Infinity & Always (9 page)

“I
don’t know why you didn’t just go to the apartment or the
bar and ask him what he is playing at.”

Dad
pats my arm. “Don’t worry about it. Are you going to be
okay leaving by yourself on Friday?”

“Yeah,
Mom is meeting at the airport,” I answer.

“Good,
at least she will be there.”

“Yep,
okay I’m going before I can’t move in the morning.”

My
dad stands up and hugs me tight. “You look better sweetheart,”
he says, letting me go.

“Thanks,
Dad. Is that your way of telling me I look fat?” I ask walking
out the door.

“No,
you look healthy,” he calls after me.

“You’re
such a liar, Frank!” I shout over my shoulder. I hear him
laughing as I climb the stairs smiling.

***

Today
in class I am swamped. I’ve decided to hole up in the library
and get some work done because I will miss next week.

“I
heard a rumor you were back.”

Looking
up, I smile at Agent Daniels. He insists I call him Matt, but I
refuse; he will always be Agent Daniels to me.

“Yep,
they took me back.”

“Good,
I’m glad to hear it. I don’t see you signed up for my
class.”

“No
point torturing myself, is there?” I answer.

He
gives me a smile. “That doesn’t mean you can’t take
the class. Are you still working with your father?”

“Yes,
I like it, but it’s not the same. I set out to do something
good in my life and ended up ruining it.”

“We
all make mistakes, Bailey. Just because you can’t work for the
FBI doesn’t mean you can’t work locally.”

“Nah,
I’m good. I write the security programs for Dad’s clients
and some other small businesses.”

Standing
up he gives me a wink. “See, landed on your feet,” he
pats my shoulder as he leaves.

I
seriously miss his class, but I fucked that up too; that night I hit
Emily at Cara’s party. After Ben was arrested, she pressed
charges against me and now I have a misdemeanor assault on my record.
I can’t believe how dumb I was, and that cost me everything I
ever wanted. I’m sure Nan and Summer are pissed off with me
too.

Maybe
that’s why Knox and I aren’t working. Maybe all the bad I
ever did is coming back around on me tenfold. Turning back to my
computer I get back to work, managing to write two papers and get
some reading done. By the time I leave the library, it’s after
six and the nights are getting darker earlier. I don’t want to
be alone tonight so I call Max.

“Yo
sis what up?”

“You
fool,” I laugh. “What are you doing?”

“Xbox,
you?”

“You
and your video games, are you alone?” I ask, biting my lip.

“Yep,
as usual, why you want to hang out?”

“Yeah,
if that’s cool with you?”

He
laughs at me and tells me to get my ass up to the apartment. I use my
keys and find him waiting for me, with the game all set up.

“Ah,
already waiting for me to kick your ass?” I smile, sitting on
the floor beside him.

He
gives me a hug and kiss on the cheek. “You wish, Mortenson,
you’re going down, baby!”

We
play video games for a few hours. I’m still crap, but Max lets
me play anyway. He never kills me straight away but lets me linger
and usually I end up killing myself, by falling off building’s
or crashing the cars.

“You
suck!” he shouts, cupping his mouth.

“Oh
shut up!” I slap his head on my way to the kitchen and grab a
bottle of water. “Come on bro walk me to my car, I need to get
going.”

Max
grabs a sweater and throws Knox’s hoodie at me. I slip it on as
I walk out the door. I can smell his cologne and wrap it tighter
around myself. Max throws his arm around my shoulders as we walk back
to the campus parking.

“What’s
on the agenda for the weekend, sis?”

“Nothing,
hanging out with Mom. I’ll probably get a lecture about my
weight and my clothes and anything else you can think of,” I
smile at him.

“Good
luck,” he groans. “Ah, look your little car all alone.”

“Yep,
just like the owner. Thanks for walking me,” I give him a hug
and open the door.

“Are
you giving that back?” he points to the hoodie.

I
pull the neck closer to my nose and inhale. “Nope,” I
smile, climbing into the car. Max laughs closing the door for me. I
wave to him as I pull away.

I
don’t have anything left of Knox’s in my dad’s
house, so what if I steal a little ole hoodie. Okay well, it’s
his favorite one, but I’m taking it anyway and that’s
weird because he usually wears it to work. I press it to my nose
again smelling him in. If I wasn’t driving I’d close my
eyes and pretend he was holding me.

When
I get home, I can’t sleep. I have my bags packed and in my car,
but I can’t settle down. Climbing out of bed I run down to the
kitchen and grab the hoodie, wrapping it around myself I crawl back
into bed. Picking up my phone I scroll through the pictures. Most of
them are old, but I had Knox text me the one he took of us at the
beach last week. We look happy and it’s been a long time since
either of us looked that way.

Steeling
myself against the hurt I press his name, putting the phone to my ear
I listen, but all I get is a message telling this number is no longer
in service. I dial Max and wait.

“Yeah,”
he mumbles.

“Max,
has Knox changed his number?”

“Yeah,
he got a new one the other day.”

“Oh
okay, thanks. Sorry for waking you.”

I
hang up and lie in bed looking out of the window, time drifts by with
the clouds, and I can’t take it anymore. Grabbing my phone, I
dial the bar.

“Georges
Bar.”

“Hi
Chase, is Knox there?”

“Yep,
hang on.”

I
can hear him yell for Knox and the phone being put on the bar, a few
minutes later I hear Knox ask who it is. Chase answers with ‘the
missus’. “Hey Bailey, hang on, transferring you to the
office.”

My
heart thumps in my chest and now I don’t even know why I
called.

“Hello,”
Knox’s voice comes over the line. “Hello?” he says
again.

“Oh
hi, I didn’t know you changed your number,” I bumble out.

“Yeah,
I had too. Why, did you need something?” he asks.

“No,
I just couldn’t sleep…” I leave the sentence
hanging, just like me. Neither, of us, speaks for a few minutes until
Chase shouts that it's lights out.

“I
have to lock up now,” he says.

“Yeah
okay, I’ll talk to you later. Oh, Dad is worried about you. He
is wondering why you haven’t shown up for work this week.”

“Oh,
I guess I’ll go see him tomorrow.”

“He’s
gone to DC, he’ll be back on Sunday night.”

“Right,
I’ll leave him a message. Okay then, I’m going home to
bed, night.”

“Night
Knox,” I answer, hanging up the phone.

***

I
arrive in Grove just after noon and my Mom greets me at the airport.

“Hi
baby,” she smiles and hugs me.

“Hi,
Mom.”

We
drive home listening to the radio, Mom is talking about going
shopping, and I agree to go with her. After the whole incident at the
hospital, we didn’t speak for months. She finally apologized to
both Knox and I and we have been getting a little closer each time I
have come home for court. When we get home, she makes us lunch and
asks how things are going with Knox.

“Shit,”
I frown.

Taking
a seat she looks over at me waiting, and I explain everything to her.
It’s probably the first time in my life I have actually let her
in and confided with her. Once I’m done spilling my guts she
gives me a hug.

“It
will be okay baby, these things have a way of fixing themselves.”

“You
think? I’m not so sure, Mom. I acted like a jealous bitch.”

“Swing
first, ask questions later,” she smiles at me.

“God,
don’t remind me. I know I ruined my life, Mom.”

“No,
you didn’t, you just made a mistake, and unfortunately we all
do.”

I
can’t help but scoff at her. Who is this alien inhabiting my
mother’s body? She laughs at my face and rolls her eyes at me.

Rolls
her eyes! My mother!

“I’m
just saying, we all make mistakes Bailey, and I didn’t
literally mean you swing first physically. I’m also talking
about emotionally, trust me I know what I’m talking about.”

“What
do you mean?” I ask, getting up to make us coffee.

“After
my father had died, you were only nine years old, but after he had
died I was devastated. I couldn’t handle the pain of it and I
pushed everyone away. My Mom - your father - you. I swore to myself I
would never feel that way again and I closed my emotions off, trying
to protect myself. But it didn’t quite work out that way and I
ended up hurting myself, and the people I was trying to protect.

“I
know you hated me for a long time and I get it, Bailey, I do. I
pushed you to stay with Brad even though I knew you didn’t love
him. I thought to myself, if you can stay with Brad, you would be
happy not emotionally, but you’d make it work and your heart
would have been safe from pain. That was wrong of me, and I knew it
the minute I saw you and Knox together. You had that magic, that
spark that we all want. The mother in me was so happy for you. I was
happy that you found someone to take away your pain. But then the
more I thought about the pain, the more I knew he could really hurt
you. I wanted to protect you again. You went through so much in the
last few years, and it hurt me to see you broken. I closed myself off
from you for so long that I wasn’t able to comfort you when you
needed me most. Every time we argued, I kept telling myself that it
was better this way. You would get over it and be okay. But again, I
was wrong and it took me a while to figure it all out.”

She
smiles at me and takes my hand in hers, “I love you so much
baby, I honestly only wanted to keep you from getting hurt, but I
failed, I’m sorry.”

I
pull her close to me and hug her, for real this time. “I love
you, Mom. I’m sorry for being such a horrible daughter.”

She
laughs at me and kisses my cheek, “You weren’t horrible,
just intolerable.”

We
both smile at each other and she hugs me again telling me how much
she loves me and misses me.

“All
these years I thought you didn’t understand me or I wasn’t
good enough because I wasn’t a society girl. But it wasn’t
me at all; we really are a lot alike aren’t we?”

“Too
much sometimes,” she smiles, getting up she clears our plates.
We sit out on the deck for a while talking about the past. Mom gets
up when the doorbell rings and I put my feet up on the opposite
chair, giggling because I know she will tell me off.

“Hello,
Bailey.”

Looking
up I see Thomas, Mom’s boyfriend. “Hi, Thomas, Nice to
see you again.”

Mom
comes back outside and Thomas apologizes for forgetting I was here
this weekend.

“Are
you supposed to be going on a hot date, Mom?”

“It’s
okay we can go next week,” Mom answers.

“Mom,
go I’ll be fine. I think I’ll just float around the pool
for a while anyway.”

“It’s
November,” she says, alarmed.

“It’s
heated,” I reply.

“It’s
California!” Thomas adds and we all start laughing.

After
a few more minutes of cajoling, she finally leaves with Thomas for
their date. I change into my swimsuit and let the pool heat up while
I put some music on. Climbing into the water I hop onto one of the
waterbeds and relax. I float around for a while just watching as the
sky darkens.

“Cannonball!”

Turning
around, I get splashed when the intruder jumps into the pool.

“What
are you doing here?” I ask when he surfaces.

“I
want to be here for you and to see that motherfucker go down.”

“Thanks,
so how’s married life?” I ask, watching his face split
into a shit-eating grin.

“It’s
actually awesome Bails, you should try it.”

“You’re
an idiot, Roger.”

“Yeah
but you love me, so it doesn’t matter.”

He
grips the other waterbed and climbs onto it, then reaches out for my
hand. Taking his, we float around together.

“So
how is Audrey?”

“She’s
good, eating like a horse.”

“I
never thought I’d see the day Roger, you married and a baby on
the way, in the space of eighteen months.”

He
grins at me again and I can tell he is really happy.

“Speaking
of babies, we found out last week.”

“What?
Well tell me, come on, you should have called me!” I splash
water at him.

“It’s
a girl,” he smiles. “I wanted to ask you something
though, well two things actually.”

“Okay,
what is it?” I ask.

“Well
first off, we want you to be Godmother. Second, if you don’t
have any objections, because I want both my best friends in her life,
we are going to use Summer as her middle name,” he finishes.

“Really,
you want me to be Godmother?”

“Of
course, who else would I ask?”

“Yes,
I’d love that Roger. Thank you.”

Pulling
him closer, I crawl onto his floating bed and hug him. We settle down
together and I lay my chin on his chest looking up at him.

“I
have no objections to you naming her after Summer, why would I?”

“Just
thought I’d make sure,” he shrugs. “So speaking of
weddings and babies, where’s the wall of muscle?”

Smirking
at his nickname for Knox, I shrug. “Ah, it’s just a bump
in the road babe,” he says.

“Not
this time, Roger.”

His
eyes widen and he shakes his head. “No way, you two are great
together.”

I
just shrug at him in answer and he still looks at me like I just
torched his house or something.