Infinity: Based on a True Story (23 page)

When I wake up, it’s three in the afternoon.

I kiss Max on the forehead. My tears start up again. They are flowing, but they are much softer now.

I guess it’s time. I could stay here forever, never leave his side, but I have to be strong. He would want me to be. He would want me to live my life for him.

He’d want me as happy as possible, and the least I can do is give him that.

“Thank you, Max. For everything. For putting up with my craziness. For loving me despite all of my flaws. For respecting my wishes. For being a complete goofball with me when I most needed it.” A sob and a giggle escapes me at once.

“I need you to rest good now, okay?” I stroke his forehead with the pad of my thumb, and then I bend down, kissing the apple of his cheek, my hand clinging to the side of his face. “I will always love you,” I whisper. “Forever. To infinity. I promise.”

I
’ve dreamed
of traveling the world so many times before, but I never thought I’d actually be able to go anywhere after being diagnosed.

For the past nineteen months I have been checked for OP, but on this twentieth month, I don’t have to go back until every three months.

I have never felt more blessed.

It has been tough to deal with my losses, but I have moved forward. I am feeling much better, and now that things are picking up with me and John, Sonny has gotten married, and my life will now prosper, well, I have finally come to terms with this.

This, as in living.

Living for my husband and my sister.

Living because I can now breathe clearly.

See, I am happy today. I have never felt better, actually.

Why? Because me, John, Sonny, and Danny are in Dubai.

Fucking Dubai!

We are here because John was given a second chance with the competition he had in Vegas. All the chefs, surprisingly, wanted to do a rematch for him after they heard about why he’d suddenly fled the competition.

Let’s just say John is highly respected, and after the popular chefs, along with Sonny and me, ran a petition, the organizers agreed to start again from scratch.

It was great. Really great. The thing is, John actually had a clear head… and I was able to go! No, the dry, hot air didn’t matter. Not even my lungs mattered. They were perfectly fine. Healthy in everyway.

I sat in the front row and cheered my adorable husband on, achieving a few warm smiles my way whenever he happened to hear me, which happened to be a lot.

John came in second place in Vegas. I was so damn proud of him I almost cried. The chef that came in first place was a Japanese professional with three chain restaurants. He’s a huge deal, so for John to come next to him was amazing.

It was such a close call that dozens of reps came to John, offering him so many golden opportunities to better his career, to travel the world, to create new dishes in all the right places.

And of course we took it.

We still have a nice home. We had to move from Charlotte to Miami, Florida, when he opened up his very own restaurant. It wasn’t a bad move. Like I said before, I love a hot summer day.

I never thought I’d leave my hometown, but I did and it was probably one of the greatest decisions I’ve ever made.

Sonny loves it in Miami. The beach is her thing and she visits often, so much that Danny is probably starting to think she’d rather be there than in Virginia with him.

So… this is why we are in Dubai.

And it is so beautiful that I don’t know whether to stare at the turquoise water all day or explore every desert, street, corner, and alley of this beautiful city.

I’m sitting on the edge of the king-size hotel bed. The room is gorgeous, full of the warmest colors. Browns, burgundies, beige, and accents of gold.

I put my dangly gold earrings in one by one, staring absently at the shimmering water ahead. John is freshening up in the bathroom, Sonny and Danny in their rooms.

When I’m done placing my earrings, I stand and walk towards the window, and as I stare out at the ocean water, how it shimmers and the waves clash, I can’t help but think of Max.

Max and I never went to a beach—well, we tried, but due to the circumstances it didn’t work out.

There is a lot we left unsaid. A lot I wish I could go back and change, but when I think about it all, I am at peace with it.

Max and I were complicated from the start, our back and forth and wishy-washiness some sort of childish, crush-game we cherished. I actually smile when I think back to the time he saved me from losing my job.

I loved that job, and he knew it, so he helped me. I would have been out of luck, on my ass, searching for weeks until I found at least three jobs that could amount to the money I made while bartending at Capri.

I wondered sometimes what his last words would have been to me. After Eugene had the doctors pull the plug, I always wondered.

But then, about two weeks after his death, we’d finally returned home. I was nicely healed and as I settled in, John said I had a letter in the mail.

It was mailed from Paris with a stamp just a few days before I passed out. It was stamped with a picture of the Eiffel Tower, and on it was Max’s handwriting. His name wasn’t on the front. He probably did that on purpose. He knew I’d know his handwriting.

It was from him to me. Some would consider it only words, but it was another gift to me, and each word sticks in my brain like Gorilla Glue, never to be forgotten.

I’m guessing this was something he wanted to give me before he made the final decision to move to Paris.

The words were beautiful, and I’m surprised Max came up with them. I wonder how long it took him to create. It had to have been an entire night. I wonder sometimes if it was the same night he sang to me in Paris.

The note said:

S
hakes
,

S
o
, I was watching this sappy-ass movie about a chick who is heartbroken and some other guy cares deeply for her but she doesn’t know it. He wrote her this poem and she really appreciated it. I thought it was kinda cool how he won her over with that—not that I’m trying to win you over or anything.

I know you are a words-speak-louder-than-action-sometimes kinda girl, so I thought I’d give it a shot too.

Maybe it will warm your heart or something—that thing you always used to say about how you feel. It’s not a poem or anything but, anyway, I hope you like it.

Y
ou might think
it’s kinda shitty, but it took me
HOURS
to come up with so you better enjoy the hell out of every word.

L
ove you
, Shakes!

Forever. To infinity.

I mean it.

M
ax

T
hinking
about it brings tears to my eyes, and when I hear the door swing open behind me, I rapidly pull myself together, swiping them away and taking a minor step back. I don’t pull my gaze away from the view, though.

The sun is setting, and it’s gorgeous.

“Babe?” John’s voice fills the room and I blink quickly.

“Yeah?”

“Has Sonny called to let you know she’s ready yet?”

“Not yet.”

“Oh. Okay then.” He’s quiet for a moment, but I can feel his gaze on me, heavy and probably full of concern. His footsteps are quiet as they come towards me, and when he’s close I can almost feel him breathing, his hand running down my arm.

I grab hold of the back of his hand, entwining our fingers and resting them on my belly.

“What’s bothering you?” he murmurs in my ear. “Is it the baby? Kicking in the wrong place?”

“No,” I breathe, breaking into a grin. “Not at all. She’s fine.” I turn to face him, and when he sees my damp eyes, his sadden

“Tell me what it is,” he pleads.

“I was just thinking that if… well, I know you get really tired of me bringing him up,” I force a laugh, dropping my gaze to his black tie. “But, I just think Max would have really loved this place.”

John smiles, his head tilting, and then he wraps me in his arms, sighing in my hair. It’s not as easy as it used to be to hug him. This six-month belly of mine stands in the way.

“I don’t get tired of you talking about him, babe,” he says. He releases me, and when we’re face to face again, he plants a soft, warm kiss on my forehead.

Spinning me around, John blows a breath, holding onto my belly. I can feel the power of his smile, and I smile because this is perfect.

“I know he’s very happy for you right now. He was a good guy, and I see that, Shannon. Just do me a favor and never regret what you had with him. Don’t think you can’t talk about him with me because you can. I’m here for you, and I know how much he meant to you.”

“It doesn’t bother you?” I ask quietly.

“Not at all.”

“But that day… when I snuck out of the hospital room to see him and spent almost twelve hours in there. You weren’t upset about that?”

He’s quiet for a moment. “I… didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to help you cope and I’ve never felt so useless. I felt like if I’d shown up at his room, you wouldn’t have appreciated me interrupting, but then again I felt like if I didn’t show up, you would be upset because there was no one to cope with, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“But I stayed, even when I saw that empty bed, because I knew you needed that time. I knew going to him was something I couldn’t keep you away from. I knew getting your final words in was personal, and we all need that. After what I’ve been through, I know, baby. I know how necessary it is for that to happen.”

I’m so glad he understood. John and I hardly talk about that night. After I came back to the room with puffy eyes and a runny nose, he didn’t say anything. He just helped me get back into bed and stroked my hair until I fell asleep.

He knew where I’d been.

He knew there wasn’t much he could say or do because it wasn’t going to make a difference.

All he could do was be there, and I’m so grateful that there was someone there for me at all.

The hotel phone rings on the nightstand. It’s most likely Sonny calling, announcing that she’s ready for dinner at the top of the hotel tower.

Sighing, John pulls away, and I turn to face him, watching as he smiles boyishly.

“What?” I ask, laughing.

“Nothing,” he says quickly, waving it off, but he still smiles.

“No,” I giggle. “What? Tell me.”

“Well, I just…” his throat works up and down. “I never thought I’d see this day. You, carrying my child. Us, with a future. I was so afraid about never getting the chance to fulfill my life with my one true love, but I have. I am. And I can tell you one thing—” He cups my face in his hands, pressing his lips to mine. “—I can’t wait to meet our daughter. If she takes anything after her mother, I hope it’s your drive, your compassion, and your love. Because your love, Shannon, is hard to find. it’s rare, but it’s so potent that I feel like I’d die without it.”

My teeth sink into my bottom lip, avoiding a full-blown grin. “Stop it, John. You’re going to make me cry!”

“You’ve done enough of that lately,” he teases, sliding his fingers down my forearm and holding my hand.

We walk towards the door, and I look up at him, admiring the light in the eyes, the peace he’s acquired. John hasn’t been like this since the day we met. To see him so tranquil, so happy and sweet, well… I don’t think I’d trade this for the world.

I have never questioned my love for my husband.

He has never let me down.

He has never given me a reason to go astray.

He has been here since the day we met, and I will never forget that.

Even if the OP were to sweep through my lungs again, at least I know that our baby will be well taken care of. Honestly, I think I’d be at even more peace with it. Because I have traveled.

I have lived.

I have endured it all—joy, sorrow, pain, anger, sadness—all of it, and I wouldn’t change any of it.

“You know what her middle name should be?” I asked as we walked down the hallway.

“What?”

“Maxine. Naomi Maxine Streeter.”

John puts on a wide smile, and it’s so warm and full that I feel flutters in my belly. He kisses my cheek, and then says, “I really like that, babe.”

I grin.

They say things happen in our lives for a reason. Some don’t believe that saying, but I do.

I believe I was with Max to serve as an example about strength in the face of difficult circumstances. My life was very difficult and before his parents died, his wasn’t. John was the same way.

They were so close to giving up, but I was there to pick up the pieces. I of all people know what it’s like to constantly lose, to feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, but I also know how to keep pushing.

To keep fighting.

If it weren’t for both of them, along with my lovely sister, I wouldn’t have kept going. I would have given up a really long time ago. Hell, I’d probably be dead if it weren’t for them.

So, from this moment on, I will cherish it all.

Every second.

Every breath.

Every laugh.

I will live for myself. I will live for Max. I will live for my father. I will live for my daughter. I will live for John and I will live for Sonny. I will live, because I can, and because there is no reason now why I shouldn’t.

I will prosper in life. I will grow and allow wisdom to sink in. I will respect the lows just as much as the highs.

I will do it all, and nothing will stop me.

Nothing will break my spirit.

The stars won’t even be hard for me to reach.

Nothing will keep me away from reaching all of the things that add up to my happiness.

Bliss.

Peace.

Life.

Love.

It all amounts to one simple word that holds great meaning in my heart.

Infinity.