Infinity: Based on a True Story (20 page)

“After everything you and I went through, he was there. He found me. He saved me from falling. And since the day I met him, he has never left my side, even during the darkest of times. He worked hard to make sure I was always happy—hell, he still does. I’m in love with him, and that isn’t going to change, no matter how hard you try. I want you both in my life but he comes first. And I wish I’d just told him the truth about this trip.”

I take a look around, stopping at the window ahead, absorbing the night sky, and bright lights. “I love Paris and I’m so grateful for what you did for me,” I look at him again. “But I don’t think it’s worth this guilt and regret, especially when John is the person who truly needs me right now.”

Max looks up and his face is stained with tears. “What makes you think I don’t need you right now?”

My lips twist as I think about his question.

“When it comes to the life we live, you are much stronger than John. You both have lost loved ones and you’ve dealt with yours. But John… well, he hasn’t just yet. I think losing me will only make him worse off. Not better.”

“So your man is weak?” he teases, and I light up, glad to see him smiling a little. Although it’s faint, it’s a smile.

“My man is not weak. He has just had a very rough life.”

Sighing, Max sits forward, squeezing my hands. “I understand where you’re coming from, Shakes. It was wrong of me to even try that shit over there, especially when I promised not to put you in a situation where you’d have to choose. If you’re happy, I’m happy.” He shrugs. “So maybe you’re not meant to be mine, but I know one thing. My love for you will never change.” He sighs. “Guess you’re the one that got away. I hear most men have a lady like that.”

I push him playfully, fighting a grin. “Don’t think of me that way. I’m here for you. You know that. I just can’t be here for you in the way you want me to be.”

He nods. “I understand.” We’re quiet for several seconds. Flicking his wrist, he checks his watch and his eyes expand. “Damn. It’s almost ten.”

“Wow. This day went by way too fast.”

Max calls for the waiter and asks for the bill.

Once it’s paid, we’re out of the Eiffel Tower. The cool air envelops us, but I turn and look up at the tower again.

At night, it looks even better. The bright gold lights are glowing and vibrant. Absolutely breathtaking.

“Let’s go this way,” Max says.

“Kay. One sec.” I have to capture this moment.

I whip out my cellphone, snapping a picture. I then send it to Sonny.

Sonny replies with
“Lucky bitch.”

I grin, and turn around, but someone bumps right into my shoulder, knocking me down to the ground.

I tumble, grunting as the man shouts, “WATCH IT!”

I want to shout, curse him out and knee his balls, but I can’t seem to find the energy or the breath to do so. I’m winded now, and it takes me several seconds to gain some sort of composure.

I scramble for my cellphone that slid on the ground. The screen is now cracked. Great.

“No! You fucking watching it!” Max barks, rushing up to the man, gripping his shoulder, and spinning him around.

“No, Max,” I pant, clutching my phone and pushing off the ground. “It’s fine. It’s whatever.”

“No, it’s not fine.” Max’s voice is dark and deep. He eyes the man directly. “You aren’t walking away until you fucking apologize to her.”

I slide my phone into my backpack and turn to where Max is having a showdown with the burly man. The man is nearly bald with a large beer belly, his greasy face a huge turn-off.

“Fuck off! She should watch where the fuck she’s going!”

“Fuck you! How about you watch where the fuck you’re going! That’s a lady, man! She’s not from around here.” Max’s voice is loud and angry.

“Max!”

“Does it look like I give a shit!?” The man has to be from here. His voice is thick and holds a French accent.

Is Max seriously about to get into a brawl about bumping into someone in a city full of tourists?

Speaking of, said tourists and even a few civilians start to slow down and watch.

“Max can we just go?” I ask, still catching my breath.

I rush for him, ready to grip his arm and drag him away from this place, but before I can reach him, the man shoves him and then swings his large fist at him.

Fortunately, Max ducks and the man misses, but he has no problem swinging back at the man. The man shoves Max again, causing him to bump into me, knocking me down once again.

I land straight on my ass, yelping a bit from the pain. The ground is hard and cold, and suddenly I can’t breathe at all.

My chest feels so much tighter. It hurts.

Max and the man are on the ground, the by passers gasping, some rushing away.

“Max!” I shout, my voice broken, dangerously windy. “What the hell are you doing?! Stop!”

But he doesn’t stop. I’m not even sure he’s listening to me right now. Him and that temper. It’s so bad. It’s too much sometimes. And he won’t stop until he’s won.

The fight seems to slow in speed. My heart is slamming in my chest. My lungs work hard to catch breath. I try and say his name again.

But I can’t.

Trying to say it feels like razors are slicing the inside of my throat. The spot above my ribs burns.

A symptom.

A sign that something isn’t right.

I manage to get Max’s name out again, only it’s much more quiet than I want it to be.

He happens to hear it this time. He lifts his head, peering up at me, holding back on the fist that is about to crush the man’s face.

“Shannon!”

I try to push myself up to a stand, but it doesn’t happen. My knees lock, and I buckle back down to the ground.

My heartbeat doubles in speed.

Fear fills my veins.

Blood rushes in my ears.

“This is it,”
I think
. “I’m about to die.”

I feel my chest going up and down, working way too hard to breathe.

Before I know it, I am too sluggish to move. Something sharp pierces my ribs. I gasp and wheeze.

What was I thinking?

Why can’t I ever put myself first when it comes to him?

“Shannon!” Max calls again.

I lift my head up to the sound of his voice, spotting him several steps away. The man is still on the ground. They’ve both completely forgotten about the fight, eyes full of bewilderment.

“Holy shit. Is she okay?” the man asks.

“I don’t think so! Do something! Call someone!” I collapse, watching from a side angle as Max jets in my direction.

I hear a cracking noise when I flop back on the pavement, unsure where it has come from.

Maybe a bone has cracked, or I landed the wrong way. I don’t know anymore.

Blood pools around my head.

My vision blurs.

“Max?” I whisper. “Max… what’s… what’s happening to me?”

“Nothing’s happening. I’m here,” he murmurs. Something clinks and then Max curses beneath his breath. “Shit. You didn’t charge your device before we left? Fuck. I should have asked. I—I should have checked. Something was telling me to!”

Damn. I knew I forgot to do something.

I’m in Max’s arms the next second, but I can no longer breathe. I feel as if I’m suffocating, like a large plastic bag has been wrapped around my head.

I try and force his name out again but it’s no use.

“Don’t speak. Relax.” He’s trying to be calm, but I can hear the panic in his deep voice.

Feebly, I reach for Max’s face. His eyes instantly water. People that are around us come rushing our way, whipping out their cellphones as Max demands someone to call an ambulance.

“Despite… your crazy caveman ways… I… had fun… Max.” It’s hard getting the words out. They hurt. They’re dry and thick.

“
Nonononono
,” Max says it hurriedly, shaking my body gently, begging me to keep it together.

But I can’t right now.

Darkness consumes me. He continues begging me to stay with him, to hold on.

That I’ll be okay.

But doesn’t he understand? I will never be okay. I will never have it easy.

The last thing I see are the lights of the Eiffel Tower.

So bright. So beautiful. It’s not such a bad view to go out to.

The last thing I hear is Max shouting Sonny’s name.

And the last thing he says is, “Well, you have to! We have no choice! Call John. Tell him something happened. I—I fucked up. I really fucked up. Shit!”

“That’s it.”
I hear a voice in the back of my head as my eyes seal tight.
“Close your eyes. Just let go, baby girl.”

Hmm. Funny.

The voice sounds just like my Dad’s. The same words he used to say when he took me and Sonny swinging at the park every Sunday. Back when things were sort of okay.

Ice cream.

Swings.

Laughter.

Fun.

We had so much fun with him.

“Close your eyes. Feel the breeze. Imagine you’re flying. It’ll be fun, baby girl. I promise.”

So I close them because I’d much rather be flying than dying right now.

I’d much rather hear him, than the broken voice full of regret that belongs to Max.

“Close your eyes. Let go. You’ll be okay. I promise.”

D
arkness
.

Light.

Darkness.

Light.

In and out.

I can’t seem to stay awake.

But there are voices and they are familiar.

“John. Just calm down.”

“No! Fuck that! I don’t give a shit! He had no right! That son of a bitch got into her head. I’ll kill him!”

Sonny and John. They’re arguing.

“I thought she would be okay,” I hear Max say. “She told me it was okay… shit. If I’d known her device wasn’t charged I never would have taken her out.”

“You shouldn’t have taken her at all!”

“John, if you are going to blame anyone, blame me,” Sonny pleads. “I was watching her. I shouldn’t have let her go, no matter what the doctor said.”

“Yeah, well, it’s too fucking late, Sonny, don’t you think?” John growls. “Fuck!” Heavy footsteps grow distant and in an instant, a door slams shut.

“Damn it, Max,” Sonny whimpers. “I told you it was a bad idea. Now look at her.”

“I’m sorry. You know I would never let anything happen to her, Sonny.”

“I don’t think I can believe that anymore, Max.”

Darkness.

Again.

I
can’t take sitting
in this waiting room any longer.

My ass is sore. My body hurts. I’ve been here for over a week now and Shannon still hasn’t woken up without crying out in pain.

She’s hurting so badly. Her cries are killing me.

They’ve sedated her. They’ve basically made it so she can’t really wake up.

I don’t like admitting it, but I think this may be the end.

I look to my right, spotting Dr. Barad rushing out of her room and heading towards the café. It’s four in the morning, and he has been monitoring her all day. He flew to Paris just for her.

She’s getting worse, is what I heard him tell John while eavesdropping.

Apparently the blackness is spreading even more, basically eating her lungs alive. No amount of OPX will help.

The Hound is still in the room and I know he won’t be leaving anytime soon, so I take this opportunity to talk to Dr. Barad myself.

John has threatened me to stay away from the room, which at first resulted in a nose-to-nose confrontation.

Unfortunately, I was kicked out by the security guards. He’s lucky he has the advantage of being her husband.

Sonny told me I didn’t have to leave the hospital but that I had to stay out of the room. He and I both know if Shannon does wake up without so much pain, she’ll want to see me. If I’m gone, she’ll be pissed at him.

I don’t mean to disrespect the guy, but she’s my friend… one of my only real friends. I’ve known her longer. I care too much about her to just leave and sit around in my hotel, waiting for a phone call that may never even happen.

Fuck that. I want to be here as soon as she opens those big, gray eyes of her.

I push out of my chair, following Dr. Barad down the hallway. When he’s inside, stopping at the coffee maker, I grab a cup, pretending I’m in need of a caffeine boost too.

“Hey, Dr. Barad.”

He whips his head up, meeting my eyes and then forcing a smile. “Oh, hey, Max. Still hanging in there?”

“Yeah. I guess.” I force a wary smile.

He pours decaf into his cup, taking a quick sip as he peers up at me. “Long night?”

“Yeah. Listen.” I sit my empty cup down on the table. “I want to ask you… about Shannon. There is no one here… no donor or anything?”

He shrugs. “None, Max. It’s rare to find a full, healthy lung for her body size on such short notice.”

I drop my head, defeated. “Damn.”

I can feel Dr. Barad’s gaze on me, and he places his cup down on the table, folding his arms across his chest. “You should go rest a little. Until Shannon wakes up, I don’t think you can do much for her right now.”

I look up and his eyebrows shift up.

“I don’t want to leave,” I murmur, looking away.

“Yes. I understand that, but you are exhausted. I expect John not to leave her side, but you can. He won’t let you in the room anymore. You can’t expect to sit out in the waiting room, rotting away. Something tells me Shannon wouldn’t want that.”

My lips press, and I hate how much he’s right. Shannon wouldn’t be happy about it. She would tell me to pull my shit together, go clean my balls before she gags or some silly shit like that.

“You’re right,” I whisper. “Do you think you can tell Sonny to call me if she wakes up. I won’t be gone long.”

“Sure thing.” He smiles, so warmly it fucking hurts. How can he be so content? I know he doesn’t know Shannon too personally, but he’s still her doctor. Shouldn’t this hurt him to see? Has he encountered this before? Or is death just a normal thing for him?

I don’t bother asking any of those questions. Instead I force a smile his way and then turn, treading down the hallway and out of the hospital, but not before giving Shannon’s room door one more glance.

My eyes shift over to the jewelry box that’s in the drop box beside her door. The gift I was going to give her before I got into that dumb brawl. I was going to give it to her right after we grabbed sweet pastries from the bakery nearby.

Fuck. Why can’t I just control my fucking temper? The slightest things piss me off, and it’s gotten worse since my parents died. I shouldn’t have wasted a second of my time on that man.

I guess what Shannon was saying in the Eiffel Tower over dinner really got to me. I wanted her to know it was okay—because it is—but it still hurts to hear.

Hurts to know she would never choose me again.

God, I’ve hurt her so much. All I can hope for is that she doesn’t die with her last thoughts of me being a fucking maniac. A careless, worthless piece of shit that can’t even control my temper to give her a good time.

Something tells me she knows.

She knows I acted out because of all she told me… and something tells me I’ll never get to hear her touch on it again.

I
jump
into the car I rented, slamming the door behind me and resting my forehead on the wheel.

My heart slams in my chest, the longer I think about this.

This trip… it was a fucking mistake. I should have just let her stay home, where it was safe. I never should have brought it up.

I wasn’t making moves on her, but I did want her attention. I wanted to show her a good time. I wanted her to know that I still love her and that I care and will never forget about her.

I swear… I just got back into her life after years and now… now she’s going to be out of it again.

And this time I’ll have no control over it.

I crank the car, skidding out of the parking deck and hitting the road. I drive furiously to my hotel, passing the lights and disregarding stop signs.

“Fuck!” I bark. Why did I do this? This is my fault. I should have just come here alone.

She might not wake up.

I’ll never get to say goodbye.

It’ll be just like how it was with my parents.

She’ll be gone. I’ll be weak. I won’t forgive myself.

It took me so long to realize it wasn’t my fault my parents passed, but with Shannon? It’s different with her.

She was never supposed to leave me. She was never supposed to be diagnosed with something so rare—something so fucked up.

She’s supposed to be here.

With me.

For me.

Forever.

To infinity…

Right?

I don’t realize I’ve zoned out. My mind is elsewhere, focused on memories of us. How she used to kiss me. How I used to hold her. How I used to make the sweetest love to her.

How I hurt her.

How I kissed her.

How much I actually fucking missed her after we parted ways.

We should have worked it out.

I never should have skipped town.

I should have tried harder.

I never should have left her.

I have so many regrets. I’ve done Shannon so wrong, and yet she constantly forgives me. She never forgot about me, even while married to a man who I know is so damn good to her. I can’t even hate him because he is exactly what she deserves.

Someone good. Someone
there
for her.

Something crashes and thuds.

BOOM. CLACK.
SKERRRKK.

Glass shatters.

My body rolls, neck snapping, everything rolling and tumbling.

I grunt.

It hurts.

The car… fuck, the car is rolling.

Someone hit me—from the side, someone hit me.

A crash. Another fucking crash.

The car keeps flipping, but I can’t even snap out of my daze. This all feels like a fucking dream. Is this even real, or am I imagining what I want to happen to me? Is it because if she dies, I’ll want to die too?

I haven’t slept in days, really. I don’t know what’s happening and what isn’t anymore.

I realize after the car has flipped for the final time, slamming right into a large tree, that I am not dreaming.

I am bleeding out. I am in pain. Everywhere. My bones hurt. My mouth tastes of hot copper. The steering wheel seems to have disappeared, almost like it was taken out.

My legs feel crushed, and my abdomen… shit. I can hardly breathe.

People are shouting. Lights from emergency vehicles emerge. They’re bright. They hurt to look at, but I can’t blink.

I can’t blink because they’re not there anymore. My eyes are shut now.

I feel so cold.

So hurt.

So lifeless.

“Shannon.” It’s the last word I whisper.

The last word I hear, like sugar on my tongue. Sweet and savory. Beautiful and real. Deep and true.

I love her.

I love Shannon Hales and I will love her forever, even after the day I die.

I promised her forever.

I promised her my all.

I promised her infinity.