made me feel invigorated and desired, something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Lusted after? Yes. Christian was always sure to express that, but this was so much better.

The guilt about flirting was there, but I pushed it away. I wanted this too much.

“Great job tonight,” Grant said, raising his hand to give me a high five. I reached my hand up and connected with his, but before I could move away, he curled his fingers around mine and didn’t let go. Our hands dropped down, but he still didn’t let go, and I didn’t pull away. The rest of the group was busy packing up and changing shoes, and no one noticed how we stood still next to the ball return. His thumb gently drew circles on my palm, causing goosebumps to break out all up my arm. He smiled and sighed, almost silently when he saw this, but then released his grip and allowed my hand to fall back to my side.

“Great playing with you,” he teased with a wink. He scooped up his shoes and headed to the return counter.

Oh, he had no idea. It took me a few moments to gather myself again before I finally made it back to the bench and began to untie the rented shoes. My breath was beginning to even out again, and my pulse returned to normal.

“It’s settled,” Tonya informed me, sliding next to me on the bench until we bumped hips. “You have to come back and be on the team now. I’m pretty sure you’re the team’s new lucky charm!”

I shook my head. “I don’t think I’ll be able to.” It was totally bogus, but I’d had enough delicious temptation to last me a lifetime. “Besides, won’t Emmalee be back next week?”

“Yeah, but she sucks. I think she had three gutter balls the last time she played. C’mon, you gotta keep playing with us! You were amazing out there!” She tugged on my sleeve like an impatient child. “I’m not above begging here, Jilly.”

I rolled my eyes. I barely knew this girl, who was using a nickname I hated, but when I glanced up I could see Tonya wasn’t the only one who wanted me to join the team. Everyone, besides Grant, who had already left, looked at me expectantly.

“Okay, okay. I’ll try my best to make it next week. But I’m not making any promises. I’ll have to make sure I don’t have anything else planned.”

“Yeah! I knew you’d come around. And you have to come to the beach party this weekend. We go every weekend and build a big bonfire and drink. It’s so much fun, you have to come.” Tonya began using her whiny voice again.

I sighed and shook my head. “I’ll have to check to see if my boyfriend will be back. We’re supposed to go camping.”

“Well, bring him! It’ll be fun,” Tonya insisted.

This girl was driving me crazy. Sure, she had a few drinks, but couldn’t she take a hint? “We’ll see.”

With Grant gone and my hormones settled, the reality of what I’d done tonight began to settle. I needed to go home and figure out what to do next. I couldn’t let this happen again.

After walking to the car and sinking down in the driver’s seat, everything from the evening caught up with me. The reality of my idiotic behavior over a stupid crush on some cute guy settled in. I groaned and banged my head on the steering wheel, muttering, “stupid, stupid girl.” I had to stop this—now, before I did something I really regretted. I wanted more than anything to talk to Ava or Trish about this. I craved their advice and wished they weren’t at camp. I needed my girls. But that wasn’t possible, so I pulled out my phone and texted Christian.

I missed U 2nite XOXO

Christian:
I missed U2

Me:
How’s the gig?

Christian:
Eh. Not as great as we’d hoped.

Me:
Why?

Christian:
They told us it was opening for a pretty good band, but they’re just having us sell merch & play at the bar next door to promote. We can’t even play our own stuff
.

Me:
That sux. Can U come home soon?

Christian
: No. They paid us for the whole week.

Christian:
Why don’t U drive down 2morrow after work? We’ll have dinner.

I thought about it for a minute. Jacksonville was only about an hour and a half from there, so it wasn’t impossible. And I needed some time with Christian to get the images—and feelings—of Grant out of my head.

Me:
yeah, sounds great. When & where?

Christian
: I’ll txt U in the morning. Night babe, Luv U

Me:
I love U too.

I set my phone back in my purse and was about to start the car when I heard a tap at the window. When I turned, Grant was standing beside my car.

I rolled down the car window and he bent down, resting his forearms on the window edge. “Jesus Christ you scared me!”

“Sorry about that, Cupcake. I saw you sitting here and wanted to make sure you were okay. You’re not having car trouble or anything are you?”

I shook my head, trying not to look at his bright green eyes or how his biceps bulged as he leaned his weight on them. “No, I’m fine. I was texting someone before I left.”

“Oh, okay. Good. Glad you’re okay.”

I smiled, but didn’t say anything. A breeze drifted over him, sending Grant’s scent directly to me. It was intoxicating, like cloves and fresh-cut grass mixed with a little ocean salt air. I wanted to breathe it in for hours. I unconsciously leaned my head toward him, breathing deeply.

“Do you…” he whispered, trailing his words off.

I sat up straight, realizing I was practically now laying my head on his arm. “I’m so sorry, I’m just tired,” I mumbled, mortified by what I’d done. “I need to go.”

I had no idea what he was about to say, but I knew whatever it was, I would’ve had a hard time saying no. And I needed to leave before he asked again.

I expected him to stand back up and leave, but he didn’t move. Instead, his brows pinched together like he was contemplating something very deeply. I wanted to run my finger between them and straighten the little crease that formed. I licked my lips, leaning in again. He tilted his head down toward me, bringing us closer still. Inviting me. Daring me.

We were so close that our breath mingled together, a bouquet of mint and cherry soda. My eyes slid shut, praying he was brave enough for that final step, because I wasn’t. I could still feel his hot breath on my face, enveloping every one of my senses until I was hyper alert to even the slightest movement. The rustle of the trees, the hum of engines, the thunderous boom of my heart, the slight whimper that escaped my lips. His face was so close to mine, his lips hovered millimeters above mine. We were almost kissing. Almost touching.

Almost.

But neither of us moved. We were locked in position where we neither wanted to be but weren’t willing to admit it. It was the sexiest game of chicken I’d ever played.

But he lost, or maybe I did, as he stepped back to put distance between us once more.

“I’m… I shouldn’t…Grant, about tonight…” I didn’t know what I was going to say, but it wasn’t necessary. Grant interrupted.

“Go get some rest. You earned it.” He leaned into the car so his lips grazed my cheeks ever so gently. “Goodnight, Cupcake.”

I clutched the steering wheel to keep my mischievous hands from grabbing him and dragging him into the car with me.

“Well, have a good night,” I told him, and started the car.

He looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. Instead, he tapped twice on my door and stood back up, rocking back on his heels. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Jillian. Drive safely.”

CHAPTER TWELVE

Tonight was the best fucking night of my life. And when she drove off, no doubt texting that douchebag boyfriend of hers, I wanted to throw something. Like a bowling ball. In his face.

I called JT on my way home. “Tell me you found something on that asshole.”

JT didn’t even need me to specify which one. I’d asked him to use some of his brilliant abilities to find out more about whoever he was, and JT’s lack of scruples to do anything illegal made him perfect for the job.

“It wasn’t easy, especially since I didn’t have a name to start with, but I found something you might be interested in. His name is Christian Kirkpatrick. He’s twenty-two and went to Madison High. Older brother Derrick is serving five years for a drug charge. Christian has no record, but lots of his friends do. I’m sending a pic to your phone.”

He sounded familiar, but until I saw his picture it didn’t click. He was one of the guys from my rival high school who paid me to hack in and change his grades so he could pass and graduate. He and a few of his buddies also approached me about a year ago and asked me to break into the police station database and wipe out their possession with intent to sell arrest record. It wasn’t Christian who was arrested, but it may as well have been.

“JT, you’re my hero, man. I actually know that piece of shit, though I doubt he’d remember. He’s a stoner loser, and I’d bet money he was the new dealer Tonya found and that she was the one who delivered those flowers to Jillian’s desk.”

“Yeah, but you can’t go to her with this. If you don’t have any proof, she’s never going to believe you.”

I ran a frustrated hand through my hair. “No matter what, he doesn’t deserve Jillian. He’s nowhere close to being good enough for her, and I can’t figure out why she’s with him.”

Did she honestly think she didn’t deserve better? Or that she’d just been with him for so long, she was stuck? God, I hoped it wasn’t ‘cause he had a huge dick or anything. Though, I couldn’t see her being that shallow.

“Dude, just let me know if you need me to dig further. You know I’m up for it.”

“All right, thanks, JT. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I punched the steering wheel as I drove. I wanted to out him to Jillian. To tell her what he was really like: a loser who couldn’t even work for a D to pass high school and who was friends with drug dealers and possibly was one himself. I didn’t think she knew anything about this, and if I told her, it would make me look petty and desperate to break them up. Neither of which would work in my favor. I mean, it was over a year ago, and I hadn’t seen him since. For all I knew, he wasn’t even friends with those people anymore. I didn’t believe that for a moment, but I was stuck. I dropped the matter for now, but wouldn’t hesitate to tell her the second I found a shred of proof he was still doing that shit.

Because she was worth it.

She was worth putting my Plan aside and the realization of that terrified me. That girl drove me wild. She knocked over every boundary I’d set for myself, and I couldn’t get enough. It was all I could do to restrain myself and not throw her in the backseat of the car where we both wanted to be. And that’s what made this whole thing that much worse. I knew she wanted to kiss me, to do more than kiss me. I doubted that if I pushed, she’d stop me at all. But then as I approached her car, I saw that sweet, bashful smile on her face and realized it wasn’t meant for me.

She wasn’t mine.

But fuck that. I couldn’t just let her go. Not without at least seeing what she felt and where I stood. I had to try. I’d never forgive myself if I gave up on her without so much as letting her know that she drove me the best kind of crazy, that I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and that I wanted to spend time with her and know everything about her.

The rest of the week was…awkward to say the least. I didn’t know where we stood, or what she expected of me. I tried to go slow, play it by ear, let her take the lead and hope she wanted to head in the same direction as me. With me.

But when I walked over to her cubicle early the next morning with a cup of coffee for her, she stiffened at my presence. I let my fingers brush her hand as I passed her the cup, but she backed away. Clearly, we were no longer in the same place. She regretted last night. It was obvious.