Infinity & Always (27 page)

After
some research and a half written paper, I surface for some snacks.
Grabbing a can of soda and chocolate, I plant myself on the sofa. The
whole apartment is quiet and I didn’t hear anyone leave, so I
get up to investigate. Chewing my candy bar, I stroll into the music
room where Knox has his headphones on again while he plays the piano.
I take a seat beside him on the bench and unplug the jack so I can
listen too.

His
fingers glide over the keys as he plays. I don’t know what he
is playing at the moment, but it sounds nice. I sway as he plays and
close my eyes. I lose myself in the sounds. I love it like this. Just
him and me, together. Knox clears his throat and begins to sing,
changing the melody as he does.

You have my heart and you own my soul.

A fire burns between us - hot enough to melt gold.

When I catch you smile, thinking you’re alone.

I know I’m forever yours, darlin’, and I want you home.

I
want you home

Back
in my arms.

I
want you home,

Protecting
your heart.

I
want to take all your sadness away,

Come
home to me,

I
want you to stay.

The
light in your eyes has dimmed its glow,

The
pain on your face,

Trying
not to show.

I
want to take you in my arms,

To
keep you close,

I
know you’re my forever, darlin’, and I want you home.

I
want you home

Back
in my arms.

I
want you home,

Protecting
your heart.

I
want to take all your sadness away,

Come
home to me,

I
want you to stay.

Finding
peace, it’s hard to say

If
love alone, will make you stay.

Keep
my heart, it will keep you safe.

My
soul is yours

Forever
and always.

I
want you home,

Come
back to me.

I
want you home, darlin’.

At
home with me.

My
eyes drip big fat tears as he sings, each word pulling at my
heartstrings. I recognize the melody now; it’s the song he was
playing on the guitar a while back. The music stops and I feel him
shift on the small bench. His thumb brushes away my tears and I
refuse to open my eyes.

“Hey
don’t cry darlin’.” He wraps me in his strong arms
and holds onto me.

“I’m
not losing you too,” I whisper.

He
doesn’t answer only holds me tighter to his chest. His heart is
beating fast and I can feel each racing thump against my cheek.
“W-when is it?” I manage to choke out. His body sags in
defeat.

“Soon,”
he whispers into my hair. “I love you darlin’ and I’m
not going anywhere.”

Lifting
my face I take in the sadness in his eyes, they no longer shine like
emeralds in the sun. Now, they hold a dark sadness, and a heartbreak
so real, it scares me.

“What
did the doctor say?”

“She
wants to do it at the end of May, the sooner, the better,
apparently,” he shrugs his shoulders.

“How
risky is it? Don’t lie to me,” I beg.

“Very.”

I
nod, understanding sinking into my heart. I always knew, but I
refused to believe it. However, sitting here now and seeing the pain
in his eyes and the fear on his face makes me want to roll into a
ball and cry for days. His lips brush off my temple and he gives me a
cheeky grin. “I’m not leaving you though, so don’t
get any crazy ideas darlin’.”

“I
know you’re not because I’m not letting you go.”

He
winks at me and chuckles. “See, I always knew you were a
control freak.” He teases, bending down to meet my lips. We
kiss softly for a while. No rushing, no pulling at each other, just
soft tender kisses. Knox holds me close as I straddle him, his eyes
take in every inch of my face and body.

“I
can’t wait to marry you darlin’.”

“Same
here,” my fingers trace along his chest, resting against his
beating heart. A heart that is so amazing and full of love, all for
me. We eventually leave the room and I try to finish my assignment
while Knox makes dinner. My phone beeps from the dresser with a text.

Mom: When are we going dress shopping? It’s getting close.

Me: Soon Mom, I promise I’ll call you.

Mom: Are you ok? Not getting cold feet?

Me: No way!!

Mom: Good, I like seeing you happy baby. Call me soon.

Her
text has me in tears again. I feel so desolate. Empty. Dragging
myself off the bed I manage to wash my tear soaked face before Knox
comes looking for me. We eat dinner in silence. Knox suggests we
watch a movie and I agree, climbing onto the sofa with him. I settle
between his legs and pull the blanket over us, his arms are wrapped
around me. This is what I love, the simplest things we do are usually
the most forgotten, but I intend to savor every minute together for
the next four weeks.

I
wake up to the early morning light shining through the window. It
takes me a minute to orientate myself as I look around the sitting
room. Knox shifts behind me, and kisses behind my ear.

“Looks
like we fell asleep darlin’.”

Turning
around I attack his lips, not allowing him any time to talk. He
starts to laugh and I pull away. “What are you? A
sixteen-year-old boy?” he teases. I run my fingers through his
hair, and mess it all up. He laughs at me and picks me up into his
arms. “I think you need a cold shower there mister,” he
grins at me.

“No
Knox, don’t.”

But
the gleam in his eye tells me I am getting wet and I won’t like
it. As soon as the water is on, he deposits me into the shower. The
water is like ice and I screech. He laughs at me while stripping off
his clothes and I quickly turn the knob to hot. Climbing into the
shower he helps me pull off his sweater I am wearing and my shorts.
He ‘accidently on purpose’ drops my shower puff and
smirks when I have to bend down to get it. He pushes his hips forward
on my way back up and I get smacked in the face with his manhood.

“Hey,
that was assault!” I cry, rubbing my face clean while making
faces at him.

“You
love it and you know it!” his cheeky grin is back and I can’t
help but smile at him. Knox climbs out first and fills the sink to
shave. Climbing out, I wrap myself in a towel and watch him. He never
complains when I watch him shave. I secretly think he likes it when I
do. Once he is done, I get to kiss his smooth face and that is my
favorite part. He smirks again as I leave the room to get dressed.

“I’ll
see you tonight babe,” I call, on my way out the door.

“Wait!”
he shouts. Turning around I see him exit the kitchen in jeans and a
t-shirt, “You can’t leave without me.”

“Aren’t
you going to work?” I ask, taking in his clothes and boots.

“No,
I’m taking a few days off,” he smirks, linking his
fingers through mine. He walks me to class, all the way to the door.

“Love
you,” I kiss him softly and make my way into the room. I slide
into the seat beside Ryan and nudge him hello.

“Hey,
you all set for finals?” he smirks at me.

“No,”
I snort and shake my head. I am in no way ready for finals,
especially since Knox’s operation will be around the same time.
Most of my time is spent staring at a blank page or out the window. I
have no idea what my professor is talking about. After class, Ryan is
laughing at me.

“What?”

“Did
you hear any of that?” He asks, nodding back towards the room.

“Nope.”

“I’ll
email you later, he gave us some pointers for finals.”

I
smile as we part and make my way across the quad to the café.
I get my coffee to go and find my favorite table empty. Taking a
seat, I look around, remembering when we were all here together. I
miss seeing Knox walk around, that easy swagger he has and his
handsome face.

“What
you smiling about?” Paige asks, plopping down across from me.

“Nothing,
just remembering when we were all here.”

“Yeah
seems like forever ago. It’s weird not seeing Knox and Max,”
she says.

Sipping
my coffee, I nod. “Hey so how are you holding up?” she
asks.

“With?”

“Max
told me,” she gives me an apologetic smile.

“Yeah,
I guess he would. So are you back together?” I ask, changing
the subject.

“No,
I told you we are just friends.”

“You
don’t sound happy about that,” I say, watching her look
everywhere except at me. “What did Max say?”

Her
shoulders slump a little and turns back to face me. “He says he
wants to wait. He thinks you will need him when Knox goes for
surgery.”

“Yeah,
I probably will.” My words are low, but I know she hears me.
“Listen, Paige, you’re my friend and I love you, but you
need to get over the fact that Max and I are close. He is like a
brother to me and he leaned on me after you left; he was in a bad
way. Knox even disowned him for a while, which hurt him more. I got
him through it, helped him to stop drinking and Knox finally came
around and we got Max back on track. I love him, Paige, as a brother
though, so if you can’t accept that then maybe you’re
better off being just friends.”

I
watch her for a few minutes, I feel like shit for saying all that,
but it’s the truth. Max is a great friend to me and I’m
not giving him up for someone else’s insecurities. Paige looks
at me and smiles.

“I
know you guys are close and I do accept that, but I have to prove it
to him. I think he still thinks I have a problem with it.”

“Are
you sure you don’t?”

Shaking
her head, her hair bounces around. “I don’t, I swear.”
She grins at me. I nod and sip my coffee. I feel like I am becoming a
bitch again.

“Sorry,
I didn’t mean to be harsh.”

“No,
you weren’t, I’m glad you said it. I know you love Knox
and I have always known it. I guess I was actually jealous of it, you
know. I had Max, but I fucked it all up with the baby thing and then
I left…” she shrugs.

“Well
that’s in the past, so we can move on and enjoy the days we
have left.”

We
sit on the bench for a long time, both of us skipping our class
without really meaning to. Paige stands and heads off to the library
to finish an assignment, so I just leave campus. My feet take me home
automatically because as soon as I put my key in the lock I am
wondering how the hell I even got here. Dropping my bag in the
bedroom I change into shorts and a tank top. I grab my iPod and sound
dock, bringing them into the kitchen, where the acoustics are better.

Turning
on Nickelback, I blast it so loud I can feel the vibrations hit me in
the chest. It makes me smile, grabbing the vacuum, I get to work
cleaning the apartment. I scrub and sing my way through the whole
apartment. My mood is better and I dance around singing along with a
can of furniture polish. A few minutes later I catch a shadow from
the doorway, spinning around my eyes fall on a laughing Knox. His
shoulder is leaning easily against the doorframe and his arms are
crossed.

Grabbing
the TV remote, I throw it to him and sing into my spray can again.
Knox winks at me, then joins me on the sofa for our version of S.E.X
and Trying Not To Love you. Once the songs are over, I turn down the
volume and kiss him hard.

“Hi
babe,” I whisper.

“Hi,”
he replies against my mouth. His hands are on my hips and we sway to
the music. “You looked like you were having fun darlin’.”

“I
was,” I smile at him.

“You’re
so damn cute,” he smirks at me.

“Where
have you been all day? You smell like wood,” I ask, taking a
deep inhale of his neck; sweat and wood for sure.

“I
was busy darlin’ and I can’t tell you,” his lips
trail along my jaw, but then he steps back away from me. I follow him
into the kitchen and watch him open a paper bag from the chemist.

“What’s
that?” I watch him line up three bottles on the counter.

“Pre-op
meds,” he sighs, clenching his fists. Reaching out, I wrap my
arms around his middle and rest my cheek on his back. He rubs his
hand over mine and leans his head back. “Sorry darlin’, I
wish this wasn’t happening to us,” he whispers. I squeeze
him tighter and kiss his cheek.

“We’ll
get through this babe, we love each other too much.”

Knox

“Hey
Dad,” I call out as I walk into the house. The noise of the
hammers and table saws jar my head.

“In
here.”

I
can just about hear him shouting and make my way through the hallway
to the kitchen. “Morning.”

“Morning
son,” he looks up and smiles at me, taking the coffee I hand
over to him. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,”
I shrug. I’m hardly going to tell him that I feel like I got
smashed in the head with a hammer, because I know for sure he’d
make me leave. My eyes survey the room and I take in all the progress
we have made. I know I asked Dad to do the kitchen out of his
sequence, but I am happy he agreed. I wanted Bailey to have a
beautiful place to sit and feel loved, in the event my surgery goes
wrong. My dad moves around the room, and checks out fittings and
makes sure they are all where they are supposed to be.

I
have been wondering why he is doing this, why he is helping with a
house, when his normal clients are multi-billion dollar corporations
or governments. I get a feeling Bailey has him wrapped around her
finger, which I can’t complain. I pretty much think she has all
three of us Porter men that way.