Infinite Sacrifice (23 page)

I cry for Thora, I cry for Erna,
and I cry for my mother. I don’t know how long I cried there, but
nothing matters anymore. This battle, this world, this life—all
insignificant now.

Let the warriors come.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

Two powerful arms pull me away from
her body. I glance up to see Gunhilda, masked in dried blood, hair
blown back from the wet, whipping wind. As I get to my feet, Rolf
walks toward her, his arm wrapped in a bloodied bandage. He looks
down at Thora and clenches his jaw to hold back the
tears.

Rolf turns to the men. “Take the
women’s bodies up for burial. Dalla will be buried with her
Chieftain.”

Rolf swings his axe, lops off the
steel-eyed man’s head, and spits on him. He then bends down, rips
the necklace from his severed neck, and comes over to
me.

“Liam.” He never called me that
before. “This is yours.”

He places the pendant in my hand,
but I care so little of war trophies now. I nod and follow them up
the hillside without even opening my hand.

I walk in a far-off state, my legs
moving but feeling nothing. Even as I step over the dead and dying,
I am numb. We walk right past a small cottage halfway up the hill,
and I see my mother and me looking out that same blue-shuttered
window. I leave the group and go into the house, and all my young
memories come back to me. I see the ground where I traced my last
picture, the nail my mother’s keys hung from, and the place the
chest sat. Suddenly the object in my hand has weight, and I open my
palm to see the wonderful wooden triangle with the blue stone I
held so many times in her embrace. I run my thumb over it, and the
tragedy of it all hits me fast. I fall to the floor,
sobbing.

We could not even recognize each
other, life had separated us so!

The room is filling with smoke; the
thatched roof is in flames. I draw a boy, a mother, and father with
my finger in the dirt in front of the fireplace. I stand up and let
it burn along with the rest of the village. I walk up the hill that
my Ma and I never made it to the top of that day and find Rolf
laying the bodies out in front of the church we never
reached.

Gunhilda lays down Chief Toke
beside Dalla and Thora, as other warriors are brought to lie
too.

Rolf calls out, “We have no Angel
of Death with us, and we can’t bring these bodies back to Hedeby in
this heat. They will not last. All of us must prepare them as best
we can. I order all riches and plunder gathered to be brought here
to bury with the chieftain!”

They all nod and go down the hill
to bring up what they killed for. Rolf and I start our hole for
Thora as Gunhilda and other warriors begin digging the large grave
for Toke. No one even stops to rest after the battle.

No one can rest when the dead are
waiting.

Chapter 11

Rolf makes sure there are two
chambers in Thora’s tomb. We fill the bottom with her finest
linens, tapestries, jewels, weaving loom, and bowls. A female
thrall washes the blood away and dresses her in the goatskin dress
she was married in. We lower her down onto her green cushions and
sit her up as if she is awake, supporting her with some of her
things. She looks so alive sitting there that it’s going to be hard
to fill it in. We help Gunhilda lower the chieftain and surround
him with all the riches. The other thralls bring up beer, bread,
and dried meat they stored for our journey.

Rolf stands at Toke’s grave and
says, “Bring the chief his thrall! The faithful companion that will
follow him in death as she had pleased him in life.”

We place her in the chamber next to
his, and Rolf chants a prayer to Odin. All the warriors who can
still stand give a cheer, and the thralls fill in the
tomb.

Rolf then walks over to Thora’s
grave; he looks toward the men and asks, “Is there a rune carver
among us?”

One of the thralls raises his hand,
not surprising given that most of the thralls that were brought
along are skilled workers.

Rolf nods to his master. “I’ll pay
your master well to have this large stone at her head to be carved
to mark her passing.”

The thrall bows to Rolf and goes to
get his tools from the ship. Rolf turns to face me, but calls out
to all of the thralls. “My wife demands a formal burial with all
the things she will need in death.” He looks directly in my eyes.
“Who will die with her? Who will serve by her side in the
afterlife?”

That’s what her
second chamber is for
.

I look up to the sky while he’s
waiting for an answer. I don’t want to die, but what do I have now
alive? All I have is Una and a goose, and now neither one of them
is safe with Thora gone. The sun is setting behind us and makes the
colors of the darkening sky seem cool next to the last orange burn
of the day. I have no world without Thora. I promised her I would
always be with her. I glance down at the small second chamber and
know I belong there.

I step forward and say, “I will go
with her.”

Rolf seems pleased with this. “And
so it should be.”

He has the thrall pass him her
peacock, which gives one last meow before he wrings its little
neck. He bends down and places it in her hands. A smile comes over
my face at this inappropriate time as I think about how she’d laugh
to see that thing buried so close to her.

I bow down beside the hole and lay
my forehead on the ground, wondering what the pain will feel like
and how long I will feel it for.

Rolf and some of the other warriors
laugh, and Rolf says, “You’re better off doing this after a few
horns of beer. We’re not barbarians!”

They laugh again as Gunhilda comes
and slaps her arm around me with far too great a force. We sit
around on the boulders in front of the simple white church with a
large carved cross on the dark walnut door.

One of the warriors hands me a
beer, and as I drink, I gaze out on all the gravestones behind us,
wondering if my ma is there. With the liquid loosening my tongue, I
say, “Never thought I’d be buried in the same place I was taken
from. I don’t think I could pick a more beautiful
place.”

One of the warriors says, “It’s a
great honor to be chosen to be buried in such a way. Most thralls
are left out for the wolves. They will have nothing in the
afterlife. But now you will have eternity.”

I nod respectfully while I think of
being eternally a thrall, but then I remember Thora and know it
would never be like that. I wonder for a moment if my ma will be
there, if they’ll share the same heaven. Twilight is creeping in,
and the cemetery behind the church begins to look
lonely.

Gunhilda hands me another beer, and
I ask, “Why aren’t you running away now?”

A smirk spreads, flashing gleaming
white teeth. “We will just have to see about that, won’t
we?”

Then she starts slowly hopping from
one foot to the other while watching me with a mischievous smile. I
laugh, uncomfortable, wondering what she’s going to do, but then
she picks up the speed into a jig. She begins to clap her hands
wildly as she spins around the circle of warriors, now cheering and
whistling. She pulls her flute from her thick belt and starts
playing to the speed at which her feet are moving. I swallow down
my second beer and get up to dance behind her. I attempt to follow
the way she moves, but with my second beer, I’m glad to see it’s
taking hold. As I twirl, it feels like the whole world is spinning,
in a strange new way. I hear the cheering and her flute playing and
feel like nothing matters, here nor there. Everything is going to
be fine. This world is over, and I’m ready to see what the next
world holds. I stop turning but brace myself for everything around
me to quit turning.

I yell out, “Another beer!” and
with a cheer, I’m handed another. I throw it back in four or five
gulps, let out a large belch, and say, “Let’s get this over
with!”

Gunhilda keeps playing a soft jig
as we all walk to the tomb. The rune carver has already chiseled
the head of a raven at the top of the stone. Everyone waits as I
stare down at Thora and I think about what Toke had said before,
about how we all have a choice. Death is always a choice, a choice
even a thrall and every creature has: the ultimate
choice.

I choose this; my soul belongs to
no one.

I kneel down as Rolf whispers by my
ear, “Repeat these words: I see my mistress sitting in paradise,
and it is beautiful and green. She calls to me. Lead me to
her.”

I repeat it just as he wanted me
to, and I hope to see Thora’s spirit there but see only an empty
graveyard. I hear Rolf remove his sword; I take a deep breath and
lay my forehead back to the soil. I clench my mother’s triangle in
my hand so hard the corner sticks in my flesh. I hear the sword
slicing down through the air.

* = Not present in that
life

Fourth Life

Ring Around the Rosie